Master of Minds, Master of Me

I’m scared to open my eyes. I’m not sure do I want to see what I want the most. I really don’t know what it is. I mean, I probably want salvation the most. But I’m not sure how that can be shown in the mirror. I want everyone to live and move on with their lives. I want Belia to grow up.

I’m scared that Felix will be disappointed by what the mirror shows. Since that’s not something he can give me as a gift. And honestly, I’m a little scared that I might see Felix in it.

But I gather my courage and open my eyes. And I halt. Why does the mirror show me a gravestone?

Then I look at the name in that stone.

Lorelia Helesantra

Oh… Well that explains it. Now that I see it. It makes sense. If I have a gravestone, it means that I have finally died. Without going back in time and waking up again. It means I can finally rest in peace. And the world keeps living. Everyone I know will finally keep living their lives. It means I have finally earned my salvation and escaped my curse.

As I look at the beautiful gravestone, my soul feels at ease. Will I ever accomplish that? Oh, please God, please let me have that. I really want that.

Then my mind snaps back to reality. To the fact that Felix is just staring at the mirror. His face is pale. He looks horrified. I have never seen him like that. And it’s all my fault. I’m the one who made him see that. He dreams of us, a happy future with me. And for the return of his beautiful desires. He faces the fact that all I want is to die.

He doesn’t speak. He just keeps staring at the mirror.

‘’Felix?’’

No answer. Crap. I really did mess things up, didn’t I? I really am the worst. I’m a horrible human being. I really deserve to be cursed. Felix doesn’t deserve this. Oh God, why did I forget to deliver that letter?

Let’s wallow in self-pity later; I need to get Felix to snap out of it. I move away from the mirror and go stand in front of Felix. He just stares into nothingness, his eyes empty.

‘’Felix? I’m so sorry. Please just say something.’’

‘’Why?’’ His voice is so low and painful that it rips my heart.

‘’I…’’

I can’t tell him why. I have told so many times to so many people about my curse. And it always caused me more pain. And I’m selfish. I really don’t want Felix to know that I’m really that horrible person who deserves to be cursed. Or that he would look at me like most of the people whom I have told about it. Looking like I’m just crazy, that I belong in an asylum. I would rather Felix hate me for other reasons.

‘’Why?’’ He repeats, but this time his eyes focus on mine.

‘’I’m sorry. I really didn’t know that the mirror would show me that. If I had known, I would have never let you see it. I’m so sorry.’’

‘’So are you going to tell me why you want to die?’’ His voice changes; it’s darker now.

‘’I… I can't.”

He takes one step closer to me, the blue in his eyes slowly vanishing.

“Last chance, pretty flower. Tell. Me. Why.”

I gulp. He looks like the Devil has consumed his whole being. But I can't tell him. I just can't. So I just stay silent and watch his eyes darken. His hand shoots to my throat, and it feels like something is creeping inside my head. My mind grows fuzzy. I feel my eyelids grow heavy, and I struggle to stay awake. And soon I can't resist, and my mind shuts down.

I don't know how long I was passed out. But a sudden jolt of electricity wakes me up, and my eyes open wide.

“How nice for you to finally wake up, pretty flower.”

I try to get up, but can't. I realize I’m bound down. Hands and legs are cuffed to each corner of the bed. Felix is just sitting next to me in the bed. Fidgeting with a feather in his hands.

“Felix, what is this?”

“This?” He grins at me. “Well, unfortunately, I have to take back my words. I said that I won't force you to tell me anything.”

He brushes my side with the feather, and I realize I’m naked. Goosebumps rise as he continues to speak with his dark tone, which is way too calm. Dangerously calm.

“I really have tried to be patient with you. I really have. But my patience just suddenly hit zero. So I need you to talk to me Lo. I want to know your secrets, the ones that silence your smile.’’

‘’And you think this is the right way to make it happen?’’

He chuckles, and the sound of that makes my stomach in knots.

‘’I did ask you nicely, didn’t I? I gave you the opportunity to talk willingly. But I guess this isn’t such a bad outcome after all. Since I do love to watch you being bound and helpless like that. At my mercy.’’

‘’Felix. Let me go.’’

‘’We are going to play a little game.’’

The feather travels closer to my breast, and I inhale deeply, expecting it to go over my nipple. But it just ends up circling and returning to my side. I exhale deeply.

‘’I don’t want to play any games.’’

His chuckle rumbles deep inside his chest.

‘’Lucky for me, your opinion doesn’t matter. So this game is called truth or zap. I invented it by myself just now, just for you, so you are very welcome.’’

I just stare at him, not knowing what I should do or say.

‘’So the rules are pretty simple. I ask you a question, and if you answer honestly…’’

He slides the feather back to my breast and this time touches my nipple, which is already hard. Apparently, I really am fucked up in my mind to be so aroused by this. I can’t help but let the silent sigh escaping when the gentle touch of the feather touches my expectant nipple. He smirks, clearly pleased at the sight. Pleased how weak I am.

‘’... I make you feel good. But if you lie or refuse to answer?’’

He reaches his hand toward me, and he barely touches my nipple with his finger, but a rush of electricity hits me. I startle and gasp loudly. That hurt. That wasn’t the usual tingling electricity that he had touched me with. He clearly tried to hurt me.

‘’You are insane,’’ I say with a harsh tone.

Again with the chuckle, which is starting to sound a little bit too maniacal.

‘’Only because of you, pretty flower. You really have the talent to dig every dark feature within me. My dark side, which shines so brightly when you’re around.’’

He stands and takes something out of his pocket, a long piece of fabric.

‘’But before we start, I need to cover your eyes. I want you to focus on feeling.’’

He bends closer and covers my eyes with it, leaving me in the darkness. I feel rising panic.

‘’Felix! Please stop this. This is not going to help!’’

‘’Maybe, maybe not. But it’s worth the shot. And even if it doesn’t work. I get to see you whimpering, squirming in your chains. And that is something to die for.’’

I feel his weight disappearing from the mattress, and the silence falls. It feels suffocating. Then suddenly I feel the feather’s gentle touch on my leg, circling.

‘’So let’s start with something easy. Something I already know but want to hear you say it. Did you know about the ambush in the canyon?’’

Since it’s pretty obvious, there is no need to deny it.

‘’Yes.’’

The feather disappears, and I feel his fingers on my skin. Sliding agonizingly slowly up my inner thigh. His fingers feel so good after the feather; it feels like a real touch. I want to feel him more.

‘’Did you know that Hilver would attack us?’’

‘’Yes.’’

His fingers circle my pussy, and I already feel my body trying to nudge closer to him.

‘’Why did you warn me about the ambush?’’

‘’I didn’t want you to get hurt.’’

‘’So you didn’t tell that because you wanted to protect the country? You only wanted to protect me?’’

Now that I think about that, I never thought about it like that. I never thought about wanting to protect others. Which should have been the reason for doing that. But it wasn’t. All I thought was the need to protect him.

I nod. He presses his fingers slightly against my pussy. And oh God, I need him to touch me more.

‘’How did you know about the ambush?’’

I fall silent. I can’t tell him that. Not without explaining my curse.

And then it hits me. The electricity hits straight to my pussy. Holy fuck, that hurt. It’s like a painful jolt travelling through my whole body, but my pussy definitely took the biggest hit. He really is insane. After that, I once again feel the slight touch of the feather in my body sliding down my arm. The silence stretches long before he keeps talking.

‘’Okay, let’s rephrase. Did you take part in plotting a treason or the ambush?’’

‘’No.’’

The feather vanishes, and his fingers take its place, stroking my arm.

‘’Have you ever had anything to do with the people behind it?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’So you are not one of Duke Callum’s little minions?’’

‘’No.’’

His finger slides to my collarbone; his touch is better than the feather, but it’s still too gentle.

‘’Well, that’s a bummer.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Since that was the only explanation I could come up with, which could explain your cold attitude towards me, your knowledge about the treason and so on. And if that’s not true. I’m back at the beginning.’’

‘’So you would rather want me to be an enemy?’’

‘’I don’t care what you are Lo. All I want is to know the real you, and whatever you are hiding.’’

His fingers close on my breast, and I halt my breathing, hoping he will caress me more.

‘’Why do you think you are a bad person?’’

I guess I can give part of the truth, since I really don’t want to be shocked by his electricity again.

‘’Because I have sinned so much.’’

‘’Like what?’’

‘’I’m not even sure what my sins are. All I know is that I keep being selfish and weak. I try my best to be content, but I just never succeed in that.’’

‘’I really don’t understand this whole ‘being content’ bullshit you have talked about earlier too. But do you honestly think that being weak is a sin?’’

‘’For me it is.’’

I startle when I feel his lips brushing against my neck. I automatically tilt my head, giving him more space.

‘’Well, I happen to love how weak you are. I love how despite your harsh statue-like shell, you turn to whimpering slut for me every goddamn time.’’

My pussy clenches for his words.

‘’You said you are not sure what your sins are. If you are not sure, how do you know you even have them?’’ His lips are still brushing my skin as he speaks.

And that is something I can’t answer. Since I know because I’m cursed. For some reason, my sins were so great that the Devil decided to curse me.

His lips press against me tighter, and then he zaps me. Straight no my neck. I gasp loudly, and the sound of the cuffs rattling spills out as my whole body jerks from it. My tears start to rise.

His lip and touch vanish, and the silence falls again. The excruciating silence. I just try to steady my breathing. Hoping that the next question is something I can answer.

Then the way too gentle touch of the feather returns. Circling my stomach. Why can’t he just be closer to my pussy? He started this whole thing from there. Why start there and then leave?

‘’You have said that you need salvation. Does that mean you seek forgiveness from God for your sins?’’

‘’Partly.’’

His hands replace the feather again, and his touch feels even better. More stronger.

‘’What else do you want from God?’’

‘’Help.’’

‘’Help for what?’’

I can’t say it. I just can’t. I squeeze my eyes together under the blindfold, trying to ready myself for the incoming electricity. But his hands are still just caressing me, moving to my sides. No zap. Thank God. I let out a heavy exhale and focus on his touch again.

Zap.

My sound was more like a cry this time. That fucking jerk tricked me! I want to curse at him. But I don’t want to risk him zapping me more because of my misbehaviour.

Then the silence falls again. I feel nothing, and I see nothing. His darkness just surrounds me.

Touch of the feather falls close to my breast, and I sigh.

‘’Why did you avoid me in the beginning?’’

‘’I thought you were a bad person.’’

‘’Why?’’

I stay silent.

Zap.

I let out a cry. Fuck that hurts. He really is going to break me into pieces soon. And then again the too-long silence, and then the feather returns, circling my breast. Please ask something I can answer. I really need to feel his fingers on my breast.

‘’Do you still think of me as a bad person?’’

‘’Not like that.’’

His hands cup both my breasts, and I moan just from that. I feel like being so on the edge that even the slightest touch feels so powerful.

‘’Explain.’’

I don’t want to. But I don’t want him to stop either. He is so close to my aching nipples. Perhaps I could answer without revealing too much information.

‘’I don’t think you are a bad person anymore. But I’m afraid you still end up doing bad things.’’

His left hand keeps just caressing the whole breast, and his right hand goes to tease my nipple. The cuffs rattle again, because only that makes my body squirm with pleasure.

‘’Fuck Lo. I might come to my pants just for watching you. You are so fucking sexy like that. You want me to touch the left nipple too? It’s so hard that it’s clearly aching for it.’’

‘’Yes.’’ I sigh.

‘’Well then, keep being a good girl and answering me.’’

I feel the wetness slowly starting to drip from me. I really need him to touch me more.

‘’Why you think I end up doing bad things?’’

‘’Because of your mana. I’m afraid you can’t control it, and it takes over.’’

His left hand also finds the nipple. Teasing, caressing, pinching. I start to moan more. My pussy aches. The heat is rising within me.

''Are you afraid that I do bad things to you?''

''No. I was maybe first, but not anymore. I'm afraid you hurt others.''

‘’So is your fear of me doing bad things the reason you didn’t want to be a Queen?’’

‘’Mostly yes. I mean, even without the mana thing, I’m not excited about it. The thought of being a Queen is scary. But your mana is the reason I was so determined to leave you, despite my feelings for you. Since I really do like you Felix. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.’’ My voice is starting to be weak and desperate. I need him to believe me. I don't want him to think that he is the reason for that grave in the mirror.

‘’It’s so hard to stay mad at you when you say things like that Lo. I was fuming with anger, but now? I just want to sink myself into your dripping pussy already.’’

I want that too. So bad. I don’t just want that, I need that. I let out a louder moan when I feel his lips on my nipple. I try to press my body against him more, asking for it. His tongue slides over my hard nipple. It feels so good. Somehow, I start already feeling the orgasm gathering in my core. And I’m honestly a little shocked about it. He is not even touching my pussy. How can I already feel like coming?

His mouth withdraws, and the feeling slowly fades away, and I whimper for the loss.

‘’Does your family know anything about what you have told me today?’’

‘’No.’’

His fingers keep touching my nipples, and I feel his lips on my neck again, kissing me. Then his lips brush my ear, and he whispers.

‘’Why you want to die?’’

No. Please don’t ask that. Because I can’t answer that. I want to come. I don’t want his touch to go away.

Zap.

The electricity penetrates me from both nipples, making my body jerk even more violently. I cry, and I feel my tears sliding under the blindfold.

‘’Please, Felix. Stop this. I can’t take this anymore.’’

‘’You think I can? You think I can somehow live with the fact that the person I want most in this fucking world would rather just die? That you would rather be buried than be with me?’’

His tone is so angry and sad at the same time. And my heart hurts from it. Knowing I’m causing him that pain. Maybe I really should just tell him the truth. But I’m so convinced that it’s part of the Devil’s curse that every time I try to tell someone, it just backfires. Causing me more torment. Making my life even more miserable. So I’m so scared about what bad will come to me if I tell anyone.

No. I really can’t tell him. But maybe I could even try to explain it better.

‘’It’s not like that. I’m not suicidal. I promise I’m not. I don’t want to die like that. If it were possible for me to just live my life happily with you, I would. But it’s not. It’s not something I could ever have.’’ My own voice is even more shaky and desperate.

Suddenly, his hands grab my thighs, and his mouth just starts to devour me. His lips and tongue are so harsh and demanding that it makes me fire up. Once again, every single bad thought vanishes in an instant. And all that is left is him and me. And the overwhelming pleasure. I sway my hips against him, begging for more with my body. The orgasm starts building again, and I want it. I want to get closer, I want him to tip me from the edge.

But then he stops, and I whimper for the loss.

‘’How did you lose your memories?’’

It’s hard to get my focus back on the talking after that. But I try my best to wrap my thoughts back together.

‘’I… I’m not sure. I just started to focus so much on being devoted. Giving all my life and time to being a righteous and faithful follower. That somehow they just slowly faded away. I actually didn’t even realize that I had lost them, not until you started to ask questions about me.’’

His fingers plunge inside me with full force.

‘’Oh God.’’ I let out along with a moan.

‘’Didn’t your family ever get curious why you changed?’’

‘’Yes. But I just said that I wanted to devote my whole life to God. And they never questioned that choice. My father was more than happy about that.’’

His fingers keep fucking me, making me go crazier.

‘’You once told me that you have to do something over and over again. What is that something?’’

No. Don’t ask that. Please no.

‘’I can’t say that. But please, Felix, don’t zap me. I really can’t—’’

Zap.

I let out a mixture of a cry and a scream. He fucking electrocuted me inside my pussy. And it pulses with force. Every fibre in my body is just so overwhelmed with all of this. I literally feel like breaking. But I need to come before that. I really do.

‘’Please, Felix. Touch me more.’’

His dark chuckle fills the air, and my pussy clenches more tightly around his fingers that are still buried inside me.

‘’Aren’t you one greedy flower? Unfortunately, we are not finished yet.’’

Once again, I feel the gentle touch of the feather. Sliding across my throat. Somehow, the gentle touch feels painful. I need him to touch me. Like really touch me. I don’t want this touch, which is like a whisper against my skin.

‘’So do you still want to leave me?’’

I should leave him. But I don’t want to.

‘’No, I don’t. But I do think it would be better if we weren’t together. Your life would be more peaceful without me in it.’’

His hand grabs my throat forcefully.

‘’I don’t want peace, I want you. I’d rather feel too much with you than nothing at all without.’’

His words somehow feel so good, like something I have ached to hear.

‘’Even though I’m probably the most sinful person? So broken that I’m beyond repair?’’

I feel his dick rubbing against my entrance. And the memory of him sinking inside me consumes me. The need to feel that again is taking control of my body, and I start to nudge myself closer. But the handcuffs don’t give me much space to move.

He still chokes me while he leans in to whisper to my ear.

‘’I don’t want to fix what’s broken. I want to feel it together, Lo.’’

He kisses my neck, his tongue and lips devouring me.

‘’You want me to fuck you?’’

‘’Yes.’’ Instant answer, no hesitation.

The cuffs on my legs snap open, and he bends my legs, positioning himself better between my thighs.

‘’Then I need you to promise me one thing. After that, I fill your aching cunt. I make you scream and come for me.’’

‘’What?’’

His grip around my throat tightens, like he really is sending me a message that he is serious.

‘’Promise me that you will never try to kill yourself.’’

‘’I promise. I will never do that.’’

I would promise him anything.

I think I have hurt him enough already.