Chapter 2: Lady Thighsticles and the Wolf from Child Support
A branch snapped.
A bird screamed.
The goddess shrieked as she slammed face-first into a glowing mushroom bush like a divine meteor of regret.
Finn cratered into the dirt nearby with all the grace of a flying ham hitting a random parking lot.
"AUGHHH! MY ASS! MY SPINE! MY ASS! MY BEAUTIFUL ASS!"
He writhed, clutching his cheeks like they were national treasures. Leaves stuck to his hoodie, twigs poked out of places twigs shouldn’t be, and his dignity had entered witness protection.
After a few wheezes and a very professional self-pat-down, he blinked in disbelief. "I... I’m alive! Holy crap, I made it!"
A grin broke across his face. "HAHA! I’M ALIVE, BABY!"
And then it hit him.
"...Wait. Where’s Lady Thighsticles?"
As if summoned by disrespect alone, a shrill voice exploded through the forest: