Master of Minds, Master of Me

So doomsday is finally here. So far, so good. I really don't feel much different. The pressure inside me is the same as it has been for the past few months. Of course, I know that surviving this day doesn’t necessarily mean I’m off the hook. But if I end up destroying the Palace every time on the same day, I thought that the day itself would be special. Like something major would happen that day.

I finish my training and head toward my room. I did contemplate traveling further away from the Palace in case I would explode, so at least I would only kill myself in the process. But I need to know what happens here that makes me lose it. Of course, there is a chance that I’m just a ticking time bomb and that there really aren’t any events making me lose control. But if I really end up bursting, I have a plan B. I need Theodore for that, but I trust that he will help. He is all about doing experiments, so I have to trust that he is willing to do just that.

When I enter my room, I see another white pawn. I walk over to it and lift it to read the note underneath.

Let’s make bad choices like there’s no tomorrow, because there might not be. P.S. You make the apocalypse look kind of romantic.

I stare at the note for a long time. I’m not sure what to think about it. I really don’t understand what she means by bad choices. And there surely isn’t anything romantic about me exploding.

I place the pawn in line with the others: 88 pawns, 88 days, 88 notes in my drawer. So, almost three months have passed.

Then my door suddenly bursts open, which is a bad sign. No one ever bursts into my room. In my office, maybe, but not in my room. Ted comes in while breathing heavily; he clearly ran here.

“Your Highness!”

His mind is going crazy. I have an extremely bad feeling about this. I focus on my breathing, trying to be as calm as possible. I’m not going to go crazy. I’m going to be just fine.

“What is it?”

“The King…”

He falls silent, and I feel like my heart stops.

“What about my father?”

“He doesn’t wake up. He is still breathing, but even Doctor Freyland doesn’t know how to wake him. So he probably fell into a coma.”

My mouth suddenly feels so dry. I just keep staring at him, with no idea what to say, so he keeps talking.

“Doctor Freyland is pretty sure that he will not wake up anymore. His body is way too weak to survive a coma.”

So he is basically telling me that my father is dying? Of course, I knew that was the inevitable outcome. There was no cure for his sickness, so I knew he would eventually die from it. But hearing it still shocks me.

My father is gone? So I can’t talk to him anymore? Ever? He was my only close relative. If he is gone, then there is no one left. Then I’m just alone. Alone in this fucking Palace. Surrounded by people who don’t even care about me. They only care about whether I perform my duties. I know I fought with my father many times, but at least he cared about me. I know he scolded me only because he wanted me to succeed in life.

But now he is just gone. And I’m alone.

I feel the mana going crazy inside me, and I flop onto the floor.

No. Don’t let it consume you. You knew this day was coming, so just suck it up. This is no reason to end up dead. And you are not alone. You have Lo. Lo is waiting for me, waiting for me to survive. There is also Theodore and Jane. If I can’t contain this, God knows what happens to them if Jane disappears.

“Your Highness?”

I force my body up from the floor. Every movement feels forced and painful. But I keep reminding myself that I just need to force myself to behave and be fine. I need to go see my father while he is still breathing. You never know when he will pass on. I know I can’t talk to him, but there are still so many things I need to say to him, even if he can’t hear me say them. I need to see him. He is all that matters right now.

“I’m okay, Ted. I will go to him.”

“No, Your Highness. We are already making the coronation happen today. You are the King now. You need to do your duties first. The previous King is already gone. We need to focus on the future.”

“What?”

His words feel like a huge stab in my chest. I feel the mana going rampant because of it as my rage consumes me.

Did I hear him right? My own father is about to die, and they don’t care about that at all. They don’t care about my father; they don’t care about me. All they care about are the fucking duties. Royals are nothing more than fucking objects to them. I truly hate this place. How am I ever going to live here without my father? It’s all on me now. Just me being used. Just me being some inhuman being who does nothing but work. Just me being tossed around. My feelings don’t matter. What I want doesn’t matter. Nothing matters to them.

“Your Highness. I really need you to come with me. It’s your duty as the new King.”

“Get out,” I mumble under my breath.

I feel my mana losing control. I completely lost focus on containing it. The pressure inside me is unbearable. I can’t get it under control, not even slightly.

“Your Highness, you need—”

“Get out.” My voice drops low, making it clear that I’m dead serious.

He gets the message and leaves the room. I flop back onto the floor, trying my best to focus, keeping the mana inside me. But the more I force it in, the more it hurts.

So, is this really it? I really couldn’t hold it in. I should have known that I’m just a big-ass failure, just like my father thinks. I’m glad he is not awake to witness what a letdown his son is. I always told him that I was going to be a great ruler. But in the end, I am just the doom of our country. The worst ruler ever to exist.

The mana floods out of me uncontrollably, even though I try my best to conceal it inside me.

Fuck. I need to get it together. I need to contact Theodore for plan B. But before I even manage to move my hand toward my pocket, the door bursts open.

“Felix?”

I lift my gaze and see Theodore. I’m relieved, but still stunned that he is here already.

“I was just about to contact you. How the hell did you know to come?”

“Well, there is basically a storm of the century outside. So it was quite obvious that your water and electricity mana were bursting out. What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t contain it. Not anymore. So I need a favor from you.”

He walks closer, but struggles. The mana flowing around me is like a tornado, making the air around me difficult to move through.

“Anything. What do you need?”

“Remember when you saved me when my mana woke up? You told me that I had two options: either learn to handle three affinities or take the affinity away.”

“Yes. What does that have to do with this?”

“I need you to take it out.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Take it out. You said I had a 30% chance of dying if you do it. I know that. I’m willing to take that risk.”

“That was then, Felix. The illusion mana was new; it hadn’t settled inside you yet. It’s different now. It’s more potent, more in control. I think the chances of not surviving are more like 80% this time.”

“It doesn’t matter. Just take it out.”

“You will die, Felix.”

“It’s better to die like that than wait for me to destroy the Palace.”

“No. I won’t do it.”

“You have to.”

“No.”

Fuck, he is more stubborn than I thought. I hoped he would be excited to experiment on that, just like he was last time. But I have one way to convince him.

“If you don’t do it, you might lose Jane.”

“What does she have to do with this?”

“It’s Lo’s curse. She has been living in a two-year loop over and over again. This is her 30th time living through this. Every single time, I have destroyed the Palace, and Barham ends up in a civil war. And she dies after that, then wakes up two years back.''

The pain inside me gets worse, and I stop for a while, grunting and gathering my strength to continue speaking.

''So if I end up doing that again, everything resets. Florentia has always ended up being executed for treason. This is the first time Jane has come to this world. But Jane’s soul wasn’t here two years ago. So there is no telling what happens to her then, or if she will ever enter this world again.”

The shock in Theodore’s eyes is real. He is really trying to process everything I just told him.

“So you need to take the affinity out if you want to make sure Jane is safe. I can’t destroy the Palace and kill all the people in it. We need some people to take charge of this country if I die.”

He is still just staring at me. Why the hell is he not taking the affinity out already?

“No. I’m not doing it.”

“What? Are you insane? I just told you that—”

Suddenly, a door bursts open, and it’s not my door to the hallway. It’s the door to my portal.

“Felix!”

I see my pretty flower standing there.

No, no, no. She should not be here. How the hell did she find the portal? It should work only with my mana.

I feel the mana inside me going even more wild now. I press it down even harder. I can’t burst while she is here. I really can’t. But fuck, it hurts. The pain just makes me want to give up and let it all out. I really can't hold it in for long. I really am going to explode, I can feel it.

“Theodore. Take it out!” I yell at him. “Now!”

“Felix? What happened? And take what out?”

Theodore answers before I can.

“He wants me to take the illusion mana out of him.”

“Is that even possible?”

“Technically, yes. But he will likely die in the process.”

“Felix! Are you crazy? You are not killing yourself like that!”

I laugh manically. “Are you saying killing everyone else is a better choice?”

She starts to walk toward me. Her movements are slow because my mana in the air is pushing her back.

“You don’t know if you’ll end up killing everyone. Not yet.”

“Yes, I do. I can’t hold it in anymore. It’s forcing its way out. And don’t come closer.”

She keeps walking despite my words.

“Then don’t hold it in. You have always just pushed it down, fighting against it. Just let go.”

I keep laughing. “Let go? And risk killing you while I burst?”

“I’ve said a million times that dying means nothing. We need to at least try.”

“But your death means something to me! How many times do I have to say that?!”

“You promised me that I wouldn’t have to die alone anymore. You promised, Felix. So I came to claim that promise.”

I grunt. The pain is just so overwhelming.

“Lady Lorelia.” I hear Theodore’s voice, but I can’t lift my head to look at him. I’m too afraid that even the slightest movement will make me lose the tiny grip on my mana I have left.

“Take this and put it on him.”

I focus on my mana, trying to keep it inside the best I can. Something snaps onto my wrist, and the pain skyrockets even more. It’s blinding, I literally feel like dying. I grunt and scream in agony. But the air surrounding me falls silent.

“What the hell did you do?! Are you trying to kill me? Why not just try to take the affinity while you’re at it if you’re just trying to end me anyway?”

“I’m not trying to kill you. That blocks all raw mana from leaving your body. So basically, you bursting is now impossible. You can still do spells normally. I know it probably hurts like hell when all the rampant mana is forced to stay inside you. But now there is no other choice but to deal with it.”

“Probably hurts like hell?” I grunt. “I bet even hell is better than this. You fucking psycho.”

“I leave the rest to you.” He says to Lo. “Felix blurted out your curse while trying to convince me to take his affinity out. So, in case Felix does kill you, there is something I need to do. If you don’t manage to make him calm, then at least try to stall your death as long as possible.”

He exits the room, and I’m left alone with my pretty flower.