Master of Minds, Master of Me

It’s Sunday, and I need to see him again. I was struggling the whole day yesterday, contemplating whether to go try to find him or not. I didn’t. But I was haunted by him in my dreams more than usual. And now my spine is gone. So I’m heading toward the training grounds, wishing I would see him. I grabbed one book with me, since I’m prepared to wait for him to go train. Of course, it’s possible that he doesn’t come at all. But that is a risk I’m willing to take.

When I reach the spot where I saw him train in my last life, I look around, thinking. I’m sure my stalking attempt failed in the greenhouse because he sensed my lurking mind so close by. So I need to be more sneaky this time. I’m not sure how far away he can sense minds, but it’s clear I need to go farther. I spot a hill in the distance with a tree on top. That looks perfect. I could just rest against the tree, reading. So even if someone sees me, I can say that I just wanted to read outside.

I walk toward the hill, and when I reach it, I sit down on the ground and look at the training grounds. It really is far away. I hope I can still spot him from this far. I open the book and start to read, but I can’t focus. I keep glancing at the training grounds constantly.

After some time, some people go to train. They look like knights; none of them looks like Felix. But I’m so far away that I can’t be sure. What if I miss him because I’m too far?

Soon, I spot three candidates walking toward the training grounds, probably wanting to have a glimpse of Felix, just like me.

Oh God. I’m really turning into one of his groupies, aren’t I? Just one of the ladies drooling over him, sneaking around to get one pathetic glimpse of him. This is not how it’s supposed to be. He was the one pestering me all the time, not the other way around. I take a deep breath and try to focus on the book.

The other candidates give up, but I stay, since apparently I’m even more pathetic than they are. The knights leave as another batch of knights comes to train. I still don’t spot Felix. Some of them are wearing helmets. What if he is too, and that’s why I don’t recognize him from this far away? I lean a little bit forward, trying to see better. It’s hard. I lean in even more, placing my hands on the ground, ditching the book. I squint my eyes, really trying to see if he is there or not.

“So what are you peeping at this time?”

Felix’s head appears right next to me, and it scares the crap out of me again. I yelp, or scream, or I don’t know what the sound was. I lean back in panic and bump my head against the tree.

“Ouch! Could you stop sneaking around like some creep?!” I burst out.

He just chuckles at me, looking annoyingly smug. Jerk.

“I’m not sure if you can accuse me of sneaking around and being a creep, since this is the second time I find you peeping.”

“I wasn’t peeping! I’m just reading a book in peace,” I argue back.

He grabs my book from the ground.

“I didn’t know you could read while crawling on all fours while looking at the training grounds.”

Crap. Why did I do that? Why does he catch me doing something embarrassing every time I see him? Like last time in my room…

The memory of him licking my soaked fingers makes me clench my thighs together. No. Don’t think about it. He can sense your thoughts, remember?

“I was just curious about the knights' training, so I took a small break from reading.”

“Oh? Was there someone specific who caught your attention? Should I be jealous?” His voice is teasing; he is clearly enjoying my awkward situation.

“No. I wasn’t looking for anyone specific. There really aren’t any knights in my hometown, so I was just curious how they train.”

“If you are that curious, you should go closer. You can barely see anything up here.”

“I’m just fine here. I’m just going to continue reading my book.”

He stands up, offering his hand to me.

“Come on, don’t be shy. Just come.”

“Just give me my book back, Your Highness. And what are you doing here in the first place?”

“I was heading to the training grounds, since I’m filling in for the Royal Guard’s captain, who is out on a mission. And it was impossible to miss you peeping up here on the hill. I’m not sure if you were trying to be sneaky, but it’s clear that you suck at it.”

“I wasn’t peeping!”

He just chuckles and keeps offering me his hand.

“Sure, whatever you say. Just come. You can read the book closer to the training grounds if you still want to pretend that you are not that interested in watching people train.”

I look up at him. I want to go. I want to go anywhere with him. But I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. I should not get close to him. I can’t risk it. I can’t cause him pain anymore.

But for some stupid reason, my hand just grabs his, and I let him pull me up from the ground. My brain is screaming at me to stop, but my heart and body just don’t listen to reason. He smiles way too charmingly.

“Here is your book back.”

He lets go of my hand and gives me the book. I take it and mourn the loss of his touch. I would have wanted to hold his hand just a little while longer. But he doesn’t like me like that. Not in this life. So of course he wouldn’t hold my hand any longer than necessary.

“Thank you, Fe— Your Highness.”

Crap. I almost slipped out his name. Stupid brain that malfunctions every time he is around. He just smiles and turns to walk toward the training grounds, and I follow. So he probably didn’t notice my slip.

I walk behind him, holding the book tightly against my chest, and I stare at his back. My heart aches. He is so close, but his heart is probably miles away from me. Unreachable, like it should be.

Is this how he felt when he pestered me? When he continuously tried to be with me, and I kept pushing him back? Did his heart ache like this too? And he isn’t even pushing me away; he is acting very friendly. But it still hurts. I should not complain about it. It’s not like I don’t deserve it.

When we reach the training grounds, he opens the gate.

“Come in.”

“In? I can just watch from outside.”

“Don’t try to escape this. You wanted to watch, so you'd better watch.” He is clearly teasing me.

I nod and step inside, and he leads me to sit on one of the benches.

“Now be a good girl and stay here and watch.” I swallow loudly at his words. He leans in closer, right next to my ear. “But I warn you, I can get pretty jealous. So you better keep your eyes on me, no one else.” He straightens himself, his expression a little darker. “Will you obey?”

I’m stunned by his words. I just stare at him in disbelief, unable to answer. His right hand lifts my chin as he leans a little bit closer, his gaze drilling into me.

“I asked. Will you obey?”

I nod.

He withdraws his hand and suddenly smiles so innocently before turning and heading inside a building. When he is out of sight, I realize how hard my heart is pounding. Just minutes ago, I was sunk in misery, thinking that I could never reach him. But now my heart and body are on fire. Just a few words from him are enough to rattle me.

Oh, please forgive me, my God. I know I should get up and go. Do as I planned. Just take a glimpse of him and then leave him alone. But I can’t. I literally can’t. My body won’t move. I just sit there like I’m glued to this bench.

After a short while, Felix comes out. He has changed his clothes. He heads toward the knights who have already been in the training grounds for a while.

“Listen up!” he yells, and they all turn to listen to him. “The captain is gone for today, so you need to train with me. And we happen to have a little audience today, so be sure to prove that Royal Guards really are the best. Understood?”

“Yes, Your Highness!” they all shout in unison.

He starts giving them orders, separating them into smaller groups, and giving them different tasks. I watch him, my eyes locked on him. I have never actually seen him acting like a Crown Prince. He radiates some kind of authority. He is stern, but still friendly. First, he observes everyone, correcting their posture or giving advice. Eventually, he joins them, sparring against every one of them and giving feedback afterward.

I’m once again mesmerized by him. His movements are so strong and confident. I don’t know the first thing about sword fighting, but even I can see how experienced he is. The sun is pretty bright today, so everyone is starting to get tired quickly because of the heat. Felix’s shirt is clearly wet from sweat, which makes it cling to his muscles. I can’t help but imagine his bare body and my fingers sliding against his skin, or sinking into his shoulders. Especially when he fucked me so hard that I clung to him with everything I had, leaving scratch marks all over his back.

He suddenly looks at me with a knowing expression.

Crap. He totally sensed my lustful thoughts, didn’t he?

Oh God, I can’t handle how embarrassing I am. He really is going to think that I’m just some creepy pervert or something. I feel my cheeks flush as I stare at him. He turns and walks along the edge of the training grounds, then slips his shirt off in one smooth motion.

I know he did that, knowing what I was thinking, wanting to tease me even more. I don’t want to fall for his teasing, but I still do. I feel my pussy throbbing with need as I watch him continue his training bare-chested.

I promise, God. After this loop, I will be good. I will be free from the sin of the flesh. But while he is around, it’s just impossible to resist this heat inside me. I keep staring at him with hungry thoughts. I might really be a creepy pervert.

When they finish training, he grabs his shirt and wipes the sweat from his forehead and the back of his neck while walking toward me. I swallow hard when he stops in front of me. I force my eyes to focus on his face, trying to ignore his bare chest and my memories of what lies under his pants.

“So, was the training what you thought?”

“Umm…” I struggle to form any thoughts in my brain. “I really didn’t have any expectations of what it would be.”

He sits next to me, and I keep looking straight ahead. No way I’m looking at him now when he is so close.

“Well, was it interesting to watch?”

I nod.

“Better than your book?”

I glance down at my lap, where I’m holding my closed book, my fingers pressing into it tightly.

I guess there is no denying it, since it’s pretty obvious I wasn’t even trying to read it. So I nod again.

He leans in closer. “Feeling shy?”

I look down at my lap even more and squeeze the book harder as I feel my cheeks burn. I have no idea what to say to him. I’m not sure how I should talk to him. What way of talking would end in the best outcome? If I’m cold, does it make him fall for me? Or if I’m more eager and talkative, will that make him fall for me? I should have asked in the previous loop what kind of people Felix dislikes, so I could try to act like that. Making sure we are not going to repeat history again.

“You really have a talent for making silence seductive.”

I turn to look at him with wide eyes, because I remember him saying that same thing once before. Is it just a coincidence?

“I… I just don’t know what to say.”

“Is it common for you? To be lost for words?”

I furrow my brows. It wasn’t common, not really. Since I always knew what was going to happen and what I was going to say. It was like I had rehearsed my lines and just played the role over and over again. But now, when things are unknown to me, I’m always lost for words.

“It wasn’t, but I guess it is nowadays.”

“And why is that?”

What is this sudden interrogation?

“It doesn’t matter. Are you pestering all the candidates like this?” I suddenly burst out.

He just chuckles and gives me a teasing smile.

“Are you perhaps jealous? I assure you, you are the only one I pester.”

“No! I’m not jealous. I would prefer you to tease someone else.”

“You would? I thought you would be pleased to have my company.”

I turn my gaze away. “Why would I be?”

“Well, you are participating in the Queen Selection after all. Meaning that you are here to become my wife, are you not?”

My heart aches. I want to be his wife so freaking much. But I shouldn’t even dream about that. And I should make my intentions clear to him.

“I’m not.”

“You are not? Why are you here then?”

“I was just curious about the Palace. I wanted to see the garden and the greenhouse.”

“So you prefer that I leave you alone and seek the company of other candidates?”

I swallow hard. Of course I don’t prefer it. I hate it. I feel sick at the thought. But it doesn’t matter what I want. All that matters is that Felix finds a better love. Someone who deserves him. And that I make sure to jump from the bell tower before the mana consumes him every single time from now on. So he won’t need to experience it ever again. So he can at least live these loops being happy.

I nod.

He exhales heavily and gets up.

“Fine.”

I snap my eyes to him, shocked.

“What?”

“Fine. You win. If you want me to leave you alone, I will. I will pester someone else from now on.”

I know that I asked exactly that. But his words hurt. Last time I asked him to leave me alone many times, but he never did. Why does he do it now? Am I not interesting anymore? Why doesn’t he insist on being with me like last time?

No. What am I thinking? This is a good thing. This is how it was supposed to go. It means I have succeeded in not getting his attention too much, just like I planned. I just wanted to see him in the first meeting, that’s all. Just a peek to fill this void within me, even a little bit. But then I got greedy again. And look where it got me. I just got hurt more.

He bows to me.

“It was a pleasure getting to know you, Lady Lorelia. I hope our greenhouse and garden will be enough to make your visit here pleasurable.”

He turns and leaves, and I just stay there, staring at his distancing back. I want to run to him. Tell him not to leave me. Tell him not to see anyone else but me.

I have no idea when I got so obsessed over him. But now it’s clear.

I really am hopelessly obsessed.