The Villainess Is An SS+ Rank Adventurer

The windows of Reitzlake Castle shone in the distance.

Each was a little beacon of warmth, for within were enough chandeliers, hearths and smiles to make even emergency napping difficult.

A problem during most functions in the castle. But a dire one during the Summer Solstice Festival.

Usually, the doors were barred to all but those wealthy enough to wait outside until my guards could officially fine them for vagrancy.

Instead, they were thrown wide open to all the aristocracy during this week of festivities. And so for the minor lords of Reitzlake who spent their ample free time dreaming of owning their own generic dark tower, it was a rare opportunity to gather insight on interior design, to pay tribute to my family and to vomit over our carpets.

Usually in that exact order.

If we were lucky.

Indeed, while revelry was never in short supply, adherence to etiquette often was … and yet for our part, we never failed to meet the expectations placed upon us.

To acknowledge the lesser nobility was a tradition deeply rooted in the establishment of the Summer Solstice Festival. Because when all was said and done, they served a vital role in the kingdom.

So long as they existed, nobody more competent could take their places.

Like errant dandelions in a field, they helped stop the greater weeds from taking root.

As a result, it didn’t matter if it was tradition for our castle to be muddied in ways that Apple trotting through a puddle could never achieve. To humour those who represented both ambition and a lack of loyalty was simply a matter of duty. And one my family performed with dignity and grace.

After all–

We always returned the favour.

“Ohohohohohohohoo!”

I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile.

Here in the noble district, a scene of sponsored bedlam was ruining the usually pristine streets.

Misfits, louts and hooligans booted from the dockside bars wandered arm-in-arm as they sang, fought and drank beneath the lines of ribbons and lanterns. A drumming procession was making its way through the centre of the district. A plague of fruit slimes were bouncing from gardens to rooftops.

And most of all … a troupe of the worst musicians that could be specifically hired from halfway across the continent was serenading the revellers around a large bonfire.

Such was the torturous lack of skill that the bonfire swayed and spluttered, as though desperately doing its best to incinerate the closest lute.

All it did was light up the smiles of merrymakers dancing around the flame, the horror of nobility as they peeked out of their windows, and also the confused blinks from drunkards who had repeatedly lurched directly into the same hedge.

Yes.

Here in an upmarket district where no strange maidens in scandalous attire troubled me, a scene of vandalism was occurring to match what was taking place in Reitzlake Castle.

In short … weaponised festivity!

“Oooh~” Coppelia raised her fists in encouragement, watching as a group of brigands tried to excavate one of their own from a well. Mostly by pushing him further inside. “So this is where you were keeping the hoodlums! I was wondering why there were so few concentrations of spillages!”

I smiled with satisfaction, all the while trying not to use my nose.

“Ohohoho … wonderful, no? Bonfires are the height of summer imagery. It’s only natural that troublemakers … I mean visitors would convene to dance and frolic to their hearts’ content.”

“It’s great! It’s like being in a guild hall. Except with a huge open fire and no receptionist to frown when people start using furniture as weapons. I’m surprised the people living here agreed to this.”

“They didn’t. But it can’t be helped. Reitzlake is an old and proud city. But that also means plenty of flammable buildings. There are few places where a bonfire can be safely held. The wide paved streets of the noble district with all its fountains and wells are perfect.”

“I mean, if everything catching fire is an issue, shouldn’t the bonfire be near the lake?”

“Yes, but the lake isn’t where nobility gather to subtly cackle when they know someone is listening. The theatrically secluded corners just beyond their front gates are. And, oh my, it would appear that all the best meeting spots are now being taken.”

I nodded as I took in the usual suspects.

A marble gazebo clearly designed for eavesdropping. A rose garden in full view of nine different balconies. A pond with just enough splashing goldfish to draw attention. A wine cellar door just misaligned enough to allow voices to escape.

There they all were.

The decorative pockets of shadow and moonlight that all the worst schemers enjoyed advertising … and now they were being used in the same way that their owners were using the carpets of my castle.

“Bleerughhh …”

Yes.

Just like that.

“I can’t believe you guys have weaponised fun,” said Coppelia, having never sounded more impressed. “Do you always use hoodlums vomiting over conspiracy spots to find where they are?”

“Not at all. We already know where all the gathering places are.”

“Oh. So this is just for entertainment?”

“On the contrary, this is serious. The purpose of the hoodlums is to leave behind an odour so foul that it prevents any clandestine meetings for the rest of the year. Flooding the noble district with hooligans every summer is vital to the kingdom’s security, for here is where treason breeds the most.”

Coppelia giggled, just as she shooed away a bouncing fruit slime.

“I think you have other things than treason to worry about. Is it normal for there to be so many fruit slimes here? That’s a problem. They’ll be eating through all my suspicious berries soon.”

“Your suspicious berries are safe. The fruit slimes are well fed. My squires make sure of it before putting them here, after all.”

“Fine. I’ll admit it. Nobody does antagonising like you guys.”

I feigned a look of shock.

“Coppelia, my family hold the nobility in only the highest regard! … That’s why releasing fruit slimes directly into their open windows isn’t antagonising. It’s helpful.”

“... In case there are rotten apples hiding in their kitchens?”

“No, because the fruit slime collection game is one of the most popular activities in the festival. It’s even sponsored by my family. Those who find the most are granted rare prizes.”

“Okay, now I’m excited. Let’s start!”

“We can’t. Collecting all the fruit slimes is for the hoodlums. It helps ensure they stumble onto every nook and cranny … which is why we’ll only be looking for the golden fruit slime.”

Coppelia let out a gasp.

“There’s a golden fruit slime … ?!”

“Ohohoho!” I held up a finger and smiled. “Indeed, there is! Somewhere in the royal capital lurks a very rare golden fruit slime, and whoever finds it shall claim the grand prize. In my family, its discovery has always been a matter of sibling pride.”

“Eh? You guys look for golden fruit slimes in your own festival?”

“Of course. Just because it’s illegal to win against us doesn’t mean we can’t take part. Many of my summer memories are of my brothers and sisters competing to find the golden fruit slime first.”

“Uwah~ the prize must be really good! And expensive!”

“Hmm … is it now?” I tilted my head in thought. “In truth, I don’t recall what the grand prize ever was. Or if we ever asked for it. For us, merely taking part in the festival was the joy.”

“Ooh, that actually sounds kind of cute! Will you be doing that this time, too?”

I shook my head slightly. The smile I wore began to fade.

“Sadly, no. That was then and this is now. Only the fae queens can experience the seasons unchanging. For all others, we must follow the clear horizon as it stretches ahead, lest we find ourselves beneath a cloud that refuses to part. I’m afraid that the time when my brothers and sisters can sneak off as we all did in the past is quite behind us.”

A moment of quiet passed, filled only with my hum.

“... Why, I’ve no doubt that right now, they’re currently in the midst of their duties. I expect I’ll be required to assist them soon, extremely popular that I am. In fact, I didn’t expect that I’d have the opportunity to enjoy the festival like this again. It would be far less enjoyable on my own, after all.”

Coppelia smiled as she leaned forwards.

Then … she poked my nose.

It was still less shocking than someone grabbing my knee.

“Heheh~ I’m handy to have around, huh? With me around, you’ll always have someone to lose to no matter what games we play!”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Oh? … You speak confidently, but you don’t know my ways. For example, I have insider information on all possible locations for the golden fruit slime.”

“Hey, that’s cheating!”

“Yes. Because I’m a princess. Life is unfair, and so should any game played against me. But there are other activities as well. The usual stall games, district-wide challenges, and even the theatre. Now that we’re here, we should thoroughly enjoy everything the festival has to offer. What would you like to do?”

Coppelia puffed out her cheeks in thought.

A moment later, she pointed at the bonfire, surrounded by revellers.

“I want to do that!”

I let out a tiny groan.

“Coppelia, please. I understand it looks exciting, but haven’t you witnessed enough fires coming from Clarise’s observatory yet? … In fact, this one seems rather modest.”

“Mmh. But that’s why I’m not talking about the fire.”

“You’re not?”

“Or well, maybe a little bit. But mostly, I mean the dancing.”

“... Excuse me?

“Let’s try dancing. It looks like fun!”

My mouth fell open in shock.

“Hm? … Are you … are you asking me to dance with you?”

“Yep, let’s do it!”

Smiling more brightly than the bonfire, Coppelia lifted her fists and nodded.

I was utterly stunned.

Naturally, I was filled with joy. But that also came with a large dose of exasperation.

After all, as delighted as I was that my loyal handmaiden wished to dance with me, there was a time and a place. And it certainly wasn’t a haphazard bonfire surrounded by stumbling drunkards and music worthy of classification as a weapon of war.

Yes, it was completely inappropriate for me as a princess to offer my footwork in such a place.

But moreover …

“Coppelia! You cannot dance with me. Why, you don’t know how to!”

Indeed, it was as simple as that!

In truth, while a public bonfire instead of a royal soirée was a problem, it paled beside the fact that Coppelia hadn’t been trained in even the basics. I knew she was light on her feet, but I wasn’t certain I wanted my first memory of dancing with her to be spinning endlessly in a circle. Even if it was fun.

That’s why–

“Mmh?~ Is that what you think?”

When Coppelia hopped before me, it was with a pose I never could have expected.

With a neat twist on the spot, she crossed her feet, relaxed her shoulders, settled her weight onto her back foot … then offered a curtsey, lifting the hems of her starry skirt.

Then, with a look of satisfaction brighter than any constellation above, she extended her hand at waist height and beamed.

Hm?

Hmmmm?

Hmmmmmmmmmmm?!?!

This … This was …

Why, this was the pose of a dancer waiting to be led … !

But how … ?!

“C-Coppelia! This pose! … Where did you learn that?!”

“Where?” My loyal handmaiden blinked innocently. Too innocently. “I mean, I obviously learned it from Miss What’s-Her-Name. You know, the dancing tutor with the permanent frown and the really stupidly long ruler.”

“You … You attended your dancing lessons?! But I thought you skipped them all!”

“Well, I skipped pretty much all of them. But I at least wanted to take one. Maybe two just to be sure. But I didn’t need more. I’m pretty smart, so it’s not like I needed a whole bunch. Just look at what I can do~”

Breaking her pose, she pirouetted on the spot.

Frankly, it looked like all the other pirouettes she did. Except now it wasn’t with a menacing scythe over her shoulder. She was just a maiden spinning on the spot.

… And she looked wonderful for it!

“But why?! When did you gain interest in dancing?!”

“Hmmmm …” Coppelia placed a finger to her cheek. “Who knows? Rather than interest, it feels like you’ve gotten me a lot of stuff. Like a fae ring, smoothie ingredients, huge explosions–”

“I … I did not give you any explosions!”

“–And it’s like, even though you say they’re for all the times I carry you away from said explosions, I have fun too. So it feels a bit wrong to just accept bonus extras. At the very least, I definitely need to give something too. You know, to keep things fair. That’s why I learned enough that we can dance maybe once every 200 years if I feel like it, even though it’s super embarrassing because I’m not a princess–”

I let out a gasp.

Why, all this time, I assumed Coppelia didn’t want to learn how to dance because she found it dull! .. Which she probably did!

However, she was also a maiden! And that meant it was only natural that she’d feel disheartened by the idea of being judged alongside a princess!

Even so, she was willing to put all that aside for me!

“–But if you don’t want to dance here, that’s also fine! I mean, it’s way less stuffy than a castle, but you like stuffy, right? I suppose if you really want to, I could–ehhh?!”

I grabbed Coppelia’s hand, then began dragging her to the bonfire.

“Very well! I accept!”

“Hey, you were meant to say no!”

“Ohohoho! Fear not, I would never do something so uncouth!”

Indeed, as a princess, it would be utterly unlike me to turn down a worthy gift … hence why I wore an overjoyed smile as I squeezed my way through the crowds, before positioning us as far away from the musicians as possible.

“... By any chance, were you taught the secret technique to dancing with royalty?”

“Nope, I was taught that wooden rulers are surprisingly bendy and can reach the ceiling.”

“Excellent. Because the secret technique is simple. Chin up, shoulders square, and most importantly of all, if you’re unsure of what to do, just pretend like you do!”

“Okay!”

I nodded, satisfied with my veteran tutorship.

Then, I placed her free hand on my shoulder–and with no other fanfare, I began to lead.

In that moment, an item sitting at the top of the bucket list I didn’t even know existed was ticked off.

Calmly, and without any thought to those hopping around us, the shapeless music, the rowdy noise, the terrible smell, the uncomfortable bonfire heat, the sound of brawling in the nearby tavern, or the lack of proper shoes, I carefully nudged Coppelia along, improvising a swift waltz that would never see the light of day in any formal setting.

… To my delight, my instincts were correct!

Coppelia truly was an excellent dancer. Even without lifelong tuition, she deftly followed along without complaint, her feet never once stumbling or tripping over mine.

Most importantly, however, her proud smile was impeccable.

It was a mirror of my own, after all.

Thus, I directed her movements as she skipped, spun and twirled alongside mine, caring little for anything other than ensuring this was enjoyable enough that Coppelia would do it again.

It might take some time to convince her … but that was fine!

I had already gained something important.

Indeed, it was the most scuffed dance I’d ever participated in. The list of complaints was as endless as the number of people I had to bump aside. And yet I didn’t mind in the slightest.

I had another cherished memory to add to my summer collection.

This, more than anything else, was the finest gift Coppelia could ever offer me.