Heartworm

“Lucas.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

I wrapped my palms around the glass of water that Laia had been motioning for. I wasn’t sure just how long she was reaching for it before catching my attention with her words. My attention was anywhere but in the moment. It lingered in the moments of the day prior.

“-you had better hope we never meet again.” Sebille’s words scratched across the grooves of my mind, catching painful purchase before leaving me be for a few merciful moments. His words found their way into my head nearly every minute of the day. I hoped we would never meet again. Perhaps then, the incessant memories of our conversations in the Estate would leave me for good. In reality, our paths were likely to cross once more. Laia had made it clear that we were leaving for Ester- for the Deathless- the moment she was able to walk on her own. That should be a few days from now, but I knew my sister well enough to understand she would try to leave by the end of the day. She cared not for her body. It was a vessel for the Empire’s whim. I doubted she even truly considered it to be her own body.

I know that I didn’t. It helped to view my own cursed body as the Empire’s redemptive project. It felt less guilty that way. How else is a Bestille of six years age supposed to reckon with the form they exist within? It was almost terrifying to have distance from my previous thoughts. I was so entrenched within them I couldn’t even attempt to reflect. Sebille had helped to give me that distance. Had he seen all the way past the delusions? No. They weren’t entirely delusions. It was a reason to live. The reason that I used to push myself to keep going. I almost couldn't blame my sister for holding onto her beliefs so tightly. It’s all we are. What would she have left if you stripped away the beliefs she etched into her heart at such a young age?

What did I have left?

I doubted the Empire more now than ever before. But it’s home. It’s family. It’s my sister. How could I ever leave those behind? Better the devil you know…

“LUCAS.”

I shot up in my chair, posture immediately correcting itself in a mechanical manner. “Laia?”

“You weren’t answering. You are too absorbed within those thoughts of yours. Purge them.”

“Of course.” I reponsed, doing the best to ignore the incessant repetition of Sebille’s last words towards me.

“We’re leaving as the sun falls. You said the Deathless escaped into the lake?”

“Yes.”

“Then we head for the other side. It will no doubt attempt to reunite with the other blasphemers.”

I knew it wouldn’t go far, but I figured I would try to ask her about the logistics of travelling in her health.

“You’re lucky to be alive, Laia. You should not push that luck any further by pursuing them in your injured state.” As I spoke, I could sense her already pushing herself up in the bed to lean against the wall that the bed was pressed against.

“There was no luck involved. I gave Inthenia five years, and she blessed me with the rest of my years by keeping me alive.” Laia spoke firmly. I could tell from her tone alone she hadn’t even considered it to be pure luck her injuries had not caused her to bleed out on the pier.

“Of course, Laia. Regardless, you should not throw away your remaining years by continuing the chase on death’s door.”

“Inthenia will protect me.”

“I won’t. Not if you leave tonight. We can leave tomorrow.”

I wasn’t exactly sure why I suggested it. Was it to give Sebille and the others more room to make distance? They would certainly need the time with how gravely Cecelia was injured. It wouldn’t be that surprising to encounter a smaller group of Belligerent Bandits the next time around. Or was it to ensure my sister didn’t plunge herself into the afterlife for a foolish cause. Motivations don’t matter if the result is the same.

“Fine. We leave in the morning then.” I was truly surprised she agreed to my terms. I could scarcely remember a time where she opted to listen to a suggestion of mine, since she was always so confident in her own ideas. I almost asked if the Inn would allow us another night, but considering she had strong-armed them into giving us a room for the Empire’s cause, I didn’t think it necessary to ask.

“Thank you, Laia. I’d rather have my sister alive.”

* * * * *

“...Cyndri? You’re leaving?”

A shiver slithered up my spine as Kyrsta stepped through the plenda barrier to witness a fairly obvious sight. A bag- my bag, filled with as many personal belongings as I could manage in such a short time. Snug was holding tightly onto my left arm, with a grip that would soon become painful if it persisted. How could I possibly explain this to my daughter?

“...I need to get Snug to safety. Kyrsta, they’re coming for-”

“I’m aware. They’re coming for it because it killed Yraldi. Not just him, mind you. Everyone in the infirmary perished from its disease. There are furious mobs on their way.”

Furious mobs? News traveled fast. Far too fast. Getting Snug out of Uroro might be a lot harder than I originally expected. “So you understand why I have to go. If you could help us make a-”

“Help you? Or help the little pestilence that you’re holding on to?” Kyrsta had a burning anger in her eyes, almost certainly due to the death of her childhood friend. I couldn’t remember the others that had fallen ill due to Snug, but their deaths were just as devastating nonetheless. It shouldn’t have happened.

“Kyrsta. This is a child. You know it had no intentions of hurting them! I’ll take it away from others, I’ll teach it to manage the volatile reactions. It’s so young, it doesn’t deserve to be abandoned!”

“You brought it into Uroro. The danger it poses is your responsibility!”

* * * * *

“Nessyndra. Do you have any understanding of what you’ve done?”

I blinked. The trial. I was in the Drula’s court? I’d been here before. Or at least, Cyndri had. The last thing I remembered was being dragged towards this room. Has the trial started?

“I do, actually! I saved a life, something which I assumed my mother would be proud of.” Nessyndra responded quickly, her tone was controlled, but her words were calculated. She must have been rehearsing in the time I spent writhing around in my cell before the trial.

“You do? Tell me, then. What risks does this creature pose to the people of Uroro?”

“I intend to demonstrate that Ester”, she gestured towards me, in front of the crowd of Crutians, ”presents no threat to Uroro.”

“I am already convinced this creature is dangerous. You implicate yourself by advocating for this creature, Nessyndra.”

“Implicate? Mother, Ester here has committed no crimes! I saved her life, and as soon as this trial is over, she’ll be leaving!”

“It’s more dangerous than you could understand, Nessyndra. You brought it into Uroro. The danger it poses is your responsibility.” Kyrsta’s words echoed the fresh memories I experienced.

“I will prove you wrong then, Mother. Bring the Drulama out and let me present my case.” Nessyndra was surprisingly confident. Perhaps it was the same confidence Kystra had developed by being raised with the inevitability of leadership.

“I will be acting as the Drulama for this case, Nessyndra. You may present your case.” It instantly made more sense as to why she occupied the central seat of the Drula. But a queen, acting as the Drulama for the case? If Cyndri’s memories were anything to go by, that was entirely unheard of.

“What? You can’t do that, Mother! A king or queen is forbidden from interfering with the Drula’s decisions!” Nessyndra seemed just as shocked as everyone else in the room. The crowd of Crutians were all murmuring between themselves after Kyrsta spoke.

“You will address me as Drulama, Nessyndra. For the proceedings of this case, you may not address me as your mother.”

* * * * *

“I will return, Kyrsta. I just need to ensure Snug is safe.”

“You’re leaving your husband and your daughter for some murderous child?!”

Snug’s hand that gripped mine instantly tightened. When I looked down to the pale child, I noticed tinges of green developing at the ends of extremities. Its claws and toes started to glow the sickly green.

“Kyrsta, stop! It’s words like those that made Snug lash out in the first place!”

Kyrsta looked down towards Snug. The apprehension across her face betrayed her confidence. There was a clear fear that boiled up inside of her at the sight of Snug becoming overwhelmed.

“Look at me, Snug. You’re okay. Your mother is going to keep you safe. Just keep holding on to me, baby” I lowered myself onto my knees to place my hands on the shoulders of my twitching child. My words grazed along the pointed ears of the pale child with useless comforts. The words uttered could not even begin to penetrate through the panicked state that had overcome Snug. The sickly green skin continued to replace the pale skin along Snug’s arms and legs. At this rate, another eruption could occur at any moment. I couldn’t risk Kyrsta’s safety. I needed to get Snug out of Uroro as fast as possible.

“Don’t let go, Snug. Just close your eyes and stay calm. Can you do that for your mother?” I waited for some kind of confirmation from Snug before lifting it up to sit on my waist. I could already hear the mob that Kyrsta had warned about. Multiple sets of footsteps clattered along the gnush towards the plenda barrier to our home. Words finally left Snug’s throat, as shaky as the gnush that trembled from the Crutia outside.

“Yes.” A simple response, but all I needed in order to lift my child towards myself. I wrapped Snug around the right side of my body, nestled onto my hip bone to support Snug while my left hand remained free.

“What did I just say, Cyndri? There’s crowds of Crutia outside hell bent on putting Snug on trial, or worse! You’re just going to rush into them?” Kyrsta stepped in front of me with every ounce of authoritative tone that she had practiced to develop in her younger years.

“I’m taking Snug out of Uroro, and if that’s the only way through, then I will brave it.” It wasn’t the best plan by any margin, but with an absence of alternatives, it wasn’t much of a choice to make. “I will not let any harm come to my child, Kyrsta. I would do the same for you.”

My daughter pulled her hands into fists as a frown sprouted across her lips. I was half expecting some kind of amatuer punch to come by way before she let out an exhausted exhale. A relent. The anger rushing through her veins cooled unnaturally quickly. “I know…” The words were accompanied by a strange sight. Kyrsta’s gills were expulsing, a reaction that only occurs in Crutia that are under extreme distress. Biologically, it was a response to rapidly filter out most absorbed liquids in order to purge any toxic liquids that could be causing the distress. Poisons, foreign bloods, and others. Culturally, it held a different significance. Intense emotional distress, something which was not frequently displayed in Crutia culture. It made sense for my daughter to expulse. She was losing her mother for an indeterminate amount of time after just losing her closest friend.

“Please step aside then, Kyrsta. I need to get Snug to safety.” The words were not meant to be harsh, merely cautious of the oncoming brigade of angry individuals. From the growing rumble beyond the plenda, it was easy to tell that I could not afford to wait.

“No.”

“...no?”

* * * * *

Nessyndra demonstrated a fierce resilience while confronting her mother. A steeled sense of justice bristled through her slithered words. It was impressive, at least to me. The idea of standing up to my own mother in a similar situation would almost certainly paralyze me. The times that she had come to visit me in my recovery- or captivity, rather- I was unable to say the things that really came to mind. It was easier to nod along and accept the words she spoke as law.

The same could not be said for Nessyndra. Despite her mother assuming the position of Drulama without any pretense, she held firm.

“What threat do you believe Ester to present?” Nessyndra asked, the usual monotone in her voice replaced by an aggressive professionalism.

“An immense and immediate one. Our previous experience with one of its kind was disastrous. I do not need to reiterate to you, or anyone else within this room just how cataclysmic the Blight was to Uroro. By bringing in another Deathless to Uroro, you are putting the lives of all Crutia in danger. The punishment for such a crime is permanent banishment from Uroro.”

Banishment? Kyrsta was willing to banish her own daughter from Uroro? Was there any precedent for that kind of punishment? The miasma of Cyndri’s memories seemed to imply that such action had never been taken in recent centuries. How could she treat her own child that way? She spoke like a Drulama as she recited the punishment. Was she using that position as a shield to ignore the true reality of her actions? That she was a mother with seemingly no concerns banishing her daughter to a life without her home or family?

“You’d banish your daughter?! What kind of fucked up, vituperative, spineless sack of slimy scales would throw away her own daughter just because she decided to save a life?” I shouted out towards the Drulama in slithered tones.

Gasps erupted from every corner of the room, including Nessyndra, who sat on a chair of hardened gnush just next to me. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why the room was sent into stunned silence. I guess I wasn’t quite the genius I thought to be, since I sat confused for nearly ten whole seconds before realizing the mistake I had made. I had moved my mouth and tongue in ways that I had never done before, let alone knew was possible. I spoke Crutian.

The gasps from the rest of the room were easy to understand. I was speaking a language that I should not, in any logical world, have learned to speak. Something made all the more confusing to Nessyndra’s father, who was acutely aware of the fact that I couldn’t speak Crutian just a couple of hours ago.

Nessynda’s reaction, then, was altogether different. She knew that I could speak Crutian. For Gods sake, it was her entire plan to have me be able to understand and speak their language. The only other logical reason for her reaction was that she hadn’t expected me to play that card this early into the game. If I had a little more time to think before I spoke, perhaps I could have come to that conclusion. Unfortunately, with my mind being tugged between a trial and memories that did no belong to me, I was just doing what I could to keep up with my surroundings.

“It speaks… with the tongue of our people?” Kyrsta spoke breathlessly, her bubbling rage briefly quelled by her utter confusion.

“Damn right I speak your snake-ass language! Now tell me exactly why you think it’s okay to treat your daughter li-” My words were interrupted by a shunting spike of pain in the back of my mind. It took all the attention I could offer to prevent myself from screaming out in the silent room of Crutia. “-like… like she’s just some kind of trash…” Finishing my initial sentence was the most I could manage before my consciousness slipped from the shell of my own body and back into the unfamiliar body of Cyndri.

* * * * *

“I’m not going to let you leave. Not through the front, at least.” Kyrsta firmly stated. I had no idea what she was implying with her words. Not through the front? There was no other exit to our home. If she was attempting to speak in symbolism at a time like this…

“I have a secret exit in my room. I used it to sneak out at night since you two always had me under curfew.” Kyrsta interrupted my thoughts with the answer I had been searching for.

“A secret exit? Sweetie, you were sneaking out the whole time you lived with us? Is that why you always said you were going to bed early?” I didn’t want to believe it was true, but she had no reason to lie to me about it, especially not in the dire circumstances that we found ourselves in.

“You can use it to leave with the-” Kyrsta’s words caught in her throat as she looked down to the trembling child. “With Snug.”

“Thank you, Kyrsta. I know the loss of Yraldi hurts. That pain will sidle up to you for years, nipping at your mind in all the ways that linger. But you can never let the pain of losing someone you love harden your heart.”

“Yeah… well. I still have plenty of hate in my heart for Snug right now. But you told me that I need to be known for something as a Queen. I do not wish to be known as a hateful Queen.”

A smile curled along my lips. Kyrsta hadn’t always listened to the advice I had given her as she grew up. I was endlessly relieved that she had listened to that advice.

“You will make a stunning Queen, Kyrsta. I believe your endless compassion will always shine through.” I pulled her into me, a tight embrace that I could rarely manage with Kyrsta before she pulled away due to feeling ‘embarrassed’ or otherwise. That was not the case this time, however. She let me hold her as if our hug existed outside of space and time, separate from the imminent footsteps, and distant from my imminent departure from her life. During our hug, Snug even dared to reach out a hand towards Kyrsta, gently squeezing her right hand that was hanging down by her waist. Snug’s action briefly filled me with fear at her potential reaction, but when she made no motion to pull her hand away, I couldn’t help but smile.

For a short few moments, we felt like a perfect family.

Our embrace was rattled by the burgeoning chaos of an angry mob. There was no knock. There was instead a forceful crash of something hitting the plenda barrier from outside. Shouting voices coagulated together as they all called for the surrender of the child that was held tightly between myself and my daughter. A subsequent crash shook the very walls of our house, shaking furniture and causing the sculpture that Snug had made to fall from the self. It slammed into the ground, splitting in two as the arms of the Cyndri in the sculpture broke, separating the sculpture Snug from the sculpture Cyndri.