Chapter 46 - Forty
ERWIN
All of a sudden I feel cold. So cold as dread sinks deeper into my bones and despair starts to gnaw on me. My ear is ringing, my thoughts all scrambled and my chest is squeezing so tightly into a knot that it is depriving all the oxygen from my lungs as I stand there, all my limbs frozen as well as the nerves in my body.
Ruth cusses out aloud, not minding that it is a hospital. His hospital scrubs are soaked in blood too. "Is his uterus okay? I mean, is it damaged?" Ruth asks, worried half to death.
"No." The doctor replies, "His reproduction system is completely fine. So, now if you excuse me." The doctor pats my shoulder sympathetically before walking away. The nurse behind him also shoots me a very sympathetic look before following suit.
I don’t need your fucking sympathy. Just give my child back to me.
I flop in the steel bench of the lobby. Frustration, despair, hate and rage is mixing up in my adrenaline and making a very ugly substance. I rub an exasperated hand over my face.
"Is this why he went to the hospital?" I ask my voice bland. Because there are so many feelings clogging in my chest that my system can’t process which one to show, so it instead chooses to show nothing at all. "Was it because he was pregnant with my child?"
Ruth just stands there and nods his head, "Yes." He whispers.
"W-Was he happy?" My voice cracks as my heart squeezes painfully.
"Yes." Ruth says silently.
And a drop of tear trickles down my cheek. My hands are still on my face preventing anyone from seeing my face. My shoulders shake violently as I break into silent sobs. Tears are falling. They are falling ceaselessly and I have no intention to stop them. I don’t care anymore. My husband is in that observation room, laying limply on the hospital bed, not talking to me. And just now I got to know that I was going to become a father but now there is no child here anymore. I was too powerless to protect them. I let the monsters hunt them and snatch them away from me. I no longer know how to face Leo when he wakes up. When he will tell me what exactly happened to him. When he will blame me for all of this, when he will cry on me.