63. Mother’s Intuition
「Hikari」
A warm steamy bath with one of those fancy bath bombs, I’m soooo relaxing. I’m relaxation incarnate, the most relaxed girl in existence, completely dissolving into the sweet milky water… of… relaxation…
Yes...
Grrr!
This isn’t working!
How do people do this? It’s sooo… nothing. I’m so boooored and not in a good ‘I’m drifting off into day-dream land’ way.
Should have brought my phone or tablet. Yes! Making the bath an improvised karaoke place would've been the way to go. Or mood lights, make it all pink and purplely. Give it a little pep.
Sinking deeper, I let my mouth drop beneath the waterline. Let is all disappear.
I’ll give it that, the warmth does like, ease all the tension I’ve been holding, but fear not! I’ve got more of the stuff! Like an endless well it seems. So annoying…
A knock at the door.
“Hi-chan, may I come in?”
Mom.
“Always.”
She gives a very appreciative smile as she enters and closes the door behind her. This is our bubble, father wouldn’t dare to intrude, too beneath him. Whatever goes on between his wife and eldest daughter in the bathroom is surely nothing more than trivial female matters. Superficial vapid grooming or some stupid shit like that.
Mom takes the small plastic stool and sits down beside me.
“So?” Her opening move.
I sigh inwardly, shoulders dropping a bit.
“You don’t miss anything, do you?”
“Do you think you inherited your sharp perception from your father? I bite my tongue, but whatever this is isn’t blowing over soon, is it?”
“No,” I pout so close to the water it ripples at my word.
“Then spill it.”
I so don’t get it why a woman like her is so subservient to father. I saw her old high school pictures. She was so flashy. Now she's all dull.
“There is this prince at work, but he isn’t a man at all, she’s a girl in disguise and she is so sweet and cute. She fought an ink tiger for me on her own and won. I kissed her and she kissed me back, but she got like, scared because we’re both girls. Not that she's told me yet that she’s a girl, but she’s so bad at hiding it. Even the grannies at work have started calling her young miss on accident. And she never corrects them, only gives this awkward smile—which is totes cute. But after the kiss she ignored me and kept running away. It hurt and I thought I messed up again. But then she like, came back to me, and brought a bento box she made herself, and it was so cute mom. I thought I was about to explode from the overload.”
My hands go around my face, as if I can keep the ooey gooey from coming out of me. My pout returns quick tho.
“But we haven’t talked about the kiss, or about her being a girl. I get the feeling she wants to tell me but never does. Maybe she doesn’t trust me.”
Arms fall in the water with a splash.
“I want to kiss her again so badly and make her my girlfriend, but I’m stuck waiting on her, and I don’t know how to broach the kiss or her being a girl either. I don’t wanna mess it up. I don’t want to be too much again. I so don’t know what to do.”
The only reply mom gives is a long and deep, “Hmmm.”
“What? Aren’t you gonna question the ‘girl pretending to be a boy’ thing? People are usually eager to tell me that I’m full of shit. That this isn’t a thing that happens. But I have proof. She’s a girl, saw her dressed as one and everything.”
“Hi-chan," mom sighs, "don’t you think it’s time to stop? Going after this girl just to anger your father again. I don’t think it’s wise to antagonize him further.”
Not this…
“This isn’t about father. Not everything is about him! He just makes everything about him. This is about me and my feelings for a girl, he has nothing to do with it.”
“You ditched the last week of cram school, and then even college to antagonize him. Don’t you think that was enough? Do you have to engage with such a girl too?”
“That’s not what happened! Just how he likes to see it! I stopped going there because all he ever cared about were those stupid fucking rankings and test scores. Not once did he congratulate me. The only thing he knows is how to scold me when I’m not at the tippy top. That was the reason and because you two never let me see anybody besides Rin because everyone else was a 'bad influence'.”
“The Satou girl is such a nice young woman. And yes, I don’t think it would be good for you to have contact with a girl who masquerades as a man. There must be something seriously wrong with her... She needs professional help. Better to stay away from such people.”
A disgusted scoff and I dive.
No more of this.
Just the image of two cute nautiloids bumping into each other.
■ ■ ■
「Kaori」
Against the old wooden desk, blood-red nails drum in quick succession. The rattling of drums proceeding an orchestral climax, or better yet, a volley of gunfire. Kaori stares out of the floor-to-ceiling windows that cover her office. Unfocused eyes trailing over the endless sprawl that is the city she has always known.
Unlike the haphazard mess that lies below, her office is immaculate. Decorated in the sleek minimalism of modernity. Not a thing is out of place. Not the art on the walls, the cold, geometric furniture, nor the personal items that cover her desk. Everything is lined in neat rows and put in flattering places. Ordered, as is everything in her life.
A flick of a glance toward her computer monitor, and her frown deepens.
Well, most everything.
Her office door opens and like a bird-of-prey, Kaori turns gracefully, locking in on the newcomer with an unflinching gaze. A promise in it alone.
It is only Lin Qingxue.
Her assistant walks towards her with steady and confident steps, her head held high and a tablet in her arms. As she crosses the inconsequential amount of space, Kaori drags her hawk-like gaze up her form. Starting at her shiny heels, up her pencil skirt and blouse, and ending on the serene beauty of her face.
As always, Miss Lin is pristine.
She bows.
"Good morning, Mistress Kojou."
"Good morning, Miss Lin." An exchange of pleasantries, more than Kaori cares to do with anyone else. However, Miss Lin isn't just anyone else. "Before you begin, a question:"
With two elegant fingers, Kaori pushes her thin computer monitor around in a rare disruption of her ordered space, displaying the footage that has played on repeat for the past fifteen minutes. That of her sister Katsumi, and her friends, accosted by a group of hunters. The triumph of her sister and her friends in the resulting fight was not enough to assuage Kaori's anger. It shouldn't have happened.
"Did you see this?"
A nod.
"The men were arrested by the Metropolitan Police shortly after the encounter, and all record of your sister's involvement have been scrubbed."
Kaori only nods, letting her continue.
"Absent us simply letting due process take it's course, I have prepared multiple alternative response options, however I wanted to speak to you first as it is… personal."
Kaori's lips twitch. Personal. The word said too little. This wasn't personal, it was intimate. Ever since she had visited her sister and taken her to a late dinner, Kaori has had Katsumi watched. Just in case. The family has many enemies, and she wouldn't put it past any of them to try and hurt Katsumi to get to her or her father. That didn't even touch on the fact of her sister's current profession.
No. This was an unacceptable intrusion of chaos into her world, one which would not be tolerated.
"How would you like to handle it, Mistress?"
For the first time in days, a smile graces the lips of Kojou Kaori. Small, sharp, and wicked. Yet still a smile. The words that fall from her lips are heavy, weighed down with her glee.
"Messy. And public."
Let all know what would happen to anyone who dared raise a hand against her family. An example would be made.
Another bow. "I will dispatch our best asset immediately."
"Thank you, Miss Lin. What else is there?"
"Lady Kojou has summoned you."
Kaori didn't react beyond the lifting of her brows, but the news may as well have been a hammer blow to shatter the glass vase that was her state of mind. Mother never called on her. Something was wrong.
Standing, Kaori said, "I see. In that case reschedule all appointments for the day."
Miss Lin didn't frown, but the twitch of her lips suggested it. Her response was slower than usual as well.
Worry, really?
"I will be here if needed, Mistress."
────୨ৎ────
With careful steps, Kaori hurries through her family's estate, her heels clacking on the hard wood floor. Paintings and calligraphy pass her by as she goes. Ceremonial weapons and intricate woodwork. Evidence that she is only a recent occupant of a home that has housed over sixteen generations of her family. The weight of all those years bear heavy upon her, the newest clamant to an exalted legacy.
A servant told her of mother's location, but Kaori knew she would be there. Mother rarely leaves these days. She passes through the doorway to the outside, following a small path.
The Kojou family library is extensive. A pristine modern building with a subdued presence at the edge of the property, made public to the people of the local township. The climate controlled air washes over her as she enters. The wooden ceilings arch high above, the beams exposed and prominent. Few people are in today, mostly scholars come to ogle the ancient texts held in trust by her family for centuries. Kaori passes them by with nary a glance, eyes trained on her target, a small office overlooking the space. A thing of glass and wood, letting in light.
Inside, she sees her mother, back to her, sitting with her father. The two of them are wrapped up in each other. Him leaning his head on hers. It brings Kaori to a stop.
For the entirety of her life her parents have been disgustingly in love. A love match despite being nobles. In their youth they and their friends had been prominent hunters. Some of the last noble samurai, slaying demons in service of the people like their ancestors. As such the two were inseparable, their bond forged in countless battles.
It always made Kaori shy away from the concept of love altogether. Her dalliances in her teenage years had fizzled out time and time again. Compared to the undying love of her parents, anything she tried always felt trivial. Meaningless and empty. That didn't take into account that she was much too busy to worry about such things. There was always more to be done.
Her lips twitch. No. Some things are not hers to have.
Another few steps and she rounds the corner and enters the office. As both her parents look up to her with solemn looks, Kaori remembers why she is here. A spark of worry reignites in her chest.
She offers a small bow and her mother smiles as her father stands. He kisses her mother on the top of the head, murmuring something to her before going to leave. As he passes Kaori though, he shoots her a look that seems… apologetic?
Disconcerting.
Kaori takes her father's former seat next to her mother's wheelchair. Sparing a glance for the office, though it's more of a study. She has a desk, some books on shelves, a couch on which Kaori sits. A powerful bow is hung on the wall, a marker of her past prowess.
"How are you, mother?" Kaori asks, studying her parent's face.
Lady Kojou's expression is calm, loving almost. In it Kaori sees many of her own features reflected. The same sharp chin and eyes, the same full lips, and most important: the same force of will.
"I am fine," her mother says, waving a hand. "Well, as fine as one can be, considering the circumstances."
Kaori nods. As mother's disease progressed she has taken to spending her time in her library. She is no scholar, but she likes to read and write, and prefers being around people. In her words 'she would rather die than spend her life alone in bed.' Even if that is where she is spending a considerable amount of time these days.
Ever the warrior, her mother. No matter how soft she may appear or even act, she has always fought. It was that spirit she imparted on Kaori herself. While she took after her father, it was her mother who taught her to be a powerful woman among men. To wield her power as a scalpel instead of a sword.
"I'm glad," Kaori replies.
The smile she receives is honest, as it always is. Mother was always warm in ways Kaori could never be. That smile fades quickly though. Replaced by a not-harsh, but calculating stare. At once Kaori shifts in her seat, almost imperceptibly. Because she remembers that look well. It calls up a horde of hazy memories of her as a girl during her education.
At once her skin prickles with the sense that she has done something wrong.
"Now," her mother begins, folding her hands in her lap, "your father has told me quite an interesting tale. I was hoping you could elaborate."
Kaori swallows.
"How did you…"
Her mother sticks her with a droll, unamused look, and the words die on Kaori's tongue.
"My dearest daughter, did you honestly think that man can keep anything from me?"
An embarrassed frown is her reply. Her mother only waits, brows raised. Kaori grimaces inwardly. She was hoping to keep this under wraps for the time being. To reveal her new sister to the whole family at once in a clean motion. But of course reality is not so simple.
"I was going to tell you."
"Were you now?"
"Of course."
Lady Kojou's lips edge downward. "On your own time, I'm sure."
"I wasn't going to see you hurt, you… I know Katsumi means much to you."
"I am already hurt, child." She waves to her legs, covered in the folds of her elegant dress. "The least you can do is be honest with me. Especially about my own son."
Kaori winces. Her mother didn't even raise her voice, nor did her tone turn cold and biting as Kaori's own often did. Yet she felt the sting of it all the same.
"It is," Kaori began, "a complicated situation."
A scoff from her mother.
"Complicated… That is the word you use when you married your husband for politics and the servants catch him and his mistress fucking in the pantry. This is not complicated, Kaori, this is fragile. Katsumi has been through enough, and still you seek to…" She waves a hand, a rare sign of irritation coming through. "Dig up what is dead?"
She looks away, and Kaori understands her feelings. Of the whole family it was her mother that took Katsumi's disownment the hardest. She didn't break down or cry—publicly at least—but she hadn't spoken much for a few weeks afterward. Katsumi had always confided in mother but after the accident she stopped. Kaori knew it hurt more than mother would ever admit.
"Mother…" She places a hand on her mother's arm, sighing. "Mom."
Lady Kojou's gaze returns.
"Things have changed," Kaori says. "She has changed."
A lowering of brows. "She?"
Kaori sucks in a subtle breath. "Katsumi is transgender. She is… a girl now."
Her mother's mouth twists. "No."
"No?" Kaori breathes, her heart rate spiking.
"No! Not you too. You disappoint me, Kaori. Everyone already had their pickings being cruel to him. You think the time has come for your turn? I am aware how seemingly feminine Katsumi can be—has been his whole life. Everyone always let him know as much. An easy target because of his soft hearted nature and smaller stature. Yet none of it makes him a girl! People were cruel to him his entire childhood for it! You know this! I will not have you saying the same!"
The same… it's all the same, same as when Kaori was a teenager and tried to talk to her about Katsumi. Back then too, forever hung up on the fact that boys can be just as soft and feminine.
There is some truth to it, but not when it comes to Katsumi, she isn’t Kenzou. But thought patterns built over decades aren’t easy disassembled. Not easily overcome. Her mother is ever the dragon bent on defending her youngest. The one who was excusing Katsumi’s antics at school, fighting with father.
“It’s-“ Kaori starts before her mother cuts her off.
“If what you are spouting were true he would have told me. He was always open with me. He would have come to me.”
Perhaps therein lies the problem. It was on Katsumi to visit their sick mother, sitting by her bedside recounting what had happened that week. It was hardly parenting.
Would a soft hearted Katsumi burden her sick mother with something like this? Something she must have known would end with mother telling her how boys can be soft and feminine, the same wall Kaori is running into now?
Kaori leans back in her chair. Absent any argument—because it isn't an argument—she pulls out her phone. The picture of Katsumi hand in hand with with lady Kodoku taken by the Guild office's CCTV is easily found. Hard to see a 'son' in that one, as done up as her little sister is, short skirt, stockings and impeccable make-up. She shows her mother the screen.
"That's Katsumi." Her long nails tap the glass to emphasize the point.
A scoff, "So he wore women's clothing. Is that the level we have reached, Kaori? Because your little brother was caught outside crossdressing, he is a girl?"
She doesn't answer, swiping through the Guild app to find Katsumi's entry.
She passes the phone over, the image of Katsumi's guild license—with the new spelling and gender marker—prominently displayed. Her mother simply stares down at it, lips parted ever so slightly. Stunned, her eyes cold. After the silence stretches so long that it becomes uncomfortable, Kaori speaks.
"I visited her a few weeks ago. To check up on her. She has breasts."
Her mother's lips thin in response at the last word.
"And…" Her mother's voice shakes with some emotion. "How was…"
She trails off.
"She was… sad. But that may have been due to a situation that has since been handled."
Wavering eyes dart to Kaori, and she meets them. Intent to convey that she had done her duty. Reaching over, Kaori takes the phone from her hands, taps a bit to open her camera roll again. An image of Katsumi in her miko costume appears, her sister's smiling face prominent among her friends.
"This is what she looks like now. The rest are her friends. They hunt together, like you and father used to. When she is with them, she smiles like that."
Lady Kojou is silent, looking down at the picture. Kaori can imagine the thoughts going through her head, one of them likely the most obvious: Katsumi has not smiled like that in years.
"What do you plan to do?" her mother whispers.
Kaori leans in, setting a hand over one of hers. Speaking with the steel her mother taught her she says:
"I'm going to bring her home."