Master of Minds, Master of Me

I look at the Mirror of Desires one last time. I watch my pretty flower hugging me and smiling at me so beautifully.

This mirror has been my lifeline all these months without her. It was in my room, so I could see her every day. But now I don’t need it anymore. Now she is here, for real. I toss the sheet over it and exit the Royal Vault.

It’s been one year, eight months, and twenty days since I woke up with that weird feeling inside me.

It’s been one year, eight months, and six days since I finally remembered her. It took two weeks to figure out what that itch was. I hate how I could forget her for two whole weeks. I wanted to go to her right away, take her into my arms, and never let go. But I couldn’t. I had to play it smart. I couldn’t just go to her and take her. Since I do remember what she told me before taking that step.

My body didn’t move. I was in so much pain that my body didn’t work. If it had worked, I would have jumped after her and protected her with my own body. Or at least I would have died with her if my body wasn’t strong enough to protect her from the fall.

Even though that was definitely the most painful experience in my entire life, there are two positive sides. Now I know that even if she dies, she can never escape me. I don’t care if we end up dying a million times. I will have her a million times. And now I have a chance to make things go smoother.

After my memory came back to me, the urge to go to her was unbearable. Without that mirror, I would have probably done it. But instead, I dedicated my life to controlling my mana.

In the end, we have two problems that we need to figure out to be together happily: her curse and my mana. During this time, I have given up all my free time to train my magic and calm my mana with swordfighting. No more having fun in the Underground, no more blending in with the commoners. If I want to prevent myself from causing a civil war, I need to learn to control it better. And I have succeeded at that, pretty greatly even. Not to brag or anything, but I can even teleport now. Nothing to compare to Theodore, of course, but still. Being able to control it enough to teleport is a huge improvement.

I think that one reason for my mana acting up last time was the fact that I have suppressed my negative emotions all my life, burying them deep inside me. I have only focused on being perfect. And when the negative emotions started to rise along with my illusion mana, I was consumed by them. I didn’t know how to deal with them.

So I have been trying my best not to do that anymore. I’m learning to deal with my emotions and not bury them. I can’t say I’m exactly good at it, but I’m better. Letting the negative emotions surface makes my mana surface too, but now I’m more in control when it does. So I have faith that I will not erupt like that anymore.

But of course, my efforts are put to the test now, when my pretty flower is here, since she really has the ability to draw out the darkness inside me. I have managed to resist her so far, but it’s getting harder. And I was so close to bursting when I saw her in her room that one day, touching herself. I was just planning to stalk her from her balcony, aching to see her.

But goddammit, that was so fucking hot. I wanted to just burst in through the balcony doors and sink my mouth into her. I only had the distant memory of her taste. I couldn’t just give in and do that, but I needed to taste her. Her balcony door was luckily unlocked, so I managed to sneak into her room using my illusion magic and stole the handkerchief, since I needed an excuse to go see her. And her face when I sank her soaked fingers into my mouth? Definitely going into my imaginary scrapbook. She tasted even better than I remembered. I should be given a medal for not taking her right then and there.

And I have to say that I’m rather enjoying her little stalking. It’s like the tables have turned. I know I should probably feel bad for not telling her that I do remember everything, but I’m just enjoying this little game way too much. And she really did make me work for her last time, so I think it’s only right that she has to do it now. I’m all about equality in relationships after all.

I know, I know. Maybe not the most ethical thing to do. But I think it’s already clear that I’m not the nicest person all the time. I enjoy my payback wholeheartedly.

I enjoy watching as she gets more and more obsessed with me every day. It’s addictive. I hope she realizes how much she wants me herself too, and eventually is willing to fight against our destiny together until the end. And if we don’t succeed this time, we have endless chances to try it over and over again.

So even if my mana is clearly under much better control, that leaves the problem of her curse. I still don’t know what causes her to die every time. She just said that she died shortly after the Civil War broke out. So would simply protecting her from death be enough?

I have done my best to research curses, and I have talked to Theodore about it. I didn’t exactly tell him who was cursed, but I told him that I know someone who believes she is cursed by the Devil. I didn’t even believe that the Devil exists in the first place, so I was pretty shocked when Theodore told me that he had met the Devil. He really is one crazy beast, to beat the Devil to a pulp and make him hide in Hell. He didn’t tell me what he wanted from the Devil, but I guess it’s pretty obvious that he wanted the ability to wield dark magic. So I guess the rumours are true that dark magic comes from the Devil, which means that light magic probably really comes from God.

If Lo always wakes up on her eighteenth birthday, it means that she was probably cursed around that time. But Theodore told me that the Devil has been hiding in Hell for many years, so it can’t be him. It must be someone else who cursed her. But I need Lo’s help to figure out who. I’ve investigated all the people close to her, but no one would ever be able to cast a curse. So I’m out of ideas on that part.

And there is the option that Lo isn’t even cursed. Of course, something is making her wake up every time she dies, but maybe it’s something other than a curse. So I kind of hope that Lo would let Theodore examine her, just to make sure whether it is a curse or not.

So I need to convince her that I’m more in control now, that she can trust that I won’t go berserk. And then convince her to cooperate so we can find a solution to her problem together. Since I won’t rest until we get our happy ending. I will die together with her as many times as I need to figure out a way out of this. But I won’t let her die alone anymore.

It’s Saturday, and I enter my office. I see her already sitting at her usual spot with her book. I blow her a kiss before settling behind my desk. She really is so fucking cute that my heart still can’t handle her. I’m not sure how long I can keep myself from taking her. I honestly wasn’t planning to do this, to pretend that I didn’t remember her.

I planned to just force myself to live without her until I could handle my mana perfectly. I would have waited until the danger of me losing control was gone, so I could go to her with solid proof that I can handle myself now. And then convince her to let Theodore and me help handle her curse problem.

But she really surprised me when she came here and did not request permission to drop out like she said she had always done. So at first, I was just curious about how she would act around me. Would she still try to avoid me like last time? Well, she didn’t. And fuck, she was so cute standing behind that tree, trying to see me pass by the greenhouse. I just couldn’t help but go tease her about it. And her adorable stalking in the training grounds and outside my office is just too much for my heart to handle.

So it’s pretty obvious that she has been acting vastly differently from last time. It’s also obvious that she thought I wouldn’t notice her if she acted like the other candidates. But it’s impossible not to notice her. Not when her eyes are on me constantly, and when I can sense her hungry thoughts so easily. I’m just so fucking happy that she wanted to see me so much that she decided to come here again despite her need to seek salvation from God.

And I really can’t wait to take her virginity again. Because I will. Definitely. I mean, if we do die again, I could take it the third time, and a fourth, and a fifth… So maybe this do-over thing isn’t that bad after all.

One of the best parts of having the memories from last time is the fact that I’m more knowledgeable about what is going to happen. So my father’s illness didn’t come as a shock this time. I had prepared for it for months before it happened. Before my father fell ill, I had much more free time, so I managed to train my mana even more then. Now I can’t do it that much, but I have a strict schedule, and I’m not going to stray from it.

One major plus is the fact that I knew what Hilver was going to do. So I dealt with that problem before it even started. And our relationship is rather good this time. Not perfect, but better. I offered to help find their lost Princess, but I haven’t really found many leads. It is possible that she was here at some point, but she escaped over ten years ago, so it’s really impossible to find her since no one even knows what she looks like.

So no war and no ambush are coming this time. There is no need for an evacuation site, so no four weeks of freedom from me for Theodore either. Serves him right. And this time, I have already forced our Royal Army’s Captain to change his sword, so he should not die during the monster campaign this time.

I should be totally free to just pester my pretty flower.

The only existing problem is Florentia. Last time, we got the evidence against her and Duke Callum when Hilver invaded. We found letters between the assassins and Duke Callum at their camp in the canyon. And the one who survived my little water drop was surprisingly eager to talk when he was captured.

But now that Hilver isn’t going to invade, I’m not going to get that evidence. But I have one new chance. When we captured Florentia last time, she admitted that she had sneaked out of her room at night and saw me go to Lo’s room when I got back from war. I had hired Theodore to watch her, but only during the day. I thought that during the night, the guards were enough. I really didn’t think she would sneak out of her window. A miscalculation on my behalf, I admit.

So this time, I modified my contract with Theodore. I made him watch her during the nights, or more specifically, he uses his magic so that he gets alerted if Florentia opens her window or door during the night. I thought I could persuade him more easily this time since I knew that he would eventually do it. But it was even harder than last time, probably because of that little extra nightly duty. I’m just glad he is so weak when it comes to money. What a cute, greedy mage.

So Florentia is my only concern this time. I have to be more careful with her. But I only need one piece of evidence, and that’s it.

I’m not sure when I’m going to tell my pretty flower the truth, that I remember everything. My little lie started purely out of curiosity, but I just got too hooked on it, curious to see how she would keep acting around me. And I love to tease her, so how could I resist playing with her a little? But I know I will crack at some point, since I really can’t hold on much longer. My cock aches so fucking badly around her.

And my little game with her has served as great training for me. Maybe it’s better to slowly be with her more and more, just to see how my mana behaves and how well I can resist my urges with her.

I glance at my pretty flower, and she averts her gaze shyly.

So. Fucking. Cute.