Master of Minds, Master of Me

Finally, Felix comes to his office. He immediately spots me and waves at me. I just avert my gaze from embarrassment. I really don’t know what I’m doing anymore, but I just can’t stop coming to see him. Maybe I have finally lost it. All my reason is starting to go back into hiding. I keep reminding myself why I jumped from the tower, why I need to get away from him. But every time I see him, those thoughts just disappear, and the need to just be with him takes control.

I just stay there and stare at him working. He keeps his focus on his work the whole time, diligently. I keep daydreaming about him, thinking about all our memories together as time passes by. I have no idea how long I just sit there and watch him. I could watch him the whole day.

But then he gets up and opens the window. My heart beats a little louder as I wait for him to approach me, but he just waves and leaves.

What? Where is he going? I was sure he would come to talk to me. Should I follow him? To see where he is going? Is he going to train or something? Or maybe have fun outside the Palace?

My mouth suddenly feels dry. Is he going to the Underground to have fun? To watch some half-naked ladies dancing? Is he having a date with someone down there?

Without thinking, I get up and walk where he went, planning to follow him. He never answered me when I asked whether he had pestered someone else. Maybe he really has. Maybe he is taking her out on a date.

Oh God, I’m going mad because of this. The mere thought of him being with someone else is unbearable. I follow him and watch him stop for a while next to one of the ponds. I just stare from behind the trees.

Please don’t see any other woman. Please, please, please.

But my heart sinks so deeply when I see a blond woman walking straight toward him.

No. Please no. My chest aches when she goes to him and hugs him. And then they start to walk away together.

He really did go to pester someone else. Just like I told him to. I know this is what I asked for, but I can’t handle this. I keep following them and realize they are heading towards Felix’s secret garden.

Please don’t tell me he built a secret garden for someone else.

I watch them disappear inside the barrier, totally out of my sight. I go stand behind the barrier, just staring into nothingness. What am I going to do? Do I really have to just watch from the sidelines while Felix finds a new love? I thought I was prepared for all of this. But apparently I’m not. I hate it. I feel so nauseus.

I will probably need to suffer many times through the fact that Felix marries someone else than me. But seeing it this close is not something I can do. I really can’t. And before I know it, I step inside the barrier, ready to confront him. But I don’t see him. All I see is the familiar secret garden. It’s exactly like it was back then.

So that freaking jerk built exactly the same garden for someone else?! It was supposed to be our secret garden. Is he really some stupid playboy wooing every woman with the same methods?

“So do you like it?”

I yelp loudly when he once again startles me, his head suddenly appearing behind me.

“Stop being a creep!” I snap at him.

“Still not sure you can accuse me of that, since you’re the one who followed me here.”

“I didn’t—” I start to argue back out of habit, but realize there really is no denying it. It’s too obvious. So I just focus on what I came here to do. “So where is she?”

“Where is who?”

“The girl you came here with? Did you successfully woo her with your stupid garden?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

He keeps smiling so smugly. It annoys the crap out of me.

“Jerk! Don’t try to act innocent. I saw you come here with a blond woman. You even hugged her!”

“Is hugging a crime? I thought you wanted me to go pester someone else.”

“No, I don’t!”

“I’m pretty sure you said you wanted me to go pester someone else. Twice.”

“Well, I didn’t mean it!”

“Oh? So should I be able to read minds or something?” He still seems so annoyingly amused by this whole situation, like he is really enjoying it.

And yes, he should be able to sense that I was lying my ass off back then. Why didn’t he? Or did he sense it and just decide to ignore it? But I can’t exactly accuse him of that, since I’m not supposed to know about his illusion mana. I decide to ignore his stupid question.

“So where is she? And who even is she?”

“I think my stalker’s imagination has gone wild. It’s just you and me here.”

“Don’t try to—”

I fall silent when I understand what happened. He used his stupid magic to make me see the woman, didn’t he? Just to make me jealous. This freaking jerk really is driving me insane. But how can I accuse him of that if I’m not supposed to know about his illusion magic?

“Tell me honestly, have you been seeing someone?”

He takes a step closer, and my heart skips a beat.

“Tell me first what you want from me. If you thought I would be here with someone else, what were you planning to do when you caught us?”

I fall silent. I’m not sure what I planned to do. I would probably have just made a fool of myself.

“Well, if you’re not in the mood to talk, I’ll take my leave.”

He turns away, and I grab his sleeve in panic.

“No! Don’t go.”

He turns back to face me, looking so pleased with himself. Clearly, this is just some stupid game to him. And I really don’t want to be forced to play it. But if I don’t want him to see anyone else, I think I have to. So I swallow my pride and force myself to speak, looking down at his sleeve where I’m still holding on.

“I just don’t want you to see anyone else. I hate it. Even the thought of it makes me nauseous.”

He grabs my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

“Does that mean you are willing to see me?”

“I… I don’t know. No. Yes. Maybe. I mean, I want to. But I still don’t want to be a Queen.”

“So you just want to see me during the Selection and then leave me? You want to be a fling?”

Just the thought of leaving him makes my tears rise. I don’t want to leave him. But I really can’t be with him. Should I be a fling? Maybe having him during these weeks is better than not having him at all. Maybe if we just keep this casual, my presence won’t cause him any pain.

“It’s not that I want to be one. It’s just a fact that I can’t be anything more.”

My chest aches. I really am stupid. Why did I even come here to stop him from having fun with someone else, when I can’t offer him anything more than a temporary relationship? I really am the worst.

“Why can’t you be anything more?”

“Would you believe me if I said that I would cause you harm if I were more than that?”

“Yes, I would believe you.”

I’m honestly a little shocked by his words. Is it so obvious that I’m not a good person?

“Do you know why I believe you?”

“Why?”

He leans in closer, grinning. I already feel the heat in me rising.

“Because you must be cursed, since I fell for you instantly when I first saw you.”

My eyes widen for a moment. I know his choice of words is just a coincidence, but they still shock me. Before I even manage to think of an answer, his lips crash against mine.

And oh God, how much I have missed kissing him. I instantly cling to his shirt, pulling him closer and molding myself against him. His lips feel so firm against mine, and it feels so unbelievably good to feel him again like this. I pour all my pent-up feelings into him. My tears rise from how good it feels to cling to him like this. I know this is not what I should do, but I just want him too much to care anymore.

His hands slowly slide down to the backs of my thighs, and he lifts me up. I wrap my legs around him. I already feel the rising bulge in his pants, and my body gets even more excited. Will I really feel his touch again? Am I allowed to? After what I did to him?

He kneels down, and I’m soon pinned to the ground. His hands start to travel along my body. My pussy throbs with need. His mouth leaves mine, and he moves to kiss my neck.

“So, Lady Lorelia, can I call you Lo?”

“Yes. Can I call you Felix?”

I feel his lips smile against my skin, and he lifts his head to look at me.

“On one condition.”

“What is it?”

His left hand creeps to my throat, making me clench my thighs together, while his right hand slips under my dress.

“You'd better moan it beautifully for me.”

His hands press against my panties, and I sigh heavily. I nudge myself closer to him, begging for more. He just chuckles at me.

“I would have never guessed that a righteous person like you would be this dirty. You are soaking wet already, you naughty pretty flower.”

“Please, Felix, touch me.”

My body feels like it’s bursting from anticipation. I have ached for this for so long. His fingers slowly slide under the fabric, and I immediately moan when his fingers slide to my clit. I don’t know why, but I’m already so close to the edge. It’s like this year and a half has been just constant foreplay with my fantasies about him. And now that I actually feel him, the orgasm creeps in without my permission. I really don’t want to come yet. I need to feel him. I want him inside me.

“Felix,” I moan as he gently circles my clit.

“Yes, pretty flower?”

“I want—” My words are cut off when the orgasm suddenly floods through me.

No, no, no. Not yet. But I can’t resist it. The feeling I have missed so much completely shatters me, making me tremble with pleasure. He barely even touched me. I can’t believe I just came this easily.

Oh God. This is so embarrassing. He must think I’m a freak for coming like this. He touched me for maybe ten seconds. I cover my face with my hands.

Oh please, God. Please make me disappear. I can’t handle the embarrassment.

I feel his hand withdrawing from my panties and my throat. Oh God, I want to be invisible.

“Lo? You okay?” I just keep covering my face. “Let me see you.”

“No. Please don’t look at me.”

“Why?”

“It’s just too embarrassing. I’m not this weak, I promise. Please just forget what just happened. I’m sorry.”

His hands grab my wrists, and he yanks me up to sit. I just stare at his face, his blue eyes shining, a pleased smile on his lips. He leans in closer, his lips brushing against mine.

“Are you embarrassed that you came so fast?”

My cheeks flush, and I try to avert my gaze, but he grabs my face and forces me to look at him.

“Don’t try to hide from me. You’re so fucking cute acting like that. And I take it only as a compliment. I knew you liked me, but I didn’t know you were this obsessed with me. That you almost came just from the thought of me touching you? I actually love how weak you are for me. So there really isn’t anything to be ashamed of.”

“I… I just didn’t want to come so fast.”

“Oh? And why is that?”

“Well… I just wanted to feel you more.”

He grins. “What were you wishing for?”

“I don’t know, just… everything.”

“Were you wishing I would fuck you?”

I still don’t understand how he can talk about sex like that, being so confident about it, when I feel so embarrassed saying these things. I just nod.

“I do admit that I’ve fantasized about sinking myself deep inside you. I bet feeling you clenching hungrily around me would be ecstatic. But I don’t want to mislead you. I can’t fuck you.”

“What? Why?” I’m stunned.

“It’s my rule. I can’t take the risk of having children out of wedlock. I’m a Royal, after all. And since you don’t want to be my Queen, I can’t fuck you.”

I just stare at him. I remember him telling me about that rule last time. I just didn’t realize it would affect me now too. So I can never feel him inside me again? Ever?

“Unless you’ve changed your mind about it?” He adds.

No. I haven’t. I can’t be too greedy. I need to think about what’s best for him. So I just shake my head. He withdraws a little farther from my face.

“Well, that’s a shame.”

I stare down at my lap and fiddle with my fingers nervously. Or should I say yes? No. No, I shouldn’t.

“So what do you think about this garden?”

I look up. “What do you mean?”

“I made it for you. So do you like it?”

“For me? Why?”

Did he really do this again for me? My chest tightens.

“The moment I laid my eyes on you in that meeting room, you hypnotized me. You’re like my compass. Wherever I go, whatever I do, my thoughts always return to you. I first planned to just get you some Azuregleams, since you said they were your favorite flower. But when I saw the color of the flowers, I changed my mind.”

“Why did that change your mind?”

He looks to the left, where the Azuregleams are planted.

“You said it’s your favorite flower because of the color, right?”

I nod.

He looks back at me, his ocean-blue eyes glistening brightly.

“The color reminds me of something. Do you agree?”

I stare at his eyes, knowing he has realized that I like the flowers because they remind me of him. I just nod, embarrassed once again.

“That made me unimaginably happy. To know that you might be a little obsessed with me. So I kind of went all in with the flowers, wanting to make you happy too. So do you like it?”

I just keep staring at him. I feel like crying, simply because I love him so much. And I can’t believe he would do all of this for me again. I know getting close to him like this is dangerous, but maybe there is a possibility that I can make him happy while I’m here, without causing him pain. Maybe I could just enjoy this.

I lift my hands, cup his cheeks, and press my lips against his, pouring my love into the kiss. When I pull back, I smile at him.

“I love it. Will you show me around?”

His smile melts my whole soul.

“I would do anything for you, Lo.”