Chapter 203: Beating Trauma
DAHLIA POV
The ship rocked gently as if the sea was trying to soothe us with its movement. I leaned against the wood at the front of the boat, watching as soft orange hue rose from the snow laced clouds. We were going to be approaching summer soon, winter was saying good bye.
It had been a long winter, a long one that was filled with pain and I was glad that it was finally over. The sun that was peaking from the gray clouds looked seemed like the beginning of something new. I exhaled slowly as I closed my eyes enjoying my moment of peace.
It was only moment like this that I am able to be at peace. When night comes, it was always horrible. Sleeping was supposed to be a way to escape but apparently that isn’t the case for me. It would seem that night time was when the demons come from me. Tormenting me each time and making me feel like I was back in that horrible place.
During day time, it was easy for me to pretend. It was easy for me to pretend as if I do not care, act like I was completely fine. I smile every day, I laugh and even make jokes, I do anything to take my mind away from the horrors that it faced. But when its night time and everywhere gets quiet, I am being dragged to go relieve the past.
Reagan worries about me, I can see it in his eyes. The way he stares at me with so much helpless in his gaze and anytime I catch him, he would look away. Anytime we stayed together, his hands brush mine. As if he wanted to touch me but he is scared to.
I also noticed he doesn’t sleep which is mostly my fault. My nightmares kept both of us up, him longer than me but he acts like he has just come out of bed. But what infuriates me the most is the fact that he stares at me like I was made of glass, like I was going to break at the slightest little thing.
I hated it so much because it also felt like the truth and I didn’t want it to look that way. I didn’t want it to look like I might be broken.
But I was, I was broken.
Some nights when I get scared of my nightmare, I want to do reach for him. Hug him and juts let all my tears out. Most days I wished he would hold me and kiss me senseless till I forget or maybe fuck me. But I was also going to hold off on that, at least not till I get Madam Heidi to get some salve to make the scars on my body disappear.
They were too hideous to see I had smashed the mirror in the bathroom and when Reagan had asked me, I had claim it was an accident. He didn’t believe me though, I could see it in his eyes but he still didn’t push.