Master of Minds, Master of Me

Okay, maybe I was being a little optimistic when I told Theodore that I could handle my mana for a month. But I will not contact him. I’m sure I can handle this in some way. I’m sitting on the training grounds, trying to catch my breath and steady my breathing before leaving.

I think the mana is a little bit better now, once again.

Goddammit. Why did this happen now? My time with my pretty flower is already limited, and now I can’t even see her like I want. I guess it was partly a good thing that she locked herself in her room, since I’m not sure how well I could have kept seeing her while being undercover while I’m so on edge. I feel the illusion mana taking over and creeping into my mind.

Even though I enjoy using illusion magic, it is probably the least suitable for me, since the mana affinity also affects your personality and somehow binds you to be a certain type. Or more like highlights some of your own features, some that might be hidden. Draws something out within you. Like if you are born with wind mana, you naturally enjoy being outside, feeling the breeze and soaring in the skies. Or if you have nature mana like my pretty flower, you are bound to like being in nature, finding it a peaceful place. And Theodore is a pretty good example of the effects of fire mana, even though he has mastered hiding it. But when he bursts, he really bursts. Fire mages are usually pretty fiery and fierce.

My water mana makes me, of course, enjoy the presence of water, but also makes me calculative and gives me stability. Electricity serves as a good contrast to that, making me more lively and energetic. And I do love how electricity mana can enhance my physical abilities. Making me able to jump higher or run faster.

Some affinities are considered more good-willed than others, since they give people good qualities, and some give not-so-good ones. And illusion magic? Not so good. Its nature is so different from my water and electricity ones that Theodore thinks it’s one of the reasons why controlling all three is so hard.

Illusion mana definitely draws my mind more to the dark side, making me take what I want, no matter the cost, no matter how many minds I need to bend for it. It feels like it's trying to draw every greedy feature within me. And totally ignore the consequences. Illusion mana didn't change me right away when it appeared, it happened little by little. I have done my best to resist it, not letting it affect how I behave. But I do have my weak moments.

Like when I went to see my pretty flower earlier this week. When Milna came to tell me that she had been locked inside her room for hours and didn't want to eat. I knew something was wrong with her. It has probably something to do with her mind suddenly snapping into misery when I talked with her while being Max. So I wanted to go see her myself, to make sure she was okay.

But goddammit, seeing her kneeling there was too much for me. So instead of going there to be gentle and ask what’s wrong, I almost ended up taking her. The urge was so bad. I felt the illusion mana getting wild inside me, controlling my thoughts, urging me to take what I want. And what I want is her. Somehow, I did manage to resist the urge and leave. I’m proud of myself for that, especially after she said my name again. Her saying my name is like my personal drug. I want to make her say it again, making her moan and scream it.

Even though I managed to get out of the room, the damage on my mana was already there. So I ran straight to the training grounds, and I have spent all my extra time here since then, trying to calm myself. When I was confident I was calm enough, I went to see her as a priest, needing to get her out of her room. I don't want her time here to be miserable. I don't want her to shut herself completely. She clearly enjoyed visiting the church and greenhouse, so it was so odd for her to suddenly stop.

I still remember her words vividly when she told me why she locked herself up. It wasn't the whole truth, but her voice and mind were going crazy. The panic inside her was fierce, and it pains me that I don't know the cause of it. What mistakes? What does she have to do over and over again? I can't understand her at all. All I can do is sense and feel her pain from her mind.

I’m still glad I got her to come back to church at least. It’s clearly an important part of her life, so she should enjoy it. And I do feel like that conversation was some kind of turning point for us, that she actually started to see me and talk to me as a friend. Our conversation after that has been much looser and more relaxed. I have started to act pretty much like myself while being Father Owen. I think I’m just like me, but only with a little holy spice, and maybe a little less dramatic.

I was planning to dance with her without telling her that it was me, but once again, her mind was going crazy. She was clearly nervous about the dance, so I wanted to try to make her relaxed and succeeded eventually. Dancing and talking with her was perfect. She talked to me so informally that it made me so happy. But unfortunately, after that, my mana started to act out once again, so I had to bail out soon after.

Now I was just taking precautions before seeing her, wanting to make sure I’m able to control myself with her. I get up, gather my stuff, and leave the training grounds. After a shower and making myself decent, I head to her balcony. She should have already eaten dinner by now, and I hope she is still in her room since she hasn’t visited the gardens for a while either. Which worries me too, but I plan to drag her out today. I let the electricity into my muscles and jump to her balcony. I see her sitting in the chair with her usual statue-like posture. I really thought she would be less statue-like at least when she is alone, but no.

I knock on the balcony door and lean against the pillar. She turns her head toward me, and once again I hope to see some expression on her. I don’t care if it is joy at seeing me, anger, or fear. Any emotion would do. But I got a big pile of nothing. Still, seeing her makes my heart race as I smile at her and wait for her to walk toward me. She reaches the balcony door but doesn’t open it. She just stares at me through the window. I lean closer to the glass so she can hear me through it.

“Feeling shy?” I ask with a smirk.

“Tell me how you do it.” Her voice is blunt, and it makes me rather happy, since clearly she is still pissed off.

Like I said, any emotion would do. And I was honestly surprised by her little anger burst while we danced. One part of me thought she was so adorable while being angry. Another part of me wanted to slam her against the wall and see how angry I could make her.

“You want to talk through the window? Am I that scary?”

“Answer the question.”

I’m definitely not going to talk to her like this, so I rely on my magic and make an image of me inside her room behind her, and talk.

“Well, good thing I’m already in here since you wouldn’t let me in.”

She turns around to look at the illusion me and then again at the balcony, but I make sure she doesn't see the real me anymore.

“How did you get in?” she asks while facing the illusion me again, and I feel a slight panic in her mind.

“It’s a secret.” I make the illusion walk toward her slowly, savoring each step.

She freezes as she stares at me, or the illusion version of me. I make sure that my gaze is animalistic enough that she definitely receives the message of what I’m going to do when I reach her. She takes a step back and presses tightly against the balcony door.

“Stop.” Her voice is low.

“There is nowhere to run, pretty flower.”

Well, there is one way, I hope she realizes that too. Soon, she fumbles with the handle of the balcony door, opens it, and slams it shut, staring at the illusion me through the window. Such an obedient pretty flower.

“How nice of you to finally join me, Lo.”

She spins on her heels and faces the real me. She doesn’t say anything, just stares at me in shock. Just when she is about to open her pretty little mouth, I lift her into my arms. She yelps and wraps her hands around my neck, and I jump down.

“Your Highness! Put me down!”

I feel a little disappointed that she didn’t call me Felix. I kind of hoped that she would be so used to calling me Felix in her thoughts that she would just automatically start using it out loud too. But I guess we are not there yet.

“I’m not sure if I want to.”

“It’s not about whether you want to or not. Put. Me. Down.”

Goddammit, her defiant attitude riles me up. Definitely not putting her down after that. So I hold her and start walking toward our secret garden.

“Your Highness!”

I just smile at her. So cute. But actually, there is an opportunity to bargain a little bit.

“How about we make a deal?”

“I don’t have very good experiences making deals with you, Your Highness.”

“Can you honestly blame me? Four weeks is like forever. No man could have handled four weeks.”

“Then you shouldn’t have made the deal in the first place.”

She furrows her brows while glaring at me and presses her lips tightly shut. I’m so doomed. Fuck I want her so much. I feel my cock twitching already. I ignore her little useless argument.

“Sometimes I wish I were cross-eyed, so I could see you twice. So pretty.”

Her pupils widen a little, and she falls silent for a while. I feel her mind getting more disarrayed, so I keep myself silent too, giving her time to sort her thoughts.

“So what’s the deal?” she asks.

“If you start calling me Felix, I will let you down.” I smirk at her. I have no idea what she will answer. I’m rather curious.

She falls silent again, and my patience is starting to run low. Is it really so hard to decide? I really do hope she agrees to call me Felix, since I can always carry her around later too.

“Where are we going, Your Highness?”

A stab of disappointment goes through my chest. Goddammit. What does a man have to do to make her call me by my name? It’s just a freaking name, a name I want her to say so badly it pains me.

“Our secret garden.” I answer.

“Our? Do you mean yours?”

I look down to meet her eyes and smile. “No. It’s our garden. Or actually, more specifically, yours.”

“What? No, it isn’t.”

“Oh yes, it is. I made it only because of you.”

“What?”

Her voice turns high-pitched, and she looks so surprised. My heart races even faster when I see her like this, not being a statue.

“Please tell me you are just kidding, Your Highness?”

“No.”

“But why?”

“Because you clearly like flowers very much.”

“That makes no sense. And clearly you like flowers too, since you knew so much about them.”

A memory of us floods in, when we were in the garden and she was listening to me speak so intently. I’m so glad that staying up nights to learn everything about the flowers wasn’t for nothing.

“There is only one pretty flower I adore,” I say with a smirk.

Her body freezes a little, and then I see it. A tiny flush in her cheeks. Goddammit. Seeing that makes my mind go crazy. That look will definitely go to my imaginary scrapbook of our firsts. She turns her gaze away from me, looking rather shy.

“Why did you know so much about them?” She asks, voice more like a whisper.

“I learned all that only so that I could tell you all that, since I knew you would be curious about them.”

I finally step inside the barrier, and we are inside our garden. I put her down from my arms and grab her hand, pulling her along with me. She is silent once again, probably thinking about my words. I let her be. I lead us to sit on a bench next to the pond.

“So does you asking my secret through the window mean you want to take the deal?” I ask her.

She raises her brown button eyes and looks at me through her lashes, giving a slight nod.

I know that telling her about my illusion magic isn’t probably the smartest idea, since only a few people know about it. But I have an instinct that my secret is safe with her. And after our chess game, when I started to pester her more, making it clear it was me causing the illusions, it was already clear to me that I would tell her the truth. If I wanted to keep it a secret from her, I wouldn’t be so straightforward in my illusions.

“Then say first that it’s okay for me to see you.”

She turns her gaze toward her lap and fiddles with her fingers nervously. She stays quiet too long again. My patience once again runs low, but I keep my mouth shut.

“It’s okay for you to see me, Your Highness.”

It would be perfect without the “Your Highness” part, but I guess I just have to live with that. I keep staring at her. Sometimes I think it’s physically impossible not to look at her.

“So what is your secret, Your Highness?”

“What do you think?”

I tilt my head and look at her. She falls silent. Clearly, she has some kind of idea if she acts like that and doesn’t directly say that she doesn’t know.

“Just tell me the answer,” she urges.

“Not until you tell me what you think.”

She turns her eyes to me and glares. “That wasn’t part of the deal, Your Highness! Tell me the answer.”

My hands move before I even realize it, and I snatch her to sit on my lap, facing each other. Her legs spread around me. She is just way too cute to resist.

“Your Highness! Let me go!”

She tries to struggle and get up, but I won’t let her. Her struggling body against my lap surely wakes the beast in my pants. And soon after, I feel the illusion mana within me starting to flow more potently.

''I suggest you stop moving your delicious body against mine if you want to keep my mouth talking. Since soon my lips will do something else to you.’’

She immediately falls still. But the damage is already there. I try to resist the heat spreading inside me, but my body just lights up and I can’t stop the blood flowing straight to my cock. I mean, her pussy is right on top of it, so it’s not hardly surprising. And judging from her expression, she definitely noticed that too.

''Your Highness! Let me go!’’ The panic in her voice riles me up even more.

I keep my hand on her thighs, making sure she can’t get up. I take a deep breath to calm myself before continuing the conversation.

“So tell me what you think my secret is?” I ask again.

“I don’t want to.”

I let my right hand glide against her body and she tenses under my touch.

“Your call. Either tell me or I find myself something else to do.”

She keeps silent and I start moving both of my hands. I grab her by the hips and slowly nudge her, so her body is rubbing against my rock-hard cock trapped inside my pants. And fuck the pressure of that feels too good. I hear her silent sigh, and immediately after that her face shows every sign of panic, and she talks.

“Okay, okay! I just thought that maybe you are working with the Devil or something,” she finally says.

I stop moving her, but keep my hands still there.

“The Devil?” I smirk.

Oh I wish I were the Devil. Since he would definitely just take what he wants. And the thought that there are only layers of fabric separating my cock from her pussy drives me insane. I have never had any real troubles resisting having actual sex with anyone. But now? I think I’m going insane. Still, I push the need down. I promised to tell her my secret, and I will. Maybe lifting her to my lap wasn’t the best decision while doing it. Let’s just hope I can keep the effects of illusion mana in control while telling her about it. Since I’m so close to breaking. I want to touch her. I need to touch her.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes as I start to explain everything to her.