Chapter 488: Value Proposition
An evening sky settled over the famed market district of my royal capital.
Adorned by the waning light, flags stretched from rooftop to rooftop, while banners draped from balconies and children leaned from their windows, eager to catch a glimpse of my beautiful smile.
They would need to keep waiting.
“W-W-What is this … ?!”
My mouth fell open at the sight before me.
Although the Summer Solstice Festival had yet to officially begin, that mattered little to either its residents or the many visitors flocking to join the carnival atmosphere.
Already, the taverns were overflowing with hoodlums, prompting the alleyway cats to hiss as their homes were overrun by every shade of impropriety. And yet it wasn’t the sound of drunken hooliganism or distressed felines that was responsible for my etiquette tutor’s frown.
No … it was trolls.
“Madame, would you like to sample a sticky apple? They are freshly picked, freshly glazed and even more freshly chosen just for your discerning tastes.”
“Would the madame be interested in a variety of specially selected charms said to work with a 0.001% effectiveness?”
“Ah, I see the madame has wonderfully groomed human hair. I’ve a hairpin that will keep a single strand perfectly straight no matter the elements.”
“Oh, my apologies, madame! I failed to see you beneath this armful of very slightly enchanted wooden cutlery I was due to restock at my stall just to your left.”
I was horrified.
Instead of commoners calling out for me to ignore them, there were trolls!
Instead of bakery staff handing me coupons only Coppelia wanted to collect, there were trolls!
Instead of hat merchants waiting to be banished, there were trolls!
Here, there and everywhere, all I saw were trolls!
Having simply replaced the competition instead of vying with them, scores of armoured trolls now stood behind the stalls typically reserved for promising local merchants without the means to own a shop–a tradition which encouraged entrepreneurship throughout Reitzlake.
At least until now.
However, while these trolls were very unlikely to be paying any residence taxes, they were at least content to sell the same assortment of dubious goods as those they ousted.
… Perhaps even worse.
“H-How terrible!” I said, utterly aghast as a troll offered a wooden spatula as if it was something unearthed from the royal vault. “Why, not only have the trolls somehow bribed, threatened or simply done away with all my stall keepers, but they haven’t even made the wares more palpable!”
“Yeah, it’s awful,” said Coppelia, holding up a pair of very glossy apples on a stick. “Want a glazed apple? It’s covered in honey and boiled sugar and really unhealthy.”
I shook my head … all the while reaching out to accept.
“Thank you, but I must decline. I cannot be seen to condone anything these trolls have to offer. This is dire. It looks like they’ve taken the entire market district!”
“Convenient, huh? Now we can skip the coupons and go straight to the offers!”
“The only convenience is that trolls are willing to sabotage their own reputation. Everything they’re selling is so … mundane!”
Indeed, it was one thing if they wished to bankrupt my peasants by convincing them they needed a tiara shining with starlight in order to help illuminate their pitchforks.
However, far from seeing any artifacts or bottomless pouches that I was still trying to get full value from, all I saw were pendants that guaranteed success after an infinite amount of tries, candles that made things brighter only when blinking and broomsticks that swept away an additional grain of dirt and no more.
But most of all–
There was that.
Attention all customers:
Due to high demand, purchases of the Fading Bloom Atelier Official Collaboration Snow Dancer™ Summer Solstice Festival Special Edition plushie are limited to 1 per person.
To purchase, please collect a lottery ticket. Winners will be announced hourly.
I stared at a wooden sign.
And also the enormous queue starting beside it … all to buy what was the worst waste of stuffed cotton I had seen since a pillow merchant once thought it was a substitute for goose feathers.
“Coppelia.”
“Mmh~?”
“... I want to return to the Royal Villa.”
“Got it! Wanna grab some souvenirs before we go? I don’t think the trolls are closing up yet. If we pick up a lottery ticket now, we might get a chance to buy a Fading Bloom Atelier Official Collaboration Snow Dancer™ Summer Solstice Festival Special Edition plushie.”
I placed my face in my palms and groaned.
Very well.
Acknowledgement needed to be offered.
Trolls were more than merchants. They were artisans. Only true maestros in the art of grief could carefully layer as many reasons for me to abandon everything I’d come out to do.
Shameless haggling. A lottery system. And also a queue.
All the things I didn’t care for. But while I could ignore most things, I could not ignore the plushies.
The many rows of them, in fact … all of which were hidden from view as a troll sought to block my way as I approached.
“You,” I said, my finger already raised. “What am I seeing and when will I stop seeing it?”
The troll scratched his back.
Given the thick iron helmet and the way his shadow loomed over me like every other troll’s, there was little to distinguish him from the rest. And yet the sense of familiarity couldn’t be denied.
After all, his eyes immediately glanced towards the nearest set of colleagues.
They all turned away.
“Greetings, madame. It is a pleasure to see a repeat customer and valued client. Your assistance in our last difficulties was much appreciated. I am delighted to say that currently all is well.”
“All is not well. My eyes are stinging with pain.”
“That is most unfortunate. However, we do have several balms which may help with that.”
“It isn’t a balm I need. It’s a falling plant pot so I can forget who the insane elven woman you’re outrageously selling merchandise of is.”
“Indeed, the Snow Dancer is quite unforgettable without the use of household ornaments. She is very popular. Is the madame here to consider one of our limited edition items?”
“No.”
The troll looked to the side where Coppelia was already negotiating for a plushie in order to use as a cursed talisman later.
“Very well. It is available should the madame request it. Naturally, special dispensation will be given to avoid the lottery system.”
“There should not be a lottery system, unless it’s for the winner to see how far the plushie can be punted after climbing through a window. Are you aware that the Snow Dancer is a fugitive?”
“Quite so. We encourage all citizens to report any sightings of the Snow Dancer to the relevant authorities.”
“Are the plushies a reminder of what she looks like when in stuffed cotton form, then?”
“Indeed … which is why we have partnered with the famed Fading Bloom Atelier to produce the Snow Dancer’s most limited and up-to-date plushie yet. It features her current attire. A daring summer combination consisting of a hemmed dress, elegant white gloves and ballroom shoes.”
I pointed at the rows of plushies at once.
“And how exactly would you know what the Snow Dancer currently looks like?”
“That would be for the same reason much of the public does. The Snow Dancer has made several appearances throughout the royal capital. The majority upon a rooftop.”
“She has?” I was appalled. “Do you mean she’s here? What is she doing? Working as a circus acrobat?”
“She could be likened to one, certainly. I see the madame must not have heard. There is compelling evidence that the Snow Dancer is responsible for a spate of recent high-profile incidents involving burglary, theft and use of an aquatic animal to facilitate unlawful entry.”
I groaned.
“And so you decide to celebrate her antics by selling plushies of her? As merchants, do you not take issue with commemorating theft?”
The troll scratched his back.
“Crime is a business expense,” he said simply. “We concern ourselves with profit margins. If a thief can elevate them, then we will use her image freely and without licensing fees. The Snow Dancer is a proven brand. Her collection of plushies, produced by various ateliers, has always proven popular. That popularity has grown alongside the public appetite for her robberies.”
“I see. Is that because she frequently gets imprisoned?”
“Quite the opposite. The increasing number of guards hired to apprehend her have failed. That is why it has drawn the excitement of much of the city. It is no small feat to gain entry to just about every building in the noble district, especially while they remain alert.”
I stared.
“Excuse me? Every building … in the noble district?”
“The abodes of merchants. The estates of nobility. The embassies of nations. It is rarer for one not to have been robbed. She is therefore seen as a symbol of rebellion against the entrenched aristocracy. Many believe this to be her own tribute to the Summer Solstice Festival. We are having to restock plushies by the hour.”
I covered my mouth.
“Y-You cannot be serious … she’s emptied them all? Even … Even the Granholtz Embassy?”
“Quite so. It is even suggested that the Granholtz Embassy was her very first target.”
I was horrified.
All this time, I knew she had an enthusiasm for misplaced property. But this was something else entirely.
To rob the noble district and all who resided there was beyond all acceptability.
… After all, what did that leave me?!
H-How dare she steal what I was planning to steal!
That was doubly … no, triply illegal!
If the Grand Duchess and all my aristocrats were robbed, I wanted it done in a way that made it clear without evidence that I was somehow involved!
“That is inexcusable!” I declared. “To sow crime throughout this fair city is amongst the gravest of offences … and while her choice of targets may lessen the severity, that does not change the fact that it cannot be encouraged. To spread the Snow Dancer’s name as plushies will do nothing but embolden her to continue.”
Indeed, this was simply too much.
There was a limit to all things. And that included robbing my nobility.
It was a very high limit. But it existed. I wanted them destitute, yes, but not to the point where they decided to sell their titles and live the life of unscrupulous merchants.
They would be far better at it, after all.
Those at the bottom of the ladder only sought to topple it. Far better to keep them in the middle where they could climb without end.
“We do not encourage crime,” said the troll, his volume just a hint louder than before. “... We merely abide by it, which is why the proceeds of our limited edition range is contingent on a percentage going towards the Snow Dancer’s bounty.”
“Her bounty?”
“Her bounty. The one offered by all those collectively robbed. It is increasing by the day. And also by the number of plushies we sell.”
The troll scratched his back.
He then pointed to a nearby noticeboard.
Covered in everything related to the Summer Solstice Festival, it was a mess of public ordinances and pleas not to vomit everywhere that would never be heard … but also a poster with a sketch my eyes instinctively refused to see.
I blinked as I read the bounty.
A moment later, I turned to my loyal handmaiden with a bright smile, who was busy examining her latest purchase.
“Coppelia! How many crowns do you have?”
“Zilch~!”
“Excellent. I need you to buy as many plushies as you can.”
“Eeehh?!”