Tradition
With a bit of fiddling I managed to connect my headset to my phone. I knew that realistically my laptop was better suited for this task, but I felt like I'd already sprawled too much in the clinic with my suitcase and blanket. I'd unpack a few more things once I'd figured out my living situation. Probably.
My friends Ellen and Max were trying out the latest hero shooter based on comic book characters, and Ellen was currently sharing her screen.
I dropped in and opened up Ellen's stream.
"Oh, hey Maddie. How are you feeling?"
"Better, I'm able to tune out the pain now for the most part."
"Pain?" Max spoke up. "What happened?"
Before I could come up with an answer Ellen spoke up. "She got hit by the isekai truck. Broke every bone in her body."
"Very funny." I turned my phone sideways and enlarged the stream. "I didn't break any bones and the truck was very polite about the whole ordeal."
Max took to Ellen's humor as fast as always. "So you aren't living the millennial dream of being hit by a truck and getting a million dollars in the lawsuit?"
"No. I'm not. Despite the difficulties I am very happy to be here."
"So you did end up moving?" It was hard to place Ellen's tone. I hadn't really spoken to anyone since I explained the whole modding situation to her and while I was sure she wouldn't go and gossip she was certainly stirring up intrigue.
"Yeah. I haven't unpacked though so most of my things are still in boxes. Once I'm out of the clinic I'll get a better sense of the damage."
"Wait, so you did get hit by a truck?" Max's confusion was immensely entertaining to Ellen.
"No. No literal truck collisions, just a bit of a gene modding misadventure."
"Tell Max where you moved to." Ellen's tone held undisguised mirth.
I sighed, letting my breath blow out the mic for a moment as Ellen cackled.
"I'd rather not, thanks."
Ellen's character ragdolled as some brightly colored vigilante swooped in and beat the crap out of her. I chose to believe it was karma for her meddling.
"That's okay." Max said. "And I'm glad you're okay. What happened with the gene modding?"
"I just rushed into some gender affirming mods and ended up getting hit by the figurative puberty truck pretty hard. Nothing life threatening but exceptionally painful. I'm relocating closer to the clinic for a new job so the doctor and I agreed that I'd save time by just bringing all my belongings with me for a bit of an inpatient stay, just to keep an eye on things and save a trip after."
"So you're modding… for a job?"
Max's curiosity was innocent, but Ellen's continued delight certainly wasn't.
I rubbed my eyes with my free hand. I was starting to regret joining the voice channel. "Yeah, the job I'm starting soon has some physical requirements that I need to mod for, and my new bosses offered to do my gender affirming stuff for free as a sort of signing bonus I guess."
"What kind of job requires mods?" Max's deepening confusion was only sending Ellen further into hysterics. "And why is Ellen about to hyperventilate about it?"
"You might as well tell him." Ellen gasped as she caught her breath. "You're gonna have to rip the bandaid off eventually."
"I disagree." I replied coolly. "Some mystery will do you both good."
"Ellen? What do you know that I don't?"
"I'm not at liberty to divulge Maddie's secrets or tease her about her life choices."
"And yet--" I deadpanned "--you push your luck all the same."
"Hey Max," Ellen seemed to ignore me. "You should take some guesses at what Maddie's new job is going to be."
I groaned. The situation was so completely out of any semblance of my control, and yet I was at a loss on how to salvage any of it.
"Well… from what I know of trans girls… An awful lot of you go for the cat girl aesthetic so it could be a cat girl themed maid cafe? Or something? I can't think of anything Fallout: New Vegas or Ikea shark themed that would include gene mods."
I groaned as Ellen's laughing began cutting out of her mic. Her character was standing still and some wizard character got a free kill on her as her mic activity flashed erratically.
"Christ." I grumbled. "Fucking fine. I got a job on a dairy farm."
"What do you need mods for on a farm?"
I sighed. "I got a job as a cow on a dairy farm."
Ellen's character respawned, but her stream seemed to be forgotten as she continued to cut in and out with her cackling.
"Oh…" Max seemed to be utterly lost now. "Uh… good for you? I think? I didn't think people were just full on animorphing with gene mods."
"I'm not turning fully into a cow, dummy. I'm going to be producing cow's milk. As like, a vegan alternative. The farm is a luxury dairy source for folks who want to be ethical about where their food comes from."
"What I want to know--" Ellen seemed to have regained some of her faculties at last, "--is why you are so familiar with trans girl memes such as games, plushies, and aesthetics, Max."
"Oh, come on, you know as well as I do that it's all over social media. You can't watch a single video about Fallout without seeing a trans pride profile border at the top of the comment section and all the coolest streamers are trans girls so naturally I've heard all about IKEA sharks and programming socks."
"Ah yes." I mumbled. "Those universally known tropes that everyone runs into."
"Why the sarcasm? What are you two trying to imply here?"
Ellen seemed to get a grasp on her breathing at last. "All we are saying, Max, is that it's totally okay if you're a girl."
"Wow." Max's tone took on an exasperated sarcastic tone. "God forbid I know anything about girls as a Cis man. Are you guys going to go post about me in egg-IRL now?"
I really wanted to tell him how much that hurt his case, but I knew better than to push too hard in these situations. Our job was merely to be a safe space, not to drag Max into it kicking and screaming.
Ellen spoke before I could come up with a reply. "No, Max. We aren't going to gossip about you for imaginary Internet points. Maddie and I may joke a bit but we aren't trying to indoctrinate you into our glorious way of life."
"Why do I not believe you?" Max grumbled,
"It's a mystery. Ellen and I are very reliable and trustworthy in all things."
"Ellen may be a pretty straight shooter but the cow stuff came out of left field. I have to wonder what else we don't know about you." Max seemed to forget his frustration as the topic swung back to me.
"The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma."
I struggled to think of what more I could say than that. All the things that I liked about the idea of being a cow were so kinky and visceral that it was hard to explain just how deep I kept stuff like that packed away. If it hadn't been a sex thing then maybe I would have told them about it, but some days I wasn't sure how much of this was me resonating with aesthetics and how much of it was horny brain rot from reading and rereading hentai of boys being turned into milking cows.
Hell, transitioning had been such a fucking long process because I was convinced for years it was purely a sex thing.
Still, as much as I hated continuing this conversation, I couldn't bear to have them thinking I was secretly an entirely different person than they knew me to be.
"In her defense," Ellen spoke up. "We don't generally talk about kinks and sex stuff, so it's not all that weird for Maddie to have been keeping her breeding and lactation kinks to herself."
"I really don't feel defended." I took some small comfort in the fact that they weren't laughing at me, but it wasn't very comfortable just being casually seen like this.
"Isn't gene modding a pretty serious procedure to do just for some kinks?" Max at least didn't sound like he was playfully eviscerating me.
"It's not just a kink thing." My heart hammered in my chest, but I did my best to push past fears. These were my friends, if I couldn't trust them, then who else was there? "I can't really put into words how or why it's not just a sex thing… but I don't know. It's kinda like the gender stuff, It's hard to articulate how wanting to be a girl was never a fetish, and I think it's kinda the same how the desire to uh…" I trailed off. There was no pure and innocent way to put this.
"Desire to what? I think your mic cut out." Ellen sounded irritatingly coy.
"You know damn well it didn't."
"Come on Maddie, don't hold us in suspense. You're safe here!" Somehow, she managed to seem warm and evil at the same time.
"Fucking fine. I swear you guys better not make me regret telling you this stuff…" I took a moment to steady my breathing. It was hard enough already to admit these things to myself, saying them out loud was so much worse. "I just have a deep-seated desire to be property. I want to be smaller, less of a person and more of a pet. The complexities of being an adult drain me and I just want the simplicity of having a singular purpose for someone else, at least as a part-time gig… and maybe I'm lazy but I long for the idea of my only real job being to exist. All the hustle and struggle to climb the corporate ladder just doesn't make sense to me and I want to thrive in the simple loop of making my life about a little bubble where I pursue simple joys like companionship and contentedness rather than the gross excess that seems to be the unspoken norm."
"I don't want to shame you, but that sounds a bit trad-wife…" Max said.
Anger burned through me. "Fuck you. Then don't shame me. Besides, I'm saying I want these things, I'm not saying that all women should be fucking housewives, homemakers and baby factories." I wanted to throw a tantrum. I wanted to drop out of the call and give them the silent treatment for betraying my trust, but I knew I had to give them a chance.
"Whoa, Max. Not cool." Ellen cut in.
"I said I don't want to shame her!"
I tapped the mute button as tears filled my eyes. Ellen coming to my defense was nice, but it still made me feel sick to have them fighting over me now.
"That doesn't magically make the association not hurtful, you have to know that."
"Maddie?"
The voice had come from outside my headset, and terror gripped me as I tugged the headband off. Deyha had approached my bed behind me, and she was looking unbearably concerned.
"H-hi, Deyha."
"Is everything alright?"
I nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine. I was just uh-- joking around with some friends." The lie seemed feeble and I knew I only damaged my credibility further by wiping my eyes. "How much did you hear?"
"I'm sorry, I promise I didn't mean to eavesdrop--"
I turned away and buried my face in the pillow. Fucking perfect. Excellent. I felt sick like I was going to throw up, but the way my throat tightened choked me instead. I flinched as I felt a hand on my head. The touch stung, poisoned by the pity in her tone.
"Hey, hey, it's okay Maddie. You're safe here."
I wanted to tell her I'd heard that before, but words were beyond me now. I was quickly becoming dizzy and I shuddered as I tried to breathe again. As I feared though, I only managed to make a choked gasp. I'd lost the battle for composure already and now I was losing so much more in my struggle to recover.
"I want to give you space, but I feel like it would be irresponsible to leave you alone right now."
I shook my head, and the way her hand tousled my hair was pleasant. I couldn't figure out what had flipped the switch from bad to good touch. I managed a relatively normal breath and let my head sink into the pillow. I could just make out someone on the call saying my name, so I tapped out a quick message explaining that someone had walked in before deaf-muting and putting my phone down.
After a few more seconds I was breathing fairly evenly again and when she took her hand back I rolled back over to face her.
"I guess I should explain…"
"You don't have to, and I didn't mean to interrupt your call but I thought you might be having a nightmare or something."
I laughed, it seemed like an absurd assumption to make. "You think I talk in my sleep?"
"Carolyn said you do."
"Ah." I pulled my blanket up over my shoulders and turned to lay fully on my side facing her. "I guess I hoped I'd grown out of it… How much did you hear?"
"Uhhh, I think you were talking about not liking corporate stuff, and then you seemed upset about traditional gender roles."
I searched her expression, but I didn't have the first clue if she was holding back anything. In isolation, it likely only implied that I was interested in some traditional gender stuff, which wasn't terribly off base.
"And in that regard I'm more than happy to try and find stuff that you really want to do on the farm. There aren't any kids around that would need looking after yet, but If home-making interests you--"
"I uh… sorry, I think I gave the wrong idea, that's… not the part of it that was--" I lost steam on the argument. I really didn't feel like getting into this with Deyha, regardless of her good intentions.
"No, no, I'm sorry! I don't want to assume, I'll just-- I'll try to forget I heard anything. I won't treat you differently, I just want to do my best to make sure everyone is comfortable here."
"Thanks, Deyha. I appreciate that."
I wanted to believe her, but I was just as certain that there are things you can't un-learn about someone. I almost wished that she wasn't so supportive of my privacy, just so that I could be forced to clarify some things without having to be the one oversharing and weirding things out.
We lapsed into silence as I fiddled with the hem of the blanket. "Was there something you needed?"
"Oh, right. I just noticed that you've been pretty cooped up here and I wanted to invite you to come have dinner in the barn."
"Do people like to get together at meal times here?"
Deyha's cheeks reddened slightly, "Ah, no. I just meant-- I mean there might be other people there, but it was just going to be me."
It was cute how she was unsure all over again, I figured she was just concerned about accidentally giving me the wrong idea-- implying that it was a date when she was just being friendly. And besides, she was right that I'd been cooped up.
"Okay, is it fine if I just wear my pajamas?"
"Totally, I'm just going to be wearing this--" she gestured down and I realized that she wasn't wearing pants, and an empty tool belt was functioning as a sort of loin cloth. "I can put on some pants if you want, I just usually avoid constricting garments over the fur."
"You're fine, I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable. Give me just a second to say goodbye to my friends and then we can head out."
"Sure, sure."
I pulled my headset on and undeafened myself. Luckily, neither Ellen or Max had left the call.
"Hi, sorry guys, I'm actually going to go grab dinner real quick but I'll probably be back after if you are around."
"I-- Alright…" Max sounded wretched. "Maddie, I'm really sorry. I didn't intend to be mean."
"It's okay, don't worry about it. Like you said, you weren't trying to shame me, it was just an unfortunate association."
"You aren't mad at me?"
I rolled my eyes. I couldn't blame him for not realizing how asking that would put me in an uncomfortable spot all over again. "Max, we're friends. We're going to be okay. We can talk more after I've had dinner."
I wondered if he was going to point out how I'd dodged the question, but Ellen spoke up next.
"Have a good dinner, Maddie, we'll see you when you get back."
I hummed an acknowledgement and dropped out of the voice channel before Max could continue. With any luck he'd sort it out with Ellen or at the very least not stew and obsess over anything while I was gone.
I took a deep breath and sighed heavily as I turned back to Deyha and pulled the sheet to the side. "Sorry about that, one of my friends got a little weirded out when I told them about the mods I'm going to do."
"Ah, yeah I forget sometimes that the lactation thing can be weird to people."
"True." I shrugged. "Though I think he misunderstood how far I'm going with the cow aspects. He genuinely seemed to think I was turning into a literal cow."
"What, like we'd have you on all fours and going out into the pasture? I guess it wouldn't be the first time someone assumed that-- though if you wanted to I'm sure we could arrange--"
I laughed as Deyha backpedaled. "Oh Deyha, You're a riot. No, I'm just going to do normal cow-girl stuff."
"But there's no such thing as a normal cowgirl?" It was cute how confused Deyha was by this.
I stood up and stretched before reaching back to collect my phone and slip it into my pocket. "Well, I suppose 'normal' isn't the best word, but I'll have the obligatory ears, horns, tail and such."
Deyha's confusion crossed into worry. "Obligatory? Did Carolyn tell you that?"
"No, goodness no, she actually coached me pretty explicitly to be more assertive about that sort of thing, but what kind of cowgirl doesn't have the cute little hooves, horns, and ears?"
"Most of them?" Deyha tilted her head to the side. "I'm the only person on this entire farm with hooves."
"Well I am going to have the cute little hooves, horns, and ears then."
"Because you want to?"
I hesitated. It was so much easier to accept them when Carolyn was making the choices for me, but I had the feeling that Deyha had the authority to put a stop to it if she sensed any funny business. "Yes?"
"Why don't you sound sure?"
I squinted up at her. I felt like she was fucking with me, goading me to admit my kinks like Carolyn, Ellen, and Max had.
"You're not going to let this go, are you?"
"No, Maddie. This is serious."
I groaned. "It's fine, Deyha. I genuinely want the mod pack Carolyn is working on for me."
"And what mod pack is she working on?"
Now I could see the ghost of a smile on her lips. "Damn it Deyha."
"Ah ah ah, You have to tell me what they are or I'm going to put a stop to this."
"Ugh. Fine. The plan is to do strawberry blonde fur, legs and hooves like yours, a tail, ears, horns, and a very subtle lift on my nose."
"Sounds pretty damn cute."
I felt my cheeks flush. "Yeah… well… we'll see I guess."
It was a full two agonizing days before Carolyn was completely ready with the serum and in the meantime my body continued to fill out. My hips had widened enough that my shoulders didn't feel so grossly broad in comparison and my breasts were real handfuls now. A bit tender but so very real. My old testicles were officially missing in action and the remaining anatomy was becoming positively vestigial. Boners were a thing of the past and I didn't miss them in the slightest.
I didn't even ejaculate anymore so much as I leaked. And lately I leaked a lot.
Carolyn had flipped back from cool to warm again, regularly visiting just to pet my head and rile me up. Initially I had taken cold showers but recently I relished the wet feeling. Sure, my anatomy was at a half-way point and the leaking lubricant for sex was a bit pointless, but it felt more correct than a boner ever had.
Carolyn held my chin as I drank the latest serum, brushing her thumb across my lips when I finished before taking the flask.
"How do you feel, babygirl?"
"Warm."
"That's good." She tapped on her keyboard for a minute as I built up my courage
"Carolyn?"
"Mhmm?"
"Am I really going to be fertile?"
She pursed her lips and stared off into the distance for a minute. "Technically, no. But you will be fully capable of childbearing."
"That… seems slightly pointless."
"I disagree. You won't have any eggs of your own but you could absolutely do in vitro. To me, that means all the fun of messy creampies without the risk of unplanned pregnancy."
My imagination ran before I could reign it in and I felt my body get excited immediately. I flushed hot, hugging the sensation in my stomach as it pooled between my thighs.
Carolyn wheeled over. "We should do a checkup."
"Right now?"
"Is there any reason we shouldn't?" The predatory gleam was out in full force.
"Uh. I could use a shower?"
"Perfect, then you won't have to get dressed after." Carolyn began unlacing her shoes, pulling them and her socks off before moving to lock the door and draw the curtains.
My head spun trying to come up with an innocent reason she would want her shoes off for this, but I was coming up blank.
A moment later she was very close again.
"Hop on up, we should do this on the bed." She took my hand and guided me up out of the chair.
"What are we checking up on?"
"Mmmm breast development, sensitivity… general health stuff."
"Why does it sound like a euphemism?"
"Ooooh well spotted." She tapped my nose. "That is because I am in fact making overtures that this is not a medical exam and I want to touch you for our mutual enjoyment."
She tugged at the hem of my tshirt and I lifted my arms automatically.
"Why are you like this?" I laughed as soft hands caressed my sides.
"Because, my dear Maddie, you are the worst at saying no and I take sick pleasure in ruining your rape fantasy." She took off her white coat. "Now. Please disrobe to your comfort level."
"You can't say things like that in this context."
"Why not? Is your poor brain going to start ringing the horny bell on the most inconvenient things?"
"It's going to be so embarrassing!" My argument lost steam as she casually unbuttoned her overshirt, revealing gleaming scales and a silky undershirt.
"Is that your comfort level?" She tilted her head to the side, flicking her gaze deliberately between my chest and my face. She dropped the button-up on top of her coat and turned back to me.
"Not really, no."
My comfort level was getting dressed and going back to teasing and flirting. But rather than doing that, I pulled my bra over my head.
"Nice." She pulled off her undershirt, leaving both of us topless. "Anything else you plan on removing?"
I hooked my thumbs on the inside of my sweatpants and she mirrored the action on her own slacks. On one hand, my panties were an absolute mess, and I wasn't sure what I would do if that put her off, but on the other, the prospect of seeing more of her was thrilling. I entertained the idea that maybe I was wearing more layers than her and I would end up seeing everything without having to completely undress, but It felt beyond selfish to hope for that.
My heart screamed for more and I decided to listen to it.
My pants pooled pleasantly at my feet and I used all my willpower to avoid covering myself as I stepped out and nudged them to the side.
Meanwhile, Carolyn undid her belt and her pants joined the rest of her clothes. "Anything else?" she rested her hands on my hips, thumbing the waistband of my panties as I floundered for words.
"Not right now, no."
"Perfect. Lay down, we should check if you are producing milk yet."
"I guarantee I am not."
"I'll be the judge of that, thank you."
Carolyn had done a sort of breast cancer screening in the past but this bore little resemblance to that. She kneaded and squeezed, often tightening her grip until I arched my back. My breath was coming in gasps now and I was feeling lightheaded.
"Are you hyperventilating?"
"A little."
"Oh, I cannot wait to milk you. The way you writhe is delightful." She eased her grip and I settled back into the bed.
I was still deciding whether I needed to relax my breathing or shoulders first when she bent forward and began to suck.
"Ah~" I gasped, arching into her again as she sucked harder.
My strength failed me. I cried out in ecstasy and my moans sounded girly. Exactly as cute and helpless as I imagined. I sounded like I felt. An object of lust and desire.
I wished I was gushing milk, being greedily sucked dry with no regard to who could hear or what someone would think.
I curled in on myself as one of her hands began to trail downward, she teased her fingers under the band.
"No, wait." I caught her hand, holding it to my stomach
She released me with a wet pop "Mhmm?"
"I don't- not yet, sorry."
"It's okay," she whispered, taking her hand and weaving our fingers together. "Is it a texture issue?"
"What? No, your skin is amazing. It's just I'm not quite right yet."
"Hmmm, soon then. What about–" she dragged my hand down, guiding my fingers to rest against the soaked cloth. "–If I conduct my examination over your clothes."
She pressed the back of my fingertips, making a small circular motion on the tip of what was left.
I couldn't figure out any words, so I switched our hands, pressing her fingertips where she had put mine a moment ago.
"Now we're talking." she took her hand away for an instant, and crawled up onto the bed. She propped herself up on her elbow next to me, draping a leg over my thigh before returning her fingers.
I arched my back and she took the opportunity to slip her arm under me. Some instinct kicked in and I pulled her closer, causing her to fall into me.
"Uhf" she grunted and used her un-trapped hand to brush her hair out of her face. A couple strands stuck to her fingertips and she giggled as she shook them off.
"Sorry." I whispered.
"Stop apologizing." she punctuated the command with a gentle bite over my breast, letting her teeth drag as the skin slipped free.
"Sorry." I repeated, and she stopped, slowly and deliberately lifting her face to meet my eye.
"I literally just said–"
"Sorry." I grinned now, and yelped as she bit again, burying her face in my chest over my heart so that my skin wouldn't slip free this time.
I yelped and bucked, successfully throwing her off but she was undeterred. Her leg slipped up between my thighs, pressing hard as she bit again, on my shoulder this time.
"OW! Ow ow ow." I whimpered as she dug her teeth in, sending the pain sensation past erotic to nearly unbearable.
She propped herself up on her elbow again and grabbed my chin. "Say it again."
I shook my head.
"Have you learned your lesson?" I debated my response for a moment and settled for nodding.
"Good." she lowered herself a little closer. "This is your only warning, I don't care who is watching: if you ever go saying sorry for no reason I will bite you."
"What if I actually am sor-" I cut myself off.
She leaned in until our noses touched. "Are you going to finish that sentence?"
"No."
"Really?"
"Really."
She sighed, her lips just barely brushing mine. "I gotta say, I'm a little disappointed. You really got my hopes up." she nudged my nose with hers.
"Ree."
"What?"
"Ree. I said Ree." I laughed as she pulled back.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I finished the sentence."
"You little–" her lips were on mine, pressing me into the pillow with a firm kiss before biting my bottom lip.
She shifted back down, laying a trail of kisses before slipping her hand between us. Her leg held my thighs apart now as she pressed and rubbed, seeming to know exactly how much pressure she could put in without hurting me.
"Imagine what it's going to be like." She whispered "How you're going to gasp and squirm as I delve inside you." She squeezed and pulled at me with the hand she had behind my back.
She rolled her hips into me, putting that little extra bit of pressure into her hand as I cried out.
"Think about how I'm going to fuck you–"
"Fuck!" I echoed as she rolled her hips again. I couldn't help but think of it.
She set up a rhythm, seeming to press harder and impossibly further into me with each thrust, forcing me toward a precipice and and immediately over the edge as I screamed and shuddered.
I clamped down, squeezing her with all my might even as I twitched and writhed with involuntary muscle contractions.
The pressure lightened as she trailed her hand up, returning my embrace as I melted back into the bed.
"It felt real…" I gasped. "I swear I could really feel it. Nothing has ever felt like that before."
"Mhmm" Carolyn hummed. "Hold onto that feeling. Soon we'll see if your imagination is as accurate as it is vivid."
I laughed "Are you saying I imagined all of that just now?"
She giggled. "No, but I expect you will have plenty of ways to remember this." she reached up to cup my cheek, "Whenever I mention an examination, or pat your head, or bite you for saying sorry all the fucking time."
"I'm still not clear on that, is it any apology or just the word 'sorry'?"
She squinted at me and pulled her arm out from under me. She shifted to straddle my hips and laid down again, forcing her hands under my back.
"Hold very still." she said as she dragged her body against mine, breathing against my neck as she forced me to lift my chin, exposing more of my neck to her.
She flexed her hands, digging her nails into my back as she bit, relatively gently, down on my neck. She seemed to experiment with how much pressure to put in, clamping tighter and tighter until I whimpered.
She licked the spot, causing me to wrinkle my nose before pushing herself up to sit on my hips. "Does that answer your question?"
"For the sake of my skin and sanity I think I have to say 'yes'."
"Do you feel punished or rewarded for your behavior?"
"Yes."
She squinted down at me for a moment before sighing and rolling her eyes.
"Brat."
She shifted to lay down beside me and she pulled me half on top of her. Skin to indescribably soft scales. Her heart thundered in my ear and it felt like a lullaby.
It took another minute of dazed bliss before my anxiety returned from break. Things like this were supposed to be reciprocal right? But she hadn't guided me to touch her anywhere in particular. I trailed my hand over her chest, barely hearing the rasp of friction over her heartbeat and she sighed. Her hum of satisfaction was deafening from this close.
"Mmmm!" Carolyn arched her back and stretched before relaxing into the bed. "Exquisite. Do you do back rubs too?"
"Absolutely." I propped myself up on an elbow. And she took the opportunity to roll over.
I rubbed in circles, relishing in how the sensation changed as I dragged my fingers up and down her back.
"Such a shame." Carolyn's voice took on an unfamiliar tone, almost wistful. "Once you're all hooves this won't be nearly as nice."
"What?" I stopped as she propped herself up on her elbows.
Carolyn cackled. "Kidding, kidding. I'm not taking away finger privileges. She nudged my leg with hers. "But you can kiss those toes goodbye. You and Deyha will be twinsies."
"Do you think Deyha will mind?"
"The hooves? It's your body, Madeline."
"Yeah, but…" I trailed off. "She said she was the only person on the farm with them, and for all I know she would like it to stay that way."
Carolyn chuckled and shook her head. "She's not going to gatekeep your body. If anything she would get mad at me for doing anything you didn't want… speaking of, have you given any more thought to what exactly you do want? I know you agreed to the little impromptu list I put together but it really is up to you."
"I… yeah. I want the cow mods."
Carolyn squinted at me, and her lips slowly turned up into a smug grin. "Which ones?"
"Are you really going to do this too? You and Deyha both are killing me here."
"Mmmm then you should be used to it by now." She propped herself up on her elbow and stared down at me until I had to look away.
"Evil." I grumbled.
"I don't know about any 'evil' cow mods, can you elaborate?"
"Augh!" I pressed my palms to my eyes. "I want the cow mods, okay? I want the hooves, fur, ears, and little horns!"
"Do you want to make your face more bovine too? What about udders?" She rubbed my belly, as if feeling out where she would place them.
"No, I mean, I'll do it if I need them to produce milk but--"
"Really?" Carolyn raised an eyebrow. "You would agree to that?"
"I… yeah? Probably? I don't see what's remarkable about that."
Carolyn shrugged. "Well, all the producers so far just use modified human breasts, but if you find you want to lower your center of gravity or increase output we can revisit the concept in the future. Where do you want the fur?"
I buried my face in the pillow. "I was thinking waist down… like Deyha."
"Mhmm.~"
"What do you mean 'mhmm'‽" I sat up again.
"Just that first it's hooves 'like Deyha', and then it's fur 'like Deyha' and I'm just wondering what's next. You know the scorpion tail would be illegal, right?"
"I get that-- and I do want a cow tail." I added. "But I don't think there's much else I was going to copy from her. Like, the cat eyes wouldn't make sense for me--"
"No pangolin scales either?"
"No, I'm really just a cow."
Carolyn's eyes took on a predatory glint.
"What?" I scooted away from her, nearly hanging off the edge of the bed as she drew close.
"So you are a cow."
"I… yes? I figured that would be obvious--"
"Not all the producers here are cows, Maddie. Some just want to make cow's milk. But that's not what you're here for, is it?"
"I… uh…" I tried not to squirm as she pressed her leg between mine again. "I guess not?"
"You guess? You aren't sure?" She put more weight on me, pinning me to the bed and slipping her arm under me to pull me tight.
I avoided her gaze, but she used her other hand to squeeze my chest, causing me to gasp and squirm. I panted as she pressed harder between my legs.
"You're here to be tagged, milked, and bred. Right?"
I only whined in response, arching my back into her as she kneaded my sensitive chest.
"Am I wrong? Or are you going to turn into a blushing little puddle whenever I call you a 'good cow'?"
She released my chest and held my chin, staring into my eyes as I caught my breath.
I couldn't hold eye contact but there wasn't anywhere else to look, so I just closed my eyes as she got comfortable on top of me.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of everything." Carolyn cooed as she brushed my hair off my forehead. "I'll make sure you look just like the cute little cow you've always been."
"Hah." I turned my face toward the touch as she caressed my cheek. "I don't know that I've always been a cow but… Thanks. I'm looking forward to it."
"Mhmm." Carolyn held me there for a moment longer before easing back off and laying down beside me again.
"I'm looking forward to it too. Believe it or not, nobody has come to me without mods and been simultaneously this keen to go so hardcore."
"What about Deyha?"
Carolyn waved dismissively "The super soldier program was work. You, my dear Maddie, are all play."
"Deyha was a soldier?"
"We both were." Carolyn shrugged. "And now we run a clinic and farm together. Funny little world, huh?"
I couldn't shake the feeling that Carolyn was trying to steer conversation away from their distant past.
"How did the clinic come about anyways?"
Carolyn looked past me, seeming to stare off into the distance. "It kinda just happened. When all the healthcare stuff went crazy I was sorta just… tapped to do this? If that makes sense? I already had a reputation for making good mods and the government wanted to set up infrastructure… The rest is history."
"And the farm?"
"Deyha's idea. It's a little messy having it in such close proximity to the clinic but it's helped us assert more control over how the clinic operates. It's not that profitable, but damn does it make my wife happy."
"Wait, so you and Deyha… are married? Should you really be-- uh…"
"Fingering you?" Carolyn smirked. "Sucking your tits? Railing you until you're a whimpering puddle?"
I felt warm and wet all over again. "Yes?"
"Fear not, I have made her fully aware of what a blushy little mess you are. I'm sure she will be so pleased to hear details of our activities today."
"Carolynnnnn."
"Oh? Do you want to tell her yourself?"
"No…" I wasn't sure what Carolyn and I were, so the idea of explaining that to Deyha seemed even more absurd. My mind was already going to very horny places thinking about how Deyha might react. The idea of simply being considered hers by extension was intoxicating.
"Well if you aren't going to tell her, and you don't want me to… I guess that will make this our little secret."
"You can tell her." I mumbled.
"Oh? Why the change of heart?"
I ignored the question in favor of drawing patterns on her back with my nails. After a few seconds she relaxed under my touch and lay down beside me once again.
"Well." Her voice took on a sleepy quality. "I'll let her know what a fun toy you are, but If you expect her to do anything about it I'm afraid you will be sorely disappointed."
"You seriously don't think she will treat me any different because of this?"
"Hmm. Maybe not but she will know, and it will be your privilege to wonder what that means."
"Evil."
She only hummed in response.
Deyha plodded along the track beside me, matching my agonizingly slow pace as we made steady progress on the second lap of the day.
A question wandered through my mind and out my mouth before I could consider wording, "Do you miss it, the time before you modded?"
Deyha took a long breath and sighed. "Yes and no. Sometimes I miss being able to walk without clacking noises, and when I didn't have a scary tail that set people on edge."
"Is there no going back?"
"There is. I could, but I won't."
"Pros outweigh the cons?"
"Precisely." She kicked a pebble out of the way of my walking aid and then returned to my side.
"What made you choose the chimera mods?"
"I didn't. I was modded before a lot of the protections were in place."
"Yikes. And you couldn't say no?"
Deyha shrugged. "Maybe I could have, but at the time I think I felt like I was government property. Saying 'no' was one of the first things they trained out of everyone."
"So despite all of that, you're keeping them?"
"Yep. Almost as much out of spite as anything." Deyha knelt and picked up one of the pebbles she had been kicking. It was graceful, a perfectly balanced and fluid one-leg squat, and then she was walking again. "The thing about combat mods is they are illegal to create now. And any changes I would make now would be considered creating. It's not even that I'm hardcore committed to being unique. It's the venom. It's wicked valuable, and nothing on the planet can synthesize it like I do."
"I can see why that might make some folks anxious."
"Sure, a bad actor could do a lot of terrible shit with it, but the medicinal properties of my venom are profound. Saying its worth its weight in gold is the understatement of the century. Or, I suppose it was worth its weight in gold."
"What changed?"
"Me and a few others did some punk shit. We give it away at cost."
"Charity is huge, but… how does that help?"
"We bankrupted private health insurance."
"That was you?"
Deyha held up her hands. "Not only me, but a bunch of us. Modders, modded, lawyers, doctors." she made a face "business majors."
"Wow, rude."
"Listen, what kind of business major do you think joins a team specifically to topple an industry."
"An average one."
"See?" Deyha gestured helplessly. "See? Now you're being mean!"
"Yeah but only I am allowed to be a hypocrite. That's how it works."
"Whatever, Brattie. Anyways, we worked quickly, government funding let us fast track some dual-purpose mods and before the capitalists could scramble together any sort of mod ban, the damage was done."
"So you were never really going to bring a poison barb to a gun fight."
"Pretty much."
We walked another quarter of a lap before I broke the silence.
"Okay can we talk about how you called me Brattie?"
"Noticed that, did you?"
"Yeah, Deyha. I did."
My indignation was somewhat spoiled as I tripped, but she caught me and helped me back upright.
"What can I say, I have the gift of wit."
"And what, I have the curse of curves?"
"Oooh, good one, you're right, I actually have the gift of one liners, and you my dear absolutely have the curse of curves."
"Smooth." I grumbled and kept walking. Suddenly, Deyha wasn't walking by my side.
She looked up from her phone and grinned, "Sorry, I was curious, you're never going to guess the band that did that song."
"What? Fallout boy? MCR?"
"Nope, it's 'cute is what we aim for'. how perfect is that? This is basically our theme song now!"
"Fuck me." I groaned and continued walking.
"You're telling me Carolyn isn't enough?"
"I-- What? Deyha, what the fuck?"
"Oh? Is that off-limits humor?"
"I guess not, I just didn't think-- She actually told you?"
"Mhmm." Deyha smiled easily, and yet nothing in her expression indicated jealousy.
"And you're okay with it?"
"Should I not be?"
"I mean, obviously I'd rather you not have any bad feelings about this, but can you blame me for being concerned?"
"I dunno, If you were really worried shouldn't you have come to tell me you thought my wife was cheating?"
"She said she wasn't!"
"Ah, yes, I forgot how trusting you are."
"That's not the point!"
"True, true, and perhaps it's not entirely accurate to say I don't have any negative feelings about it."
My heart sank. "I'm sorry, I didn't know, and it doesn't have to happen again--"
Deyha continued, seeming to ignore my spiraling. "You did cause me to lose a good little bit of money after all."
"How?"
"The bet, of course."
"The bet‽"
"Mhmm. A thousand dollars to whoever you slept with first. Frankly, I should have known she'd play dirty."
"Wait, wait. You're telling me you and Carolyn had a bet about which one of you I'd sleep with? When did this happen? Why?"
Deyha chuckled. "So very trusting."
"That's completely irrelevant!"
"Maddie." She stopped walking and waited for me to turn and look her in the eye. "There was no bet."
I stared at her. "I can't believe you."
"My dear Maddie, I think the problem is that you always believe me."
"Stop taking everything I say literally! Oh my god. You're so mean! I can't believe you would-- You seriously just made that up to fuck with me?"
"Would you believe me if I said I'm sorry?"
"At this point? No. I kinda even wish you really had lost the money, just for putting me through that."
"Would giving you a thousand dollars make it better?"
"I don't want your money!"
I started walking again, leaning heavily on my walking aid as I built up the new muscle memory. I was unsure what to make of Deyha's fake bet though. It seemed like a pretty plain acknowledgement that she knew I liked her, but without any other more obvious cues it made it hard to interpret as a reciprocal interest. Sure, the implication was that she would have been a willing participant if I had slept with her before Carolyn… but Deyha didn't pursue me the way Carolyn did.
"I hope you aren't upset." Deyha caught up with me and resumed her pace by my side. I tried to analyze if she was walking closer or further away now, but it was impossible to tell.
"It's fine. It was a funny joke, I'm just… I guess I'm just glad you aren't mad at me."
She hummed and folded her hands behind her back.
I waited for her to elaborate further on anything, but we lapsed into a silence that I suspected was far more comfortable for her than me.