Help Wanted: Resident farm hand. Milk production preferred, collar and childbearing optional.

I surveyed the board between Jake and myself. I had a few possible turns planned out but it was a losing game. My best chance was that he would make a pretty dumb mistake but he didn't tend to do that in games. His turn continued to drag and when I looked up to see what he was up to I had the weirdest sense of foreboding. Something behind me was incredibly and unbearably amusing to him, and frankly that sounded like bad news for me.

I turned to see that Deyha and Carolyn had matching mischievous grins, easily a far worse sign than one devious grin on its own, and Carolyn was bringing something out from behind her back.

She held out a plastic tag with my name on it.

"You're shitting me."

"Come onnnn" Carolyn whined "it's funny and you know it!"

"It's degrading!"

"See? You're making our argument for us!" Deyha spoke up and I felt my whole body burn.

"SHhhhhHHh" I made a grab for the tag but Carolyn was quicker.

She and Deyha took up seats at the other two sides of the table.

"See, it has your name–" she flipped it, "--the dairy name–." she pulled a tab and the back part popped off and then snapped back in place when she released it. "And a magnetic backing! Tell me you don't love it!"

Jake was cracking up now and I made another grab for the tag. "I will NOT be seen in public with that!"

Tears welled in my eyes and I scowled as Carolyn held it directly above her head now, as if broadcasting for the entire room.

Deyha at least seems sympathetic. "Carolyn, stop."

Whatever jovial mood they had been in was utterly killed, undoubtedly from my waterworks. Carolyn handed me the tag and I held it in my lap.

I traced the embossed letters with a finger tip and toyed with the tab. It took me a long time to get control of my breathing again but once I was somewhat composed I wiped my eyes. "I love it, but please, please don't do that to me."

My composure shook again as Carolyn scooted her chair closer and began to rub my back. Fresh tears fell and I felt like I'd lost all my progress trying to scrape together my composure. Since when was this so hard?

"Baby, it's okay. You're with friends here. You're safe. Nobody thinks poorly of you."

I let myself sway in the seat as she continued rubbing circles on my back.

"But I'm scared." it felt pitiful, admitting it in front of Carolyn, Deyha, AND Jake.

"How do you guys do it? How do you just… exist authentically and have people just… know who you are? Or worse, completely misunderstand you beyond your control."

"You know just as well as us, Maddie." Deyha leaned on the table, staring at the board but not seeming to see it.

"I could control it before though! I could just be nobody, I could wear my heart on my sleeve in one room and then just as easily turn myself inside out and pass completely out of people's minds."

Carolyn's hand paused on my back. "Babe, I don't think that's a good thing…"

"It was a perfectly functional defense mechanism!" I sobbed.

Nobody had anything to say to that, but somehow the silence alone was enough to erode my certainty in the fact. Was it functional? Had it ever been? It had to have been at some point right?

Carolyn broke the silence. "I guess now is a bad time to tell you we need a portrait to sell the milk bottles then?"

"Yes Carolyn!" Deyha sat up and rubbed her face. "Now is just about the worst time I could imagine to remind her of that."

"Remind me?"

"Fuck." Deyha groaned.

This felt like familiar territory. Carolyn and I were testing Deyha's last nerve; Each in our special way. The universe was back in order.

"Yes," Deyha continued, "That was one of the things we discussed on day one. People like to feel like they know who their produce comes from and now there's an industry-wide trend of folks getting all bent out of shape over this."

"Having my name on it isnt enough?"

"Do you need us to make an exception that desperately?" Deyha's voice carried years of weariness suddenly.

"No, I don't want to be any trouble."

"That's not what i–" Deyha cradled her head in her hands. "Damn it Maddie…"

Jake spoke up for the first time since Deyha and Carolyn joined us. "Looks like we got ourselves a reaaaal mexican standoff." He seemed to shrink in on himself as three pairs of eyes turned to him with a full spectrum of expressions. "It's from a video…" he trailed off.

"Anyways…" Deyha turned back to me. "We will figure this out."

I nodded. "I vaguely remember you talking about the portrait thing and I guess I just thought I'd magically be past all my self image issues by then. I promise it seemed feasible at the time."

Deyha nodded. "Cant say I'm surprised."

"Hey!–"

"Face it Maddie,–" Carolyn cut in before I could mount my defense, "–you have a brand, and we already know it."

All three of them were once again looking at me with a fond sort of pity.

"Fine!" I folded my arms and winced as I immediately regretted it. "Fine.–" I repeated "– are there any other bandaids we should rip off? Do I need to act in a commercial? Am I going to receive fan mail from people telling me how good my milk tastes?"

"Actually–"

"No." Deyha held up a finger at her. "No, Carolyn."

"Come onnnn" Carolyn whined.

"No." I looked between them, Deyha's all too familiar dread once again matched by Carolyn's glee. "No no no, I was sarcastic, please, I really don't want to be on TV!"

Deyha rubbed her forehead, "Oh you sweet summer child… no. That's not it."

Carolyn leaned closer, "You don't have to respond–"

"No!" I stood up "No, that's so weird! What the fuck?"

"There's fan-mail." Deyha said.

"NO!"

"And they talk about how the milk tastes."

"I'm not going to read them." I clutched the tag to my stomach and stepped back from the table. "I refuse. Hard no."

"Relax Maddie! You don't have to read them, you won't have to even see them!"

"But now I know!" I whined. "NoOoOo I was kidding!" I tried to stamp my hoof but I just made myself wobble on my toes again.

Deyha leaned back in her seat. "I guess now you will be more careful about the evils you speak into the world."

"Next you're going to tell me that there's bathwater–"

"That might actually sell–" Carolyn ventured.

"Fuck you!" my voice came out as a squeak and now both Carolyn and Jake had the giggles. "Fuck all of you! Play your goddamn turn, Jake." I gestured at the board and took my seat at the table again.

"Okay, okay." After a moment of consideration he moved one of his pieces to threaten one of mine, but I had three different pieces of my own guarding the spot. The next couple turns were rapid fire as we traded pieces on the spot but rather than committing fully, he picked up a piece from his back line and carried it clear across the board through the spaces my defenders had once occupied.

"Check."

"Wait--"

"Aaaand mate I think. Good game, Maddie."

"Wait, you tricked me."

"Mhmm."

"Did you seriously plan that out?"

"Saying it was a plan attributes a bit more skill to it than I think it required."

I folded my arms. "Well saying it was easy to beat me is just rude."

"No! No, that's not what I meant. I just had a feeling you would keep going for the trades. I've noticed you often try to entice me into trading out our pieces to thin the board so I figured you might have a blind spot for obstacles that you could take for granted."

I squinted at him. "So I thought you were distracted but really it was me being distracted all along. I dedicate this loss to Carolyn and Deyha for getting me an adorable little tag."

"So you do like it?" Deyha smiled at me, seeming to completely miss the fact that I'd just blamed her for me losing a game.

"I said I love it."

"But you aren't going to wear it?"

I pursed my lips. "I mean, I'll definitely wear it for photos, but I don't want to be the only person on the farm wearing a name tag."

"We could get a barcode version." Carolyn offered.

I gave her a side eye. It was hard to gauge why she would suggest that, but I felt there were some implications from a barcode. There was absolutely some very bad history associated with assigning numbers to people, but on top of all that baggage I didn't want to be a product. Pets weren't labeled by a number except maybe for microchip info.

"I don't think it's the name that I am against."

"Then what's the problem? Don't you want to be our cute little cow?" Carolyn smiled with exaggerated innocence.

I squinted at her. I wasn't sure I wanted to get into this in front of Jake.

"Carolyn…" Deyha spoke from the other side of the table. "Don't be mean."

I scowled at Carolyn for another moment before looking down at the tag. I'd basically asked her for this. Weeks ago in a moment of frustration I'd told her that I wanted to be tagged, milked, and bred, and this was just the next fulfillment of that request after cute and happy.

I clipped it onto my left ear and shook my head to test its weight. They had modified a full size tag, so it was larger than a credit card. The plastic wasn't necessarily heavy, but compared to the zero weight that had been there all my life it was a pretty huge difference.

My face flushed hot as I thought about how it would bounce and tug at my ear during activities.

"It's a bit too big and heavy to wear casually." I kept my tone level as I removed it and held it in my lap.

"So maybe a pair of smaller ones that are more like earrings?" Carolyn rested her chin on her palm as she leaned closer.

"I've never worn earrings, but I would give them a shot."

"Mmmmm okay, I can work with that." she held out her hand for the tag.

"I'm keeping this one." I clutched it to my chest. "--for photo days." I added hastily, much to everyone's amusement.

"Allright, Allright. Would you like a little bell to hang around your neck?"

"You're mocking me."

Carolyn shook her head. "Not at the moment, no. I just think it would be cute."

I sighed heavily. "We can discuss that some other time."

I could easily agree that a bell would be cute, particularly for photos, but I was more concerned about what it would hang on. It would need to be a pet collar, and I wasn't anywhere near ready to talk about pet collars with Carolyn in front of anyone else.

"Speaking of photo days." Deyha spoke up. "Have you sent any pictures to your friends yet?"

It took me a second to calm myself from the panic at the mention of photos again. "Uh, no. Not yet."

"We should probably be taking more photos in general." Carolyn piped up. "Someday we might want to scrapbook and we don't have any cute pictures from your first weeks on the farm."

I resisted the urge to argue that cute pics weren't possible back then. I figured that the self-deprecation would just make them uncomfortable.

"And showing your friends how happy you are here might convince them to come out as well." Deyha added.

"You're trying to indoctrinate my friends?"

"Sure." Deyha shrugged. "The more the merrier. You've done a good job of making friends here but it's nice to plan get-togethers with old friends as well."

"Indoctrination is a bit more than a get-together… Are you looking for more people to join the farm?"

"Oh, yeah. That too." Deyha leaned back in her chair. "There's still a good bit of room to grow, and I want to fill this place with good people."

"And what, you think my friends might secretly be cows as well?"

Deyha shrugged. "Not necessarily, but I assume they are at least queer."

"Definitely queer. I can ask them, I suppose. Is there a travel budget I can offer them?"

"Mhmm. I'll cover it."

"Even from overseas?"

"I-- fuck I did it again." Deyha rubbed her forehead as Carolyn and Jake laughed.

"I'm kidding. Neither one of the friends I have in mind is overseas."

"I really need to stop promising to cover travel expenses before I know how far they are."

"Aww." I teased. "Do you regret bringing me out here to interview?"

Deyha narrowed her eyes. "If I was going to regret anything it would be letting you go home in the first place."

I laughed. "The thought of staying did cross my mind back then. I had been genuinely debating how much I really needed my stuffed animal collection."

"Oh? You would have come home with us from the job fair?"

"I thought you meant-- I don't know, maybe…"

I buried my hands in my lap. My stupid horny brain had immediately conjured a fantasy of them just snapping a collar on me on the spot and walking me out of the job fair by a leash.

"For the record--" Carolyn smirked. "If we had invited you home from the job fair would you have come?"

I shook my head. "No, actually I'm pretty certain I would have turned you down and then regretted the decision for the rest of my life."

"A bit dramatic, but I'm flattered."

I picked at the corner of the tag. Suddenly the whole fantasy wasn't funny anymore. It was scary to think I'd come so close to fumbling this opportunity. And now that I was here they continued to make my dreams come true while I could offer them nothing in return.

"Now that I have a tag… do you guys want me to be like a mascot? Should I try to be a cute face to put on bottles of milk?-- except presumably not for being missing."

Carolyn giggled "Do you want to be the farm mascot? I'm certainly not opposed."

I shook my head, "I'm not asking if you're opposed, I'm asking if you want me to do it."

Deyha and Carolyn were both frowning.

"What?" I looked at them in turn. "What did I say?"

"Why would we ever ask you to be the face of the farm? You didn't even want your face on the back of a bottle just a moment ago." Deyha seemed exasperated all over again.

"Well you wouldn't ask because you're too nice. That's why I have to offer."

This was met with silence. Evidently this was not the obvious way in which things like this were handled.

"Have you read the giving tree?"

I was startled by Jake's second abrupt subject change.

"The children's book? Yes? I mean it's been a while, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"So you remember how the little boy kept coming back and asking for more and more? It started with shade, then it was apples, and branches, and then timber and finally just a stump to sit on."

"Yeah, I vaguely remember that, but again, what does that have to do with anything?"

Deyha rubbed her eyes. "It's relevant, Maddie. I'm sure there might have been other nuance, but please don't try to be like that tree."

"Okay, but presumably the tree also enjoyed being generous and the book isn't called the exploited tree. I'm not just setting myself on fire to keep others warm."

Deyha rested her head on her hand as she turned to me again. She looked as tired of this as I felt. "Aren't you? We absolutely love and appreciate you, but volunteering for a task you hate just to possibly provide a small benefit to us sounds pretty self destructive."

"Well, maybe it's a framing issue, because I see it as an opportunity to pay back some of your kindness and I thrive on being helpful and appreciated." I folded my arms.

"We don't need you to be a mascot for the farm, Maddie." Carolyn began rubbing my back again, but I shrugged her off.

"I've always been painfully aware that I'm not needed." I stood again and dropped the tag on the table. "I'm going to go get some air. I'm sorry for being an idiot I guess."

I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt and began to navigate my way amidst the tables and chairs toward the exit. The last thing I needed right now was to fall and bust my ass, so my effort to storm off was distinctly slower and more methodical. The extra time only gave me time to stew in my thoughts though. Why had I said that? Why was I intentionally twisting her words into a more hurtful interpretation?

Carolyn caught me around the stomach as I reached the door and I didn't bother fighting as she pulled me to the side, toward the stairs that led to the bedrooms. I was so drained from the emotional rollercoaster of the last few minutes, and I wasn't looking forward to whatever lecture my outburst had earned me.

She released my waist to take my hand and began climbing the steps. I focused on continuing not to trip as the detour led past my room to hers.

"Bed." She pointed. Her face set and firm as she turned the single word into an order.

I resisted the sarcastic urge to inform her that yes, she was indeed pointing at a bed. I sat on the edge but she waved me back and crawled on after me.

"Fine, fine." I grumbled and pushed the blankets aside as I crawled toward the middle of the bed and laid down. I didn't put up any fight as she coaxed me to turn over. My eyes hurt from the waterworks downstairs and I'd felt numb as I walked away, but she seemed to pierce through that as she pulled me to lay half on top of her and dragged a blanket over me. My arms were crumpled across my stomach as I lay there awkwardly, but Carolyn hadn't said anything beyond the one word since we left the table.

"What is all this?"

"You're acting like a big baby, so I'm treating you like one in kind. Now shut up, it's nap time."

I huffed a laugh, "I never asked you to be my mom."

I winced as she flicked my ear and she pulled my arm free to lay across her stomach. "No, you very plainly want Deyha to be your mommy. I told you weeks ago that I'm not going to goad you into a meltdown to communicate, but frankly you still seem to be struggling in the 'growing a pair' department."

"So what, you're going to drag me into bed and insult me a bunch?"

"Well I'm not here to fuck you over it if that's what you're thinking."

"No." I grumbled. "I'm not quite that delusional." I shifted to get more comfortable.

"Do you at least realize how shitty the 'I know I'm not needed' thing was?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"That's two now, I'll bite you for that later."

"Thanks. So what, I'm just supposed to keep that to myself in the future?"

"You're supposed to not think that way in the first place."

"I'm not sure you understand how intrusive thoughts work."

"Actually." She countered. "I am sure that you don't know how to break negative thought patterns."

"So you're a licensed therapist too?"

"The sarcasm isn't cute, Maddie. Now say something nice about yourself."

"I have nice eyes." I rolled them as I said this.

"Say something nice about something you have control over."

"You can mod them to--"

"Enough, Maddie. I'm not playing around."

I sighed and went back to the drawing board. "I'm good with computers."

"Okay, again."

I grumbled and searched further. "I bake really yummy cookies."

"Hmm. Good to know. Now, one more."

I wished desperately that I could just say that "I'm a good person" or even "I'm kind" but it was really fucking hard to think I was a 'good' anything, especially if it was something I was expected to say out loud and believe for myself.

"I care deeply about my friends." My eyes watered, more painful than ever, as I forced the words out. It struck me as a stupid thing to struggle with saying.

"Very good, Maddie." She rubbed my back. "This is how you break the cycle. You have to feed the good thoughts rather than just ignoring the bad and hoping it never comes back to bite you."

"I promise I'm not being sarcastic now, but sometimes you really do sound like a therapist."

Carolyn sighed. "I spent thirty long years living with a growing discontent toward my own body before I had the skills to really make it my own. I know first hand how much work it is to accept yourself and cultivate the mind you want to have."

"And here I thought you just had all your shit together and figured out from the beginning."

"You think everyone but you has their shit together."

"Aaaand we're back to insulting me. So nice to come full circle."

Carolyn shook me as she laughed. "I love you Maddie."

She said it so casually, as though she had said it a hundred times already and it was as normal a thing to declare as the weather.

"I-- love you too…" It took me longer than I would have liked to reciprocate, but at the very least I felt like I meant it, maybe even in a way close to how she had meant it.

"I know, baby. I know. Now go to sleep."

---

---

---

As my hooves continued to develop it became all the more obvious how the world was not remotely designed for them.

Surprising, I know.

But, on the bright side, the adjustment period was a very handy excuse to drag Deyha out on practice walks. I'd graduated from the walking aid already, but she still let me hold her arm-- for balance of course. Today was especially difficult as I stumbled alongside her through one of the fields in the dusk.

"Do you ever think of putting jewelry on your tail?"

"Mmm. no, not really." Deyha mused. "I wouldn't want anything heavy, or noisy, or loose, or constricting… you can see how the options are a bit slim right?"

"Totally reasonable, I know you use it to balance."

"Oh you so you did notice." Deyha's voice took on a teasing tone. "Have you figured out how to use yours for balance yet? Should I offer lessons?"

"But it's so much easier to just make you do all the work!"

"Mhmm poor Brattie, she can't balance, poor dear, someone should carry her."

"It's a sweet gig." I nodded." I can't recommend it highly enough."

"I'm not always going to be there."

"Yeah, yeah." I dropped her arm and took a couple steps to a small clear area between the rows, my attempt at a spin was a lot less steady but I still didn't fall. "Satisfied?"

"Mostly."

I went to take her arm again but she caught my hand, weaving our fingers together. "So if you don't need to lean on me, maybe we could work out some other arrangement?"

"I'm listening."

In lieu of reply, she held out her other hand as well, and she began to move. It took me a couple seconds to figure it out but with a little bit of flailing I started to match her steps. After a few more seconds I got the sense of when it was my turn to step back instead of forward, and after many, many, many more seconds I got a grasp of how to move with her without taking nearly twice as many steps as her. She was consistent, always right first, then left, then together.

"Where did you learn to dance?" I tried to make conversation as I watched our hooves in the dim light.

"With Nannette Himmelfarb, the rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale jewish community center."

"What?"

"Not familiar? Please tell me you've seen RENT."

"Is that a movie? It's just called 'rent'?"

"Yes and no. Gods, I've never felt this old." Deyha stopped dancing but continued to hold my hands. "It's a movie and a Broadway musical."

"Mmm, I'm sensing a movie night in the works." I stepped closer "but where are we going to find a screen and some privacy?"

"Privacy? Whatever would we need that for?" Deyha gasped. "My dear Maddie, do you have some illicit agenda?"

"I wouldn't say illicit, I just know I can be a little obnoxious to watch movies with."

"Oh? How so?" Deyha pulled me close and began to sway slowly. I drank in her warmth alongside the last glow of sunset.

"I have a nasty habit of talking through shows. My ADHD brain loves making connections so I often pick up on foreshadowing and call out upcoming plot points well before they occur-- though I do manage to shut up If I need to."

"Interesting. Well, I know both of our bedrooms have TVs, and given that RENT is so critically important to your queer education… The only question is: your place or mine?"

"Uh… mine I guess? You want to watch it tonight?" I took half a step back. It was harder to make out her face now, and I was distracted by the backdrop of stars.

"Mhmm. No time like the present. What kinds of snacks should we get?"

"Someone tells me that we don't have licorice straws or pretzels in the pantry."

"Oh…" Deyha chewed her lip. "Yeah I was assuming you would say popcorn."

"I mean, popcorn is alright…"

"Well don't get your hopes up because we don't have any."

I laughed and pushed at her playfully. "Then why were you hoping I'd suggest it?"

"Because I wanted to introduce you to something interesting, popped buckwheat."

"Do we not have corn?"

"We buy some corn, but we grow buckwheat as a cover crop to refresh the soil between rotations and I like to leave a small patch to bloom fully so that I can keep a stash of the stuff."

"Just to pop as a snack?"

Deyha shrugged. "It can be used for all sorts of things, and I tend to keep more than I need for reseeding so I like to figure out uses for the excess: like a popped snack."

"Okay, I'll try anything twice. Let's go pop some buckwheat then."

"I think the phrase is 'I'll try anything once'." She took my hand and led the way to the barn. I blinked to adjust as she used her phone to light up the row ahead of us.

"Well I am just built different because I'm not a fucking coward." I stuck my tongue out at her and she chuckled.

"I think it just takes you an extra go around to remember you can say no."

"Wauw!" I nudged her arm with my shoulder. "I'll have you know I am the absolute queen of saying 'stop'."

"Are you now?"

I could tell Deyha was smirking.

"I am! Here; stop for a second. Turn off the light." My heart thundered in my chest. I wasn't sure where I was coming up with this burst of assertiveness.

I turned back to where the sun had set and pulled her arms around me, resting the back of my head on her chest as I looked to the stars.

"Is there a particular reason we've stopped?"

I dropped one of her hands to point up. "It's a clear night. I'm still not used to seeing so many stars."

Deyha hummed. I frowned as she pulled out her phone and watched as she flicked around and pulled up a very bare-bones looking app interface. She tapped a few buttons and then the darkness became complete.

"What did you do?"

"I cut the power to the farm. Should help some of the light pollution."

Her phone rang but she silenced it and wrapped her arms around me again.

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Carolyn might learn a hard lesson about saving her work more often, and Xander may miss a few minutes of her telenovela, but the fridges are on generator back-ups. You won't tattle on me will you?" She bent forward and kissed my forehead before turning her gaze back up the sky.

"No, I won't."

"Mmm good girl." Deyha mumbled and squeezed me.

I'd never seen so many stars, and as my eyes began to adjust I could make out a band across the sky of tiny dense stars, like a cloud. After a moment I realized I was seeing the milky way galaxy, the center of our own galaxy, for the first time.

It was unreal, I'd seen photos, but I'd never imagined that so much of it could actually be visible.

Deyha swayed with me, causing my tail to bump between her legs as we looked up together, and after a couple minutes the glow of flood lamps behind us kicked back in.

Deyha sighed. "Carolyn reset the power. Pity."

"It's okay. Thank you, that was amazing."

"Mhmm, any time."

"I really don't think we should make a habit of cutting the power for stargazing."

Deyha shrugged and let me turn in her arms to hug her again. "Eh. I know you wouldn't want to put anyone out, and you can call me evil, but I'd inconvenience everyone on this farm in a heartbeat to see you smile."

"That is in fact a little evil, but very romantic."

I said it without thinking. I'd been so caught up that I'd forgotten we weren't dating. But it was true wasn't it? We didn't have to be dating for this to be a romantic moment, did we?

"Mhmm." Deyha hummed. "I can live with that. Are you ready to head in?"

"Yeah, I could go for a snack."

"Suddenly into cannibalism?" Deyha's tone took on a now-familiar humor.

"Har har." I deadpanned. "As far as slang goes, that one is pretty dated."

"It is? Damn. I was ready to fully invest in snack related puns."

"Oh really? What did you have cooked up?"

"Heh." Deyha held the door to the barn open for me. "Good one. But I didn't have anything specific. I think I was just primed to make jokes relating to eating snacks."

"With the implication that I am a snack?"

"Mhmm."

Deyha admitted it so freely, as if she genuinely either saw no sexual undertone to eating people or simply didn't think that it was outside of our normal banter. The former seemed highly unlikely, given that she existed in such proximity to Carolyn's crass behavior, yet the second didn't fit the puzzle either. Surely there was an order to these things, right? I mean, I hadn't had terribly many friendships since college and the farm was certainly a queer place… but still. It had to mean something.

Right?

"Oh, I've got one." Deyha broke my train of thought. "What do you and popcorn have in common?"

My skin burned. My stupid horny brain immediately came up with "you like to eat them with movies." but that was beyond absurd.

"Uhhh." I stalled for time. "We're both fluffy?"

"Yep!" Deyha's smirk seemed devious. "It's like you're a mind-reader."

Oh.

My heart sank as the horny brain dumped ice water on the campfire. I'd never been so disappointed to guess right. The idea that I could read her mind was even more absurd than my first answer to her question. I couldn't read anyone, not their body language or expression, let alone their mind. Deyha had to be one of the most closed books in the world in that respect, and I was just lucky she was so unambiguously kind to me.

The common area of the barn was empty, as was the kitchen as Deyha led me through the shiny steel door that separated off the food prep area.

"So how do we pop this snack?"

Deyha looked at me with a raised eyebrow and my blush returned in earnest. "How do we make popped buckwheat?" I amended, but she continued to smirk.

"We have a few options. The most reliable way is to use a little strainer basket and dip them into hot oil for a few seconds, but that makes more sense for large batches. I intend to give it a shot in a wok."

"Not a frying pan?"

Deyha shook her head. "The wok lets all the unpopped bits collect in a small spot at the bottom. It's simply better. How should we season the snack? Sweet or spicy?"

I narrowed my eyes. "The buckwheat?"

"Mhmm. Any preference?" she seemed to exaggerate innocence, and dense as I may be I felt that this had to be another dig at me being a snack as well.

I continued to squint at her. "Spicy."

"Excellent, there's lao gan ma in the pantry. Do you know what it looks like?"

"I'm expecting a red label but besides that, no idea."

"Good intuition." she held her hands up, pantomiming holding a soda can by the top and bottom. "It's about this tall, and it's fried chili crisps in oil so it's dark and chunky. Glass jar."

By the time I found the jar, Deyha had collected the Wok, tin foil, and buckwheat.

"Why wasn't the buckwheat in the pantry?"

"Wouldn't be much of a stash if it was somewhere anyone could find it."

I stood by as she separated out some of the chili crisp solids and combined the oil and buckwheat in the wok. She pulled a sheet of aluminum foil over one half of the wok and I sectioned off another for her as she crimped it loosely in place.

"Thanks." She crimped them together and turned on the heat.

"What's next?"

"Just gotta pop the snack and toss her in seasoning."

I snorted. "As far as innuendo goes that is getting a little out there."

"Innuendo? I'm sure I have no idea what you mean."

"Oh, my mistake, I'm sooooo sorry." I mimicked her sarcastic tone.

"I thought of another thing you and popcorn have in common." She pulled me to her side and I stumbled to catch up with the subject change.

"Oh?"

"You're both getting bitten."

"Why?-- oh. Come on, Deyha. That hardly counts as saying 'sorry'."

"Mmmm and that's two."

"Honestly…" I grumbled and pushed against her, but she held me firm.

"I'm sure I could call Carolyn in to dispense your punishment if you can't bear for me to do it."

"It was never your punishment to dispense!" I whined as I redoubled my efforts, but she only turned the handle of the wok aside and pulled us back from the stove.

"Now, now. Don't fuss, darling." She was unbearably amused by the whole charade. "Hold still."

Begrudgingly I stilled as she bent forward. Warmth bloomed in my stomach as she met my eye, she drew closer until our noses touched, and I responded automatically, holding her in turn as I gasped. However, before I could even fully grasp the concept that she might kiss me-- here of all places-- her trajectory changed and she nipped my nose. I flinched back but she pulled me close again and attacked my ear next.

"Deyhaaaaa" I whined.

"Yes, Snack?"

I stamped my hooves. "Stop bullying meeeee."

"Apologies." She pulled back and returned to the stove. She shook the wok a couple times and I heard the first faint pop.

"And I suppose that since unfairness and inequity abound that does not mean I can bite you in turn?"

Deyha shrugged. "Go for it."

"What?"

"Take your pound of flesh, or rather mouthful if you so desire. I'll allow it."

I imagined a bold and assertive version of myself, dragging her down by the collar to take the kiss I felt I was owed, but there was simply no way.

"Nevermind." I mumbled. "And I'm sor-- I uh. Didn't mean the stop earlier as a hard stop. There was nothing to apologize for."

"Mhmm." Deyha smiled easily. "I figured, but thanks for confirming. Does that mean I am clear to continue bullying you?"

"I didn't say that…"

"Indeed you didn't."

---

---

---

My custom little fanfare played as I joined the voice channel. I hadn't bothered connecting my headset this time, so I let my phone rest on my chest as I sprawled on my bed.

"Hey guys."

I heard the subtle click of a mic unmuting and Ellen spoke up. "Heyyyy. How's it going?~"

"Hi? Are you okay?"

"MmmmHmmm!"

Max spoke up, "She's had a little bit to drink."

"Just a little."

I laughed. "Okay, well I hope you're having fun. Is there some special occasion? I didn't know you drank."

"I'm absolutely having fun now that you're here. And I suppose you could say that I'm celebrating."

“Oh? What's the occasion?”

There was a concerningly long pause

"Okay, so it's not a celebration." Ellen sounded a little sleepy. "My shitty coworker got fired today."

“I guess it's good that you aren't celebrating their misfortune?”

“Right, and I don't want to think about it that way. Also it just isn't a good thing for anyone. They gutted the team to replace most of us with AI and I'm just the one they kept to clean up the inevitable messes. Conrad was a shitty guy, but he was a human who just lost his job to a bot and I have this fucked up sort of survivor guilt on top of forboding about future instability… but I still have my own job~”

“So is this a bad time to say you should quit and come live on the farm?”

Ellen and Max both laughed.

“Don't threaten me with a good time.” She paused and I heard a faint gurgle before she sighed. “Fuck… if I was a cow, I would have shown up on the doorstep with my suitcase a month ago, but– I don't know. I’m not really a farm animal.”

“What kind of animal are you then?” Max asked.

“Wouldn't you like to know? Regardless, Maddie, you'll have to keep living the dream for the both of us.”

“We aren't all cows here, and besides, I just got approved for a travel stipend and it's been a few years since we met up. You two should come out and visit soonish.”

“So you can abduct us into your furry sex cult?” Max laughed. “I suppose there are worse fates.”

“Indeed” I agreed, “though I’m happy to make the tickets round trips just to keep up the facade if you’d like.”

Ellen’s mic clicked. “Fuck it. I'll call the bluff. Fly me out to the farm, I dare you.”

My phone buzzed on my chest and I lifted it in time to see the banner notification showing Ellen’s address had appeared in my DM’s.

“You're on. What about you, Max? Are you getting in on this action?”

“I– uh. I mean I could visit in a couple weeks…”

“Excellent. Please provide your address so I can get started on travel plans.”

“So… is this actually an abduction?”

“Not exactly.” I tried to screen out some of my usual sass and sarcasm. “Deyha and Carolyn legitimately want to grow the farm, so we’d like to make a good first impression and entice you to come live here, but this really will just be a visit.”

Ellen cut in. “Are Deyha and Carolyn your owners then?”

“I– We–” I stammered as I tried to come up with an honest retort. “It's complicated, okay? They run the farm and… they don't own me but… they're sweet–”

“Oh my gosh! You did seduce the gene modder! I fucking knew it!”

“No I didn't! She seduced me!” I regretted the outburst immediately now that both Ellen and Max were laughing.

“Oh my fucking gods, Maddie, are you seriously fucking the owners?”

“It’s not like that!” I whined. “And it's none of your business!”

“Spill the tea or I'm not coming.” Ellen didn't sound serious about the threat, but I also knew that the cat was well and truly out of the bag. I was never going to hear the end of this.

“Carolyn and Deyha are married, but Carolyn and I are kinda an item anyways, and I– I don't know. Deyha is really sweet but she hasn't been as forward so I guess we've just been flirting."

“So it really is a furry sex cult. You're in a goddamn polycule.”

“Hardly.” I rolled my eyes. It was hard to think of something that would prove Ellen wrong. Carolyn and I hadn't put any particular words on our relationship, she’d just been increasingly friendly and affectionate until things crossed over into sex.

"Your girlfriend has a wife, that's either cheating or poly, and I'd like to think my bestie isn't a home-wrecker."

"Fine. I may have stumbled my way into a polycule."

"So tell me mooooore." Ellen seemed to have miraculously sobered up to tease me. "What are they like? Are they modded too?"

I groaned. I contemplated trying to be objective about their appearance, but describing them as if I didn't adore them seemed like a crime. "Carolyn is a dragon. She has soft green snake-like skin and white horns on her head as well as matching spikes along her jaw. Her hair is black and she's built for flight even though she doesn't have wings… Deyha is a Chimera, probably closest to what you'd expect a minotaur to look like? But she has reddish brown fuzzy digitigrade legs with cloven hooves. She also has scale-like plates on her shoulders and back which lead down to a scorpion tail with a barb the size of a softball. Also she has cat eye pupils, but it's not as striking as you'd think. I haven't ever seen her get the zoomy eyes but I suppose it's possible."

"Wow. They are super modded. What about you?" Max didn't sound hesitant anymore.

I had seen the question coming a mile away. I dreaded telling them but after all I'd told them about Deyha and Carolyn, I figured they were bound to make some assumptions about me.

I gave myself a moment to psych myself up. Surely Max wouldn't betray my trust twice, right? Well, that was naive to assume… but he hadn't meant any harm last time we talked so I could be a grown up and be patient with him again now, though I wasn't jazzed about the prospect of always laboring to not be offended by him. I hopped off my bed and headed for the little vanity. Currently it was crowded by my tablet and the few little baubles I'd bothered to unpack. I didn't want to turn on the lights, so I figured they could make do with the soft evening light coming in the window.

"Allright." I hit the 'share camera' button. "I hope I don't have to remind you to be nice."

Ellen squealed with delight. "Oh my gosh! You're adorable! And holy shit your tits!"

I squinted at my phone in the reflection, but my reflection betrayed me with a cute little pout. I pulled at the hem of my shirt and fussed with my hair instead.

"And your little horns!" Ellen's voice turned into a squeak, "and ears! Maddie, you're so cute!"

"Well you're obviously biased."

"No," Max spoke at last, "I think Ellen might be objectively correct here."

"There's no such thing as objective cuteness." I grumbled. "But thanks."

"Oh my gosh is that a tail?" Ellen sounded like she was going to explode.

"No." I lied automatically, but I'd been swinging it side to side as had become my habit. I didn't have the sort of fine motor control to perfectly hide it behind a leg, so I angled the camera where they couldn't see below my waist.

"It totally was your tail. I wanna see! Pleeeeeease Maddie?"

I switched the camera to selfie mode and tilted the camera down while I pulled my tail around with my free hand.

"And hooves‽ Oh my gosh Maddie, you can not be this cute, it has to be some sort of illegal."

Rather than reply I cut off the camera, and they both whined as I laid across my bed on my stomach. "I guess it's too late to pretend they were slippers, huh?"

Ellen cackled. "If that helps you sleep at night, but I'm pretty sure I know what I saw. Why did you turn off the camera?"

I shrugged, even though I knew they couldn't see it. "I have to leave some mystery if I'm ever going to sell you hoof pics."

"Max, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I have an idea what you are thinking, but I don't know that I'm on board."

"What are you two conspiring about now?"

"It's not a conspiracy." Max said, but even as he did, I got a notification and an email blip about a payment having been sent to me.

"Ellen‽" I opened the app and what I'd initially thought was a dollar payment was in fact a hundred dollars, with the simple note of 'Hof pics.' evidently she'd been in too much of a rush to correct her spelling.

"I don't even have a ‘hof’ to send you a pic of." I teased.

"Don't make me send another payment." she warned, and I had the suspicion that she probably would just for the bit.

"Fine, fine." I held the camera up to look over my back toward my tail and the bottoms of my hooves. The scorpion pose hurt my neck so I gave up on looking at the screen and took my best guess about what would have everything in the frame. Just as I DM'd it to her, my phone buzzed with another payment notification.

"Christ Ellen, I said fine! I already sent you the picture!"

She laughed. "What do you mean? Oh! This is so cute! Definitely worth the money. Thanks!"

"You didn't have to send another payment though!"

"She didn't." Max sounded deeply embarrassed.

I pulled up the app, and sure enough I had a second payment, this time for a much more reasonable five dollars and correctly spelled note. Before I could find his DM, he had already begun backpedalling.

"You don't have to send anything, I just thought it would be funny but I don't want to be weird."

"Relax, Max." I ignored Ellen's renewed cackling. It was beginning to cut out of her mic again. "It was funny, I'll send you the silly hoof pics if you want them."

"You don't have to…" he trailed off.

I recognized the same insecure anxiety that I'd felt first hand so many times, and part of me wanted to just send him the picture I'd taken, but another, evil part of me, thought it would be very very funny to send him a nude instead. I let the phone rest on the bed as it continued to crackle and cut out with Ellen's laughter as I undressed.

I felt a perverse excitement. I knew I was only doing this because I'd gotten drunk on the euphoria of Ellen's praise, but it was so easy to rationalize away concerns. It was going to be objectively hilarious, but it was also easily a step beyond whatever comfort zone I expected Max to have. Still, I trusted that he wouldn't say anything rude or share the photos elsewhere.

I took a couple photos this time, one showing my face and cleavage, and the other with my tail draped over my crossed hooves with a nice view of my back and butt. I sent them to Carolyn first, just for fun, before sending them to Max as well. Finally, I prepped them into a message for Ellen as I waited for Max to check his DMs.

"Maddie…" his tone was hard to place. "Those are-- They look very nice. Thank you. I'll uh… I won't let anyone see them. You can trust me."

It was adorable how hard he tried to be serious while so out of sorts.

Ellen caught on quick. "Wait, did Max get more than one photo? That's not fair!"

"I'm sure I got the same ones you did--"

I cut in. "Actually Max, Ellen just got one photo, with clothes on."

"WHAT‽" there was a little beeping tone as someone left the voice channel, and then a second later another as Ellen rejoined. "Sorry, wrong button, you sent Max nudes‽ What the fuck Maddie?"

"Oh, come on, it's funny." I tried to manifest confidence that I didn't feel.

“I can't believe you sent me nudes for the bit.” Max mumbled, and I smirked as reaction emotes piled up under the picture in his DMs.

“We all know I have a crippling addiction to doing bits. If anything, it was irresponsible to enable me.”

“Uh huh.”

“Excuse me?” Ellen cut in. “Are you forgetting something?”

“I don't think so, no.”

“Maddie, I swear If you don't– ugh! You’re so evil! I can't believe you’ve done this!”

“Done what?” I continued to maintain my innocent oblivious tone.

“Why are you like this? Do you want me to beg?”

“That would amuse me…”

Max laughed but Ellen continued to fume.

“Maddie, may I please see the photos you sent to Max?”

“No.” I hit send on the message for Ellen and dismissed the notification from Carolyn.

"Oh my~" Ellen's voice dropped in pitch.

"Right?" Max sounded bewildered. "I did not see that coming!"

"That's what makes it a good prank, right?" I tried to act self assured, but I hadn't really imagined how they would react. Already I was tempted to delete the photos from their respective chats.

"I can't believe you sent them to Max first!"

"I sent the photos to Carolyn before either of you actually, and I blame the both of you if I catch any flak for it."

"Nobody forced you to send nudes, Maddie." Ellen giggled.

"You sent me a hundred dollars!"

"Gods." Ellen groaned. "If you must blame someone then I suppose you can blame me. I'm so sorry for enabling you, but if you expect me to internalize some lesson from this, you can rest assured it's not the one you wanted me to learn." Her tone dipped further into sarcasm as she went.

"How charitable." I grumbled. "Well, enjoy them while they last because I for one am not prepared to see them every time I open our DMs."

"Why not?" Max seemed genuinely confused.

"It's embarrassing! I find it hard to believe that I genuinely come across as self assured and confident right now!"

"I… I'm sorry Maddie. I just assumed-- I mean you look amazing so I guess I figured you must have pretty effectively modded away any dysmorphia."

"No. I'm afraid I'm still a basket case. This is just the latest escalation of my addiction to the bit."

Max chuckled, "What is the 'bit' anyways?"

"My understanding was that it's what you call it when a bunch of people come to an unspoken agreement to pretend something is real. Like a conspiracy I guess."

"What are we pretending?" Ellen asked.

"I can't tell you or it ends the bit." I lied. I knew full well that I was pretending I felt okay about sharing photos like this, but the last thing I needed was to kill the mood.

Ellen's DM flashed and I opened it to find a picture. Something tightened and my breath came out in a huff as the photo consumed my attention. She must have been determined to out-do me, because she'd taken off her shirt and pulled her bra up for her photo.

I had to wonder when committing to a bit became a new norm. My mind raced through meanings and implications, wondering if I had to recontextualize everything based on this. Had she just decided we were a thing too now? Just because she knew I was in a poly relationship?

There were additional notifications from her as she pinned both of our messages.

"Hello?" Max's voice cut through my focus. "What's going on?"

Ellen was unbearably smug. "Don't worry, Max. I'm just getting even."

"You sent pictures back‽"

"Yeah? So? If you want to see as well, you'll have to ask nicely."

"I'm not-- I can't just…" Max stammered.

I could practically hear the steam coming out of his ears. I had to wonder if this is how it felt when Carolyn had me out of sorts. It was intoxicating and I was unbelievably tempted to push further to keep the flustered reaction going. The idea of one-upping Ellen was attractive too, and I sat up on my knees for another idea. I wasn't nearly as flexible as I'd been when I was a kid, but I still managed to splay my hooves out under me, resting my butt on the mattress between my fetlocks. My tail was also compliant enough that I was able to bring it around to cover my lap with the little floof at the end.

I held the camera high this time, taking care to hold my tail just so while crossing my arm over my stomach to cradle my breasts. The fur on my forearms was rougher than I would like, but not so irritating that I couldn't hold the pose long enough for a photo.

This time I opened up our three way group chat to post the picture, and whatever conversation I'd been ignoring fell silent as the photo finished uploading.

"Goddamn, Maddie." Ellen murmured. "That's a lot of milk."

"I'm not actually producing yet."

"So they're going to get bigger? I do not envy your back."

"Maybe I won't have back pain, maybe I'm built different."

"Well, I can guarantee one of those things is true…"

Max finally recovered his wits. "I never knew this sort of thing was possible with gene modding."

"Well, I am kinda on the cutting edge here. I'm pretty sure all the human cows in the entire world live on this farm. Carolyn is pretty one-of-a-kind and while Deyha isn't the only ex-super-soldier, she's definitely the only one I know."

"So the scorpion barb isn't just for show? Damn."

"She isn't stinging unruly farm visitors if that's what you're worried about. But no, I think she makes like a litre of venom a month."

I nearly jumped out of my skin as the door of my bedroom opened and Carolyn stepped in.

"You haven't been answering your phone."

Any hope that the microphone didn't pick that up dissolved as Ellen burst out laughing. "Is that Carolyn? Oh my god you're so fucked."

"Shut up." I was unsure of who I wanted to shut up more, but I figured it wouldn't hurt if they both assumed I was talking to them.

"Are we on the loudspeaker?" Ellen asked. "Can she hear us?"

"Probably." I rolled my eyes as Carolyn sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off her shoes.

"Oh? Are these your little friends? Have you been sending me saucy pictures while on the phone with them?"

I dropped my phone on the bed and rubbed my eyes. I figured I'd only have to wait a few seconds before Ellen would throw me under the bus.

"She did say she sent the photos to you first, if that's any consolation."

I slumped forward and whimpered as Carolyn pressed on my back and then wove her fingers into my hair to press my face into the mattress. I folded under the pressure, lifting my butt off the bed so that I was half groveling, half presenting my ass to Carolyn.

"I was trying to entice them to visit." My voice was muffled by the blankets.

Carolyn's hand tensed, tugging pleasantly at the roots of my hair.

"I gotta say, the only reason I never set a restriction on your flirtations with others was because I simply didn't think it would happen."

"Oh." I muttered, and I heard both Max and Ellen echo their surprise from the call. "Sorry."

"Mmmm you will be. So, tell me about these friends of yours." She let me turn my head so that I could speak without being muffled by blankets.

"This is Ellen and Max. I think I mentioned them?"

"Ah, yes, and I think you said they were friends, but this seems to be a very fascinating 'friendship'. I trust you haven't been cheating on them with me?"

Ellen cackled. "I may have known her first, but I can assure you she is completely obsessed with you and Deyha. You should have heard her when I called the two of you her owners."

"It does have a nice implication, doesn't it?"

I only nodded in reply. Carolyn began working her hands over my back and my skin tingled as my body betrayed me. Something told me that if she wanted to fuck me with an audience then I wasn't going to have the luxury of escaping the call.

"Are you able to share your camera?"

I nodded again.

"Yes." Ellen spoke up. "Would you like me to?"

Carolyn laughed and sat up. "Oh my. I was asking little Brattie here but I'm certainly not going to say no." She tapped on my shoulders. "Turn on your camera, pet. I want them to see the reward for your choices."

"O-okay." I sat up enough to collect my phone and turned on the camera before propping the phone up on my pillow.

"Oh my." Ellen sounded awestruck. "Maddie's description of you did not do you justice."

"Oh? Did she fail to capture my majesty?"

"She did, but that's to be expected, I already know I'd struggle to do you justice."

Carolyn laughed. "Ah, flattery will get you everywhere. Maddie, mute the mic for a second."

I nodded and she eased off enough for me to sit up and tap the deaf-mute. "Sorry."

Carolyn clicked her tongue. "That's two, but we can table that for the moment. You, my dear--" she tapped my shoulders, "-- have been fucking around and I think its high time you found out."

I resisted the urge to apologize. She didn't seem upset with me but I'd certainly been wrong before.

"I'll give you a couple options." She continued. "Option a: I grab my strapon and your friends watch you bounce and moan on it, or option b: you exchange your pleasantries, hang up, and then service me privately instead."

"That's… an interesting reaction to have for sure."

"Are my motivations really so opaque to you?"

"I… guess? Can I ask why you want to fuck me in front of my friends?" I sat up on my knees and half turned to face her.

She shrugged. "I want to play. I'm in a mood. As much as I covet your exclusive attention, I also want to nurture exhibitionism."

"Ah. The pipeline to being walked around naked on a leash."

"You said it, not me. Need a moment to decide?"

I rubbed my face. "Fuck… go grab the strap, I guess. I'll explain the situation to the gang."

"Excellent." Carolyn purred as she climbed off of me and hopped off the bed.

I gave myself a moment to psych myself up before unmuting. "Hey guys…"

"Is everything okay? Is she mad?" Ellen sounded distraught.

"No, it's… fine. We're fine, she just wanted to check in on something first."

"Ah ah ah" Carolyn paused by the door. "Give them details."

I squinted at Carolyn before turning back up the camera. "Specifically, she asked if she could fuck me in front of you guys."

"Oh my~" Ellen, predictably, sounded very amused.

"Partial credit." Carolyn leaned over the bed into the camera's view. "I gave her the option to either give me her undivided attention or be shown off to you."

"Oh wow~" Ellen's tone dipped to conspiratorial.

"That's-- it's not like that!" I complained.

"Mmmmmm no. It's like that." Carolyn headed for the door. "Take responsibility."

"And what was your choice?" Max asked.

I groaned and buried my face in my hands. "God..."

"Unlikely." Ellen cut in.

"Shut up." I rubbed my eyes and glared at Carolyn. "I chose the slippery slope to an exhibitionism kink. Happy?"

"Mhmm!" Carolyn slipped out the door and left me alone with my consequences for the moment as Ellen and Max got their giggles out.

"Look…" I grumbled. "I'm sorry for making things weird. You don't have to stick around and watch, but… I don't have to explain myself to you."

"I dunno~" Ellen teased. "I bet it would be therapeutic."

"Headpats and back scratches are therapeutic. This is agony."

"Oh? What part is agonizing?"

I squinted at the camera. "Maybe I'll try my luck with whatever private attention Carolyn wants."

"Awwww don't be like that!"

I continued to channel as much faux irritation as I could muster into the camera. "So are you both staying?"

"If you're sure it's okay…" Max sounded extremely out of sorts.

In contrast, Ellen sounded sober and deeply delighted with how the evening was proceeding. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Rather than reply, I pulled up our group direct message and started a call there. There was no way in hell I was leaving this in the open for any of my online acquaintances to wander in.

Ellen joined first. "I was wondering when you were going to realize we were still in public."

I turned my camera back on and stuck my tongue out at her as Max joined the call as well.

"I'm still in the 'finding out' stage from my last bout of fucking around, so I am in fact trying not to heap more on my plate."

Ellen's camera turned on as well, but she had resituated her clothes since she took her revenge pictures. "Are you two seriously about to fuck in front of Max and me?"

I huffed a breath and glanced at the door. "Carolyn got pretty excited from the pictures and she seems pretty interested in being kinky about it. I'm simply not in the habit of refusing her requests."

"Okay, so she wants you to be an exhbitionist, but what do you want?"

I shrugged. I could only hope that Carolyn's return would head off whatever this interrogation was.

"Maddieeeee." Ellen whined. "You have to tell her to stop! You have to set boundaries if you want her to stop pushing."

"I don't want her to stop." I stared pointedly at a neutral point between my camera and the door. "I'll set a boundary if I have to but…" I trailed off. Was this inside my comfort zone? Did I want this? I wanted Carolyn, sure. Every touch from her felt like a promise of more to come, yet the connection was still so intangible and undefined that I had no concept of how strong the relationship could be. Hell, I couldn't even be sure if this was actually going to help anything.

The scariest thing was that it wasn't just completely unfamiliar either. I'd been in a relationship, right as I was coming out as trans, where someone wanted me.

A girl named Hope had been affectionate just like this, urging me to be more feminine and pursue euphoria from clothes and makeup, but I kept holding back and before I knew it she stopped pushing. It was like I'd bored her, and my own low self esteem had reinforced that lack of value until she was just someone I knew.

I'd been told that it was a "honeymoon" period and that relationships took work to last beyond the initial burst of reward chemicals, but I hadn't had the chance to practice working at a relationship.

Now Carolyn was the one pushing me, and honeymoon or not, I was sure the best thing I could do now was not bore her.

"Maddie? Is everything okay?" Ellen brought me from my thoughts. She had her knees tucked up to her chin in her computer chair, and Max's icon had the muted symbol next to it.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm being careful. I've known you guys for years now, it's not going to be earth shattering to see how much of a slut I have secretly been all this time."

"Secretly." Ellen echoed. She did little air quotes. "Maddie, you might only share the tame hentai that you like, but after a while it becomes clear which artists you are following and furthermore what those artists are known for. Max may be surprised by the furry stuff, but it would take more to surprise me. That's why, despite my eagerness to see your new anatomy in action, I am still concerned about how much you really want that to happen."

I stole a glance at the door. "Then you already know how I feel about collared pets. Do I seriously need to spell this out for you?"

"Yes actually."

My heart thundered in my ears as my mind raced through conversation paths. Ellen had been such a wild card today and I was seriously struggling to imagine what I could comfortably say to get her to drop this.

"Ellen, I want to be used by her. I want Carolyn to be possessive of me, and I want her to feel that I am her property."

"Hmm…" Ellen's eyes were narrowed. "Fine. You have fun, and I'll enjoy the show. We can discuss the rest later."

"Thank you."

The door opened and Carolyn slipped back into my bedroom.

"Hi, sorry. Took me a moment to find the cuffs."

"Cuffs? Who said anything about cuffs?"

"I did. Just now. Keep up, Maddie." Carolyn pulled her shirt off and pushed her pants down. After a bit of fiddling she figured out which holes her legs were supposed to go in and stepped into the strapon harness.

I was a little disappointed that she'd kept her panties on, but that was a pretty low-ranking concern for the moment.

"I'm not sure how effectively I'll manage the 'bouncing and moaning' you were talking about with my hands tied."

"Ah, yeah. I changed my mind. All you need to do is lay down and look pretty."

I frowned. "With cuffs."

"Naturally." Carolyn crawled onto the bed and held out a pair of leather bands linked by a surprisingly long chain in one hand, while her other was empty and expectant.

I took the cuffs and she gestured at the phone. "I'll hold that."

I surrendered the phone and got to work with the cuffs. It wasn't easy to put them on, but the long chain helped and I found that I could slip my hands in while they were loose and then tighten them afterwards.

"You didn't have to cuff your arms behind you." Carolyn giggled.

"Well it's a bit late to tell me that now, isn't it?"

I heard Ellen's laughter from the phone as Carolyn pointed it at me. She crawled forward on her knees, and took me completely by surprise as she shoved me in the center of the chest and sent me sprawling backwards.

"I've always wanted to do that." She set the phone down as I rolled and fidgeted to get my tail out from under me.

"So happy to amuse." I spoke through clenched teeth, but this only seemed to further Carolyn and Ellen's amusement. I supposed that Max must have kept himself muted, but it was hard to blame him for putting his foot in his mouth after how the call a couple weeks ago ended.

The chain on the cuffs was just long enough that I wasn't quite sitting on my hands this way, but my arms were pretty effectively pinned to my sides. Carolyn set the phone down on my tummy as she parted my legs and pulled at my hips to situate me half in her lap.

"Have you experimented with penetration at all?" Carolyn asked, and I recognized some of the mock-clinical tone she so liked to bring to the bedroom.

"No, Dr. Davis, I haven-- ah!" I cut off as she grabbed one of my breasts and squeezed hard. Arching my back did nothing to relieve the pressure.

I felt her dildo poking between my legs, just off center as I collapsed back into the mattress.

Carolyn guided it to be on target, but she seemed irritatingly content to leave the tip nestled there, not quite pressing in.

"Carolynnn." I whined.

"Evidently that's 'doctor' to you. Now sit still. We have to make sure you are sufficiently aroused or this could be quite painful."

"I'm sure you have bullied me enough."

She shook her head and picked the phone up, briefly holding it high before focusing in between our legs.

"Damn." Ellen murmured. "You'd think she was born with it."

Carolyn laughed. "I'm so glad you appreciate the craftsmanship, though this is one of my less original designs."

"Still…"

Carolyn rocked her hips forward the tiniest bit, pressing fully between my labia before returning to her previous position.

"I'll be the first to admit this is not the most delicate way to test this."

I scooted toward her and gasped as the pressure made me weak in the knees. "Am I supposed to believe that the speculum was delicate then?"

"Compared to the thrashing I'm about to give you? Absolutely."

She pressed again, starting from a bit deeper and seeming to press in more easily now.

"Ah~" My witty retort was lost as I gasped. My skin was burning and the warmth radiating from my core sent tingles across my skin. I writhed, instinctively arching my back and pulling with my knees to try and bring Carolyn closer.

"Mmmm. That was a lovely sound. Do it again." Carolyn ordered. She spread my labia with the fingertips of her free hand as she met my next movement with a thrust of her own. She seemed to have no difficulty pressing closer and she braced against the top of my thigh as she pressed as deep as she could.

It was a tiny dildo, the sort that some insecure guy would call six inches despite barely being four, but given that it was the first thing I'd enjoyed having pressed into me… by that scale it was quite pleasantly gigantic. At least from where I was laying.

Carolyn wasn't fidgeting to reposition anymore so after a couple of her slow thrusts I was able to predict and match the movement with a weak shifting of my own. I writhed as the sensations took my breath away.

I was powerless to do anything as she experimented. One moment she would lean forward and press deeper, and the next she would stay relatively shallow while using her fingers on my clit. With every change I crashed back down, as if I was trying to climb a slippery slide the wrong way and kept losing my footing halfway up.

"Carolyn!~" I whined.

"Yes dear?" She stopped moving, ruining my latest attempt to overstimulate myself.

"I want to cum."

"I'd be surprised if you didn't." She chuckled. "Though I'm not sure where you got the idea that you would be allowed to. That's what the cuffs are for after all, and you were so kind to lock them behind you rather than leaving me to police your hand activities personally."

"You're so evil." I whined.

She only hummed before moving again, seeming to start over with an agonizingly slow pace.

After another round of building and crashing she paused again. "What would you offer me in exchange for your precious pleasure?"

I could hear Ellen giggling from the phone as she aimed the camera at my face.

"What do you want from me?"

"Right now, I want you to make me an offer." She reached to brush a few strands of hair out of my face, but she lingered as I leaned into the touch. "Awww~" she cooed, teasing me even as she held my cheek.

"Well, as a baseline… What would a kiss buy me?"

"Mmmm. Cuddles and after-care. --actually, those are included by default so I don't want to imply that a kiss would be worthless but…"

"No, I get it. I'm just not quite sure what sorts of favors I can offer."

"You give lovely back rubs, and I'm certain you could transfer those skills elsewhere."

I sighed and sank back into the bed. With a bit of focus I was able to tune out the sensation of her resting inside me and relax my shoulders instead. "I could probably do about an hour of massage-adjacent petting for you, and I could probably do a passable foot rub too."

"Oh? Are you into foot stuff?"

I rolled my eyes, "Carolyn, if it gave you your jollies I'd suck your toes, but no. I'm not especially interested in your feet."

"And what, pray tell, are you interested in?"

I didn't bother trying for eye contact, and I wished she would put the phone away as I remembered our audience and the teasing my toe-sucking comment would earn me.

"That's way too open-ended."

"Agreed" Ellen spoke up. "She's pretty crazy about you all around."

"Oh is she?" Carolyn smirked. "What has she been telling you?"

"She sent me a picture of the tag you and Deyha made for her, and while you were out getting the strap she talked about how much she wanted to be used as if she was your property--"

"Ellen!"

"Oh my, does subby little Maddie like it when I call her 'pet'?"

Ellen pressed on, "Saying she likes it is the understatement of the century."

"Interesting. Okay pet, I have a trade offer. You tell me exactly what you told Ellen, and I'll melt your little brain with the best orgasm of your life, guaranteed."

I glared at the phone and then Carolyn, trying to broadcast my displeasure at Ellen's betrayal to everyone present.

"I don't remember the exact wording, but when Ellen expressed concern that you might be pushing me too far, I assured her that--" I trailed off. "I said I wanted to be your property and stuff."

"Is that all?"

"No." I spoke only half a second after Ellen. "I talked about liking when you are possessive and i uh… I mentioned the concept of pets having collars."

Nobody said anything for a couple seconds.

I expected more of a reaction at that. Carolyn certainly didn't seem horrified by the statement, but I'd almost hoped she would poke fun at the confession.

"I think I'm going to need both hands free for this." Carolyn murmured. "Is everyone okay with stopping the show here?"

My heart sank. I definitely wasn't okay with stopping, but it seemed to be a necessary lie to say yes.

Ellen spoke up. "Yeah, you two have fun, we can catch up later."

"Later." Max echoed, and there were a few beeps as the call ended.

Carolyn dropped my phone and eased herself out of me. My eyes began to water as she coaxed me to roll onto my side and she worked on the cuffs. Rather than removing them entirely, she just disconnected the chain and then let me untangle the rest.

"I'm sorry."

The tears were falling freely now and I knew that soon I wouldn't be able to breathe well enough to communicate. It seemed important to at least get that out ahead of whatever other fallout I'd invited.

"Oh, Maddie." Carolyn sighed. "It is truly so hard to train you sometimes."

"Don't bite me for that. I mean it."

"Okay, baby, okay." Carolyn pulled me close. "Do you need a moment before I deliver on my promise?"

"I said no biting." I repeated but this time Carolyn laughed.

"No, Maddie, I meant the orgasm."

"But you said you were ending the show…"

"You choose the strangest times to take things literally. I was talking about the video call, not the entire activity."

"Oh."

"Oh, Maddie, did you think you'd put me off? That I was upset?"

"I don't know." I grumbled. I felt a little sick and foolish from the emotional rollercoaster. "Normal people are probably a bit weirded out by that sort of stuff."

"I'll try very hard not to be offended at being compared to something so heinous as normal."

"I'm sorry-- and you can bite me for that one, I suppose." I wiped my eyes on the backs of my hands and dried them in the sheets.

"With pleasure." Carolyn tackled me, moving faster than I could react but somehow also slowly and deliberately. She held me down to my bed with her body as she kissed me.

The dildo pressed hard and uncomfortably against my hip, but I found I didn't mind it as long as she was holding me.

"For the sake of clarity." She pulled back, letting me catch my breath. "What would a collar mean to you?"

"It would be more than a fashion accessory if that's what you're asking."

"It is, but I'm looking for specifics here."

She sat up further, gently disentangling from my grasp as she repositioned the strap between us. I still hadn't come up with an answer when she pressed in and laid down against me once more.

She grinned as I whined. "Oh, I'm sorry, am I distracting you?"

"No more so than normal I suppose." I sighed and tried to hug her to stop moving inside me, but that only made her press deeper. "Damn it, Carolyn, give me a moment."

"Okay, okay." She lay still and I caught my breath.

"A collar would mean surrender: placing my life entirely in your hands with no binding expectation in return."

My heart sank as she pulled out again and pushed herself up off of me. She sat on her knees between my thighs with her hands on her hips. "That's… Maddie, please don't take this the wrong way, but that's a terrible trade-- and don't you dare take that to mean you are worthless. No, there has to be expectations. I-- you can't just become my property without there being an obligation of care."

I shrugged. It was hard to see this as anything but an outright refusal of my suggested terms.

"Maddie, I want you to be my pet, not my slave. Like, I'm sorry to shut you down on that but if you're going to have my name on your neck it has to mean that you are my treasure, a reflection of how I care for everything that is my responsibility."

"I'll… forget about the 'no binding expectation' part then…" I trailed off. I almost apologized again but I felt like being called out on that yet again right now would just be aggravating.

"Okay." Carolyn sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "Alright. That's good. So, just to make sure we're on the same page, now what would a collar mean to you?"

I chewed my lip. It was hard to fit my phrasing with hers, and besides that I'd lost some of the details in the frenzy of emotion. "A collar would mean… that I'm yours, and that you care for me…" I stalled as I tried to close the gap between our two interpretations. "And my presentation would be a reflection on you?"

Carolyn breathed out in a huff, making a sound somewhere between amusement and frustration. "Sure. Close enough."

She braced a hand next to my head and lined the strapon up again.

"Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and tactical nuclear weapons."

Carolyn shook her head. "Not funny, now hush, I have to run a benchmark on the organs I designed for you."

"If you created them does that make you god?"

This at least earned a laugh and Carolyn leaned in to kiss me. "Mmmm worshiping your creator does sound nice, but that's a bit rough as far as power dynamics go."

"So me being property is on the table but you being a deity isn't. Good to know."

"Sooooo glad your sass is back." Carolyn drawled.

"You don't seem glad--" she cut me off with a firm roll of her hips, ripping the rest of the air from my lungs in a breathy pant.

"You don't have a monopoly on misusing sarcasm, pet." Carolyn propped herself up on her elbows and pushed, moving me more across the bed than down into it as she dragged her chest against mine. "Here, cross your ankles behind my back."

"Ankles? What are those?" I gasped and arched my back as she made a particularly violent thrust, but that just threw off the angle to make it the tiniest bit less overwhelming.

"Fetlocks then you pedantic fucking cow."

I gave it a couple attempts, but Carolyn hadn't stopped moving to let me try and it was devilishly hard to keep my hooves in place with her moving around. I gave up and sprawled beneath her.

"Not flexible enough?" she paused again. "Maybe we should start you doing yoga or something."

"You can't just mod me to be more flexible?"

"Maddie my dear, there are some things that you simply must do for your own body." she repositioned so that only one of her legs was between mine and sat up to hug one of my thighs to her stomach. "Regardless, I think you've had enough foreplay."

"That was foreplay‽"

"Don't believe me?" she reached down to rest a hand over my heart and pressed forward with her hips. As she eased into me she mirrored the motion with her hand, sliding up over my collarbone to rest over my neck.

I caught her wrist but she didn't squeeze. There wasn't even any real weight behind the hand, but something deep in my body screamed in fear for my life regardless. She took a moment to readjust her knees as she squeezed my thigh to her chest.

"It will be a moment before I can collar you properly, so I do hope my hand will suffice for now."

I nodded and she began moving again. I curled up beneath her, struggling not to flail my hips as she pushed me across the bed with her hips. This time I had the feeling she wasn't planning to stop just as I started to enjoy it.

I breathed in time with the movement, letting myself hyperventilate as the lightheaded feeling mixed with the sparks that flashed in waves up my spine. I held onto her wrist just below where she was holding my neck, and I could feel her fingers tighten a little.

"Easy, Maddie." she warned. "I'm not trying to choke you but if you pull me off balance you could be pretty seriously injured."

I released her and let my arms fall above my head. My knuckles rapped on my phone and I pushed it away as it beeped. It wasn't important. Nothing in the world could be as important as Carolyn having her way right now.

I gasped and cried out as the sensations became too much to lie still for. She wasn't holding my neck anymore, but the memory of the touch was enough now as she pressed as deep as the little dildo could go. Her hair tickled my chest and I squirmed as she worked an arm up behind my back, holding my neck from behind this time as she lay down against me. She forced my legs wide as she made longer thrusts that bounced me bodily on the bed.

Her breath tickled my neck as I held her close, so warm and all-encompassing as she lay against me, and all the while she kept moving. I vaguely heard the sound of muttered voices, both Carolyn's and something from my phone as I lay beneath her, but it was hard to care.

My part in all of this had long since passed. I didn't need to focus, breathe a particular way, or touch somewhere specific anymore, So I relished in the texture of her skin as the under-used muscles in my core spasmed and clenched. I pushed at her hips as the clenching sensation stopped pulsing and became a painfully tight knot that I couldn't relax.

Finally she pulled out and sat up, she fiddled with something at her waist and then the straps were off, forgotten as she lay against me again. I hugged her close, holding onto the warm tingling feelings a while longer as the touch soothed my heart.

Carolyn chuckled as I rubbed my face against her shoulder. "I think you might have invited back the audience."

"Did you not mean to?" Ellen's voice was faint, as though muffled by a pillow.

I groaned and waved my hand across the sheets blindly until I found the device. "No, I guess I hit the screen by accident."

"Lucky that you called me rather than rejoining somewhere public."

"Just you?"

"Mhmm. Max seemed a little hurt that you were just calling me, but I can tell him it was an accident, though not quite a butt-dial."

I sighed. "Thanks."

"It sounded like you were having fun though." Ellen sounded as coy as ever. "I have to confess that I was excited to be invited back."

Carolyn spoke now. "Then it was a happy little accident I suppose, and since you're here, you can take a guess in my little game as well."

I set the phone back down and tried to relax into the bed. "Should I be worried? I feel like I should worry."

Carolyn ignored me and propped herself up on her elbows. "I have just experimentally determined how many thrusts it takes to get Maddie to pop, so take your best guess on what the number is."

"Three?" Ellen answered without pause, causing Carolyn to cackle.

"That is a bit low I'm afraid. Maddie?"

"Do I have to?"

"It would amuse me." Carolyn repositioned to lay on her side next to me. "If we use the price is right rules, I really like your odds of winning the grand prize."

I rolled my eyes. "Sixty-nine."

Carolyn sucked her breath through her teeth "Ooooh. It's a good answer, but I'm afraid you overestimated your endurance. Looks like the grand prize goes to Ellen."

"Wooo!" Ellen cheered "What did I win?"

"I'll think something up. Anyways, sorry Maddie, but the correct answer was forty-two."

I laughed. "So you're telling me, the question to life, the universe, and everything, is 'how many thrusts does it take to make me cum'?"

"Fucking nerd." Carolyn grumbled. "Sure. We'll go with that… Oh! Before I forget again, you did send those photos to Deyha too, right?"

"Uhhh…"

"I figured as much." She picked up the phone and placed it in my hands, as if that was the only obstacle to address.

"Carolyn…"

"I'll do it for you if you won't."

"Is that illegal? It feels illegal."

Ellen spoke up. "I assumed you sent them to her before me as well. It's kinda weird that you're holding out on her."

"Not helping." I sang through grit teeth.

"Maddieeee" Carolyn whined, "sharing is caring!"

"This is one of those things it's really not cool to bully me about."

"I wouldn't say bullying. It's more enabling. I know you want an excuse for her to see them and I'm serving up said excuse plus myself to blame all in one neat package! Just tell her I put you up to it!"

I squinted at her. "What makes you think she'll take my word against yours?"

"Because my word won't be against yours!" Carolyn threw her hands up. "Where did I get a reputation for dishonesty? I swear I didn't earn it."

"Fine." I folded my arms. "You send them and I'll say I gave permission."

"No, you send it in the group chat and we'll pretend she isn't the fourth person to see them."

"Such a weirdly dishonest plan for someone so trustworthy." I drawled. This time at least Ellen's laughter seemed to be on my side.

"You little--" Carolyn tackled me. "What further incentive do you need? Why are you sending photos to me and not her in the first place?"

"I just… I didn't know if she would appreciate them."

"Exceptionally weak as far as excuses go." Carolyn rested her weight on me fully, bathing my skin in soft warmth. "Any further nonsense and I might start biting for excuses as well."

"This deal is getting worse all the time."

"I'm waiting."

"Fine!" I wriggled until she sat up off of me and I flicked through my phone to the pictures. The last thing I needed was to send these to the wrong person, so I triple checked that the share menu was sending them to the group text and not my parents or former boss.