It was like that when I got there
Something about sleeping in an outfit always made wearing it the next day feel a little off, but it was hard to place the wrongness. All I knew was I wanted to have fresh clothes as soon as possible, and possibly a shower as well.
I planned out my day in the idle time during the rideshare home. Today’s driver was on a call the whole time, speaking a language I didn’t know, but I enjoyed the tone. Whoever the driver was talking to was dearly loved, and whatever they were discussing was none of my business.
Whenever another driver on the road did something he didn't like— a common occurrence in Tristate— he would wave his hands exasperatedly and give some remark that was evidently high comedy given the laughing I could hear from his earpiece, and then he would apologize in English to us and go on talking animatedly.
Also, Ellen had experimentally determined that my milk flow had truly ceased, so there wasn’t any hurry or discomfort this morning. It felt like the first time in ages that I’d had one less biological urge to manage and distract me. Still, the desire for fresh clothes remained and I planned out an entire tree of decisions for how I’d make it to evening despite all possible detours. Admittedly, it was a simple path, bearing more resemblance to an interrupt service routine rather than a formalized protocol. Though I supposed an ISR was a sort of protocol…
Predictably, the first interrupt occurred immediately after arriving at the farm. Deyha stepped out of the clinic entrance, waving to our driver to detour away from the original barn drop off. I couldn’t fault him for following directions from someone with as commanding a presence as Deyha, and much as I wanted to get to the clothes portion of my plan, I couldn’t bring myself to refuse Deyha either.
I handed our driver a little origami heart I’d folded from a bill as we headed out.
“I already tipped him in the app…” Ellen raised an eyebrow at me.
“But what about second tip?”
“Uh huh…” Ellen rolled her eyes. “My mistake.”
I double checked that we hadn’t forgotten anything and waved one last time to the driver. Before long the automatic door was shutting and the van was rolling away before it even closed.
“Besides,” I pressed on, “I maliciously use small bills for my origami to disincentivize unfolding in my ultimate goal of removing currency from circulation.”
“You might need to check on the definition of malice.”
“Agreed.” Deyha tapped the button for the door. “Maddie doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body,”
“I actually do. I even have malicious bones in Carolyn’s body now.”
“Is that what we’re going to call that?” Deyha muttered. “Did you have a nice night out?”
“I did!” I nodded emphatically. “I learned how to do the time warp, and met a sweet transvestite from transexual Transylvania!”
“Huh.” Deyha glanced at Ellen. “I did not expect either of you to go for that movie.”
“I’m full of surprises.” Ellen nodded. “Maddie told me you watched RENT together, so I figured she would be more receptive.”
“That… is quite a leap. But okay. I'm glad you presumably enjoyed it.”
“Eh,” I held out my hand and rocked it side to side. “I experienced it. How was your evening?”
I tried to keep my voice bright and cheerful, but it wasn’t hard to infer Deyha’s answer from her generally subdued mood.
“Went about as well as you could hope.” Deyha didn’t put on any airs. She sounded tired as hell, and I suddenly wondered if she’d even slept.
“What’s… Carolyn up to?”
“That’s where we’re headed.” Deyha led the way to the lab. “You don’t have to sit in for this if you don’t want, Ellen.”
“I think Maddie could use an emotional support companion for this.” Ellen looped her arm around mine. “Maybe you could too?” She offered her other arm to Deyha.
It was impossible to place Deyha’s expression as she eyed the gesture. Doubt? Dread? Or could it just be an overbearing fatigue? I wished I could just drag her out of whatever this was.
“Thanks.” Deyha didn’t accept the arm, but there was an amused twinge to the corner of her lips. “Carolyn has been… fixated. I’m hoping you can convince her to take a break.”
“So you didn’t break her legs?” I teased, and Deyha fully smiled now.
“It was tempting, but no. I think she’s had more than enough bone trauma for the moment.”
“I don’t doubt it. I know I’ve had enough of her bone trauma.” I mumbled.
“What?”
“I said I don’t doubt it.”
“No, I heard you… but what do you mean? What have you heard?”
I glanced from Deyha to Ellen. “Only what you’ve texted? Did something else happen after we left?”
“No— it’s just… I’m certain we didn’t mention specifics on Mazer’s procedure. We didn’t want to alarm you.”
“Maybe you should have.” I narrowed my eyes. “Might have made the painful nature of it less surprising.”
“Painful?” Deyha’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, the sensations you warned me about.” My tone slipped into sarcasm. “You know, dunking me in ice water? Wrapping my arms in barbed wire? Stabbing me in the spine?”
“I’m going to kill Mazer.” Deyha began walking a little faster toward the lab. “And then once I’m sure you won’t feel it, I’m going to break Carolyn’s legs.”
“Whoa” I untangled my arm from Ellen’s and skipped forward a couple steps to get ahead of Deyha. It took a lot of effort to get her to stop her advance to the lab, and even then it seemed like the only reason she stopped was because I wasn’t going to let her get by without injuring me. “No killing, no more breaking.”
“Why are you defending them?” Deyha was incredulous. “I watched what they did. To think you felt that…”
“The stab on the top of the head was the last thing I felt.”
“Then you felt all of it!” Deyha waved her arms. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“To what, stop you?”
“Yes!”
“I thought you knew!”
“No! Why would we ever—“
“Because it was fucking important wasn’t it?” I interrupted Deyha. “Maybe I was wrong to think you would willfully hurt me for my own good, but was this not for my benefit?”
Deyha looked past me to where I knew the entrance to the lab would be. Her gaze hardened, and I could see the accusation she was leveling over my head. “I need… to not be here.” Deyha backed away, effortlessly slipping out of my grasp as she headed out the way we’d come.
“Well shit.” I looked at Ellen. “Someone should probably stay with her…”
Ellen looked both ways down the hallway: Where Deyha had gone, and where Carolyn presumably was. “I disagree, but something tells me that if I don’t then you will…”
“Yeah…”
“Go see what Carolyn has to say. Fill me in later, yeah?”
“Okay.”
Ellen set off after Deyha, and as her footsteps receded, familiar shoes approached from behind me.
“Well,” Carolyn stopped next to me. “That didn’t last long.”
“What didn’t?”
“A sort of truce, I guess.”
I didn’t like the idea of their marriage being at war. Looking at Carolyn, I didn’t really expect her to look different, but I searched for signs anyway. Nothing seemed different about her hands, and there certainly weren’t any purple crystals poking out of her skull or neck, so I figured there was nothing to see.
“What was Deyha bringing me to discuss?”
Carolyn shrugged. “The plan was to just get you up to speed on what happened and what the results are, but it seems we were the ones who needed to catch up. You felt the procedure Mazer did?”
“Yep.”
Carolyn blew out a breath through her teeth. “Well that makes one of us.”
“Ah.” I continued to look in the direction that Deyha had left. “Well, guess it’s a good thing I can tolerate pain.”
Carolyn sighed. “Once again, that is not a super power. We should have been sure you wouldn’t feel it, or at least should have known you might not reach out if you did. I can scarcely imagine what that was like. You said it felt like barbed wire?”
“Yeah. What was that?”
Carolyn shrugged. “Wire with barbs, I suppose. Mazer repurposed the gold I was wearing to be a more permanent fixture directly on my bones. Now, instead of marking where to generate the aptly-named nope zone, they effectively aggregate all the little bits of crystal.”
“They don’t work as well when you grind them into powder?”
“Who would have thought?”
I squinted up at Carolyn. “Out of respect, I’m not going to answer that.”
“No, you’re right. I should have thought.” Carolyn folded her arms. “I should have thought more about a lot of things.”
“I hope you aren’t second guessing inviting me to the farm.”
“What? No. No, of course not. Wishing I hadn't known joy just to save me from pain would be a meaningless and cowardly thought process. No, the real exercise will be not fucking doing this again.” Carolyn sighed heavily. “Again.” She repeated.
“What? You’re telling me this isn’t the first time you’ve unwittingly stolen someone’s life for your own personal gain?”
Carolyn looked at me out of the corner of her eye. “You make fun, but you’re painfully close to the mark. I really need to break this habit of damaging the people I care about.”
“Deyha is hardly a similar case.”
“You weren’t there.” Carolyn shrugged. “You didn’t design the most horrible and scary mods you could imagine and bestow them upon a promising young soldier.”
“I know that’s not what happened.”
“Do you?” Carolyn looked down at me again. “How sure are you? Because personally, I’m struggling to figure out why you and Deyha so much as tolerate me. Maybe knowing just how much I’ve fooled you is the key to stopping the cycle.”
“Please~” I rolled my eyes. “Spare me the ‘I’m a monster’ monologue.”
“I have more evidence on my hands than ever before.” Carolyn argued. She jabbed a finger into her own palm, as if I needed to be reminded.
“Thanks for sorting out the lactation pause, by the way.”
“You’re… welcome?” Carolyn blinked
“What are you thinking of for next? Should I expect strawberry flavor or are you going to be tweaking colors and shapes?”
“We are not changing the subject.”
“What subject?” I started walking back the way I’d come. “If you want me to humor your villain complex you’ll have to force me.”
“Paradoxical.” Carolyn murmured. “Have you considered that I’m just enough of a wretch to do that?”
“The collar has been really comfortable actually,” I took her hand in mine and swung it while I walked. “I’m not totally certain I like the feeling of it on my neck better than your fingers, but it’s certainly close.”
“You’re going to run out of ideas…”
“The toe beans idea was incredible. The way you made a paw look like a hoof… truly inspired craftsmanship.”
“Or maybe you won’t.” Carolyn muttered. “Fine, I yield.”
“And the handlebars— I’m sorry, I meant handlebars. Did I say handlebars?”
“What would it take to shut you up?”
“You could subdue me.” I swung my tail to bat at the backs of her knees. “Or, I don’t know, make an effort at forgiving yourself rather than trying to hate yourself into a version you’ll love?”
“Any other things I’ve said that you want to throw in my face?”
“I’ll pace myself.” I squeezed her hand. “You’re stuck with me, remember? I’ve got time.”
“What’s your grand strategy for bullying Deyha out of her funk then? Do you have any cheeky sass for your other wife?”
It took Carolyn half a second to stop walking after I did. The little four letter word has completely scrambled my train of thought and I couldn’t begin to articulate why.
“What?”
Carolyn smirked at me, seeming infuriatingly smug about this curveball. “I asked if you had anything planned for Deyha.”
“No you didn’t.” I squinted at her.
Carolyn’s smile only widened. “Oh my, Madeline did you not even realize you’ve been married this whole time?”
“Don’t tease me.” I warned.
“Oh, wait until Deyha hears, she’ll be devastated~”
“Carolyn…”
“Are rings no longer traditional?” Carolyn held the bell on my collar.
“A collar isn’t a ring, and rhinestones—“
“They aren’t rhinestones.” Carolyn chuckled. “Since when do rhinestones have little barbed settings?”
“How long have you been sitting on this prank?” I dropped her hand and shooed her off the bell. It only took me a moment to unlock and unbuckle the collar “For starters, you can’t marry someone without them knowing.”
“I certainly married your crystal to my finger bones without your knowledge~”
“That’s a reach and you know it.” I inspected the collar for the first time in months. I’d looked it over when they’d given it to me and since then I hadn't felt like there was anything to scrutinize. Sure, we'd had it cleaned and conditioned once just to maintain it, but all I noticed when I got it back was that the hardware was particularly shiny now, and the remaining little bedazzle stick on gems had been cleared off and replaced with a few sturdier riveted buttons.
Now that I was looking more closely I could see that the sparkly bit riveting the bell loop in place was absolutely a diamond, and not a small one either. Similarly, the half dozen or so rivets that had been added were also diamond studs.
I flipped the band and checked the inside. Our names were still embroidered in but now the date when I’d received the first collar was included too. I hadn't remembered the names being embroidered in with particular centering, but now I could see that the backings for the various rivets were perfectly spaced in between each of our names. The overhaul was so substantial I was beginning to wonder if this was a full replacement rather than a renovation.
“That wasn’t a marriage ceremony.” I looked up at Carolyn.
“Well, polygamy is still illegal—“
“I don’t care about the eyes of the state.” I interrupted, “But I’m not going to be gaslit into believing I’ve been married all this time.” I narrowed my eyes, “You were being sneaky. Why?”
“Sneaky? Noooo.”
“Were you saving this revelation as some sort of ‘get out of jail free’ card?”
“Fuck- no?” The sass dropped from Carolyn’s tone in an instant.
“The timing is a little suspect.”
“No! That would be… Goodness, Maddie. I am not that—“
“Manipulative?” I cut her off and folded my arms. This at last had stunned her into complete silence.
I let her stew in it for a moment, enjoying the way she flexed her fingers in frustration.
“Not going how you planned, is it?”
“Understatement of the century.” Carolyn muttered.
“What is Deyha’s role in this little charade?”
“She agreed that a premium collar wasn’t a bad idea, so there was input… the logical leap to calling it your wedding ring was just something I thought up.”
“Okay…” I ran my fingertips along my jaw in a not so subtle pantomime of the way Carolyn occasionally did. “I’ll accept the collar serving as a wedding ring, but I have conditions.”
“Of course you do.” Carolyn grumbled. “Name them, then.”
“I want a proposal—“ I counted on my fingers. “A catered reception… and fuck it, I’d like a finger ring too just to remove confusion.”
“I should have just let you keep sassing and throwing my words back in my face. It would have been so much cheaper.”
“Live and learn. You can start by proposing all of this to Deyha.”
“I don’t even know how a three way marriage would work.”
“But you said we’ve been married for a while now~” I teased and skipped out of range as she took a swipe at me.
“You know what I meant, damn it!”
“Was there anything else? Or should I leave you to your scheming while I work on helping Deyha de-stress?” I walked backwards as I buckled the collar back on.
Carolyn only grumbled in response to that, so with nothing concrete to go on I turned and headed for the barn.
I’d fill Deyha in just as soon as I had an outfit that hadn’t been sullied by theater popcorn.
Finding Deyha and Ellen wasn’t trivial, especially without a phone to message them with, but after booting up my computer and messaging Ellen from there I finally got the lead I needed.
As I approached the equipment shed I heard the occasional sharp ‘thock’ of something being embedded in wood, and when I got closer I picked up the idle chatting.
“It just pisses me off, you know?” Deyha’s rhetorical question was punctuated by another thock.
“Sure, sure.” Ellen replied, and there was a ringing clatter of metal. “Damn, how are you so good at this?”
“It’s like riding a bike~”
I rounded the corner in time to see Deyha throw a knife into a bench that had been upended.
A mismatched assortment of knives peppered the surface, making the bench look like a photo of a pin cushion that had been stretched with no account for scale.
“Poor bench.” I made sure nobody was about to throw when I spoke up, just in case they hadn’t heard me walking up.
“Oh, hey babe.” Deyha lowered her arm. “I know you said not to break anything but…”
“No, no, this looks like harmless destruction. Is it helping?”
Deyha shrugged. “It scratches an itch I suppose. You wanna give it a shot?”
“Mmm maybe once I’ve seen your example a few more times.”
“She makes it look easy.” Ellen complained. “Deyha has already systematically broken all the knots in the wood.”
“Broken? What do you mean?”
“It’s simple really.” Deyha approached the bench and started pulling knives out of the grain. “I didn’t feel like painting a target or something, so I just aimed for the natural irregularities. This board is both poor quality and poorly cared for, so on top of having a bunch of knots , many have loosened as things shrank unevenly and, well…” she pulled out the last knife and a round puck of wood came free with it.
It was a good bit bigger than a quarter, but still damn tiny as far as bullseyes went, and I was quickly able to see the other gaping holes as well as the half dozen or so pucks of wood that littered the ground.
“Should we shove them back in so you can hit them again?”
“I don’t know which ones go where.”
“I doubt it matters.” I knelt in front of the board and started shoving the distinct ones back onto their places. Some had broken apart, so I tried to get creative jamming the pieces in such a way that they bound up. “There, good as new.”
I dusted my hands and moved to stand by Ellen.
Deyha handed a few of the knives to Ellen and me, very clearly keeping the rustiest ones for herself and then squared up across from the board. “What do you think would impress you more: hitting all the knots? Or sticking all the knives quickly?”
“Either?” I shrugged.
“Both it is then.”
Before I could reply, Deyha threw the first knife, and it seemed like it had scarcely landed on the board before she had the next in hand and swinging forward. She had moved with such confidence that I half expected to find every knot once again speared or loosened, but she’d taken two tries on a couple and hadn’t had enough knives to attempt the bottom one. We were much closer than even a game of darts would stand: only as far as it would be from the foot to the head of a bed— but even at point blank the precision seemed impressive to me.
“Darn.” She muttered.
“Darn? That was amazing! Don’t pretend like you usually do better.”
“It wouldn’t be pretending, but fine. I’m glad you’re so easily impressed.”
”Don’t be a butt.” I stepped over to where she had been standing and did my best to mimic her stance. “Are you going to tell me it’s all in the wrist?”
”Sure. It’s all in the wrist, but also the fingers, elbow, and shoulder… so, to nobody’s surprise, it's a matter of using your arm.”
”So helpful.” I flung the first knife at the board, and it rang as it bounced off. “Any advice to help me refine my technique?”
”I’m not going to say ‘hit it with the pointy end’ while you are holding sharp objects so no. No advice, sorry.”
”Wise choice.” I grumbled and threw another. This time I missed the board entirely, and the knife was quickly lost in the grass. “Fuck.”
”Don’t worry about it. Ellen and I have put a few back there already. I’ll head out with a metal detector later.”
My last knife actually lodged in the board for a moment before falling free due to gravity.
“Not bad! Is that what you were aiming for?”
”In the sense that the extent of my ‘aiming’ was to hit the board, yes.”
”Still counts.” Deyha shrugged.
”Alright, nerds.” Ellen nudged me to take my place, “Let me show you how it’s done.”
”Have you even thrown a knife prior today?”
Ellen smirked at me. “I’ve thrown all sorts of things. Suction cup dildos on windows, pencils in ceiling tiles, skeeballs in holes, I’m basically bullseye from daredevil if he had estrogen.”
“Uh huh.” I stepped back to lean against the equipment shed next to Deyha as Ellen began an absurd ritual of counting out her steps to the board and inspecting the knives she was holding.
With Deyha safely located and at least marginally more stable than before, my train of thought drifted back to what Carolyn had said.
“So~” I struggled to keep my tone light as I executed a little rehearsed speech. “How interested would you be in getting married?”
Deyha chuckled, and I watched as Ellen’s first throw went wide. She of course claimed it was a warm up.
“To you, I presume? Much as I love you, I’m not keen on legally divorcing Carolyn to shuffle around some names and titles.”
“Gods, fuck no. And I get that there’s all sorts of legalities… no, I’m talking about specifically not lawful. Would that make it an illegal wedding? Anyways. No joint tax filings, just… yaknow… maybe a ring, maybe I purloin some last names, and… a ceremony?”
“Purloin…” Deyha mused. “As though you’re going to just reach into a jar and pull out a slip of paper to decide your new name. I’m sure you noticed I already abstained from a name change once.”
“I can’t blame you for not wanting the nickname ‘double Dee’ but I will point out we aren’t in high school anymore…”
“That wasn’t the reason.” Deyha shook her head. “It’s funny to think that you’re basically more married to Carolyn than I am now. Our vows were pretty standard ‘till death do us part’ but divorce isn’t ever really possible for you now.”
“As if I’d ever want to.”
“No sane person gets married expecting to divorce, but prenuptials are nearly common sense… that’s beside the point. You are an equal in our polycule, and I wouldn’t hesitate to reaffirm that in whatever way you might desire… but my last name…
“If you don’t want to share, I’m not going to insist.”
“It’s not that. It’s weird, because— I don’t know if you’ve noticed but my name is already a little disjointed culturally. ‘Deyha’ was my mothers choice, and ‘Bachman’ is my fathers family name. Did you realize that Deyha is a popular Arabic name? Or did my last name throw you off?
“I… didn’t think about it? I guess with your last name there, 'Deyha' somehow picked up the same vibe in my mind as ‘Martha’ or something.”
“Then the camouflage is still working.”
“Is your mother… Arab?”
“Mhmm.”
“And… you enlisted? Even with how awful America has been toward the Middle East?”
“That… had more to do with the Bachman side of the family. My parents met while Dad was deployed. I’m a fourth generation Army veteran, I suppose. Like some sort of demented family tradition.”
“Hopefully our kid breaks the streak.”
“Hopefully.” Deyha echoed. “Though I have a couple cousins that might keep it going on their end… that’s all besides the point. I just figured I’d share some of the ‘lore’ as the kids say.”
I burst out laughing. “Please don’t try to talk like the kids, I mean I think you used it right but it’s so weird.”
“Why not? I wouldn’t want to be an old fogey. Gotta keep up with these young whippersnappers.”
I groaned. “Please~ you’re killing me!”
“Oh, you’ll live…” Deyha rested her hand on my shoulder, and then began to tail her fingers up and down my back as I turned tucked myself in closer against her. “All of that to say… I don’t particularly care about carrying the Bachman name into the future, but I'm also not ready to leave it in the past.”
“Valid as heck. Sadly, I just don’t feel like ‘Madeline’ goes all that well with either of your surnames. Maybe the solution is to smash them all together. Ruin it for everyone. Maybe something like O’Bachvis, or… Da-ReillyMan”
"Yeah… I'll pass on that one. And besides, Carolyn would never want you to compromise the Irish vibe to your name. If you aren't Maddie O'Reilly, how can your cream be Irish?"
"Uh huh." I turned my attention back to Ellen and the board she had been chucking knives at. "You know, Ellen… I don't think you ever told me your last name."
"It's Générât."
"What?" I laughed. "Is that French?"
"Yep. Turns out that the court will approve names without looking too far into it as long as you include enough accents."
Deyha chuckled. "Yeah, there's no way that's a french family name."
"It gets worse." Ellen set about retrieving the knives. "My middle name is spelled D-E-S."
Deyha burst out laughing, fully bending forward and putting her hands on her knees as she wheezed. "You didn't! There's no fucking way."
"What?" I looked between the two "Ellen Des Generat?" I felt like I was butchering the pronunciation.
"I prefer to pronounce it 'Ellen Degenerate'." Ellen smirked.
"Oh my god." I rubbed my forehead. "Why have you done this?"
"Well, I'm sure you remember when a certain talk show host came out as gay, there was a certain derogatory remark thrown around~"
"Yeah, I can imagine…"
"The preacher at my old church was particularly fond of calling her that, so when I was choosing names I felt the strange pull to be silly. I don’t regret my choice, but I also don’t broadcast it because I've since learned that labeling things ‘degenerate’ is a Nazi tactic. On one hand, it's funny to me, but at the same time there's nothing wrong with being a Trans furry cat girl. Those are all very cool and awesome things."
“Cool… awesome…” I echoed. “Yeah, I am not taking your last name.”
“Well good, because I’m not sharing.” Ellen stuck out her tongue.
“Fine. I didn’t need a new surname anyways.” I leaned into Deyha. “Be thinking about what you want to do for vows and rings and such.”
“So you’ve just decided we’re having a whole thing about it? Not even going to get down on one knee?”
I grimaced at the loose gravel and dust that surrounded the shed. “You agreed to affirm commitment, besides, this is hardly any more out of order than how we started dating since you’ve already given me one diamond ring.” I flicked the bell on my collar for emphasis.
“Well I’m fine with continuing the trend so long as it doesn’t lead to ending relationships out of order as well.”
“Mazer says there’s an afterlife so we can be married there too.”
“You're so sure we'll end up in the same place?"
"Mhmm!" I nodded. "If I don't see you within two minutes of arriving, then I'm going to find a shotgun and doom-guy my way to you."
"Violent… you wouldn't go find Carolyn first?"
"Oh, no. She's going to super mega hell. I'll need your help to get to her."
Deyha threw her head back and laughed— even harder than she had at Ellen's nonsense.. "Okay, It's a deal then. For now though I think we can focus on plans for our mortal lives. You said a ring and a ceremony?”
“Yeah. Mostly for the catering… we could have that cafe do it since Carolyn liked their spaghetti.”
Deyha chuckled and shook her head. “Now I’m not even sure if you’re slandering her preferences on purpose.”
“She told me it was called something else but I forgot. You know what I meant.”
“I do, I do. And you wanted a ceremony? Like with the whole farm?”
“No~ mostly just close friends and maybe family for the ceremony, then everyone for the reception.”
“Oh? You’ll invite your family?”
“I—“ I stalled out. It had been years now since I stopped talking to most of them, and lately I’d only humored the odd phone call from my mom with a complete lack of details. There wasn’t any public social media for them to stalk either so they were all pretty oblivious of how my life had transformed.
“It could be fun~” Deyha teased.
“It could be a disaster… but I guess maybe I could do some outreach. I wouldn’t want you or Carolyn to think I’m ashamed of you.”
“Oh, you’re absolutely ashamed.” Ellen cut in.
“Hey! Nobody asked you!”
Deyha sighed and shook her head. “It’s okay, I guess.”
“No it’s not!” I aimed my full-force death glare at Ellen.
Predictably, she was unphased.
“Be brave Maddie~” Ellen’s tone took a turn toward condescending. “Just reach out and tell your conservative southern parents that you’ve gotten work on a farm! Southerners love farms.”
“Yeah but they will fucking hate the rest of it and I’m not excited to see pitchforks and torches coming to knock at my door.”
“Do people still do that?” Deyha raised an eyebrow.
“No, probably not. You know what I mean. I’m not ashamed of you so much as I’m afraid of them.”
“How much power do they even have though?”
“They are all devoted three-times-a-week members of their respective churches. Hell, my grandfather down there practically runs his church.”
“Huh…” Deyha tapped on her chin. “Do they know you transitioned?”
“That’s kinda why I don’t talk to them as much. I was only able to tolerate hearing my dead name for a couple years before I stopped even making excuses for why I wasn’t going to visit. My grandmother was the only person who supported me, but she passed away shortly after I moved to Tristate. I haven't visited since the funeral.”
"I think it's worth taking a stab at acclimating them. Putting the frogs in the pot so to speak—"
"We are not boiling my family."
"Buzzkill." Ellen spoke up as she knelt in the grass behind the bench.
"How do you even plan to acclimate them?" I searched Deyha's face, desperate to find some hint that she was kidding about this whole venture.
She shrugged. "Start with a group phone call, introduce either myself or Carolyn, give some vague life updates, and then float the idea of a holiday visit."
"If you tell them where we are I guarantee that my mom at least is competent enough with a computer to figure the whole thing out."
"Maybe we can visit them." Deyha shrugged. "And Mazer could probably fashion us some illusions to present us as more normal. I have a feeling that my presence alone will put them on their back foot."
"I wish we could just… edit their memories so that they will always have remembered me as a little cow girl."
Deyha shook her head. "No easy way out on that one, I'm afraid."
"Fine… Well, Carolyn will probably say she's busy with stuff so I think you'll be the obvious choice. My mom even does a little gardening so you'll have that common ground to chat about."
"Cool, cool." Deyha nodded. "And exactly how menacing am I allowed to be if they deadname or misgender you?"
I shrugged. "Baring fangs and the deadly serious voice are good, but I'd hold off on cracking knuckles or implying that you intend to immediately escalate to physical violence. Honestly, I think we'd get good results from a 'three strikes and we're gone' policy."
"That's more chances than I'd like to give them but I suppose that's your call to make."
"I agree." Ellen handed a few knives to Deyha. "You should maim them on the first offence and kill on the second."
"Down, kitty." I chastised. "Sheathe the claws."
“I don’t even get to have claws~” Ellen whined “they’re too weapon-y.”
“Oh… I’ll see about designing a prosthetic for you then…”
“Wait… really?”
“Sure.” I shrugged. There's already parametric models to make quick articulating finger prosthetics, I’ll just springboard off of those to make little finger tip claws, though… to make them sheathe I’ll probably want to collaborate with Carolyn on a finger design to simplify things… though~ with Carolyn’s new capabilities it wouldn’t surprise me if she can skirt around that law.”
“We are not putting the clinic at risk with illegal mods, Maddie.” Deyha’s voice held a mix of exhaustion and frustration.
I wanted to argue that it wouldn’t be gene modding at that point, and demonic transformations were probably blissfully unregulated. But something told me neither Deyha or the government at large cared.
“Yeah… okay…” I patted my pockets for my phone before remembering its inconvenient disassembly. “When does my new phone get here anyways?”
Deyha shrugged and pulled out her own. I peeked over her shoulder as she scrolled through emails to find a receipt.
“Jesus christ~” I muttered at the price listed. “Is that how much a basic phone costs these days?”
“Oh…” Deyha shrugged. “Its not a basic one. I figured the pro model will run your games better and… Well, much as I want you to use your phone less, I’m also sorry for going about that the wrong way… it's ready to pick up today.”
“You’re too much…”
“Also only the highest tier of the latest model is available in pink.”
“Oh,” I chuckled. “I’d actually prefer something less bright. Is it too late to change?”
“I’m sure we can work something out.”
I rubbed my eyes. I felt like the current task had bumped and moved around a few times now, and I desperately wished I could put the thoughts down on paper rather than shuffling them around in my head.
Getting my phone was not the main goal, and neither was planning a visit with family. I cast my mind back through the garden path I’d taken to get here… the crystal surgery, casino escape, latest testing of Deyha’s sanity, and now here we were chucking knives at an old bench. I’d mainly come to make sure Deyha would be okay, right? Or was there something else?
Fuck it. A tech store trip was as good of a detour as any I could think of.
“If we’re done abusing the innocent plank of wood… would you be interested in going on an excursion to pick up my phone?”
“You’re that keen on reconnecting with the internet? And you want to go out in public?”
“No, but we could also get lunch~”
“Yeah… okay.” Deyha shrugged as she sifted the knives in her hands. “Let me just put this all away and then we can go.”