Book 14: Chapter 24
I tossed bits of wood into the fire. I watched the fire gently flicker while I was lying down to the side. Some say we think about all sorts of things at night, because it’s incomparably lonely at night. You don’t have to speak or do anything and can’t sleep, so you can’t help but begin to recall all sorts of memories. My memories were heartbreaking. The nice memories always replayed in my mind. There was always a voice in my mind begging me to return. It wanted me to go to my mom to tell her that I didn’t want to die. She would tell me I could live as long as I had the mana mark. However, I told myself I couldn’t do that. I would truly become a parasite if I did that.
I suddenly heard something. I raised my head to look in the direction of the sound. There shouldn’t be anything dangerous to me in the forest. The shrubs rustled. I looked in the direction of the shrubs and picked up the long sword by the side. Although an animal shouldn’t be dangerous, it’d be dangerous if it was an elf or a human.
A long ear appeared from the shrubs. It was the huge type of rabbit from this world. Perhaps it came out for a midnight snack, as it couldn’t sleep at night; it was still chewing on grass in its mouth. It was displeased with me. I had the impression it was complaining about me lighting up a fire.
My gaze stopped at the rabbit’s neck for some reason. I could seemingly see the throbbing veins underneath its white fur. I could seemingly see the blood inside the veins. I had an urge to kill. I wanted to kill it. I thought, “It shouldn’t be a problem for me to leap over and suck its blood. It’s just a rabbit, after all.”
Supposedly noticing danger, the rabbit slowly retreated two steps and vanished into the darkness. I suddenly came to my senses after it vanished from sight. I blankly looked in the direction that the rabbit vanished. I had no idea what I just thought. I silently said in my mind, “I didn’t intend to bother with the rabbit, so why did I suddenly have an urge to suck its blood? It must be due to me sucking Mommy Vyvyan’s blood every night…”
I didn’t have anyone to suck blood from. I, therefore, directed the thirst to the rabbit. What I really wanted wasn’t its blood, but the mana in its blood. I suddenly remembered the deer Mom sucked dry. Perhaps the same thing happened then. I could see myself gradually developing into a full-fledged dark elf.
What made the Galadriel Tribe stronger than other dark elven tribes was the fact they could suppress their urge to suck mana. I couldn’t be any more ordinary as an elf in my state, so I craved blood, subsequently craving the mana of others.
I didn’t want to become a parasite elf and definitely didn’t want to rely on sucking blood to live. I couldn’t accept that. That was no elf; that would a crazed, murderous demon. That was a vampire. That wasn’t the state I wanted to be in. If others had to die for me to live, I’d rather die. I was a human and an elf, not a wild beast. I didn’t need tributes or to be fed. I had an urge to suck blood just seeing a rabbit. Hence the question, would I be able to hold myself back when I see other elves, my wife, or my children in the future? At that point, choosing death was the best option for others, my family and myself.
I shook my head to desperately try to throw out the thought of living on that I came to mind. I didn’t want to hear those thoughts again. I had to protect my family. I couldn’t become a dark elf who killed to survive. Mom already changed. I couldn’t change. Mom should’ve been able to control herself. If I grew addicted to blood, who’d be able to save me?