Lets do the time warp again!
Mazer, Carolyn, and Deyha still hadn’t returned to the barn by the time we were dressed, and without them the party was continuing perfectly indifferent to them.
I’d begrudgingly put on the branded romper I’d worn to the convention, but this time I ditched the sandals and I had a super soft tee-shirt. The sunflower-shaped purse wasn’t matching anything but it wasn't clashing either.
Ellen had just grabbed a flannel over-shirt and some jeans to go with one of the band tees that she had cut up into a tank top. Her heavy leather boots ticked another box to round out the flaming gay attitude, and I knew I’d be relying on that to ward off all but the densest would-be suitors.
My headphones case had one of those locator tags, so I brought them along, as well as one of my old handheld gaming devices just so there would be something to connect them to.
There wasn’t any music playing, so the only loud sounds were the TV that was currently showing split screen racing, as well as the cheers or groans of the people enjoying the game. Other pockets of people lounged around, some playing board games, some just chatting. Mary was easy to find via her red hair, and Addie was right there too, practically glued to her hip but a little less in her element.
“Hey Mary~” Ellen waved as we approached their little gathering. “We’ve come to steal Addie away from you.”
She gasped in mock horror, pulling Addie tight for a moment before loosening her grip. “Yeah, she already filled me in on your little plan. Too cool for your own party huh?”
“Something like that.” I forced a smile but I knew it didn’t reach my eyes.
“Cool, cool.” Mary gave Addie a kiss on the cheek. “I can catch a ride with Cyrus and Kimberly if you don’t make it back.”
“I’ll be back~” Addie shook her head and led the way to the front doors of the barn. She hit a button on her key and yellow lights flashed in the parking lot before headlights kicked in to illuminate the path.
“So… what’s the plan?” I sought out Ellen’s hand and stuck close to her. I already wished I’d brought a jacket.
“Step one, have fun.”
“That’s not a plan.”
“Step two, profit.” Ellen swung my arm with hers now.
”Still not a plan, this is a glorified grocery list.”
”Fitting for such fruity folks~”
”Hilarious” I grumbled. “Do you have any idea what’s going on, Addie?”
”Mhmm.”
”Don’t spoil it~” Ellen whined.
“Sorry, but I have this weird thing where I don’t transport people unless they know where they are going.”
”I’m not asking you to traffic her!” Ellen dropped my hand to plead with Addie.
Addie was unmoved. “We’re headed for the downtown area.”
”That sounds crowded~” I nudged Ellen.
”I know, I know. We’re headed for the casino.” She opened the door and crawled across the back seat.
“I… don’t do well with gambling, you know.”
”You aren’t lucky?”
”No, I’m an easy mark to extract money from. Even if I constrained myself to only use the wad of cash Deyha gave me, I’m 90% I would end up leaving with none of it.” I remembered to buckle up as Addie pulled on her seat belt, and I watched her dock her phone high on the dash to pull up a navigation app. Instrumental music started playing automatically as she put the car in drive.
Ellen finally put on her seat belt. ”Well, hopefully you would have several hours of enjoyment from that hypothetical scenario, but no. There’s a theater built in that’s showing a bunch of classics, sorta a drop in drop out thing, and I snagged us a room.”
”I’m surprised there’s vacancy…”
”The place is huge.” Addie cut in. “It would take the World Cup or Superb Owl being hosted in Tristate for them to sell out.
”Superb Owl?
”Super Bowl. I haven’t found an equivalent way to butcher the World Cup yet.”
”I see. Are you going to catch a film as well?”
Addie shrugged. “It would take something pretty compelling to convince me to fuss with parking. Besides, I am planning to head back.”
”I’m sorry we’re dragging you away from the party…”
”You aren’t dragging me away. This gives me an excuse to pick up a few more snacks. I mean, no hate for the party you’re throwing, but uh… It’s a little obvious that y’all haven’t catered anything with meat in a long, long time.” She held up a piece of paper. “I took requests from everyone, so this is a very multi-functional trip.”
”Mary didn’t seem sure that you would come back.”
”I took requests from everyone but her.” Addie chuckled. “I already know what she wants, and I want it to be a surprise.”
”That’s sweet.”
”Besides, Ellen offered enough money to cover the little grocery trip plus double my hourly rate.”
”Keep it up and I’ll make it triple.” Ellen brandished her phone as though it were relevant to the threat.
”Keep what up?” Addie laughed. “What an absurd way to negotiate.”
”If you’re any more awesome, I might have to make it quadruple.”
”Oh, well if that’s how it is~” Addie reached up to tap at her phone screen and after a moment the calm instrumental music was replaced by a familiar sea shanty.
”Okay…” Ellen nodded. “Interesting, I can dig it.”
”It’s a song that went viral on InSnare a while back.”
”Ah damn it.” Ellen grumbled. “And you were doing so well!”
”I had to tear down the pedestal somehow.” Addie shrugged.
“You didn’t! You could have stayed up there forever!”
”I like to choose how and when I get cancelled, thank you.”
”Ugh.” Ellen threw her head back into the seat. “You aren’t cancelled, but it was so fucking difficult to get Maddie to stop scrolling that… stuff.”
”It’s okay.” Addie chuckled. “You can call it crap, or slop, or whatever derogatory term you had in mind.”
”I don’t want to be mean.”
”You’re fine, to tell you the truth my opinion of the app kinda tanked when I started hearing people scrolling in the back seat. So much of it is undisclosed product placement and uh… questionable news that I came to realize it was kinda a custom echo-chamber generator. I wasn’t seeing things that were good for me. I was just being fed whatever could hold my attention.”
”Yikes.” I glanced at Ellen. “Yeah I’ve been told the annoying sound generator is… well, annoying.”
“I’m not gonna bother you if that’s how you want to spend your travel time. And besides, when I’m driving folks I’m hardly ever going to say anything contrary or controversial. For all you know I could be a huge InSnare enjoyer and I’m just lying out my ass to get you to like me.”
“Aww,” Ellen’s tone slipped toward sarcasm. “I thought that after all our mild trauma bonding we were well on our way to raw unfiltered friendship!”
“I think you might go about friendships just a little differently than I do.”
“Fair enough.” I shifted forward to re-situate more comfortably and let my tail flop on Ellen’s lap. “I feel like friendships are best built on common interests, and I’ve made pretty much all my friends through video games— well, I suppose that used to be more true than it is now. Still, the main common ground we have is our proximity to supernatural stuff.”
“Proximity is a good way of putting it” Addie chuckled. “When I met Mary I was certain I was straight and I suppose monogamous by default. A little bit of proximity definitely cured me of both of those notions. Coming to terms with demons and supernatural stuff was surprisingly easy in comparison.”
”I’m sure Mary made some compelling arguments.” Ellen nudged me with her elbow and I rolled my eyes.
”That’s one way of putting it. How about you? How did you make it from stock settings to one of the most heavily modded people in the world?”
I scoffed. “I’m not that heavily modded.” I saw Ellen roll her eyes and nudged her back. “I met Carolyn and Deyha at a job fair. They had accidentally set up their table in the tech section, but honestly I’m not sure where else they would have fit in. The stuff they do in the clinic is pretty tech heavy, even if the milk production stuff is more oriented to sanitary food production.”
“And you just checked it out on a whim?”
”All the other tables were super crowded…”
”Uh huh.”
I could hear the coy grin in Addie’s tone.
“See the way I heard about all of this—" Ellen waved my hands off as I tried to cover her mouth, "— was because you pretty plainly seduced a gene modder. Carolyn hadn’t even done gender affirming mods before but she learned just for you~”
”Oh, you’re trans? Neat. Though that does kinda go against the whole ‘not that heavily modded' argument.”
I gave up on trying to shut up Ellen and took a deep breath. “Yeah. Ellen and I are both trans. I… recognized the potential to have gender affirming stuff taken care of. Ellen had been waiting so long and I wasn’t quite up to the task of hustling and asserting myself like she had."
”Being assertive is hard.” Addie nodded, “Hugely underrated skill to develop. So was all the cow stuff just a compromise? Like you went there for gender stuff but begrudgingly settled on milk production?”
”You know it wasn’t.” I stared pointedly out the window.
”Yeah, I’m just giving you a smidge of grief. I’m glad you’re finding comfort though.”
“If you had to choose an animal like I did, what would you choose?”
If Addie was thrown or bothered by the subject change, she didn't show it. “Should it be an animal that already is kinda like me? Or one that embodies virtues I want to adopt? If it's the latter, I’d say a tardigrade.”
“A what now?” Ellen laughed, “is that a real animal?”
“Sure it is, just really small.” Addie held up her fingers to illustrate the point, but It looked like her thumb and index finger were fully touching. “For something that is already like me though… I’d have to think about it.”
“I mostly meant something you could stand to be seen as if everyone in the world was suddenly a therian.”
“Oh, well, I’d just want to match or compliment Mary, most likely. Or something that compliments all my partners ideally.”
“You should pick a cat, everyone should pick a cat tbh.” Ellen combed the fur on my tail. “Cats are the best.”
"Something tells me you're biased." Addie remarked. "But sure, if I had to choose in an instant without consulting my family. I'd go with a cat."
"The catgirls gain another~" Ellen made a fist.
"Though I am a pretty big fan of the milk y'all make…"
"Nope! You already committed! It's too late to change your vote." Ellen pointed at Addie, but all she got was a laugh in response.
"Sounds like your grand cause is already faltering." I teased Ellen. I wasn't surprised when she tugged my tail.
”Your grand cause is faltering.”
”That doesn’t even make sense!” I yanked my tail free of her grasp and scooted away from her on the bench seat, but she just unbuckled and moved to the middle.
”Ellen‽ What are you doing?”
“Tormenting you. What else?”
”Addie~” I whined. “Ellen isn’t wearing her seat belt!”
”That’s fine.” Addie shrugged. “The law only requires seatbelts for front seat passengers and baby seats.”
”See?” Ellen slipped her arms around me. “It’s okay~”
”It’s not.” I tried to push her arms off of me.
”If she says it’s not, then it’s not.” Addie leaned to look at us in the rear view mirror and the car slowed slightly.
”Fiiiiine.” Ellen grumbled and put on the seatbelt for the middle seat. “Better?”
”Not what I was talking about, but yes.” I crossed my arms. “You’re a butt.”
”Nyah~” she stuck her tongue out at me, but at least she was keeping her arms to herself for the moment.
”I might have to raise my rates if you two are going to bicker for the entire ride.” Addie warned, but she didn’t sound entirely serious.
”You’re an expensive date…” Ellen grumbled.
“Oh, I can be so much worse. Can we stop for ice cream?” I caught Addie’s eye in the mirror as Ellen groaned.
“If you want to come along on the grocery adventure then we could find some, but Ellen seems to be in a bit of a hurry.”
“That's because I am.” Ellen rubbed her eyes. “The movie I want to catch starts in thirty minutes.”
“But there’s previews we can miss, right?”
“Maddieeeeee.” Ellen whined “I swear if the casino doesn't have the exact ice cream you want I'll have it fucking delivered but please don't miss the beginning for this.”
“Fiiiine~”
Addie chuckled and shook her head. “We’ll be there in ten minutes or so, so that will give you a moment to check in before finding a seat. What’s showing anyway?”
“The Rocky Horror Picture Show” Ellen checked her phone. “You know about it?”
“It rings a bell… did it come out a few years back?”
“Sure, if the 1970s are what you’d call recent.”
“Oh. Damn. That's multiple decades before either of our times.”
“Yeah. Still, it's a little bit of queer history and I want to make sure Maddie sees it before finding the discourse over it.”
“Oh no… there’s drama?” I spoke up.
“So much. Every year someone makes an article seeking engagement by pointing out how badly it's aged.”
“It's aged badly?” My trepidation was only growing.
“It’s not that bad~” Ellen insisted. “Some of the terms used are considered slurs now, but as far as I remember they are only used to self-identify… just give it a chance, I beg you.”
“I’ll… try to keep an open mind. Why is the hotel showing it?”
“It’s got a weird vibe that suits the holiday I suppose. It's not even as much of a Halloween movie as die hard is a Christmas movie—“
“Wait, wait. Die hard is a Christmas movie?”
“It takes place on Christmas, just trust me on this, If we were born half a century earlier, this would be our jam. It's queer as hell, funky, and I just want you to see it before someone tells you its harmful trans representation or something.”
“I see…”
“Its also got some killer lines that I guarantee you’re going to reference some time.”
“Is this going to be like when Deyha had me watch RENT? I still won't forgive them for killing Angel and then having Mimi magically come back to life.”
“That’s a good example actually, did you feel like that was a harmful representation of bisexuals?”
“There were— oh. I mean. Maureen was kinda not a good person but she wasn’t bad because she was bi… I guess?”
“Then this will be fine.”
“I don’t like horror though. Or I guess I don't like thrillers… if there's a difference.”
“Its not scary. It's too absurd to be frightening.”
“Okay, okay.” I looked out the window. The casino we were heading to was already visible, stark and glowing against the skyline where it towered over all its neighbors. “Why are we doing this?”
“To get your mind off the farm. Honestly, the fact that you have to ask is a solid indicator that it’s already working.”
I rolled my eyes and slouched in the seat. “Fair enough.”
I didn't expect to feel quite so at home in the casino. Part of what had kept me away was the assumption of cigarette smoke and noise, but stepping through the giant automatic doors I found neither.
For starters, It was quiet. There weren't any buzzers or clanging clashes of people winning grand prizes on slot machines, and it was easy to attribute the sound dampening to the overall soft and plush appearance of the lobby. Every rule about making public spaces easy to sanitize and maintain seemed to be questioned, from the slightly higher pile carpet to the fluffy cushions on the various seats lining the card tables.
A part of me recoiled in terror that a den of gambling could be made so inviting and specifically welcoming to me, but I was lucky to have never taken up card games— real card games that is.
"I kinda expected it to be louder." I turned in place to take in the decor.
"Other floors are, but the ground floor is quiet and a non-smoking zone. Makes a good first impression as I'm sure you can imagine."
"How do you know that?"
"I've been here, of course." Ellen shrugged. "I uh… didn't go straight home when I visited the farm the first time."
“Oh my god~” I groaned. “Why did you come here?”
“I felt like it.” Ellen shrugged. “Besides, you’re benefiting from it now.”
She strode up to the counter and struck up conversation with the receptionist, talking animatedly and no doubt laying out or even playing up plans to indicate how much money we hoped to spend here. Unfortunately, I was starting to think the hotel room wouldn’t be the most expensive part of this adventure.
“Thank you!” Ellen patted the counter before returning to my side.
“You already found a room?”
“Yep. Let's go to the theater.”
“Where are the keys?”
Ellen held up her phone. “Digital, I've already sent you yours— oh…”
“Yeah.” I narrowed my eyes.
“I’ll… go get a physical key.” Ellen skipped back toward the counter as I wandered toward the slot machines. Though, nothing of the original premise remained. They were just giant vertical screens with a couple buttons and a card reader, surprisingly though, they took cash as well.
“Okay…” I eased myself onto the stool of one of the empty machines and looked around for instructions. Apparently this one already had a jackpot built up to $534, and the each play could cost anywhere from ten cents to a dollar based on how high you wanted the prize multiplier. I saw no obvious incentive to choose one over the other, but I also knew I had maybe a minute before Ellen caught up to me.
I fed a twenty into the machine and hit the play button for a dollar. Lights flashed and something approximating a scratch off card revealed symbols one by one until it found a red X. I tapped the button again and the animation played out slightly different, but ended with the same red X. The next four or so plays went the same until one time the lights started flashing a little brighter, more gold, and several of the symbols matched. There wasn’t any loud buzzer so I figured I hadn’t won anything major, but the balance on the bottom corner jumped up to twenty-five dollars.
It reminded me of the gatcha animations from the game I played, and somehow the small win after a few loses felt similar too. I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about it. Ellen was approaching though so I hit the cash-out button and it spit out a receipt instead of cash.
“Having fun?” Ellen teased as I hopped down.
“Sure. Did you get a key?”
“Yep.” She handed me a key-card. “You can probably put your machine balance on that too.”
I squinted at Ellen. “Does it charge the room to play?”
“No, no. And there’s no auto-refill that’s going to drain my bank either. It just saves them the paper.” She gestured at my little ticket. “We can investigate that after the movie though.”
“I’m not sure I appreciate how streamlined the process is…” I peered at the other screens as we passed. The cabinets were decorated slightly differently, but there was next to no variation in the screen and button format.
“Keep that skepticism, It will serve you well.”
“You mock me.” I grumbled.
“Not at all. I just don’t want to stop you from having a good time. But you are an easy mark so I want to make sure this excursion can be enjoyable without haunting you or giving you a false impression of your odds.”
“Winning money feels wrong somehow… I can’t place why though.”
“Not sure I can do anything to help that.” Ellen led me into an elevator and hit the button with a theater mask on it.
“Do they do plays here as well?”
“Hmm? Yeah I think so. And magic shows, naturally.”
“That could be a good reason to come back.”
“Big on magic?”
“Stage productions, silly. Though I get something out of magic tricks I suppose, it's just that I've watched so many done and I have too good of a grasp on optics and magnets to be fooled by most of it.”
“Sure, and now that you know magic is real you’ll just assume anything you can’t understand is runes.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me about runes.” I followed Ellen out of the elevator to a relatively small lounge area. It was strange because on one hand it was immediately obvious that we were among the youngest of this crowd, but we were also in really good company in terms of style.
Everyone had a costume, and most had a prop too. I could tell most of them had particular characters in mind, but I didn’t have the first clue who the characters could be. I was suddenly wondering if this film was enough of a cult classic to have an entire crowd dress up as characters from it for a showing.
A few people turned to glance at us as I followed Ellen toward the theater doors, and I saw at least one person do a genuine double-take. Unfortunately, Ellen happened to blend into this crowd a little better than I did.
“Here for the show?” A taller gentle-person leaned in the doorway. I hesitated to attribute gender because on one hand there was a pretty easy read for a drag queen aesthetic, but many details weren’t remotely fem. The corset, shiny booty shorts, garter belt, stockings, and heels were all straight out of a burlesque show, but the makeup— while mostly white— was contoured to emphasize masculine features despite the blood-red lipstick.
“Rocky horror right?” Ellen slung her arm over my shoulder.
“That’s right.” Their tone turned to a nearly sultry smooth timbre. “You kids know what you’re getting into, right?”
“She does.” I nodded toward Ellen. “I’m going in blind.”
“Bold~” their eyes flicked between the two of us. “Very bold. I look forward to hearing what you think.” They stepped further to the side to let us pass before raising their voice to address the room. “I’m hitting play in five minutes so you gorgeous folks better have asses in seats pronto.” They dropped their voice again. “This crowd has all seen the movie a hundred times, so please bear with them as they sing along. Do you need a caption device? I’m happy to provide descriptive commentary if you have any vision impairments.”
“Haha,” Ellen chuckled. “That’s very kind. I think subtitles are always welcome if it's no trouble, but we can see fine.”
“Good, good.” They led the way down the side aisle of the theater.
I chuckled as they over-exaggerated the sway of their hips. Finally, it occurred to me that I could just ask what their pronouns were rather than doing mental gymnastics.
“Excuse me, what are your pronouns?”
It took another couple steps before they realized I was talking to them, and they turned in place. I imagined they would flick their hair if it was long enough.
“The character? Or me? Though I suppose you might not know who I’m dressed as…” the sultry tone was gone but they still spoke kindly.
“Allow me to introduce you~” Ellen spoke up. “Dr. Frankenfurter here is a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania.” She turned to the good doctor. “And my companion here is a cow.”
“I… see.” I squinted as Ellen.
“Just a cow?” The sultry tone was back. “Well, to answer your question, I use all pronouns, and the character I’m dressed as… well, I think it's more fun if they use all pronouns too, so I'll just decide that is cannon real quick.”
“Cool. And I wouldn’t say just a cow.” I shot another look at Ellen before turning back to the good doctor. “But I’m also not really doing a Halloween costume so I’m basically dressed as myself.”
Doctor Frankenfurter raised their eyebrows. “That’s cool. Real cool. Here, this is the best seat in the theater by my flawless judgement. You’ll likely be the only first time viewer in the theater, so I see no reason to make it anything less than perfect.”
“Is everyone dressed as characters from the show?”
“Moooostly? But honestly, you wouldn’t stand out on set, and you still fit right in here.” Ellen sat down and patted her lap, but I sat next to her instead.
“I agree,” the doctor spoke up. “I mean, your prosthetics and makeup are a little out of scope for the time, but—“
“It's not makeup. We’re gene modders.” Ellen interrupted and I simply closed my eyes. I didn't even feel up to glaring at her at this point.
When I opened my eyes I could see that Ellen was pulling her collar down to show the patch of fur she had grown. It shouldn’t have surprised me that she would leap at the opportunity to show off.
The person I could only assume was the host of this event took a while to speak again, and I tried not to feel uncomfortable at the renewed scrutiny on my animal characteristics. “Well, if that's the case, the only real surprise is that you haven't seen this before.”
“Call it a woeful failing of my queer upbringing.” I muttered.
“Well, I’m honored to assist. Do you kids want any popcorn while I’m up?”
I shook my head and Ellen politely declined. I waited until they were out of earshot to grumble. “I’m not sure how much I like being called a ‘kid’.”
“Right? Kids are baby goats, you’re obviously a baby cow.—ow~” she exaggerated offense as I elbowed her. “In their defense you haven't exactly aged in the normal direction for someone your age… but also we are practically babies here.”
“Fine. Fine…” I folded my arms. “Where’s my cookie butter ice cream anyways?”
“Cookie butter‽ You’re shitting me.”
“Its not that obscure.”
Ellen groaned. “Would you be satisfied with cookie dough? That at least has a chance of existing here.”
“I actually want mint chocolate chip, but I wanted to inflict psychological damage first.”
“Evil malicious little cow.” Ellen grumbled as she stood.
“Wait, don’t actually go!”
“Nope, you stay put, I’m going to go get your promised ice cream that you so foolishly requested.”
“Elleennnnn~” I caught a hold of her shirt as she stood
“You’re safe here.” Ellen shook off my grip. “Just be good and I’ll be back with your treat.”
“Be good she says.” I grumbled as I slouched in my theater seat.
After a moment, the host came and sat next to me.
“Im just holding your companion’s seat while she's off on her mission.” The sultry and oddly emphasized speech pattern was back in full force.
“Thanks…” I wished I could be a bad millennial and engross myself in my phone to rudely excuse myself from social interaction, but I had to hope it was for the best that I couldn’t. “Is there anything I should know going in? Ellen warned me that it hasn’t aged gracefully but that I shouldn’t necessarily be offended either.”
“Hmm… yeah, I suppose the youth do get offended easily…” they winked at me and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m not that young.”
“Sure, sure, I don't know how a gene modder would manage to classify your mods as ‘medically necessary’ as an exception to the age cutoff, so I’d assume you’re in your early thirties at least. Still, youth is a state of mind and there aren't any adults here tonight.”
“Well… if you’re calling everyone a kid then I suppose it's alright.”
“Then that acceptance is all you need.”
“I was told there are some slurs.”
They raised an eyebrow at this. “Slurs? It’s shockingly progressive for its time. I think people would have to really stretch to call anything in the movie racist.”
“The transsexual and transvestite bits.” I clarified. “I mean, Ellen said that like she was quoting the show, but she also really doesn’t want me to take offense… to be fair, I’ve never heard anyone call me a transvestite, so I don’t know that it would manage to offend me even if someone did intend it that way.”
“Ah~” They nodded. “Well, being a ‘sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania’ isn’t expressed as a bad thing, I’d say. Should I infer that you are trans then? May I ask your pronouns in turn?”
“She/her, thanks. And yes that was the first thing I modded.”
“Groovy.” Their tone momentarily slipped. “In that case… Well, I know that the actors and directors didn’t put on this whole show to demonize trans women. It might not feel exactly like reclaiming terms and positive representation, but… I guess that’s all I can say.”
“I’ll keep an open mind. If nothing else, the fact that you’re so welcoming as a fan of the movie is a pretty nice green flag.”
“Oh thank you. I do try~” They turned in place and drummed their nails on the armrests. “Your companion said she’s seen it right? Do you think she’d mind if I started the movie?”
I shrugged. “She wouldn’t want to hold anyone up, and she was mostly concerned about me seeing it anyway.”
“Mmm, good, good. It's a credits-first situation anyway but there's exposition in the background. Let me just go get things going.”
They were up and strutting their way back up the aisle in a moment, only pausing to give a quick hug to another costumed movie-goer before heading up to the operating booth.
"All right babies,” their voice came through a little louder over the theater speakers. “I want to see those booties in seats!— At least until the time warp of course, you simply can’t sit through that. We have a few first time viewers in the audience so there will be a zero tolerance policy on calling out spoilers, my paddle is ready and you best believe it has speed holes!” There were a few excited calls, and I think I heard someone reply “promise?” But the host continued unperturbed. “Also, don’t make a mess, I don't have to tell you that we are weirdo’s of the highest repute so we will be leaving this theater cleaner than we found it so help me Rocky.”
A man in a golden speedo stood up and flexed, much to the amusement of the crowd.
“Yes, yes, thank you, dear. Now, without further ado, The Rocky Horror Picture Show!”
The lights dimmed and the screen lit up with what was very obviously a DVD menu. There was a brief moment as they navigated settings to turn on subtitles, and then the screen went dark as the feature began.
I struggled to keep my expectations high as the admittedly interesting credits opened onto a black and white wedding, where the two straightest people I’d ever seen sang about getting married next, being so in love, and being vain about diamond rings. It felt like forever before the young couple got a flat tire and were stranded in the dark forest in the pouring rain.
“Oh, good. I made it back in time.” Ellen slid into the seat next to me, and handed me a little cup of ice cream.
“I didn’t mean for you to miss the opening… but also what the fuck? A black and white straight romance?”
“Oh, I assure you it is exactly none of those things.” Ellen lifted up the arm rest between us and scooted closer, “remember the costumes people are wearing~”
“I guess I recognize Brad and Janet…”
“I feel like you’re fucking with me…” Ellen mumbled as the doorman launched into song, and the style took a sharp turn to glam rock as he sang about remembering the time warp. “Anyways, here it comes.” She whispered as she sat forward in her seat.
Looking around the theater I could see many other folks were leaning forward in anticipation, and sure enough my first assumption was obliterated by the sudden switch to full color.
“Oh my god you’re all insane…” I muttered as more than half the theater jumped up to dance along— stepping, jumping, and pelvic thrusting along to the time loop.
Ellen tried to pull me up to dance with her, but I remained resolutely in my seat with my ice cream.
I had to admit, the cast was surprisingly diverse, and something about the way Tim Curry put his whole heart into acting made it feel like his character had nothing to do with me while also being a sort of love letter to the weird people. He was basically playing a crossdressing alien.
I was surprised to see the tiniest nod to Frankenstein as well, but rather than making a creature that struck terror into any who saw it, he made an Adonis out of rainbow juice. And then immediately perved on him. A lot.
“I don’t think Brad and Janet are going to make it out of this straight.” I whispered to Ellen and she chuckled.
“Like spaghetti in boiling water… any other predictions?”
“Hes probably gonna feed them that biker guy Hannibal style.” I doubted my own prediction as Dr. Frankenfurter carved what was pretty plainly white meat, but Ellen nodded.
“Impressive.” She glanced at me.
“An orgy seems like a forgone conclusion too— and I guess besides that… I dunno. Maybe Rocky accidentally kills Janet and she gets rainbow juiced into a super sexy idiot as well.”
Ellen shrugged. “We’ll see.”
The rest of my predictions were pretty hit and miss, and by the end I was feeling like I could relate to Brad and Janet in the ‘well that just happened’ sense, because the people behind us fucking loved the movie. They knew all the songs by heart and cheered as the story took one absurd turn after another.
I began stifling yawns as the movie reached its climax and I shielded my eyes as the house lights came back up at the end.
“Well, what do you think?”
“I’m tired.” I whined. “Don’t make me do brain stuff.”
“Okay, okay, let’s get you to bed.” Ellen flitted about, collecting trash and discarded popcorn that wasn’t even ours before adding her contribution to the trash sack and leading me to the elevator. I vaguely remembered the kindly host asking what I thought, but I couldn’t remember answering.
The movie hadn’t even felt that long, but it had capped off a harrowing day that had gone on far too long, so when we made it to the hotel room I wasted no time flopping on the bed and grumpily hoarding pillows.
Ellen for her part was patient with my antics, turning down the thermostat and coaxing a pillow out of my reach to let me snuggle up to her instead.
Between the fan noise, and gentle back scratch, I slipped into sleep easily.