Master of Minds, Master of Me

There is still one month left. These past two months have been pure torture. I still struggle every day with my decision to push my pretty flower away. I want to just call it quits and go to her, taking the risk that I will end her life. But the thought of causing her death is just too horrible, so I keep living on autopilot. I work and train, then work some more and train some more.

I’ve visited her every night thanks to my portal. Seeing her sleeping face makes my breathing lighter. It’s like my only dose of oxygen that helps me survive the next day.

Of course, I would prefer to see her while she’s awake, but I’m too afraid that my spine would break, and my urge to talk to her takes over. And talking to her would probably end up causing me to lose it.

Theodore suddenly almost hits me, catching me off guard.

“You should focus on your opponent unless you wish to add more scars to your collection.”

I focus back on the fight.

“I guess fighting against you is getting too easy since my mind starts to wander,” I taunt him with a smile.

“Oh? If you want more of a challenge, I can always start using my dark magic.”

“No way! I would lose in a second. That paralyzing thing of yours is just way too overpowered. It’s like cheating.”

He chuckles. “Maybe. But you are the only human who has been able to break free from that, so give yourself some credit.”

“But it took like five minutes. Five minutes in battle means certain death.”

“True.”

I slump down to sit on the sand, exhausted. We have been sparring in the desert every week for the past two months.

“Okay, I’m done.”

He sits next to me.

“Feeling calmer?”

“I don't even remember what calm feels like. But I think I depleted enough mana that the pressure isn’t that bad.”

I spot hesitation in Theodore's mind, which is odd. That man rarely hesitates.

“What's wrong, Theodore? Why the puzzled mind?”

“There is something I’ve wanted to ask for a long time. But I’ve never been sure if it’s my business to pry into.”

“That's uncharacteristic of you. I’m intrigued. Please, ask away.”

“You remember when, a long time ago, you asked about curses? That you knew someone who was cursed.”

“Yeah?”

We have never talked about it after that. Did he find some new information or something? I grab my water bottle from the ground and drink while waiting for him to finally spill his business.

“The one being cursed… is it perhaps your fiancée?”

I choke on the water and start coughing.

“What? Of course not. Why would you think so?”

“I sensed something odd in her soul at our engagement party. I even asked her about it. She admitted that she knew there was something wrong with her, but didn’t want to say what.”

I totally forgot he was able to sense her curse in our past life. I guess I could just admit it. We will eventually need his help anyway.

“Yes, it’s her.”

“The strange part is that when you asked about the curse, you hadn’t even met her yet.” He raises his brow at me.

Shit. I didn’t think of that.

“Well… I did know her already back then.”

“Were you already in love with her then?”

“Yes.”

“So was the Selection just for show?”

“Yes.”

He exhales heavily. “I can't believe you made me a wet nurse over a charade.”

“Hey! There is no need to be pissed off! Without the Selection, you would never have met Jane!”

“I guess you are right. I will spare your limbs this time.”

“How kind of you.”

“So what's the curse?”

“It’s not my business to tell. But if I do manage to contain my mana and not cause a civil war—”

“Why would you cause a civil war?” he interrupts me.

Goddammit, I have a loose tongue today.

I shrug my shoulders. “Well, I’m the only heir. You never know how crazy people might go when there is no one to take the throne. Humans are a greedy bunch, after all.”

“I guess it is a possibility.”

“So if I do manage to deal with my problem, we want your help to deal with her curse problem.”

“Sure. I'm a little intrigued. Curses are rare to come by, at least real solid ones. Whatever was in her soul seemed pretty permanent, so if it really is a curse, it must be powerful.”

“Yeah, it’s powerful, all right.”

“Do you have any idea who did it?”

“No. Not a clue. I hope that if you can identify the mana affinity that was used to create it, it might narrow the search.’’

He just nods.

‘’So how’s Jane? Is her magic training coming along?’’

‘’Yes, she really is a diligent student. Even too diligent if you ask me. I’m contemplating burning the library.’’

I laugh. ‘’I thought the library was your favourite room in the Tower.’’

‘’It was my favourite room. Now it’s my enemy.’’

‘’Well, I’m glad she is enjoying herself. Have you managed to figure out her mana affinity already?’’

‘’No.’’

Woah. That was definitely a lie. Theodore never lies. I’m pretty sure this is the first time he has ever lied to me. Why would he lie about knowing Jane’s affinity? It’s not like it matters to me. But if they want to keep it a secret, they are free to do so.

I get up on the ground, and Theodore follows.

‘’I should get back to work. Thanks for the spar, once again.”

“I thought I was the worst workaholic there is, but you are even worse.”

“It’s not like I enjoy it, but I need to keep my mind occupied.”

“Just don't burn yourself out too much.”

I can't help but smile widely. It’s just way too cute when he acts all worried like this.

“Don't worry, bestie. I’m just fine.”

His face drops, and his voice lowers. “Not a bestie.”

A magic circle appears under me, and in a second, I’m back in the Palace training grounds. I look around, but Theodore is nowhere to be seen. I guess he just sent me here and went back to the Tower himself. What a cute little grumpy mage.

I change my clothes and head to my room. When I open the door, I spot the white chess piece on the table.

After the engagement party, I received a pawn every single day with a note. They always appear when I train. I’m pretty sure she asked Milna to put them in my room. The notes are clearly in her handwriting, so maybe she sends them to Milna, and she just places them. She really is the best pretty flower there is.

I lift the pawn and read the note under it.

Are you a blanket? Because I love when you’re on top of me.

I smile. It’s just way too cute that she is writing these flirty lines. I place the pawn on my desk next to the others. There are 58 pawns already there. I slip the note into my drawer with the rest of the notes.

I go to stand in front of the mirror and stop my illusion magic from altering my looks.

My eyes are solid purple all the time nowadays, and the roots of my hair are slowly turning darker. I know some affinities affect your appearance. I honestly had no idea that illusion magic would alter my looks this much. I know there are a couple of illusion mages in the Tower. I have never met them in person. But after my hair color started to change, I went to stalk them, just out of curiosity. They all had purple eyes and dark features. So I can't help but wonder if I will lose my blond hair and blue eyes forever.

Lo always said that she loved those. Even her mother said that she only talked about my shiny hair and eyes when she saw me as a kid.

So will she be disappointed if they are gone? Should I just use my magic to make myself look normal? Well, let’s think about that if I manage to survive this alive. One more month to go.

When the night falls, I place my hand on one of the walls inside my room, and the door appears. Behind the door is the portal to her house. Making portals is not an easy task, so I had to do some serious begging for Theodore to make this. It cost more than I’m willing to admit, and on top of that, I had to give him two months of freedom from me. But having this portal has been totally worth it. It was my way to see Lo and talk to her while being Hans, and of course, I’m now able to go see her every night.

The portal leads to one of their storage areas. I’ll make sure that I hide my presence with my illusion magic and head toward her balcony. I jump and sense that her mind is clearly asleep. I open the balcony door, once again thankful that she never locks it.

I go stand next to her bed, watching her peaceful face and steady breathing. I tug one strand of hair behind her ear.

‘’I love you, Lo. And I miss you.’’ I whisper.

Her mind suddenly wakes up, and I take a step back, still hiding my presence.

‘’Felix?’’

She asks while turning her head to where I’m standing. I know she can’t see me, so I’m safe. Maybe I just talked too loudly this time, which woke her. But she keeps looking at me, like somehow sensing that I’m here. Eventually, she smiles warmly, melting my heart. She turns away from me again.

‘’I love you too, Felix.’’

My chest tightens. I don’t know if she guessed that I’m here or not. But hearing her voice after so long feels so good. I force my body to leave and head back to the portal.

One more month.