Chapter 507: Miss Garter Belt
The door to the study closed.
Gone was the Granholtz ambassador, leaving behind only a stilted bow and a forlorn look towards a half-emptied bottle of liquor.
In his place was someone I’d never seen loitering in my father’s court, but perhaps that was because unlike the rest of the schemers, she wasn’t openly advertising where she was hiding.
Leaving her spot in the corner, she instead circled the desk and stood before me.
Then, she offered a curtsey with all the movement of one used to flattering royalty … and yet not even the most charitable of princesses could look beyond her knowing smile.
With scarlet lips framed against pale skin, she could almost be mistaken for a vampire. Except that unlike a librarian hopping at the delivery of A Summer Knight’s Dream, Vol. 2, there wasn’t a hint of innocence about this particular maiden.
Her eyes most of all.
It didn’t matter which colour they were.
Whether ruby or gold, both held the same promise of a problem in the making.
Gleaming beneath a brush of dark hair, it was enough to cause any rival schemer to withdraw … providing, of course, that they even found her.
Despite curtseying beneath the moonlight, the shadows still clung to her, the latticework of the window casting thin ribs across her like the bars of a dungeon.
They stood out against her porcelain skin. Especially when so much of it was showing.
“Greetings, Your Highness,” she said, her tone playfully composed. “It’s a delight to finally make your acquaintance. I apologise for the brusqueness of this meeting. Both to yourself and to the ambassador, although I see he’s wasted little time in taking his leave of me. I suppose that’s only fair. As he correctly surmises, I exist only to ruin his day.”
The maiden neatly clasped her hands together. Her eyes shone as much as her smile.
Little by little, the seconds ticked away on a nearby clock.
Still, Coppelia and I only stared.
Until finally–
“Uwah~ you have so much confidence!”
“S-Such … such scandalous attire utterly unbecoming of a young maiden … and in public no less! D-Do you not feel cold? How … How do you prevent the wind from seizing the remainder of your dignity?”
“I wish I could be like you! What do you do when everyone starts gasping as you walk by?”
“Indeed! Do you not feel self-conscious? How do you manage the public outcry? Why, even that curtsey just now was incredibly dangerous … !”
“The stockings are so elaborate too! It looks like really high quality material, like you spent ages picking it out just to maximise the amount of slanderous gossip!”
“Could … Could this be a new tactic by the Grand Duchess and her ever-deepening debaucherous ways to scandalise her foes? … If so, I had no idea she was so powerful!”
The maiden missing half of her uniform didn’t appear troubled in the slightest.
In fact, she simply looked amused.
“The Grand Duchess did indeed choose my garments,” she said, glancing down. “But this isn’t it. What I’m currently wearing is extremely modest compared to the scandalous uniform I’m expected to wear for her personal amusement.”
I gasped.
“That cannot be true.”
“It is. In an effort to not wholly affront public decency when presenting myself to a princess for the first time, I’ve chosen to explicitly rebel against orders. I expect my scolding to be severe, but even I have a morsel of shame I must occasionally adhere to.”
“I … I see … and what is the nature of this scandalous uniform the Grand Duchess expects you to wear?”
“It resembles something a casino employee might wear. Except that if it were real, every employee would resign on the spot. It’s a mix of garish colours, risqué fabric and the mind of one who seeks to embarrass me at all times. It is not suitable for public viewing. As a princess, you would faint at the sight of it.”
I covered my mouth at the idea of something so unseemly. Naturally, I had no wish to darken my innocent eyes.
I elbowed Coppelia.
“… Can we see it?” she asked without any input from me whatsoever.
“Coppelia!” I said, utterly shocked. “That is extremely inappropriate!”
“I’m curious!”
“Yes, and so am I … but such curiosity is also becoming of us–which is why there is no world in which I would silently turn around while making no objections as this poor maiden displayed what sordid depths the Grand Duchess’s tastes led.”
The maiden tilted her head slightly … just before twirling a finger around.
Coppelia and I blinked.
Then, we turned to gaze through the window, waiting as the sound of rustling filled the air. A small glowing light later, we returned to looking at the maiden.
What I saw was enough for me to place my hands over my eyes.
With only the slightest gap between my fingers, I caught a glimpse of a uniform fashioned after those worn in the gambling dens I’d only ever seen in paintings of nobility and their vices. Coins, ribbons, and far too much lace adorned it. A flower threaded with playing cards rested in her hair.
Much of the upper half of the outfit seemed to have misplaced its fabric entirely, leaving her stomach and shoulders unabashedly exposed.
Only the garter belt and stockings remained unchanged.
It was, without doubt, the most debaucherous thing I had ever seen in my life.
“Uwah~ Miss Racy Corset is going to be really sad. We can’t make fun of her anymore.”
“I-Indeed … excuse me, but is this your official uniform?”
“It is.” The maiden spun without asking. “I do voice my displeasure on occasion. But as I hold neither rank nor status, I have no formal means to reject the wishes of the Grand Duchess.”
“I … I never knew she was such a worthwhile foe. Is this what all her retainers wear?”
“No, only I’ve earned the right to be stripped of dignity. But since I also spend too much time loitering suspiciously in the shadows, I’m often saved from the glare of public opinion … albeit this has recently changed with effort. You won’t know this, but I had to work rather hard for this opportunity.”
“I see. So you carefully chose the exact time to scandalise me the most. As expected of the Grand Duchess’s operatives. I see you must be high in her favour. The ambassador is not one to slink away without palming the liquor he enjoyed.”
I nodded, before slowly lowering my hands.
“... What you are not, however, is a member of the Granholtz nobility. Their lecherousness is still worse. Who might you be?”
The maiden seemed genuinely pleased by that.
“I’m known by several names. The most common are Pest, Annoyance, [Fireball] or just the sound of saliva being gathered. Often, however, I’m simply referred to as the Dealer. I hold no rank or title, but serve as an informal adjutant to the Grand Duchess.”
I nodded.
“Very well. From now on, your name is Miss Garter Belt.”
“Thank you. I shall gladly add it to my collection.”
“Please do. More can be provided depending on how long it takes for you to depart. I’m afraid that if it’s Florella you seek, she’s not present. She’s likely with the Crown Prince, both of whom are far too busy for whatever complaints the Grand Duchess wishes to send.”
Miss Garter Belt’s smile turned a shade less playful as an air of diplomacy made itself known.
Somehow.
“It is neither the First Princess nor the Crown Prince whom I seek, for neither currently hold in their custody a thief known widely as The Dancing Rat.”
I raised an eyebrow.
Of all the matters I’d expected Granholtz to raise a fuss about, this wasn’t one of them. Which was good. That meant they didn’t know who borrowed the ambassador’s boat. Or why it exploded.
“Oh? … I believe there is indeed a mid-level underling who refers to himself by such a name. You likely passed him while he was scrubbing a smudge.”
“I did. He almost managed to hide himself within it. One of the most impressive things he’s done, but also not the most famed. That man is responsible for crimes committed against Granholtz.”
I clicked my tongue in disappointment.
“I see. That’s a shame. I’ll have to factor that in when calculating how many bars of soap he’s to make.”
“Such consideration is unnecessary. As we’ve records that he was born in Triese, I’m here to deliver a formal request from the embassy seeking extradition for trial in Granholtz.”
“An extradition request? Very well. I shall carefully consider it before offering my answer.”
“Thank you. It’s the wish of–”
“I’ve considered the request. It’s been denied. My apologies, I was told it was a hard decision.”
“Your Highness, Granholtz considers this to be a serious matter.”
“As do I. The request is still denied.”
“May I ask why?”
“Certainly. The man claims to be the leader of the Thieves Guild. And while I’ve no doubt it involves committing crimes wherever he pleases, I’m equally certain from his odour that he’s unfortunately a citizen of Reitzlake.”
“Reitzlake’s sewers are not more distinctive than those found in Granholtz. I believe it’s one of many similarities our nations share, in addition to an understanding that those who flee from justice should meet it where they caused it most.”
“Wonderful. Rest assured, I shall ask him all about his endeavours both in Granholtz and Tirea. I understand there’s quite a bit of information he wishes to divulge.”
“A criminal will tell many tales behind bars, particularly if it earns him time to slither past them.”
“Then perhaps you can offer him the grease he needs. There are simpler ways to ferry away a thief in the night than asking a princess for approval. So tell me, since you’re certainly not here on behalf of the embassy, what purpose brings you before me?”
Miss Garter Belt smiled.
No denial was on her lips, nor in the words to come.
“Cordiality,” she said simply. “It has reached the Grand Duchess’s ears that a great number of incidents have plagued the Kingdom of Tirea as of late. As she is ever concerned with the well-being of her neighbours, Her Radiance wishes to extend her commitment to providing aid should the need arise.”
“I’m certain she does. Something Prince Tristan knows as well. My brother regularly sees Granholtz’s concern. The soldiers of Rensdraldt Fortress can scarcely stop themselves from toeing the border. I’m told their enthusiasm is impressive.”
“It will please General Visser to know that Prince Tristan speaks highly of his soldiers. He holds your brother in high regard. Yet I believe it would be better if the Prince of a Thousand Eyes were to cast his gaze towards harsher borders and truer adversaries. From the dunes of the south to the libraries of the east, there is no lack of those hoping to drive a wedge between Tirea and Granholtz.”
“Their efforts are in vain. The friendship between Tirea and Granholtz is as robust as my father’s prized emmental.”
“Yes. But Her Radiance is of the belief that it could be stronger still.”
Miss Garter Belt reached into the shadow just past the window of moonlight.
She retrieved from it a sealed letter stamped with the wax seal of Granholtz.
Coppelia opened her mouth in horror. That was her thing, after all.
“... The Grand Duchess understands that it is more than common thieves who hope to sow rumours of discord. She wishes to quash them and strengthen the ties which have been allowed to fray. I have therefore been tasked with delivering a formal letter of invitation for a state visit from Granholtz. It bears Her Radiance’s heartfelt words and is intended for the King of Tirea’s eyes alone.”
With a step forward, Miss Garter Belt offered the letter in her palms. I reached over and accepted it, before passing it over to Coppelia.
She opened it and began reading.
“The state invitation has come rather late,” I said, deciding later if I’d feed it to Apple. “It was expected when my father took the throne. There hasn’t been one since my grandmother’s time.”
“Yes, that’s quite regrettable. Perhaps it’s because Her Radiance wished to be fully ready to receive House Contzen. I believe there are still several pieces of prized jewellery along with tableware and cutlery missing from when your grandmother visited.”
“A deplorable coincidence. I hope you find each of the missing items that have likely been sold or are used on a daily basis. But assuming replacements are sourced, I shall deliver the invitation to my mother and father for consideration.”
Miss Garter Belt offered a short bow.
“Thank you. That is all the official business.”
“Excellent. And what is the unofficial business? I doubt any common attendant would make the ambassador a mere door herald simply for the sake of it.”
“You needn’t overestimate me. I’m a constant annoyance to those who would undermine the Grand Duchess even as they serve her. But that isn’t my only role. I am her eyes and ears in matters away from the White Citadel. And I’ve heard and seen much of your doings over these past few months.”
I pointed to the window behind me at once.
“That wasn’t me,” I declared, repeating the words I’d diligently practised. “Every explosion was a coincidence and there are no witnesses now willing to say otherwise.”
Miss Garter Belt looked amused.
I hardly saw why. The cost of bribing everyone meant Coppelia’s bottomless tower would probably be one floor less than what she wanted.
“You may deny events. But when the clouds part from the sky, the witnesses are more than just those who lie beneath. You have whisked away the darkness on several occasions, and now even the songbirds chant your praise in their hearts.”
“Oh, well that’s to be expected. Fewer badgers mean less competition for the caterpillars.”
“Yes, except their delight will be short-lived. There are darker clouds than the rodents who swarm your orchard. Things that would shake the heart of the bravest knight until they were back to being farmers cowering in the soil. There is a malignance upon the horizon. A blight only the Grand Duchess has the mind to see, threatening to sweep aside the hope of all who wish to reside in peace.”
I let out a gasp.
“That’s simply awful. Nobody deserves to see that. I suggest she removes all the mirrors at once.”
A moment of silence passed.
And also the slightest gulp as an ogre sailor listening from beyond the door scuttled away.
“Your Highness … each dawn that rises is under the auspices of the Grand Duchess. It is Her Radiance who presides over the light. And it is in her that I have hedged my bets, for she is a paragon of boundless knowledge and infinite wisdom.”
Miss Garter Belt leaned over the desk.
The moonlight washed over her face, and yet her eyes seemed to deflect it all, such was the way they glimmered alongside her knowing smile.
“But you … you are something else.”
“Excuse me?!?! What do you mean I’m something else!? Am I not a paragon of knowledge and wisdom?!”
“I mean that as a compliment.”
“If that’s a compliment, I’d prefer your insults! … If you want to describe me, then you need to include a few lines about my genius mind! That’s what I’m known for along with my beauty and kindness! The only thing I lack is patience for slander!”
“Your genius is different from the Grand Duchess’s. Hers is in foresight. Yours is in strength.”
I jabbed a finger towards the talking fountain of libel.
“No, I want my genius to be in foresight as well. I refuse to accept–”
“As for me, my only wish is to see the clouds stay parted. An innocent and virtuous desire for someone so scandalously dressed, no? And yet it is more than devils that threaten the horizon. There is a curse which draws breath in Granholtz. And it is there where the fate of every orchard will be gambled.”
Miss Garter Belt placed her hands against the desk.
“But I am the Dealer. And I must ensure the House always wins. That is my role.”
Caring little for the napkin dragons, she climbed onto the desk, twisted lightly at the waist, then sat on the edge facing me, one leg crossing neatly over the other.
“That is why … I wish to place a bet on you,” she said, leaning forwards even as I leaned away. “I believe you are the one to bring the dawn when the night is darkest. I have therefore come to make a promise.”
She reached out with her hands.
I began pushing my chair back. She stretched herself and grabbed onto my knee.
My knee.
Then, she looked up, offering a smile lecherous enough to earn her a direct invitation into the nobility.
“I will offer my personal assistance to you, just as I do the Grand Duchess. You need only ask, and I shall devote all that I have to you, no matter how shameless, debauched or immodest the request. I will even share some of my secrets. Enough that, from time to time, you may actually find me useful. I have only a single condition–that when the table is set and all the cards are ready, you will be present.”
Her eyes of scarlet and gold shone with a fervour that went beyond any emotion.
There was something else in them, shining so brightly that even the moonlight retreated. A light flush painted her pale cheeks.
Thus, I slowly nodded.
“... Very well. It sounds like you wish to join my personal entourage. If so, I have a request.”
“Oh? What is it?”
Miss Garter Belt’s expression turned into one of unabashed excitement.
I pointed at the window behind me.
“I need you to stand right there.”
The girl with the mismatched eyes let out a laugh.
Like an affectionate giggle that spilled out without thought, it filled the walls of Florella’s study. Enough that for anyone listening, she could almost have been mistaken for a maiden her age.
A moment later, she did as I asked.
Lightly pushing herself off the edge of the desk, she released my knee and presented herself before the window, enveloping her silhouette in moonlight.
“Thank you for meeting with me,” she said, offering a curtsey once again. “Please think on my offer. And also any questions you wish to ask. I’m certain there are many.”
“There are, yes, but what the Grand Duchess does in her spare time isn’t really something I should know about. Even she deserves her privacy.”
Miss Garter Belt looked deeply amused as I idly drew Starlight Grace.
“I should warn you now, that will not do anything. I’m very difficult to–”
“[Spring Breeze]!!”
Pooomph.
A moment later, I wrinkled my nose to the smell of the docks entering through the open window.
“Hmm.” I turned to Coppelia. “That sounded different. Did I punt her?”
“You definitely did. An owl had to move out of the way.”
“I see. What a strange individual. It appears the Grand Duchess’s tactics are improving. That was a more concerning encounter than any assassin she could have sent. I feel like my innocence will never recover.”
“I wanted to ask her about the mature world.”
“There’ll be time for that later. Perhaps once you meet my grandmother. Until then, we have other business to attend to.”
“Great! What’s that?”
I turned around and smiled.
“Ohohoho … let’s enjoy the festival!”