Walking Disasters and Me

"Wait, really?? Now?" I ask back incredulously at Ios' statement, "I mean, don't get me wrong. I can't wait for you to get corporeal again, and if that's what you want then that's what we'll do. But what about what happened changed that math for you?"

Ios takes a second, looking like she's collecting her thoughts, before she replies, "Yes, I think we should do it now. And while there are a lot of reasons as for the why of it, there's only one that matters." She looks me in the eyes, a faint sense of guilt still present but overshadowed by the drive for redemption. Like she's wanting to rectify her mistakes, at least as she sees them. "If I had a body, I probably wouldn't have been as in danger of being as affected by your mental state as I was. I could have sealed off the connection between my physical form and your soul space, or at least mitigated it enough to still access the system. I could have stopped you. In theory, at least..."

I'm taken aback a little at the intensity in her voice, although she does make some sense. Before replying back, I wrap her up in another hug which her four arms return. "Okay. I've been fine with you getting to be a real girl again for awhile anyways. And if this helps your guilt settle some and safeguard us for the future, then even more reason to do it." I kiss the top of her head and smush our forms together, her hum of muted surprise glancing off my neck.

"Since when did you get all perceptive, huh?" Ios half jokes back, but I'm content to just let the silence remain as I shrug my shoulders in reply. We enjoy the feel of our avatar's against each other for a few moments before she nods and pulls back. "Alright then. The grand total for everything I need that I think will work for until we leave Mara is 40k."

"Jesus! Are you buying the whole freaking shop?!" I answer back on instinct. The most expensive thing I've bought so far was the soul pill, and even then that was only 10k! For a Peak Transcendent Rank item!

Ios deadpans back to me before saying, "You realize that's only a bit more than the 30k estimate I threw out a couple weeks ago, right? Besides, you got like, 200k from er... 'beating' Samantha in an actual fight."

"WHAT?!?" My voice shouts in astonishment, eyes going wide as I quickly pull up my point totals with trembling pupils:

Available Ability Points: 107,112

Available Shop Points: 245,050

Available Skill Points: 22,411

I feel my mouth open and close repeatedly, the surrealness of the situation leaving me bereft of words until I simultaneously feel both lightheaded and queasy. With stumbling words, I mutter out, "I-I can't tell if I'm going to pass out or t-throw up. Both? Is both an option?" Thankfully the latter doesn't come to pass, and the former is stopped by Ios quickly rushing to my side and helping me stay vertical. Albeit on swaying, wobbly legs.

"Shit. Sorry, I should have guessed you hadn't looked at your totals yet. Uhm... Surprise?" She attempts to awkwardly joke out as she lowers us to a 'sitting' position in the space.

"N-no shit, surprise!! What... what do I even do with all of these points now?? Not just for the shop and your body, but the ability and skill points too?? Surely I shouldn't just be hoarding them, but there's so many I feel overwhelmed... Not to mention that I got them in the way I did, which just adds another layer on this fucked up cake I served myself..."

"I know..." Ios says as she pats my back comfortingly, "But what's done is done. For better or worse, their yours now. The way I see it, you could go two ways. Either spread 20k to all of your base stats - minus Charisma and Luck, of course - or dump everything straight into CON." I give her a questioning look before she explains further, a set of hands still rubbing my back and supporting my upright form.

"Even if this next tribulation goes like the Empress has told us, the one after it might not. Honestly, I don't think there's anything left on Mara you need to seriously worry about aside from the Heavens. Your Dexterity, when buffed by just your strengthening techniques, already rivals a half-step Apogee Rank in quality, so even if you faced a 6th Rank tribulation after this next one, you should be able to mitigate anything coming your way to a glancing blow. If you don't just avoid it entirely.

However, even if its a shallow hit at that level of power, you'd still be cooked as you are now. Literally and figuratively. So the most logical step, in my opinion, would be to start dumping into CON on the off chance that that situation does come to pass. Not to mention it will raise your Stamina and Health pools as well as recovery rates at the same time, meaning you'll have a fighting chance at actually lasting the whole battle. Which... well... could take years."

I groan as I lean back against her support, "I realize this is so down the list of complaints and worries right now with everything going on, but my stat spread is going to be so fucked..." I rub my eyes a few times before coming to a decision, "Alright. Let's just prioritize Constitution for now then. The sooner I get tribulation proof, the better... Still have two more of the freaking things after this to worry about too..."

"Are you sure? Do you want to wait until you talk with Akiko about it?" Ios asks from my side, her voice a mix of curiosity as well as concern.

I hum in thought, mulling it over in my head as my arms rest on my raised knees. I know Akiko is supposed to be helping guide me too... but at what point do I start taking initiative? Like Sandy said? The Heavens absolutely terrify me, the thought of getting unlucky and having them go ballistic when I'm not ready is just a death sentence in waiting. Surely she'd understand that, right? Once we talk here in a bit and she calms down, apparently.

"I love Akiko, and I'm sure if she were here we would talk about it just like we are. But at some point I'm going to have to woman up and take charge of myself. To take responsibility for my actions, both the good and the bad. Maybe this isn't the best time for that, considering what a wild paradigm shift its going to make, but..."

I pause as I rest my forehead against my arms, Ios wrapping me in a hug as I whisper out, "I'm scared to death about taking the next tribulation, and all the ones after. Knowing that not just my fate, but Sandra's and yours and Ilya's all hangs on the balance of such a fickle coin toss is gut wrenching. The sooner that stops being an issue, the sooner I can relax and start divesting more points into other things."

"I think that's a perfectly fine idea and worry to have." Ios says as she kisses my cheek, her face burying in against my arms as she does so like an attention seeking dog which coaxes a small laugh from my chest. Satisfied at a task completed, she continues on as she squeezes me, "I also think you should still wait to use the points until you tell Akiko about your choice. It's one thing to set your mind to something and take the wheel for yourself, quite another to go making important decisions without telling the people who love you."

"Fair." I simply reply back, nodding to myself as we both begin to stand again. "So, I guess you have carte blanche to buy whatever you need from the shop then. Just... try not to go overboard. If I find out you made a robot body with a nuke in its chest like that old fighting anime with the hot blonde robot lady, I'm going to be mad at you. And not just because that's such a blatant rip off and tacky." I warn with a wag of a finger towards the floating Ios.

"R-right! Who would do something like that? Not me! Haha! Okay then, I'll get everything collected and ready." Ios replies, the sweat beading at her forehead not fooling anyone before she collects herself. "I'll be all good to go in a few hours probably. I'll lock the door until then cause... well... I want you to be the first one to see me. If that's okay?"

I can't help but smile back to her, leaning forward to plant a small kiss on her lips. I remain there even as Sam's plea to stop echoes in my brain, doing my utmost to not jerk in alarm at the sudden but still expected reaction before pulling back with a sigh and teary eyes. "Guess it's silly to think that that's going away anytime soon too..."

Ios grabs both my hands in all of hers, a pair of thumbs softly gliding over my knuckles as she replies gently, "After you talk with Akiko and ease her worries, you should really talk to Sam." She squeezes her grip after the noticeable jolt to her words before adding, "She already forgave you, honey. And I think once you listen to her about what happened again, it may shed a different light on the matter for you. To hear how she describes it, not just what your head and that rotten thing in your chest are telling you. Besides, its not like you two can avoid each other forever. The estates big, but not that big."

I frown, even though she's absolutely right. Besides, Sam deserves to say whatever she wants or needs to say to me after what I did. Whether I was in control or not. "O-okay... I'll try. No promises that I won't break down again though."

"Just do your best like you always do, sweetheart. I think you'll find the talk... cathartic. That it will help with how you're processing things." Her kind words sing down to me before she pats my head a couple times. "Now, get out of here while I get ready. I'm sure Akiko is liable to break the damn door down if we stall her any longer."

Another small smile crosses my lips before I nod and get ready to leave, turning to face her again with a stern look. "I meant it Ios. No nukes." I warn her one last time, a playful salute of a knifed hand to the corner of her eye all the response I get before I give a small chuckle and return back to the waking world.

I sigh as I take in the empty room. Even the comms box is dull and silent, the slightly present hum from its operation still and inactive along with the lights adorning it. I swing my feet out and plant them on the ground, leaden steps taking me to the bathroom to see if I'm presentable as is or if my looks match the weariness inside my mind. As I inspect myself in the large mirror overlooking the sink, I find that whatever talisman or method Sam used to clean me up seems to have done the trick.

My clothes are spotless down to the last hem of the robe. The only indication of the traumatic events of yesterday left on my person being the hollow look to my eyes framed by sagging, dark skin. "Yeah... That tracks." I mumble out as my dull form occupies the reflective surface, sighing before rummaging through the bathroom kit to see if there's anything that'll help make me not look so... zombified.

After a couple minutes of some TLC and super makeup, I get back to looking mostly human. Anxiously beating heart and all. With no other excuse or reason to delay things any further, I adjust the robe a couple times in the mirror and then make my way to the door leading out into the estate proper. I debate trying to browse the shop and see if there are any skills or something that would help mask my presence, knowing that as soon as I break the threshold I'm likely to get cuddle piled into oblivion by one or all of the girls. I doubt it would help with the soul connection though, so I sadly put the fantasy of salvation to rest and grip the slatted door handle and embrace my fate.

With the scratching of wood on wood, I open up the last barrier to the outside world and whatever awaits me beyond, poking my head out cautiously as I look up and down the surprisingly empty corridors. "Uh... Aki-" I begin to say before a wall of white frazzled fur, voluptuous breasts, and sad, needy whines scoops me up faster than my eyes can process. By the time I mutter the last of my question, "-ko?", I've been whisked away and wrapped in an all-encompassing fluffy embrace underneath a familiar cherry blossom tree.

A cycle of sadness, regret, guilt, and all other things tinted by blue and black filter to and fro between our bond. Both of us quickly devolving into tearful sobs as the fragile dams we've erected in our brief time apart burst wide open, a tangle of arms and tails and legs all wrapped around each other.

After who knows how long of pouring our hearts out wordlessly to each other underneath the protective grace of falling pink petals, Akiko becomes the first of us to speak again. With her face still burrowed into my neck and breathing deeply of my scent, her apologetic and forlorn breath breezing against my skin, "Words cannot describe my sorrow and regret, my love. For so many things. For letting my grief and anger best me, for not teaching you properly about our shared nature. For what happened while I was away. For failing in my role as mentor and protector. All this and more."

Tears still stream down my face - luckily the makeup is magic so nothing has smeared or been ruined so far - as I squeeze her as tight as I can, her fresh clean scent doing wonders to both ease my heart and ground me. "We both failed, Aki. I should have told you how quickly the Intent was leveling up, but I was... scared. Amscared. Scared of the tribulations and having to face them now, scared of losing myself again. Scared of hurting anyone else here, even you. And instead of facing those fears, I just ignored them and let them fester, hoping they'd magically go away on their own."

Akiko listens the whole while, the nonverbal transmission of both of our sorrows and waves comfort sliding between our bond as she nips and licks at my neck, but not in a way that feels sexual. More like she is having trouble controlling her beast side and is looking to reassure me, which does actually work to my surprise. We stay in silence for a bit longer before I sigh and lean back, pulling us the faintest of distances apart even as Akiko protests with another whine. A little smile comes to my face as I take in her state, fat and wet tears the same as mine sliding down her cheeks as her lips tilt down to a small frown.

"I know," I say as I study her eyes, letting the connection between us open up as I bear myself in full honesty towards her, "That Sam probably... told you what happened. And that she forgave me. But I can't let you do the same until... until you really see what I did when I lost control. I don't want the whispers and guilt to eat at me, at us. I need..." I breathe out shakily before cupping her cheeks in my trembling hands, putting all the bravery I can muster in my existence into my next words, "I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me you still love me after you see what happened. From my perspective. How it made me feel during, and after."

Akiko nods without any hesitation, something that warms my weary heart as she easily replies, "I will do anything you ask if it makes you feel at peace, my love. And I promise that I will not think any less of our connection, of my devotion towards you, come the end of what you wish to show me. But I understand your need to be certain. Are we to make use of your system given [Dream Archivist]?"

The smile that faded from my face as I explained my needs and worries to her comes back at hearing the same pure and honest reaction from both women that occupy my soul and help give me purpose. "That's the plan. Since we're soul bonded it should work, but only Ios - and now Sandra - have been there so I'm not sure if the process is going to be different for you. Can you look into my flow model like you did that one time? So I can try and pull you in easier?"

"Without issue, my dear. Do you wish to begin now?" Akiko says as a talisman appears in her hand while we are still surrounded by her tails, my brief glancing at the paper noticing several glyphs and symbols for soul and sight among others.

I nod in reply, shifting a little to get to a comfortable position. Namely, my head smushed up against her heavenly soft bosom as I begin to pull my focus inward. Akiko's slight giggle the last thing I hear before my soul avatar opens its eyes.

I let out a long breath, the anxiety starting to well within me again at what we're about to do. And though I'm able to beat back the encroaching whispers of doubt and fear, their marks still drag my psyche down further than I would like. A reprieve comes when I notice the familiar signature of Akiko's energy peering into me, drawing my focus to it as I activate the memory skill.

In less than a blink of an eye, I'm standing back in the dark and mostly vacant library, turning my head back to see if Akiko made the trip with me. Relief as well as confusion bubble up at what I see, however, as standing right to my side is the familiar figure of the fox in question. But instead of her six tails, nine sprout from the spot on her back, all of her naked body made of pure soul white. A little blush of pink lights up the space as I take in her nude form, something that is as automatic as her reaction to it as she smiles back over to me.

"Nothing you have not seen before, my love, but I am glad it still affects you thusly~." She says coyly in an ethereal voice before a tail comes up to tickle my heated cheeks and she turns to take in the surroundings. "Fascinating. A construct within the soul but still wholly separate. Similar to how absorbing a high Ranking treasure functions..."

"Y-yeah, but the added tails are new." I say back after I get my beating heart under control. Although staring at her shapely ass and hips as she walks forward isn't helping things, Aims. Trying to further get my mind out of the gutter, I follow up with, "Not sure how the construct thing is supposed to work, but what you said makes sense. Time should go slower here too, but if it's all the same to you I'd rather just... do what we came here for and then go back. Being here with that memory in reach stresses me out still."

A hand rests on my shoulder, pulling my vision upward and past her bountiful chest to see the still mostly featureless face of Akiko. "I understand. Perhaps in happier times we can make more use of this space, but you are right. Let us complete the task at hand and then return to the others, who are just as worried for you despite Samantha and spirit Ios' reassurances. As for my tails, my bloodline is a nine tailed variant, so my soul reflects that as my true form. Even if I have not quite achieved such a state physically just yet."

Humming in agreement to both her explanation of her form as well as her shared desire to get this out of the way as quickly as possible, I walk us over towards where the dreaded memory rests on the shelf. Approaching the tome, I give her the same instruction as I did for Sandy, "Right... This one." I say as I point to the book, "All you need to do is open it, and a screen replaying the memory, and everything I was feeling during the memory, will play over there. I'm going to go a fair ways off because... well, I don't think I'm ready to watch or feel all of that again just yet..."

"Fret not, my love." Akiko replies back, cupping my face in her hands as it was lowering to view the ground. Instead, I take in the vibrant and pure love emanating from her person and our bond as she continues, "Trust in me, in us. I know this event is still fresh and weighty on your mind, but no matter what it entails, I will never stop loving you. I shall wait here for a few minutes until I am certain you can no longer hear whatever is about to transpire."

I do my best to not tear up again as I reach out and give her avatar a hug, the same warmth and closeness present just like with her real body. "Thanks. I... I hope so too. Okay, I'll just walk straight that way until I'm out of range." I answer back as I point down the same hallway I walked down when Sandra was here earlier.

Akiko leans down in our embrace, planting her lips softly on mine. I nearly melt in her arms from something so basic but brimming with care and love, and to my relief I don't experience any kind of flashback or emotional jolt from our quick meeting of lips. The smile that returns to my face is fuller than it has been since the event, a spark of hope dancing its fragile flame inside my soul as I turn and begin heading off into the darkness.

---

---

The retreating form of Amelia fades from my vision, the sound of her softly quieting steps a touch lighter than earlier after our kiss until silence reigns amongst the sparse collection of books. Mentally, my mind sighs out as I raise the untitled tome back to my vision. So much hurt. Regret. All of it bound inside this ledger in my hands and woven like a dark and fibrous spiderweb on the heart of the poor woman who I have bonded with. All borne from my lack of attention and care, from my failure to control my emotions that have been so stilted these past hundred years. Muted. If she were not such a kind and caring woman who hails not from this world, I am sure she would never forgive me for such a blatant failure and the actions it caused.

And while I am thankful that the case is thus, my own guilt still weighs on my mind like a thick blanket made of the heaviest of metal. Once more I promise to myself - to her - that I will make things right from this. While it may be difficult, it is obvious that this status quo cannot continue. To say nothing of the coming storm that again was caused by my actions, that I have yet to inform dear Amelia about...

The sigh no longer stays just inside of my mind, coming to life in the meta-physical space I have been brought to as my chest exhales out the tension. Once more I hope her streak of kindness and understanding extends long enough for me to make amends. To treat her as she should be treated, and give her my full and undivided attention as I would to any rising genius. Even more so when our bond and her situation is taken into consideration.

Deciding she is likely far off enough to not have the wound be reopened by my viewing, I walk towards the blank and suspect place she pointed to and move to open the tome. However, just as the cover begins to peel itself apart, exposing the contents within, a thick, boundless, and ancientfeeling pressure descends on my surroundings and person. The sense and purpose of time being diluted until the very concept of it stops mattering.

In a voice that is a mix between Amelia and Gerra's inclinations, words sound out from behind me, my eyes widening at their message. "So, you must be Akiko! I can see why my baby girl is so smitten with you~. Let's have a chat, miss foxy mama."