The Advent of Madness: My Twin Sister And I

Suspicious, but glad that I was fine, Esme relented.

"Fine. But no more secrets soon."

I blinked my eyes rapidly, "Promise, no more secrets soon."

Esme relaxed her tense face. Sneaking the hand holding my back closer to my fingers, she curled her pinky around mine, "Promise." She reaffirmed my promise.

But I-

Oh my~!

My heart boomed in my chest.

It thrashed wildly with joy at that 'intimate' gesture.

...And, yes, being held in someone's arms like a dead fish wasn't an intimate gesture anymore in my not-so-humble opinion. At the start, when Hilda and Esme first held me, sure, I felt something, but after years of this?

Whatever.

Not interesting enough.

Curling her pinky around mine though-!

Hehe!

Cute!

Adorable!

Tehe~

"Don't break your promise, you adorable sister of mine." Esme awoke me from my dreamy world and planted me back in reality.

"I won't!"

I certainly won't.

I made my promise 3 years ago, and I've made the promise again; I'm not backing down this time. Esme deserves the truth.

"Good~" With her worries soothed, Esme waddled off into the distance with me.

...So where are we going?

-----

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The clock tower was visible from the centre of the park. A plethora of families, couples, and people on runs passed by, settled, and chattered all around us.

Everything lingered in the distance, though. None of it truly entered my ears.

Instead, my attention was taken.

It was sucked by the place in the distance.

St. Neuvae's Clinic

"Why here?"

Esme didn't respond to my question. My sister continued walking in silence towards the looming clinic; whatever she had in mind, it didn't seem like she was going to reveal it to me until we arrived.

Graced by the harmonic greenery and liveliness, the peace built between my sister and me compounded.

It soothed my soul.

My cutsoul.

I enjoyed the breeze for a few minutes, but before long, we arrived.

Esme walked through the open doors and into the lobby.

Eyes drenched with crushing despair swept over us, then moved elsewhere with disinterest. St. Neuvae's Clinic was a building of utter sorrow; mothers and fathers came here to witness the gradual and inevitable downfall of their children.

This was no healing centre.

It was a glorified cemetery.

Here, children died.

Here, mothers wept.

Here, fathers broke.

We didn't stay in the lobby for long; Esme carried me elsewhere.

She climbed a singular flight of stairs with the distant echo of weeping mothers scintillating in the back of my ears.

The voices screeched louder than ever before; my vision was crowded and stained with harrowing white.

Entering the first floor, Esme walked me down the eerily quiet corridor to the end.

Arriving at the final set of doors, she glanced at me for a split second, then pushed her vision back upwards and stepped through.

She stepped into it.

The memorial of the deceased.

A single marble wall carved with countless names curved from the left corner to the right corner. In front of the wall sat a miniature garden with a gurgling fountain; an abundant set of flowers bloomed around the fountain, circling it.

"..." I stared at the names.

At the victims of Flamm's.

Esme also stopped for a moment, she took a deep breath; is she thinking of Yulei?

I couldn't figure out what was going on in my sister's head, and I didn't pester her either.

Instead, she eventually released her breath and walked to the rightmost section of the wall; a section that was emptier than the others.

A suspicion arose in my mind.

Walking close to the wall, Esme stopped.

Then, stretching her right index finger, she pointed at a section.

At the names of two of the deceased.

[Leon]

[37th Year of the Dawn Era]

[May He Rest In Peace]

And-

[Finnie]

[38th Year of the Dawn Era]

[May She Rest In Peace]

"...She's also gone." Those words slipped unknowingly from my mouth.

I didn't even recognise what I had said till I had already said it.

"Yes. She's also gone. We were there when Leon passed. Senuela's crushed eyes are forever embedded in my memory."

I observed the memorial for a moment, then asked, "Why are their ages not recorded? Or even their birthdates?"

Esme glanced down at me with a smile that held no smiles within it, "Because some children have no recorded birthdates. Some children don't know their age. And, here, they want all children to have an equal end."

Pausing, Esme took a breath-

"And. There's one more reason."

-then dropped the heartbreaking, true reason.

"Age doesn't matter."

"They're all children."

"All of them."

Painfully smiling, a flash of helplessness crossed Esme's face, "...They were just kids."

Hearing her say that;

Hearing those words come from Esme herself;

But-

Aren't we also just kids?

A part of me whispered to itself.

If they receive this wonderful memorial.

A part of me questioned itself.

If they receive the love and sorrow of the world.

A part of me, deep within me, cried out.

Then why do I receive nothing?

And, finally, a part of me, drowning within me, gurgled with desolation.

They were just kids; aren't we just kids?

They deserved equal treatment; then why haven't I received equal treatment?

What have I done wrong?

Do I deserve it?

Ido.

Then what did I do to deserve it?

Ibroke.

Then why did I break?

Iwasweak.

Then why was I weak?

Because...

Idon't...

Know...

A salty liquid drained from my face, splattering lifelessly down my chin and onto my white shirt. The quagmire within me churned; it twisted its gears as it tried to answer that question reasonably.

And, within a minute-

Iwasnormal.

Was I?

Ithink.

Did I break because I was normal?

Idid.

Then what's wrong with being normal?

...

Why does being normal mean I deserved this?

...

Why did I deserve it?

...

Answer me.

...

Me.

...

Answer.

...

You are me.

...

You should know.

...

Why?

...

Why...?

...

...What did I do to deserve this horror?

This dreadful life?

What did I do to deserve to become this creature?

This thing that exists for the sake of others?

This thing that doesn't know what it wants for itself?

This thing that believes it has a purpose, that it has a goal, but, in reality, all it has is a long-lost dream that drowned beneath years of throat-tearing cries.

I've always tricked myself into believing that I know.

I've always led myself down this path.

I've always pretended that the road ahead was clear, that I knew what I was doing.

...But I know.

I've always known.

I'm a liar.

I've always lied to myself.

Over 11 years of this...

This thing's existence...

And, in the end, all I have to show for it is this paralysed little thing?

This thing that, were its most horrid secrets revealed;

Were it to be paraded for the world to see;

This thing would be condemned by the world itself.

And for what?

Because I deserved it?

IknowIdo.

But why?!

I don't get it!

"Why!"

A shriek sunken with a hoard of dreaded Curses blasted from my mouth and outwards; my silver-white mask was instantaneously stained with an accursed black, a black filled to the brim with a manic hoard of screaming little things.

My throat gurgled with agony. My eyes pierced towards the girl holding me, towards my sister. Curses flourished from my body, dancing and thrashing outwards like petals decorated in thorns.

Yet.

Even still...

Esme didn't react as I had subconsciously thought she would.

On the other hand, it was the opposite.

It was slow.

Mechanical.

As she looked downwards, as she stared at my eyes; at the mask imbued with Curses-

"It's the truth, though, isn't it?" She said.

"Did it hurt you? If so, I'd like for you to know that it hurt me too."

The hands gripping my body squeezed, "Listening to your twisted truths all these years, hoping, praying, that one day I'd know it all; it hurt. Of course it did, I'm also a child. I recognise that."

"I'm smarter than most, yes, but I also enjoy playing. I enjoy messing with my sister. I enjoy messing with my friends. Going shopping, putting on cute clothes, eating yummy foods... And, that's why, that's why-!"

With a veil of shimmering white covering her golden eyes, "...That's why I can't bear it. Knowing that Yulei will die soon. Knowing that I'll have to leave it all behind soon. Knowing that Mother hurt you. That Father has been implicit all along-"

Esme pushed her head into my belly and continued speaking, but with a muffled voice.

"-It's too heavy."

"At least for my small shoulders."

"I don't even know what to think; how to think. I don't blame you; in fact, I love you. I already told you that in the cave. But I don't know. I really, seriously, absolutely, don't know."

"Should I be happy that I get to spend time with you, even though you're in this state? Should I be happy that we'll be escaping? Should I be happy that my friends, my sister, and my maid won't be left behind?"

"Or should I be sad that the cost of being with you is the horrors that have been ingrained in you over the years? Sad that I'll be leaving? Sad that my friends, my sister, and my maid have to escape into the unknown? Into the endless Darkness?"

"Hell, I'm not sure why I even brought you here! It's like something is whispering in my brain, convincing me to come here, and I don't even know why! I didn't want to have this conversation here either! I wanted it in two years! Empyreans- hell, even those things have abandoned us, but Empyreans above, why now?! I don't get it at all!"

She screamed and screamed into my belly;

She let out all her grievances, 12 years' worth of them.

...It's ironic, is it not?

The children of the damned.

The children of the worst sinners I've ever come to know.

They have come, here, and now, and cried their hearts out in front of the ones who have also suffered as victims.

Before the graves of countless victims of our parents.

It's like we have no say.

We have no free will.

Anything and everything that must be said and done occurs as theywill it.

Not even the sorrow between sisters is free to be aired out in an appropriate location; even now, it has to occur at a symbolic site.

"..."

Squeezed with Curses, I stared emptily at my sister's face.

At her profusely sorrowful eyes.

And, with her despair oozing into my veins, a singular line entered my mind.

A line that I could not deny.

A line packed with the woeful truth.

...This is nothing but an ordained tragedy.