Project Seraphina [LitRPG, Magitech, GL]

By administrative decree, class is cancelled for the rest of the week. I can’t blame the University President’s decision. By the grace of the goddesses and the noble sacrifice of my former comrade, no others died in the attack of the self-proclaimed demonic desecrator. Yet, despite the fact that our operation was a success and casualties were kept to a minimum, it hardly feels like a cause for celebration.

Chloe has taken Alexey’s death especially hard. Try though I do to comfort her through her grief in these harrowing times, I find myself unable to find the words that will assuage the mix of emotions I feel from her. Grief is predominant among them, but I can also sense the emptiness, the sorrow, and the guilt. So much guilt.

She’d talked about that guilt before, the secondary traumatization that comes with working in the medical field, seeing mangled bodies, watching as patients go through such gripping pain. Sometimes they don’t leave the hospital alive, despite Chloe’s best efforts and prodigious reserves of healing prowess. The patient is too old, or she doesn’t get to them in time, or, like what happened to Alexey, they suffer from an ailment that can’t be treated with magic.

Curses and toxins not of natural Earth origin, spawned by new creatures dwelling in the wilds and the dungeons both near and far. Alexey’s death was not the first and would not be the last. A cruel reminder it was for both of us, that despite the power we each now possess, we are still far from omnipotent. We can do things no human had ever dreamed possible back before, and yet, for all our strength, we cannot save everyone.

I enter our bedroom. Chloe stands silently, looking out our bedroom window, motionless from where she’s been ever since we got home. Her eyes look up and out at the horizon, watching the sky as it dims from afternoon into evening. The stars which earlier bore witness to our battle now return upon the cosmos. If I didn’t know better, I’d say they’re a bit dimmer as well, paying homage to the fallen warrior who paid the ultimate sacrifice so all of us might live.

“It’s not fair,” Chloe says. “It’s not fair that we lived once again while Alexey died today.”

“It’s not fair,” I respond. “That’s one thing that didn’t change about the world when the System arrived. The world never has been. Probably never will be.”

“Do you think we could have done better, Sera? Do you think we could have found a way to save him?” Her words are flat, empty, and hollow.

“I don’t know. Maybe there were but–”

“But what, Sera? I–” Chloe takes a huge breath. “You’re supposed to be this angel of salvation, sent here from afar to protect us all. So why–”

“I’m sorry, Chloe. If I had that kind of power, to just wave my hand and bring the dead back. Of course I’d use it. I’d have already used it. Alexey didn’t deserve to die; none of us did.”

“Why, Sera?” Those tears from before, previously dammed, begin to flow once more.

“I don’t know, Chloe.” I approach her, wrapping my arm around her waist.

Chloe makes no move either to lean into the hug or pull away. “We’re so… useless. I’m so… pathetic.”

“I don’t think that at all, Chloe. I– I could never hope to have done half the things we did together if not for you. You’re my better half in every way. Better and kinder and more empathetic and caring than I know how to be.”

“And weaker.”

“No, not weaker. Just–”

“No, Sera. I am weaker than you. That’s not a value statement. It’s just a fact. I chose my classes because I want to heal. Because I want to protect people who can’t protect themselves. I want to save lives.”

“And you’re doing a great job, Chloe. I don’t think anyone in the city would be alive today if not for everything you’ve done. All the hours you’ve put in, the sacrifices you’ve made, the tears you’ve shed and the trials you’ve overcome and that we’ve overcome, together.”

“What if–” Chloe pauses. “What if what Earth needs isn’t some naive little healer girl to sit behind the vanguard in a hospital and tending to the injured?” Her face is red and puffy now. I pull out a handkerchief from my [Inventory], which she quickly uses before storing in her own. “I can heal your injuries on the battlefield, Sera. But stuff like [Ether Channel Rupture] and [Pluritoxin]? I don’t have magic strong enough to repair things like that. I can’t bring people back from the state you were in earlier.”

I pull Chloe fully into my embrace, which she again makes no attempt to stop. For a few moments, we stand like that, motionless. I allow my love for Chloe to fill our bond, not supplanting but instead supplementing the grief and guilt we’re both dealing with in our own respective ways. She cries and I let her. I cry as well, letting my own emotions filter out of me until neither of us can stay upright any longer.

She steps back and sits on the bed. I join her.

“You didn’t see him, Sera, after you flew off. But I did. The same horrors I’ve seen time and time again. Way too many times. The blood. The gore. Watching his body tear itself apart. Watching his bones rupture and organs dissolve from the strain of so much [Ether] crushing his physical body apart. And the smell. The smell of burning flesh and organs. Sera, it was–”

I hold her. The two of us lie down and for several minutes, I hold her, comforting her, caressing her as her body shivers. I don’t say a thing. Nothing I say or do can help her more than simply being here, letting her grieve and process and giving her the absolute safety of body and mind to do so.

Chloe buries her head into my chest. Always so nice and warm and comfortable when she does this. Her arms wrap around my back. I pull her into my embrace. I don’t have any healing magic of my own, but I can throw a couple of points of [Ether] into a cool breeze to supplement the fan gently spinning up above.

She pulls back, leaving the two of us to stare into one another’s eyes. Her perfectly smooth skin, her soft, wavy hair. Those gorgeous caramel eyes, that gentleness which belies her fierce strength and love. I truly am the luckiest woman in the world to be by her side, even if I’m not sure I deserve it.

“I don’t know what I should do, Sera.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I– I can’t help but feel that maybe if I were stronger, Alexey wouldn’t have had to sacrifice himself to save us all. But if I had better, more potent magic, maybe I could have saved him even from what should have been certain death. If not for him, then for the other people I can’t heal right now.”

I nod, holding her a bit tighter. “Remember, Chloe. You don’t have to do it all yourself.”

Chloe laughs. “Yes, because you definitely are one to talk about not trying to do everything yourself, Seraphina Mortensen. Maybe, if literally anyone else in the entire universe said it, I might actually take your advice seriously.”

“I can’t dispute that, Chloe Jacobs, my beloved. But you know what?”

“What?”

“It got you to laugh. And that made it all worth it.”

“Seraphina! You–”

I grin. I get slapped.

“And I’ll do it again, Sera! Don’t try and weasel your way out of this either, love. I know I’m only damaging your health and your pride, and I can heal the former!”

“My poor pride, wounded by this fair and noble maiden!”

“Who’s the maiden here, Sera? Surely not you, and it couldn’t be me, either. Not after the other night!”

The two of us laugh and cuddle and laugh some more, just enjoying one another’s presence. What good does my pride do if it means my girlfriend is saddened for it?

Chloe nuzzles up to my shoulder. “But… I don’t know if what Earth– If what the universe needs right now is a healer or a fighter. How can I save the most lives? Should I focus on my magic and develop it to its limit, hoping for a breakthrough? Or do I take up the path of the sword, working to fight these monsters before they can harm others?”

“Why not both?” I ask. “You do get two classes this time around. That’s what you were asking about, right? What classes to take now that you made it to Level 64?”

“I– Do you really think that’s best, Sera? Going half and half? The jack-of-all-trades approach?”

“I don’t see why not. I’m basically in a half-mage class myself. Maybe even one-third mage.” I kiss Chloe on the forehead. “I don’t think there are wrong choices, Chloe love. You just have to look at the options you’re given, and then choose which one sits best with you.”

“Sounds like something out of a cheap self-help book. I just have to listen to myself and trust in my instincts or something.” Chloe laughs, the first bit of levity I’d heard out of her since Fornieth disgraced the world with his arrival.

“That’s what I did. Me, and, well, the other me.”

“It’s that way with you too? Another you, helping you talk through things with yourself?”

“Something like that, yeah. Amazing that I end up here for it all. Our bedroom. I guess that’s where ‘home’ is for me.”

“Home is where the heart is, or so the saying goes.”

“So it does.”

Chloe gazes up at me and strokes my cheek, a hint of mischief making its way upon her face. “You missed, by the way.”

“Missed what?”

Chloe licks her lips. “Earlier, you kissed my forehead. My lips are down here.” And then she kisses me. A few more times. Then again for good measure. And again, just because we can. Good goddess above I love this woman more than anything.

“Are you feeling any better now?” I ask.

“Physically, yeah. Emotionally, I– I still don’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it? Or rather, are you okay with talking to me about it? I don’t know how much I can help, but I’ll always listen.”

“I want to heal people, but I realized when we were fighting Fornieth that I don’t want to be weak of body, either. I don’t want to be defenseless. You were fighting, but all I could do was watch and try to get off cheap shots with my magic. If I were a bit stronger, a bit more capable, then I could have been there in the fray. I could have shielded you and fought back that first blast right along with you, rather than you having to protect me.”

I kiss Chloe’s forehead. Then her lips, after she pouts at me.

“You did shield me, Chloe. You’ve shielded me so many times with those [Cloister] and [Sanctuary] spells that I’ve lost track. If it wasn’t for you, there’s no way any of us would be here alive this evening.”

“But–”

I kiss Chloe again.

“But–”

“You know I’m right, Chloe. You’re right most of the time, but I know I’m right about this one.”

“Okay, fine, you have a point, Seraphina Mortensen. I will admit it.”

I give her one more kiss for good measure. “Promise me one thing, Chloe.”

“Name it.”

“Promise me that when you close your eyes here in a few minutes and start your second ascension, that you won’t make your selections based solely on your grief. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something that speaks to you at the deepest level. Because it might be months or even years before we end up getting to Level 96 and another chance to change it.”

Chloe nods. “I’ll do that. But in return, you have to promise me one thing too, Sera.’

“Anything, love.”

“Promise me that you’ll stay with me, here, until I’m finished ascending?”

“Um… Sure, but I’ll have to quickly go to the restroom before I can hold myself to my word.”

We both laugh again. “Well, hurry it up, and make sure you have some food and a bottle of water or two stored in your [Inventory]. I’m feeling really itchy to get started, and I don’t want to wait a moment longer than I have to.”