Chapter 108: Airing It Out
I need to get myself together.
This is what they want; this pathetic sight of two children waddling together and weeping.
I have to stop.
...So I did exactly that.
I retracted the wildly flailing Curses back into my veins, filling up the slightly empty blood vessels right back up with the very same Curses that would instantly wipe out any other human being.
"Esme." I spoke through the filter of Curses that had stained my mask.
"Yes, sister?"
"The Third Step. Let's reach it. Let's get stronger. If you want to know how to feel, if you want control, if you want to- no. If we want to be happy, we need to become strong enough to achieve happiness. We need to grow."
I stared at my beautiful sister's melancholic golden eyes.
"You said it yourself, we're just children."
Smiling beneath my mask, I tamed the quiver in my throat, "So let's grow up. We have time."
Listening to my honest and reassuring words, Esme belatedly chuckled, then she took a couple of delayed beats before saying, "We have time. They don't."
"Isn't that just selfish? And how does that work? Should we be satisfied with being fine ourselves? What about when the people we love are hurt? What then?"
Esme asked valid questions.
Questions that, were she to have asked me just a few minutes ago, I'd have scrambled with panic to answer.
But not now.
"My lovely sister."
"...Yes?"
"If we can't take care of ourselves, how can we expect to take care of others?"
Those words...
Perhaps they meant more to me than Esme.
But it's true.
How can I expect to care for her, for Hilda? When I can't care for myself? When I'm wallowing in despair? When I'm still searching for my shattered self amidst an ocean of shards?
"Bold words coming from you." Chuckling for a split second, Esme reined herself back in. Both emotionally and literally.
The Blessings pouring from her body, bathing the room in golden white; the flickers of fire and lightning blossoming in her eyes; the wrath tentatively oozing from her veins-
She took it all back in.
"I was talking about myself as well, sister. I'm likely the worst at taking care of myself. You've taken care of me more in the past hour than I have my whole life." Nonchalantly revealing quite the depressing news, I, as expected, received another giggle from my sister.
"That's an accomplishment! How is that even possible?!"
There wasn't a hint of repression in Esme's voice; she truly meant the words she just spoke. Neither of us bothered digging ourselves deeper into the dirt; instead, we aired it out. We let loose without a care.
After all, what better way to feel better than to laugh about your problems with the person closest to you?
-----
Brown hair.
Red hair.
Two sets, two seats, and a table between them.
Staring at each other with their chins resting upon interlaced hands, the two maids shared solemn, sparking gazes.
"What will today's punishment be, Lily?"
"Good question, Hilda. Today's punishment shall be the topic of Esme and Alora's budding relationship."
"Budding? Isn't it already flowering?"
"Incorrect, comrade Hilda."
Lily patiently shook her head, releasing her right hand from her left. She lackadaisically spread it open and pointed it towards Hilda, "My Esme has spent the past few years pondering the topic of igniting her relationship with Alora. According to her, while they sincerely adore each other, they have yet to open up to each other."
"Humu." Hilda released her breath with furrowed brows; she seemed oh-so-serious.
"In that regard, I can inform you of the blips I've noticed in that sense. I can't reveal much, but I can tell you this-"
Shuffling forwards in her seat, Hilda hushed her voice, cupped her mouth, and whispered, "-the little dummy thinks about Esme a lot. She even mumbles her name in her sleep sometimes-!"
"Hush! Don't raise your voice, comrade Hilda!"
"...Apologies, comrade Lily."
Lowering her head exaggeratedly, Hilda put on a sorrowful face and regretfully apologised.
Lily politely accepted the apology.
...And, as for the punishment-
As for Lily's fist of justice-!
...Ahem!
It may or may not have ceased to exist a while ago.
They may or may not have struck an alliance; as for the perfect veil to cover this alliance of theirs?
Well, it's quite easy to pretend that Hilda is being disciplined so that they can carefully monitor the girls they care for in these talks of theirs. Naturally, neither side could reveal too much, but they could reveal just enough to maintain a careful balance.
"Comrade Lily, do you believe today's conversations between Lady Esme and the little dummy will be productive?"
"That's difficult to say, Lady Esme has become more tame over the years. She's still firm with her beliefs and goals, and won't stop at anything to achieve them... But the manner in which she approaches these goals and beliefs has softened. It's no longer sharp."
Hilda nodded in understanding, "So, what you're saying is that there's a chance that the rift between them could be closing?"
"Indeed, comrade Hilda, that is what I am saying."
Hilda released a sigh of relief, leaned back, and-
"Yay! Mission complete!"
-she shot her arms into the air with a jubilous shout.
"Pft, look at you. Couldn't even hold back for five seconds." Lily laughed and didn't stop Hilda from celebrating.
It was something to be ecstatic about.
The girls they loved and cared for were about to improve their relationship; what could be better than that?
-----
Droplets of water rippled across the park's lake; the sound of the liquid colliding and melting into the background alongside the noise of families joyfully spending their day out—all of the sounds trickled into my ears, soothing my tumultuous emotions.
Relaxing in Esme's embrace, I appreciated the comforting sounds and views.
Neither of us spoke or broke this peace, we just enjoyed it.
I feel so much better.
Mentally, at least.
Physically- Well, that's questionable.
Though I was sure that this peace wouldn't last after I revealed the truth to Esme in 2 years, I could, at least, appreciate it in this very moment.
Plus...
She said it herself.
Children can't be blamed for the transgressions of the adults.
Esme won't blame me.
I'm sure of that.
That fact alone is good enough for me.
While I lay there cradled by Esme, Esme's fingers ran across my fingers absentmindedly. It was ticklish but comfortable. She plucked and pulled them up and down; she's turned my fingers into her toy.
Not that I mind.
In fact, go ahead. I'm enjoying every moment of it.
The view.
The soothing sounds.
And Esme's company.
It's perfect.
-----
Golden leaves splashed the canvas of her world. From the edge of the carpet leading to her throne, to the rim of that very throne she was sitting upon, the golden leaves intricately carved their existence onto her world.
Kneeling before her;
With her head tilted down, with awe oozing from her damned body-
"I greet the Mistress."
Tap. Tap.
Slender fingers rapped across the frame of her throne, and, with her eyes turned upwards, towards the distant disc of light...
"What might it be, Maiden?"
The Mistress's soft voice glazed over the Maiden like warm milk, soothing and refreshing her veins from speech alone;
Speech emboldened with her intrinsic Blessings.
"I dare not question you, Mistress-"
The Mistress turned a single eye downwards, "But?"
Nerves abruptly shot up the Maiden's spine. Sweat poured from her body, sticking to her skin like a cold patch, "...but, Sir Giliard, is he not a threat? I understand that the 'birds' must all accompany the Lady Esme and, that thing, but how could Sir Giliard allow his daughter to be involved?"
Hearing the Maiden's valid question, the Mistress nodded her head ever so slightly, and, tapping her armrest once more-
"Do you believe Giliard to be innocent?"
"...Mistress?"
"Giliard, why do you believe that he, too, is not complicit?"
"That-"
Abruptly, the Mistress's other eyes shot downwards, boring her vast, yet contained, Authority onto the Maiden below, "I need not explain it to you. But Giliard will not be an issue, if anything, that woman is."
"She, and only she, is the only one I have an eye on at all times... Other than my dear daughters, of course."
"Now leave."
The Mistress's eyes shot back upwards, gazing towards the distant disc of light.
She stared at it, silently.
Contemplatively.
Soon enough, the Maiden took her leave.
Left alone in her throne room, the Mistress mumbled to herself, almost hesitantly:
"The universal answer laden within... The completion won't be long from now, and then, then-"
The Mistress's face twisted with anguish-
"Then what?"
-until a voice thrashing with utter madness whispered from below.
---
I flinched.
Zipping my eyes downwards at my shadow, I had to heavily resist the urge to tilt my head. Even years of accustoming myself to this paralysed body couldn't prevent me from having that intense urge to do so at this odd moment.
And I don't know why.
Just something about my shadow felt off at this moment.
And not just mine either-
"What is that feeling?" Esme frowned and inexplicably stared down at her shadow as well.
"You too, sister?" I asked.
Esme nodded in return, "Yes. What was that just now?"
"No idea, but it didn't feel right."
That was the best way I could put it. It simply didn't feel 'right', it just felt wrong, like something was eerily off about it.
What's off about it though...?
What's wrong with it...?
Why is my shadow...
Esme's shadow...
Why...
...
"...What were we talking about again?" I asked Esme with a hint of confusion swirling in my dazed brain.
I had completely dozed off.
"Uh, were we talking?" She asked me with similar confusion.
Nonetheless, we both shrugged it off, set aside the confusion, and continued to enjoy the warm environment.