Master of Minds, Master of Me

Conversing with all the people really is draining. I’m exhausted. I excuse myself and head toward the ladies' room.

“Lorelia. Wait up!”

I turn and see my father in the hallway. I walk toward him.

“What is it, father? Do you need something?”

“Are you sure about this?”

“About what?”

“This whole Queen thing? I thought you were just coming to look at the garden here and then come back home and back to the temple.”

“I’m sure, father. Of course, being Queen is nerve-wracking. But I want to be with Felix.”

“But everyone is waiting for you to come back. I’m sure they will let you decline the position of a Queen. You know that your rightful place is in the temple. You belong there, not here.”

I furrow my brows. I can't help but think that my father might be right.

“You are not even properly educated. You have never attended any academy. How could you ever lead the whole country? Do you understand what a huge responsibility that is?”

I just stare at him in silence. Am I really fooling myself? Thinking someone like me could ever stand next to Felix? Could someone like me ever help our country? I’m cursed, after all. How could a cursed person ever even entertain the idea of being a Queen?

“Your place is at the temple. You know it. Everyone expects you to follow in my footsteps and become the High Priestess after me.”

“I could never be a High Priestess. I know it’s technically possible, but no one would ever vote for a woman when so many men are lined up.”

“You are wrong in that. Everyone at the Grand Temple acknowledges your devotion. Everyone knows that you are the best choice. We have already talked about it, and all agree that you should be the next High Priestess.”

I once again just stare at him. I always thought that I was someone in the background, left unnoticed. I didn't know that everyone else thought so highly of me.

“So just end this ridiculous thing and come back to the temple. Leave and come back home.”

“Leave?” I mumble.

Leave Felix? But I don't want to leave Felix. I’m pretty sure that my life would be pointless without him. I have never really argued back with my father, so I feel a little afraid. But I just had to gather my courage.

“I know I might not be the best Queen. I know I might be lacking in some parts. And I know I’m being selfish for wanting to stay. But I will never leave Felix. I love him, father. And I’m willing to do anything for him. If being with him requires me to be Queen, I will be. I will learn to be a good one too. After being here and seeing the other candidates, I know I might not be the best choice, but I’m not the worst either. So could you just be happy for me that I found love?”

He stares at me, clearly not expecting my words.

Then, suddenly, Felix appears next to me, wrapping his hand around my waist.

“I’m sorry to intrude on your family chat. But I wanted to correct something. You clearly implied that Lo would not be smart enough to be a Queen since she hasn't attended any academy. Well, she actually scored the highest in the Selection. Her results were way better than anyone else's. So I assure you that your daughter is way more knowledgeable than you think.”

I stare at him, not sure if I am more shocked that he clearly had been eavesdropping or by the fact that my results were really that good.

“Are you serious? Were they really that good?” I voice my thoughts.

“Yes. They chose you as one of the top three based solely on that.”

“I was in the top three?! You didn't have to force them to make me your Queen?”

He pulls me closer, smiling.

“I didn't have to force them. I would, of course, if needed. And actually, I'm a little bummed that I never get to use my almighty speech about how great you are.”

“Your almighty speech?” I ask, amused.

“Yes. Want to hear it?” He smirks.

“No, please no. That would be way too embarrassing.”

My father's not-so-sudden cough pulls our attention to him. Crap. I had already forgotten he was there.

“Sorry to interrupt your conversation. I think I should return to the ballroom now. I apologize if I was too harsh, Lorelia. I guess I just imagined our future together without considering your opinions. It’s just hard to let you go.”

I grab my father’s hands and smile at him.

“It’s not like I’m disappearing for good. I will still visit home and the temple. And you are free to visit anytime too.”

He gives me a warm smile and soon after leaves for the ballroom. Felix leads me to one of the balconies, and I turn toward him, glaring.

“I don't think you can accuse me of stalking when you were the one eavesdropping.”

He chuckles.

“I do apologize. I just saw you leaving the ballroom and wanted to steal you for myself for a while. But I guessed your father beat me to that. I actually was more than happy to hear you two talk.”

“Happy? Why would that make you happy?”

“I clearly sensed your hesitation and discomfort from your father's words. Like he almost convinced you. So I’m just glad you weren't swayed by his words. That you wanted to be with me enough to stick up to your father.”

I bury my face in my hands, embarrassed that he really heard all that.

“Come on, pretty flower, don't try to—”

A sudden laughter from the garden draws our attention. We both look down from the balcony and see Master Loneflare chasing Florentia and scooping her onto his shoulder.

We side-eye each other, grinning widely.

“I guess Florentia isn’t upset anymore,” Felix says, sounding amused.

“It’s a shame that there wasn't time to stalk them today. Stupid polite chit-chat always coming in the way.”

“Oh? Were you wishing to get new info on your romance story?”

“Absolutely! I bet if there were a novel about their love story, it would be extremely popular with the ladies.”

“And why is that?”

“It’s the basic story. Most novels always include some basic northern Duke, with a cold heart and even colder attitude. Until that one girl melts his frozen heart. All ladies go nuts for a story like that.”

“All ladies? Would you prefer me being cold so that you could unfreeze me?”

“Definitely not. My type is apparently annoying tricksters.”

He laughs. “Lucky for me. And apparently, my type is a stalker who hides herself in a plain wooden box.”

“I’m not a stalker!”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that. Come on, let’s do what Theodore and Florentia did.”

“You want to run in the garden?”

“No. I meant bailing out of the party.”

“Bailing out? Are you sure it’s okay for us to do that?”

“I don’t care if it’s okay or not. I’m already full of the complimentary chit-chat. And I haven’t given your engagement gift yet.”

“My engagement gift?”

He grabs my hand and starts pulling me along.

“Yes. Though I doubt it could ever beat your gift.”

My cheeks flush. I’m still rather embarrassed by the collar thing. I have no idea where I got the courage to do that.

“And I’ve been rather curious. Where exactly did you even buy that? I don’t think anyone sells collars for humans to use.”

“I…” God, this is embarrassing. “I sneaked out from your escape route one day and bought a regular belt, and I altered it myself. And the leash part was really from a dog collar.”

“You altered it yourself? I didn’t know you knew your way around sewing machines.”

“I have been doing a lot of voluntary work where we sew clothes for the less fortunate.”

“You really are a multitalented pretty flower.”

“I wouldn’t call me that.”

We stop behind a door.

“Okay, close your eyes.”

I obey. “Okay, now what?”

“Just keep them closed until I permit you to open them. No peeking.”

I nod and hear him opening the door. He takes my hand again and leads me inside.

“Okay, you can open your eyes. I hope you like it.”

When I open my eyes, I see an absolutely stunning white piano. I step closer and gently brush my fingers over the golden detailing that runs along with beautiful flowers. The golden string forms the words ‘pretty flower’ on it.

I can't believe he even thought something this beautiful. The happiness and love inside me are just overwhelming.

“So what do you think?”

“I love it, Felix. I can’t believe you would do something like this for me.”

He pulls me against his chest and cups my cheeks.

“I have told you a million times that I would do anything for you, Lo. I wanted it to be perfect, just like you.”

“Hmm…” I narrow my eyes as I pretend to think.

“Hmm what?”

“I think it misses something.”

“Like what?”

“It doesn’t include anything of you in it.”

“Oh, but it does,” he says smugly.

“It does?”

He pulls me to the other side of the piano and points to something on top of one of the flowers.

I burst out laughing when I see the golden watering can.

“Felix, you really put a watering can there?”

“Of course I did. I can’t let the flowers run dry. And you are the one who called me that in the first place. So blame it yourself.”

“I definitely will,” I say through my giggles.

“And that’s not all.”

“There is more?”

He opens the lid of the piano, revealing the inside, which is painted dark purple.

“I thought this suited you. Since you are always so posh on the outside, but inside lies the darkness and desires. A quality that we both share. And something we show only to each other. Like our own secret.”

I wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him. I probably smear my lipstick all over his face, but I don’t care.

“Thank you, Felix. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, pretty flower.”

“So can I play it?”

“Of course.”

I settle into the seat and place my fingers on the keys. I look up at Felix.

“Come on, you need to play with me too. I want to do it together.”

He settles next to me, smiling so brightly.

“Sure. You start, and I’ll join along.”

I start to play my grandmother’s favorite song. I still don’t remember much about her, but while I have played, I have gained some bits and pieces of my memories with her. Felix joins me soon after, and I feel so happy. This really is the happiest day of my life.

Without even realizing it, I start to sing too. I give myself and my soul to the music that fills the room. This all just feels like a dream, like my miserable life has momentarily turned into a fairy tale.

The music slowly fades away, but I let my fingers still lie on the keys, smiling.

But then, suddenly, his hands grab my waist, and he lifts me to sit on top of the keys. The keys answer with an accidental, shimmering clash of sounds.

“Felix!” I burst out.

His hands immediately start to travel up my legs and lift the hem of my dress.

“My pretty flower is just too irresistible. I knew you looked like an angel already; I didn’t know you sounded like one too.”

I swallow loudly as I stare at him. The turquoise of his eyes slowly shifts to something darker. The deep abyss of the ocean once again lures me in, and I’m more than willing to dive in. He stands between my legs, leans, and kisses my neck. I let my hands travel over his body.

“You drive me insane, Lo.”

I could say the same. Just a few touches from him and I’m all fired up. His left hand gently presses my pussy over my panties, and I nudge myself closer, needing more.

“What an impatient, pretty flower.”

Of course I am. We haven’t had sex in a week. I’m going insane from the need. I want him now. I’m too horny for any foreplay.

“Felix. Please just fuck me. I can’t wait.”

He chuckles darkly against my neck. His right hand slides to my throat. That makes me even more needy, and I keep grinding myself against him.

“Felix.” I plead.

He squeezes me even more, and I struggle to breathe.

“Patience, pretty flower. You are not the one deciding the pace. I am.”

His fingers slide under the fabric and pinch my clit. I gasp, but no sound leaves me. He is choking me too hard. Slowly, he starts circling my clit. I want to moan, but I can’t. I feel the blood flow slowing steadily. I start to feel pretty hazy, but I don’t care. All I can focus on is his fingers. I need him more. The air in my lungs is depleting, and my vision starts to blur.

I still don’t care.

Then suddenly he withdraws and stumbles back, sitting on the piano bench.

“I’m sorry, Lo. I didn’t mean to. Are you okay?”

I whimper loudly as the air suddenly enters my lungs violently and the blood rushes to my brain. It feels somehow euphoric, like I could come solely from that.

“Felix,” is all I manage to voice.

“I’m sorry. I really am. Fuck. Please forgive me.”

I finally focus on him, and his expression looks so worried and full of regret. I don’t understand why.

“What’s wrong? Why did you stop?”

“Why did I stop? You almost stopped breathing, Lo, for fuck’s sake.”

“It’s okay. Nothing happened. Please, Felix, just touch me.”

“No. I can’t.”

I slide down from the piano straight to his lap, straddling him. I feel his hard cock underneath me, and I grind myself against it. His hands grab my waist, his fingers digging deep. I lean to kiss him, but his whole body is just stiff. I withdraw to look at him. His expression is painful.

Then he lifts me and places me on the floor.

“No. We can’t do this.”

“What? Why not?”

“I can’t risk it. Just go back to your room.”

“No! I don’t care about the risk. I need you. I’m going crazy here.”

“We can’t.”

“Well, when can we? It’s been a week already. How much longer do I need to wait?”

“I don’t know. I need to get my mana to calm down first.”

“Master Loneflare said that if you let the mana control you and give it what it wants, it could calm it down.”

“I’m not going to experiment on you. What if I end up killing you?”

“I don’t care. Dying doesn’t mean anything to me. You said it yourself that we can just try again.”

“I know what I said. But I can’t bear the thought that I would ever hurt you like that. That I would be the reason you start over again. What if I don’t remember you the next time? What would we do then?”

Honestly, I have been afraid of that too. I don’t know why Felix remembered our last life when no one has ever been able to do that. I’m afraid that it was just a one-time occurrence. But I’m tired of living under fear and misery.

“Then I’ll just come to the Selection again to see you. I promise I will be there for you again, even if you don’t remember us anymore.”

“And then what? What if I go insane just to kill you again?”

“Then you go. I don’t care. We promised to be in this together, didn’t we?”

“I’m sorry. I can’t drag you down with me. I just can’t. Just go to your room. You go back home tomorrow anyway.”

“Isn’t that more reason for me to stay? Since we can’t see each other for a while.”

“Yes, we can. I can always come to see you, just like I came to see you as Hans.”

“But Lintel is far away.”

“I have a portal there. That’s how I visited you so often back then.”

I really don’t want to go. This night should be our perfect night. Why did it end up like this? I feel my tears rising. I hate this. I hate how he pushes me away when I want to help him. I guess I deserve this. I did the same thing to him back then. I regret that I told him everything in that bell tower. If he didn’t know what would happen in the future, he wouldn’t push me away like this.

“Felix. Please let me be with you. At least this night.”

“No. I’m sorry. Feel free to hate me, but I won’t budge on this.”

“I could never hate you. I love you, and I need you to let me in.”

I see the magic slowly pouring out of his body. And he really looks like he is struggling.

“No. I need you to go. Now. You make me go insane, and not in a good way.”

His words hurt surprisingly much. So did we really just repeat history? I came to mess with his life, just to cause him pain again. I really am the worst. My tears are pouring down. I see a magic circle appearing under me, and just before the surrounding scene vanishes, I hear Felix’s words.

“I’m sorry, Lo.”