Master of Minds, Master of Me

After breakfast, I head toward the church. I haven’t visited as much as I should have. It felt like I was too haunted by my memories with Felix there. But after yesterday, I feel so happy. Spending time with Felix in our garden made me so freaking happy. So I need to ask for forgiveness. I know I shouldn’t be with Felix. It’s not going to help me earn salvation. But I can’t stop myself from being selfish.

Honestly, I really don’t even care about salvation right now. I just want to forget all that crap for a moment. I just want to pretend for a while that my life is normal. So I’m going to church more out of habit. I sit in the front row, close my eyes as usual, and pray my usual mantra first. After that, I ask for forgiveness. I know I’m not really being genuine when I ask for that. And God will probably know that too. But I have to try.

“So how’s my pretty flower’s morning? Did you sleep well?”

I open my eyes and see Felix coming to sit next to me. I can’t help but smile.

“Good morning, Felix. I actually slept pretty well. I honestly don’t remember when I slept that well last time. How about you?”

He leans in and kisses my forehead. “I’m glad to hear that. I could say the same thing, since I kept having good dreams about my favorite stalker.”

“Please don’t call me that! I’m not a stalker!”

He just chuckles. “Sure, whatever you say. Did you say your prayer already?”

“Yes. What are you doing here?”

“I came to look for you, and you weren’t in your room. So I came to look for you here. Do you usually visit the church in the mornings?”

“I used to. But I have to confess that I’ve been slacking on praying lately.”

“Why is that?”

I fall silent for a moment. I’m not sure. Why have I been slacking on it?

“I haven’t thought about it. Maybe I’ve just been occupied by other things. Or maybe I knew that my prayers wouldn’t be that honest anymore.”

“Oh? What have you been occupied with lately then?”

My cheeks flush. I think it’s pretty obvious what it is. And judging from the look on his face, he knows it too.

“It’s clear you know what it is, so stop the act.”

He grabs my chin and leans in closer, wearing a smug expression.

“I still want to hear you say it.”

“I won’t say it.”

“How about we make a deal?”

“I don’t have good experiences with making deals with you.”

He raises his brow at me. “You don’t? But I don’t think we have made any deals yet.”

Crap. That’s true. We haven’t. Not in this life.

“I meant in general.”

He tilts his head. “Right… Well, anyway, do you want to hear the deal?”

“No.”

He leans even closer, his lips brushing against mine. I immediately part my lips, expecting a kiss from him. But instead, he just smiles.

“That’s too bad.” He frees my chin and gets up. “Unfortunately, duty calls. I just wanted to see you before work begins.”

Jerk. Always just teasing.

“See you later, Lo.”

I just sit there and stare at his retreating back again, which is starting to become an annoying phenomenon. I get up and run to grab his sleeve and yank him to face me. I rise onto my tiptoes, wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss him. He is clearly surprised by my sudden act, but soon he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer.

I withdraw with a smile. “See you later, Felix. I hope you have a great day.”

I exit the church and leave with a huge smile on my face, since Felix just stays there, standing and staring at me this time. Serves him right.

The day goes on as usual. The other candidates are excited to learn something about Felix, and I just feel amused, knowing I’m the only one here who really knows him. The real him. It feels good. After dinner, I visit Hans as usual and then head toward the hill next to the training grounds. I know there isn’t that much need to stalk him anymore, but I still want to see him if I can. I open the book and try my best to read while waiting for him to appear in the training grounds.

“I thought we would be over this stalking thing already.”

I lift my gaze, and Felix appears next to me. I smile and act all innocent.

“I’m not stalking. I’ve said many times that I’m just innocently reading a book here, enjoying the lovely weather.”

He crouches down.

“I see you even have your book the right way up this time. Your act is clearly getting better.”

I smile proudly. “I know. Thanks for noticing my efforts.”

He reaches his hand toward me. “Come on. I need you closer.”

“And why is that?” I tease as I grab his hand, and he pulls me up.

“Oh? Why would I answer that when you avoided my question this morning?”

“Maybe we should make a deal,” I suggest.

He looks honestly surprised, but pleased at the same time.

“Please, do tell. I love deals.”

“I answer your question from the morning if you first answer mine.”

He grabs my waist and pulls me closer. I cling to his shirt as I mold myself against him.

“I want you closer because I want to feel your gaze on me.”

“And why do you want to feel my gaze on you?”

“Answering that wasn’t part of the deal. It’s your turn to answer.”

“I won’t answer until you tell me why you want to feel my gaze,” I say teasingly.

“I’m not telling.”

“Your call. Either tell me, or I’ll find myself something else to do.” I smile widely. I know he doesn’t remember our previous life. But I still get some satisfaction from copying his words when he altered his deal the same way in our secret garden when he was about to tell me his secret about his illusion mana.

He narrows his eyes at me.

“I didn’t know my pretty flower was this cunning. But I’ll play along, only because it’s impossible to say no to your lovely button eyes.”

He leans closer, his nose touching mine.

“There are actually a couple of reasons why I want your eyes on me. I want you to see me, and only me. And your presence makes me train harder; it motivates me. It also serves as a challenge, since it’s harder to keep my focus on training while you are present. But most of all, I’m happy when you are close.”

I slide my hand around his neck, smiling. My heart feels so warm around him. Hearing his words makes me happy. It makes me think that this time I can actually spend time with him without causing him pain. Maybe I can really make him happy. Of course, I still need to leave him after the Selection, but I don’t want to think about that right now.

“I’ve been occupied because of you. I can barely think of anything else but you. I want to see you more than be at church. I usually pray for forgiveness from God because I’ve strayed from my righteous path, but my prayers aren’t genuine anymore. So I’d rather spend my time thinking about you or watching you than give prayers that mean nothing.”

His pupils widen slightly as he looks at me. Then he lowers his head against my forehead and smiles so warmly it melts my heart.

“Goddammit, Lo. I really love making deals with you. You make me so happy that I don’t even know how to express myself.”

I kiss him because I feel the same. Soon, he turns and shoves me against the tree. His hands start to roam over me, and I ignite into fire. His kiss feels more like devouring, like he’s trying to carve his mark into me. And I let him. I feel his bulge growing rapidly against me. I press myself tightly against him.

Then he suddenly pulls back, exhaling heavily.

“Fuck, Lo. You have no idea how much I want to sink my cock inside you.”

My pussy pulses. I want that too, so freaking much.

“I want you to,” I admit.

“Do you want to be my Queen?”

I swallow. I can’t say yes.

“No,” I force out.

“Then it doesn’t matter how much we want to. We can’t.”

He leans in to kiss my neck, and I cling to his shirt again. He pulls away far too soon.

“Come on, let’s go. Even though I’d much rather make you moan against this tree, I need to train. I can’t skip that.”

He takes my hand, lifts my book from the ground, and we start walking toward the training grounds. I feel the wetness between my thighs. I just have to ignore the need.

I watch him train, and the need doesn’t ease. I ache for him even more. Judging by his glances toward me, he knows it too. When he’s done, he grabs my hand and starts pulling me toward the building where he usually changes his clothes.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“You can wait for me to shower inside. There’s too high a risk that you’ll start stalking some other man if I leave you outside.”

Is he serious? I would never even glance at another guy. But I obey. He sits me down inside and vanishes behind a door. I glance around, seeing clothes scattered everywhere. What if someone else comes in to shower and change? How am I going to explain that I’m invading the men’s changing room? I hope Felix thought about that, maybe using his illusion magic to make sure no one sees me.

Soon, Felix comes back, wearing only his pants, rubbing his hair with a towel. I don’t understand why he even bothers with a towel when he could just dry himself with magic.

But I don’t exactly mind. He looks incredibly hot like that, water droplets sliding down his bare chest. My body gets excited again. He walks toward me, eyeing me knowingly. I avert my gaze. He must think I’m a huge pervert, which I can’t really deny when it comes to him.

“So, care to tell me what you were thinking while I trained?”

“What do you mean?” I still don’t look at him.

He crouches in front of me, and I squeeze my thighs together.

“I’m pretty sure you were drooling.”

I snap my eyes to his, glaring. “I didn’t drool! My mouth is perfectly clean!”

He chuckles as his hand glides down my legs, slipping under my dress.

“I didn’t mean that kind of drool. I was talking about your soaking wet panties.”

Heat floods through me, and I fall silent. I can’t deny it. I know my panties are wet; they’ve been wet for a long time. I watch him as he slowly lifts the hem of my dress. I hear a knight yelling outside and snap out of my haze, trying to push my dress back down.

“Felix! Stop it. Someone might come.”

He chuckles and spreads my legs wide, leaning in to kiss my inner thigh. I sigh.

“Are you afraid they’ll find out how naughty you are?”

“I’m not naughty!”

He moves closer to my core, and my breathing stutters as I watch him.

“Watching me with soaked panties while others are around sounds pretty dirty to me. Or sinking your fingers inside while thinking about me in your room.”

“I just—” I start to argue, but I really can’t deny it.

“You know… Your fingers tasted pretty divine back then. I’ve been wondering ever since whether it would taste even better directly from the source.” He slips his fingers under my panties, stretching the fabric aside. “I have to say, my pretty flower’s scent is the most alluring one.”

I glance at the door when someone shouts outside again.

“Felix. Please, what if—” My words turn into a heavy exhale as his tongue slides over my pussy.

He grins at me afterward. “You were saying?”

Jerk, as always. I try to gather my reason. “What if someone comes in or hears us?”

“That’s a risk we’ll have to take. I really don’t mind people finding out how weak you are for me. I love how slutty you are with your dirty thoughts and needy pussy.”

I grip the edge of the chair as he dives back into me.

Oh God, how much I’ve missed his tongue there. It feels like heaven. In seconds, I forget the outside world exists. There’s only him and me, and the rising heat between my legs. His rhythm is slow and teasing as he circles my clit. I tilt my head back, nudging myself closer, begging for more. His other hand presses lightly at my entrance.

“Felix,” I breathe, hoping for more.

He slides his fingers inside me, making me moan.

“I thought you were worried someone might hear. But it doesn’t sound like it. Or do you want them to hear? Does it excite you?”

I’m too lost to answer, moaning as his fingers thrust inside me while his tongue drives me higher. The heat overwhelms me. He feels so much better than I remembered, so different from my own touch.

I feel the orgasm building, my toes curling as it nears. Then he suddenly stops. I whimper in frustration.

“Fuck, Lo. You taste like heaven. Your pussy sucks my fingers in so hungrily, like it’s begging for my cock.”

My inner walls clench.

“Do it.”

“Do you want to be my Queen?”

I swallow and shake my head.

He returns to licking me, fingers thrusting harder. The orgasm is right there.

Then he stops again.

“No,” I sigh.

“You want to come? I thought you were worried we’d get caught.”

“Please, Felix.” I press closer.

He circles my clit again.

“Does my pretty flower want to come?”

I nod.

“Just say you’ll be my Queen, and I’ll make you come.”

“What?” I stare at him in disbelief. “Why?”

“I want you to be mine. I won’t let you come otherwise. So will you be my Queen?”

My chest tightens. The orgasm is so close. I want it. And I want him so badly. But I can’t. I dig out my spine from hiding and lift my legs to his shoulders and kick him away. He lands on his ass, shocked. I steady my breathing as he starts to laugh.

“I thought I had you, Lo. Guess you’re more stubborn than I thought.”

“You’re a jerk.”

He chuckles, standing up.

“Can’t deny that.” He leans over me, lips glistening. “I just want you to be my Queen.”

“Why? I thought we agreed we’d only see each other during the Selection.”

“I never agreed to anything.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

“I’m determined to convince you.”

“That won’t happen.”

He smirks. “Are you sure you can survive these weeks with me without a single orgasm?”

Is he saying that he won’t make me come if I won’t agree to be his Queen? He’s insane. But I won’t change my mind. I can always do it myself. It’s not the same, but it’s better than nothing.

“And no touching yourself either,” he adds.

“What? You can’t control that.”

“Oh yes, I can. No touching without permission. If you behave, then I might let you have a little fun with yourself.”

‘’You are insane if you think you can just order me around like that.’’

His hand leaves my chin and grabs my throat, pulling me close. I grab his arm while my pussy throbs with need even more. His voice drops lower, like giving a warning.

‘’You will obey me. Since that’s what you want to do, don’t you? So, no touching, unless I give you permission. Understand?’’

My reason protests, but my body answers. The slut in me who wants to just please him answers before my reason can. I nod. He kisses me, and I taste myself on his lips. I rub my thighs together, desperate.

I have a feeling these weeks are going to be much harder than I thought.