Chapter 66: Guilt
Jules pov
It was eerily quiet now that Blaze and I were alone in the hallway. My heart was racing erratically and it felt like my heart was lodged in my throat.
The need to explain myself was pressing against my throat, it was nagging at every inch of my insides, but Blaze didn’t look at me, and that made my heart shatter. He stared at Xander’s closed door a moments longer before pulling away and heading for the other side of the hall, in the direction of our shared dorm.
He was still yet to spare me a glance or say a word to me, and somehow, that felt extremely worse than him outrightly asking me to explain myself and leaving me with no other option like he’d usually do.
I exhaled slowly and clutched my torn shirt together as I trailed after him, while silently accepting the fact that I was currently in a mess which I had created myself, because I’m just dumb and slow.
Blaze had taken care of me so damn well throughout yesterday, he had made me feel extremely safe and cared for, had made me feel perfect... and what did I do? Get myself into a mess the very next day, one which sounded extremely compromising after all that Xander revealed to Blaze, which were definitely not true.
Xander was objectively attractive from the onset, but I was never attracted to him, neither did I ever had a crush on him. He didn’t make my heart race, he didn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy in his presence, his gaze doesn’t feel like it was unraveling me, his touch didn’t send shivers down my spine... and his kiss felt outrightly wrong.
Blaze got the door open and stepped through without sparing me a glance and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I sucked in a deep breath as I stepped through and closed the door after him. The air felt extremely tense around us, and I kept silently wishing he’d question me and leave me no choice but to respond, because that’s how I’d be able to explain myself to him, at least, that felt like it would be way better than this silence.
Blaze headed to the sitting room and shrugged out of his jacket before sinking into one of the couches, head thrown back against the headrest and eyes closed. I remained in the doorway, mouth wobbling dejectedly. I’ve never felt this way before, this extremely shitty feeling from being ignored before. It felt like my entire inside was falling apart and it left a bitter feeling behind. The urge to explain myself, the urge to make things right between us and listen to him reassure me that he wasn’t mad at me was so intense and constant inside of me, that it made my eyes well up with tears.