Book 14: Chapter 25
I silently lied on Mera’s bed with my hands on my chest. I was as calm as if I was dead. The bed felt brand new. There was no warmth and no lingering scent. They must’ve changed her belongings more than once; it was no longer the place Mera lived a long time ago. The house was, well, still a house, but Mera was no longer there. She hadn’t been there in a long time.
The scent on the bed was the scent of the solution elves used for washing. It was a unique scent of lush grass but definitely not the fragrance on Mera. Mera had the scent of flowers on her, not this sort of overwhelming scent. Mera was a distant memory for me. It was so long ago that the me from then, and the me at present were two complete different people.
I silently looked at the roof. There was no emotion in my voice. It was as though I was conversing with myself: “Mera, I honestly thought I was different to you back then, since you said you were a dark elf and so did Lucia. I thought dark elves and the other elves weren’t different, but I now understand how much you suffered as a dark elf. In the past, I was just making predictions, but I really understand now, because I’m actually a dark elf, too. I never thought that we were of the same kind. I was just a more fortunate dark elf. We’re the same, Mera. We’re the same kind. If I wasn’t so fortunate, we might’ve been together.”
I gently placed my hand to one side, seemingly hoping that my hand could rest atop Mera’s, but it was just an empty spot next to me. The bed was just an ordinary single bed. Mera never had a lover or romantic interest. She lived alone until her final day.
I was very lucky. Thanks to my Galadriel heritage, I didn’t have to suffer what other dark elves had to go through. With that said, I wasn’t different to Mera in any capacity. Mera and I shared the same nature. I had to resist my urge to suck blood. I wanted to be an ordinary elf, but it was impossible.
I didn’t want to become a blood-sucking dark elf. Mera desperately tried to be the same as ordinary elves, but she couldn’t physiologically alter herself, while I was an ordinary elf who awoke to his desires as a dark elf. It took all my willpower to resist my craving for blood, which was so excruciating I wanted to die. What about Mera, then? Mera didn’t put up with it for one day or a few days but years. Her entire life.
How much pain was Mera in? A lot for sure. I eventually experienced bearing with the pain that could drown you in despair. She showed me a smile for that small wish of hers in spite of the loneliness and pain. It was awful to imagine how much she put up with.
Mera was much stronger than I am. She bore with so much for her life and because of what Queen Vyvyan said, while I could also die for my dignity and kindness. Did that even us out?
“Mera, you truly were so strong to be able to bear with this pain. I’m the same kind as you, yet I stabbed you with a sword. My Mera, if we had made a different decision and if I knew we were the same kind, I don’t think I would’ve killed you.”