Heartworm

She was near, and the scent of her blood burned in my sinuses. It reeked of a marred comfort. A smell that I had become familiar with; a soothing, loving smell. But it was soaked in the metallic stench of blood, the reminder that Cecelia was gravely injured. Her wounds were severe enough that I could easily follow the trail that Phern and Sebil had left. At some point in my frantic tracking, I had shifted to running on all fours, or at least something in between that and sprinting like a human. My claws sunk into trees and dirt as I pushed myself along the path of dried blood that had seeped into the earth. Every step- or claw- forward, I wished to take another two backwards. Fear was the fire that ignited every machination of my mind. The fear that when I arrived at my destination, I wouldn’t like what I saw. Fear that if I turned tail and ran away from the scent to escape the sickening memories it brought up, I would never see Cecelia again. Ultimately, it was the fear of never seeing Cecelia again that motivated me to put one claw in front of the other.

Cecelia’s archetypal scent of a campfire was joined by another scent. Three more distinct scents, to be specific. An overwhelming abundance of spices, which could be none other than Phern. The tickle of electricity across my tongue and through my nostrils, which I recognized as Sebil Partillo’s scent. As well as the growing smell of a campfire, an actual campfire, not the faded ashes of one that Cecelia always seemed to smell like. They must have set up camp nearby. I’d be able to see Cecelia shortly.

‘Remember what I said, fledgling. If what we find is not a lover, but a corpse, you must retain control of yourself. We cannot allow that presence from earlier to return.’

Presence. What an awfully vague way to describe that voice. It was just my feral side, Lilith, I’m sure we can keep it under control.

‘It was not easy to control, little morsel. Did you forget so easily the price I paid to silence it?’

You never told me what price you paid.

‘It was too great a price to repeat.’

Then I’ll keep it under control. Should be simple, all things considered. We reach the others, I save Cecelia, and we continue on our journey.

‘You speak of your plans like a child’s imagination. Simple to a cloying degree. Everything you have planned will fall apart if we reach Cecelia and it’s already too late.’

It won’t be too late.

‘You do not know if-’

It won’t be too late.

Lilith did not respond to me. The only sounds that reached my ears as I approached the camp were snapping branches and rustling leaves. Her words planted a heavy doubt in my chest. I hadn’t even begun to plan on what I would do upon seeing Cecelia. I needed to see her first. Whatever reaction would follow from that, I had no idea.

I could remember the strained exertion across Vyra’s face before life left her eyes.

I could see the shock on Cecelia's face as she looked down at the knife in her chest.

I could taste the reverie of my first kiss with Cecelia, and the tender moments that followed.

I could still hear my own scream ripping through my throat as I watched Cecelia collapse.

I needed another moment with her. If only to say sorry.

I could see the flickering flames of a fire just ahead. I wasted no time leaping into the camp, I could already smell that Cecelia, Phern, and Sebil were all within the camp, making for a fairly seamless reunion.

The moment I landed in the camp, I was met with a searing slap of fire across my face. The torch, as I had come to see, given its dangerously close proximity to my eye, was pressed firmly against my cheek. I could hear the sizzle of my flesh as I was thrown over to my side. As I slammed against the ground, I felt my back hit something other than the soft dirt. A rock perhaps? I was given a very quick clarification as the ‘rock’ whirred to life and released a fibrous wire that enveloped my entire body within a second. Not a rock. The ‘not rock’ immediately activated after sealing me within its net, sending pulses of electricity across the wire and into my body. Despite my intense convulsions, I managed to let loose a blood curdling screech.

Not a seamless reunion, it would seem.

“Bandit?! STOP THE PRESSES SPARKPLUG! SHUT IT OFF!”

“Shit! Hold on Ester! Just a moment and I can- there.”

The surges of white hot pain ceased as suddenly as they had started, leaving me heaving breaths through the tangled net that I was snared within. I tried my best to steady my breathing as Phern and Sebil quickly ran over to me. They immediately started to untangle the net from around me to pull me out of the electrified trap. A minute later, and I had been dragged out of the net to stand on my own two feet once again.

“Ester! I can’t believe you’re alive! I mean… I know you’re alive because you can’t die which inherently means you’d be alive no matter what but I thought you’d be alive and then dead and then alive and then dead in the bottom of the lake until the fishies took pity on you and pulled you up to the surface!” Phern fired her rapid fire concerns in my direction at a blistering pace. I hadn’t even been separated from her for that long, and already it felt like I was having to ‘adjust’ to her once again.

“We truly thought you were either sinking into the depths, or on the way to an execution by the Empire.” Sebil’s words reeked with fear and relief. Had they truly expected me to be out of the picture? I suppose the last they saw of me, I was being escorted by Lucas into the custody of the Empire.

“The Empire can have my ass when they earn it, and not a moment sooner.” I replied, brushing a hand over my cheek where I had been struck with the torch. The skin was already smoothing out into place as the ridges of the burn folded away.

“WHAT IS THAT?! YOU’RE GETTING UPGRADES?” Phern pointed dramatically towards my rear with her jaw so far dropped it threatened to drag along the ground. It didn’t take long at all to realize she was pointing towards my tail.

“You certainly have changed a fair bit in such a small time.” Sebil added, gazing curiously at the new appendage that swayed slowly behind my legs. Though, his gazes drifted up towards my face just as much as they did my tail. Was there another change that I was unfamiliar with? Something I hadn’t caught in a reflection yet?

“Being on trial in an underwater court will do that to you I guess.”

“I beg your pardon?” Sebil raised an eyebrow.

“Underwater trials give you tails? I need to go snorkeling when we have a free day…” Phern muttered.

“I can explain later. I need to see Cecelia. Is she okay?” The moment I spoke her name, the expression on the two bandits changed. It was like a cloud had positioned itself at the crest of their heads. With a lack of a response, I moved to the side to peer behind them.

There she was. Unmoving, placed upon a sleeping mat, with an excessive amount of items scattered around her. What looked like plants, notes, and a smattering of bloodied bandages thrown loosely into a pile. She looked serene, in a macabre sort of sense. There was no tension within her face, no apparent pain. It was the same sort of escape I had put myself in on the way up to the surface from Uroro. The absence of feeling, to avoid inevitable pain.

“Cecelia…” The pathetic whimper that leapt out of my throat was the first crack in the dam. I wasted no time staggering towards her. The pain that flashed across my knees as I practically threw myself to the ground meant little to me. As Lilith had told me just recently, “all physical pain is trivial, with enough time”. The wrenching anguish that twisted down my throat and through my chest was unbearable. I slowly brushed my hand by her face and then slipped my fingers under her chin to gently press my index and middle fingers to her neck. There was still a pulse. I had assumed so, or Phern and Sebil would not have conversed so lightly with me. But I needed to see for myself. To feel for myself. Cecelia was lingering in the lower reaches of mortality, a few seconds away from slipping into the afterlife if something went wrong.

“We’ve been keeping her alive, though barely, and not without concern. She needs more than our solution can provide.” Sebil spoke softly from over my shoulder. Though I lacked the details, I could infer that whatever ‘solution’ the two of them had come up with, it was only delaying Cecelia’s fate. The stillness across her body was frightening, as if she slipped into a coma atop the sleeping mat. “We’ve been restarting her heart every twenty minutes, which is around when she starts to fade.” Sebil continued, even placing a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. It was just another crack in the dam. Another breach in the facade of a helpless demon.

“Can you do anything to help her, Bandit? I saw your magic on the docks. You looked like a freaky blood god wielding waves of blood like it was second nature. If you have blood magic… maybe you could use some of it to help her?”

Phern was right. Blood magic seemed to be my speciality. If Cecelia needed blood, and I had surplus, then maybe-

‘Do not. Transfusing Deathless blood into a human will not end well.’

Cecelia is strong. More than most humans.

‘You would be introducing Deathless blood that is overflowing with innate magic into a relatively mundane species. Those are not compatible. I have seen others try, and the blood is swiftly rejected from the body as if it were a toxin.’

Is magic the issue? She is capable of magic, you were there when she talked about the deal she made with Urlial. Would a deal with a God not make her more receptive to magic?

‘More receptive, sure. But likely not receptive enough. There would be no way to tell until after you attempt it. In which case you will either save her, or watch her painfully die by your own actions. I think we both know you are not brave enough to take that risk.’

It’s not about bravery. I’m not stupid enough to make that gamble. There has to be another way. It’s clear that her lack of blood is the issue. She’s lost a distressing amount, I can feel it. I’ll find another source of blood.

‘You don’t know enough about blood magic to make that work, do you?’

I know enough to control it, which is enough to get some blood into Cecelia.

‘Oh, how concise and simple. Carry on, then. I look forward to watching you induce hemolysis on your lover.’

Oh fuck off. You expect me to believe they have a Deathless school for hematology?

‘Come now, Ester. I know your background. I know the fervor with which you studied. You of all people should know that it pays to understand that which you wield. Do you expect my expertise in blood magic to have blossomed in my mind during my demonic beauty rest? I had centuries to learn, little morsel.’

You’ve rarely expressed interest in human sciences, Lilith.

‘They don’t usually serve my interests. What use is instruction on history when I have lived it, little morsel? What good is the study of literature when I witness the lies it weaves first hand? What good is your little flower magic when I can crystalize veins and rupture organs with a smile on my face?’

It’s called Florimancy. Those weekly sessions taught me more about the simple pleasures in life than you’ve seemed to grasp in centuries of life.

‘Feisty little demon. If you listened a little more to me, perhaps we could put those emotions towards some productive lessons.’

“BANDIT!” Phern squealed from behind me.

“She doesn’t seem to be listening to us.” Sebil’s sigh was laced with a hefty amount of disappointment.

“It’s like she’s having a conversation with someone else.” Phern chided as I twisted around to face them. She knew more than the rest of the bandits. She knew about Lilith. Bringing attention to the fact that I was having a conversation with Lilith risked others finding out, like Sebil.

Who, as it turns out, was looking intently at me after Phern’s last sentence.

“Perhaps this is not the best time to be arriving at such monumental revelations, love, but I think it’s appropriate, given the severity of our situation.” Sebil started, using a fairly characteristic solemnity in his voice. The only thing that seemed out of place as he spoke, was an unusual amount of fear in his tonality. “I only ask, because I know her history, and I know her strengths in the field of blood magic, and blood as a whole. Would now be a good time to ask Lilith for assistance?”

Oh my Gods. Sebil knew about Lilith? I mean, obviously he knew about Lilith because of their past together, but how could he know I had the ability to speak to her. Was it a hunch, an assumption that because of my Deathless nature I-

‘We’ve spoken.’

Lilith. What does that mean?

‘I used our body to speak with Sebil during one of the nights we spent near the lake.’

You used my body? You let Sebil know about us?!

“YOU KNOW ABOUT LILITH?” Phern, jaw more agape than during her discovery of my tail, turned to look at Sebil.

“You know about Lilith?!” Sebil’s eyes went wide as he looked at Phern. The short, plucky girl, and the tall, stern man stared at one another with equal parts amazement and confoundment.

“I was in the middle of asking her. But as always, she has devolved into vituperative jabs and mocking brags.”

‘You had better watch your tongue, little morsel. I possess the knowledge that you so desperately require.’

“She is willing to help you?” Sebil asked, clearly amazed at the idea that Lilith would help me now, or had ever helped me in the past.

“Let me talk to her, Lilith loved me in the Thrieve prison!” Phern moved towards me, even beginning to address my forehead as she talked, as if it would communicate her words to Lilith any better than speaking normally.

“I’m working on it! I can only have so many voices bouncing around in my head at one time! Can you two just give me some space? I’m sure you have a thousand and one questions to ask each other about Lilith, just please do it elsewhere.” I didn’t mean to sound as harsh as I did. But there was simply no way to feel at ease as I knelt down next to my fading girlfriend. I needed the space. More than that, I needed a solution.

‘Do you care to listen to me, little morsel? Or will you argue with your demonic head partner a little more to see if it gives you a lick of satisfaction. Maybe a couple more back and forths and you can pretend you come out on top.’

A solution, Lilith. You can say or do whatever you please as long as you help me save Cecelia. She comes first.

‘I see. You’ve donned a very staunch mask now. I suppose that makes sense, given what you have at risk. Very well. I’m not interested in scorning you, Ester. Not as much as you think. We occupy the same form, and we inhabit the same mind. It behooves us to work together.’

I agree. But you never seem to want to work with me. You only seem to want me working under you.

‘Apologies. I am not accustomed to having peers, little morsels. None have been my equal since I was nigh infantile. Not to say that you are my equal, of course, but that-’

There you go again. It’s like it’s impossible for you to treat me as anything other than a servant or peon.

‘I- yes. It does feel quite impossible for me. I wish I could elaborate my thoughts into such a pattern that your mind could lurch over and understand. It is not that I think of you alone as menial or weak, I think of everyone that way. There is no hate in my heart when I say those words to you, little morsel. But you are a handful of decades old-’

Twenty three years, Lilith. You’re overselling me a fair bit.

‘Twenty three years. You’re a blink. A burgeoning town with unfinished houses. I’ve spent that amount of years without speaking to a single other being. This world is full of blossoming and decaying lives. From the moment of birth you humans operate under an expedited, ever-bleeding clock. How could you ever compare to someone like me? By the time a human becomes a formidable threat, they’re only a few decades from the end of their life, not worth fretting over. I do not wish to knock you down to keep you beneath me, Ester. I do not have to. We were never on the same level to begin with. I harbor no hard feelings for you when I say these things, Ester. That is simply the cold nature of comparison.

How must it have felt to be killed by me, then? You speak of humans like ants, but it didn’t stop me from killing you on accident.

‘It seems my tenacity infiltrates your mind more with every day…’