Master of Minds, Master of Me

I have been having a hard time focusing on this week’s history lessons. I’m glad that I have been through these classes previously, so it doesn’t matter that my mind drifts during lessons. I’m just glad they are over and that it’s the weekend again. I have visited that hill near the training grounds every single day. Luckily, Felix apparently has a strict training schedule, since he trains at the same time every day.

I know that he probably knows that I’m there, but he hasn’t come to talk to me anymore. I always fake reading a book while I’m there. Even he can’t tell from that far away if I’m actually reading or not. Seeing him train has become my lifeline. It feels like I'll die if I don’t get to see him every day.

Now that it’s the weekend, maybe I can see him even more. I know he works on weekends too. And I know where his office is. So I hope I can see him through his office window. I have tried that before, but he is never there after my class, which means that he works only during the daytime.

I place myself on one of the benches near the fountain, which is close to his office window. It’s on the second floor, so I really can’t see very well inside, but even a glimpse of him is something I crave. And it doesn’t take long for him to go sit behind his desk; I spot Tedracil there too. I just keep watching Felix.

I wonder if he really has been seeing some other candidate. I have never seen him talking to anyone else. But with his illusion magic, I can never trust what my eyes see.

I’m not sure how long I just sit there and watch him through the window. My heart still aches, but it’s also more at ease when I see him. I really don’t know how I can ever manage to get back to my righteous path and not come to the Selection. But let’s worry about that later.

Suddenly, he turns to look outside the window, and his eyes snap to mine. He smirks and lifts his hand to wave. My cheeks flush, and I avert my gaze.

Crap. I hope he didn’t realize how I’ve been staring at him like some freak.

I shyly move my eyes back to the window, just to see if he has already turned away. But to my shock, he is opening the window and just jumps down. He walks toward me with an amused smile.

“So how is my favorite stalker doing?”

“I’m not stalking!” I say in panic.

“Sure… So what are you reading?”

“Just a book.”

“Just a book? I’m not a professional at reading when the text is upside down, but I’m pretty sure the title is not ‘Just a Book.’”

I glance down and realize that my book is indeed upside down.

Oh God. Every time I see him, I keep embarrassing myself over and over again. I just close the book, ignoring his little observation.

“It’s The Tales of Belnia.”

“Isn’t that a romance novel? Do you enjoy reading those?” He comes to sit next to me, and my heart beats a little faster.

I have never actually enjoyed reading books very much. But after him, I have immersed myself in romance novels, thinking that maybe reading about other people’s love would ease the ache in my chest.

I nod.

“So why are you not reading near the training grounds like usual?”

“I just wanted a change of scenery. This fountain is the prettiest one in the Palace, so I thought I could come here.”

“And it had nothing to do with the fact that my office is just there?”

“Of course not. How could I know where your office was?”

“With your stalker tendencies, I’m pretty sure you could easily find that out.”

“I’m not a stalker, Your Highness. I just enjoy reading outside. If my presence bothers you, I can go read somewhere else.”

I get up from the bench, not really wanting to leave. But I need to force myself to act like I’m not hopelessly in love with him. He grabs my hand and yanks me back down to sit.

“Don’t make assumptions. You’re the one who told me to leave you alone, not the other way around. I have to admit, I rather enjoy seeing you around.”

“Why?”

Why did I ask that? I’m happy that he doesn’t mind me being around, but I shouldn’t start to get greedy again.

“You are like the most beautiful flower in the garden. So, of course, I wouldn’t mind seeing a pretty flower like you every day.”

My heart skips a beat. It’s been so long since I last heard him call me that. I feel so happy.

“So, do you always work on weekends?” I ask, just wanting to talk to him about something.

“I do, but not as much as during the week. It depends on how many urgent matters need my presence.”

“Am I interrupting your work right now?”

“No. There isn’t anything that can’t wait for a while. My own cute stalker is far more important.”

“I’m not a stalker!”

Okay, I totally am. But I’m not going to admit that. I still have some of my pride left, not much, but some.

“Sure, whatever you say, pretty flower. I’m just very honored to be the subject of your crush.”

“I don’t—” When I turn to argue back, he just looks at me, tilting his head with a knowing smirk. He looks so incredibly handsome that my argument vanishes, and I just stare at him, mesmerized.

“You don’t what?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“So you are admitting you have a crush on me?”

I’m starting to think that it’s futile to deny it. He has caught me so many times doing questionable things.

“Maybe, but every candidate probably has a crush on you, so it doesn’t matter.”

“So do you still want me to go pester them instead of you?”

“Have you?” I ask, looking down at my lap. “Pestered them, I mean.”

“I’m not sure if I want to tell you, since you look so cute being jealous like that.”

This time, I don’t argue back. I really am jealous, annoyingly so. I keep my gaze lowered.

“Answer my question first. Then I’ll answer yours. About whether you prefer that I pester them instead of you.”

The answer is so obvious. I don’t. But my reason hasn’t disappeared. If I want him to be happy, I should say yes, no matter how unhappy it makes me.

“Yes, I do.” It’s hard to even say the words.

He suddenly grabs my chin and leans closer, his face only inches from mine. My lips part, and I can’t help but lower my gaze to his lips. Is he going to kiss me? Oh God, I want to kiss him so much.

“You really know how to play hot and cold, don’t you? Usually, people don’t push away their crushes.”

I force myself to focus on answering instead of daydreaming about our tangled bodies.

“I know it might sound confusing. But even if I like you, I don’t want you to think that I want to be Queen. I don’t want you to misunderstand my intentions. That’s why you should pester them, since eventually you need to choose a wife among them.”

He moves a little closer, his lips almost brushing against mine.

“Is that so?”

I gulp, staring at him. His ocean-blue eyes shine brightly under the sun. I haven’t seen his darkening purple gaze at all, and I find myself missing it. I miss the rushing heat whenever I saw his eyes darken.

I nod.

“That’s a shame. Because all I want is to kiss you. But I guess that’s not going to happen.”

He lets go of my chin and stands up. I feel empty and abandoned. He turns to look at me.

“If you ever change your mind about that, feel free to tell me.”

Then he leaves. And once again, I’m left staring at his retreating back. My heart hurts, and my pussy throbs. Oh God, how much I want him. I’m slowly starting to lose my reason. But I can’t let go of it. If I do, I killed myself for nothing last time.

So I force myself up and walk to the greenhouse. Maybe the company of flowers and Hans will lift my mood. As I enter, Hans is there watering the flowers.

“Lady Lorelia! Happy to see you. How are you doing?”

“Hans, we agreed that you’d call me Lorelia.”

“Sorry, I try my best to remember. So, Lorelia, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine. I was just reading a book in the garden.”

“Your tone tells me that you’re not fine. Want to talk about it?”

“No, not really. Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. I understand that we all have our secrets. Want to help water the flowers? I’ve already done the roses and tulips, but the rest are still waiting for care.”

I smile at Hans, glad that he quickly understands what I need. “Yes, thanks, Hans.”

We work together while I try my best to focus on the flowers. I water them and let my magic flow, wanting them to grow strong and beautiful. We chat while we work, and talking to Hans always relaxes me. Last time I was here, Father Owen was that person for me, which of course turned out to be Felix. But this time, it’s Hans, and I’m grateful for it. That I have someone to rely on.

I really haven’t spent much time with the other candidates, aside from occasionally eating and having tea with them. I’m not sure if I should spend more time with them. Would it be easier if I had more than one friend here at the palace?

“I think that’s all done for today. Thanks for the help, Lorelia.”

“The pleasure was all mine, Hans.”

“Will you come tomorrow too?”

“Yes. I’m not sure what time, though.”

Since I know I’m going to go stalk Felix again.

“What’s happening in your classes next week? What subject will you have?”

“We are going to learn about the Crown Prince.”

“The whole week? Only about him?”

“Yes.” I smile, amused.

It really is absurd to study one single person for an entire week. Especially when what they teach is only the surface of who he really is.

I'm just happy that I'm the only one who really knows him.