Heartworm

Our second day of walking was a monotonous affair in about every way that you could imagine. It was accompanied with a multitude of stories from Phern, which delighted myself and Cecelia. Something was far better than nothing. Phern’s stories could only really be described as something. She mentioned that the stories themselves were from her childhood, but not about her childhood. Instead, they were folktales that she was told when she was younger. It was somewhat unclear if the stories were meant to be bedtime stories to lull her to bed, or frightening stories to scare a child into better behaviour. They ranged from tales of adventurers meeting somewhat grisly (by children’s standards) deaths after turning away from their families for riches. It seemed like a simple moral to follow, but one that I was still concerned was being told to a much younger Phern.

Sebil was the same odd sight from the morning. He engaged far less with the rest of us than he usually would. Sebil and Lucas, for instance, would usually break away to speak together while the rest of us talked. If they weren’t in their own conversation, he would happily join us in the stories that we passed around. Today, however, he did neither, instead opting to travel in relative silence. The only deviation from that silence was one moment throughout the day where I caught an uncharacteristic grunt from him, followed by the same strange scent that I had picked up on a few days prior. He didn’t seem like he was at all in the mood to discuss it, and judging by the lack of reactions in our group, I seemed to be the only one that had picked up on the noise, and the following smell.

Lucas was similarly quiet, but I understood why. It seemed our… altercation from before was still weighing heavily on his mind. I couldn’t really tell if that was something I should be hopeful or concerned about. On the one hand, the fact that it still lingered in his consideration meant that he might be thinking more about the Empire’s actions. Like me, he had clearly been taught a multitude of ignorant beliefs. Ironic, considering the thing I feared most growing up was gross ignorance. I wanted to learn everything that I could, and even I found the confident teachings to be sufficient to an amenable and growing mind. Then again, his deep thoughts could be centered on the swift execution of our group of Bandits, something which I held firmly in the back of my mind, strengthened repeatedly by Lilith telling me that he was not to be trusted. I certainly wanted to give him more of an opportunity than Lilith, but I wouldn’t let my optimism for change blind me to an attack on my friends.

That thought lapped at the edges of my mind like the water against the lake’s edge to our side as we walked. Occasionally, Lucas would pick up and toy with a stone that he found along the path before letting it fall to the wayside. It was a harmless act, but even something as small as that made me fearful.

“You’re certain that it’s up here, Bandit?”

That was the third time that Cecelia had asked me that particular question. I understood why she felt the need to be so prepared. In all likelihood, the Council, or Laia, or both were attempting to track and locate us. Each member of the Bandits were feeling the nerves of that reality as we walked the entire day. The possibility had made Phern suggest that we pick up our pace a number of times, but we had settled on the consensus that if we started running we would only tire ourselves more in the long run. In the concerning possibility that the Council had moved to cut us off, we would only be running faster into their trap. It was why we had been planning on ways to circumvent their expectations.

As Cecelia had predicted, we had already thwarted their expectations in Thrieve. If we hadn’t been caught on that first night, it was because they had wasted time checking the North, South, or even the East, without thinking that we would travel to the West. Our plan, while successful, was not free of drawbacks. Travelling across the southern side of the lake to avoid coming into the guards' presence around Thrieve meant that we were traveling along the southern edge of the lake all the way to the western side. With the end destination of travelling North towards Varenthell, we would need to make our way across to the other side of the lake at some point. That plan was infinitely simpler when it existed in our minds. The execution of traversing the lake would be difficult.

I had shared the information with the rest of the Bandits while we walked throughout the day. The information was based on the books that I had read about this region many many years ago. Was I certain of its accuracy? …mostly. I didn’t want to say that I was positive, to risk the embarrassment and frustrations if I was in fact wrong, but I had a good track record of remembering information from texts. Uroro Lake was massive. While it wasn’t technically the largest lake in Kistram, it was often referred to as the largest. Why? Well, the lake that would take that title from Uroro was along the border of Kistram, and the distant Empire of Yrstidil. Kistram was a very secluded Empire, to put it extremely lightly. Relations with Yrstidil were so poor, that mentions of them were largely kept hidden. Not enough that someone could claim they were attempting to erase the mention of it, but enough that a large portion of the population of Kistram were unaware that there even was another Empire. Since the land of the larger lake was not definitively under Kistram, Uroro was given the title of the largest lake in the land.

“Yes, it should be up here soon. I don’t think we will reach it today, but certainly tomorrow if we keep the same pace.”

All of my meandering explanation is to say that the lake stretched 125 miles from the Eastern edge to the Western edge, and 100 miles from the North to the South. To cross it would usually take more than a day on a boat, and multiple days of walking to walk around the lake from one edge to the opposite. Travelling by foot from where we started to the Northern edge would be miserable. If you imagined the Northern edge as 12 o’clock, we would have started our journey at 3 or 4 o’clock and travelled clockwise all the way towards 12. Our plan was instead to make it to the small fishing village of Urden, which I believed to be located at 6 o’clock. Of course, that was based on a map of the region that I had read when I was perhaps 19.

“What happens when we get there? We just purchase a boat?” Phern asked.

“You don’t purchase boats, love. Not at a fishing village. The best that we can hope for is buying passage across the lake.” Sebil added, speaking for the first time since the morning.

“Right, we ask someone in Urden if they will take us to the other side. We’ve got some money, right?” I asked, looking towards Cecelia and Phern. In all honesty, I had no idea what funds they had, but I assumed that if the two of them had been travelling together for years now, they would have accumulated some money to travel the land.

“We have some funds, sure. I wouldn’t say that Phern and I are exactly wealthy, but we make do.”

“Enough to get us passage.”

“Unless the fishermen in Urden are some stingy bastards, we’ll be fine.”

With our plan of crossing the lake halfway across in order to throw off our pursuers set, we walked until our legs begged us to stop. With the moonlight reflecting beautifully off of the calm waters of the lake, it seemed as good a time as any to stop for the day. Tomorrow, we would reach Urden. After which, I would embark on my maiden voyage.

‘You are not a vessel, little morsel’

Excuse me?

‘A maiden voyage refers to the vessel’s first voyage. You are not a vessel.’

So? Do demons inhabiting the mind often act as enforcers of vocabulary?

‘You profess yourself to be a scholar, not I. If you do not wish to be corrected, then do not make mistakes.’

What else would I call it? My virgin voyage?

‘Any voyage with you would be a virgin voyage, little morsel.’

Ah, but I am not a virgin, little Lilith. Now who’s being corrected?

‘I’ll tear out our own heart if you call me that again. You expect me to believe that you are not a virgin. You must do so in jest.’

Sorry to disappoint, Lilith, but I’m not joking.

‘Am I to believe that you of all people managed to lose your virginity to a greater demon?’

Uh, as strange as you worded it, yes.

‘Something so rare for a human, yet you stumbled into it blindly like luck was pulling you by your tongue. Inveterately incognizant as ever, little morsel.’

Inveterately irritating as ever, Lilith. You’re a prickly bitch that can’t help but lash out at me whenever the opportunity arises.

‘Then do not let so many opportunities arise.’

I settled into my room after sharing a pleasant dinner in the moonlight with Cecelia. Since she was still sharing a room with Phern, the two of us went out separate ways once the time for sleep encroached. Judging from the snores that turbulently crept into my own room, I was the last to fall asleep. I couldn’t really think of the last time that had been the case. On most nights, I was one of the first to fall asleep, and one of the last to wake up.

After what felt like an hour of tossing and turning, I decided that getting some air might be for the best. Falling asleep outside the tent would be too dangerous, but I needed something to tear apart the monotony of rolling from one side of my bedroll to the other in hopes that I would be freed of my troubles and nestled into the arms of sleep.

I did my best to leave the tent without waking any of the Bandits. Being met with the quiet stillness of the lake, illuminated by more stars than I had perhaps ever seen before stirred something inside of me. A memory that I had trouble forgetting. Another one of the promises that would forever remain unmet. Another failure that I had to live with.

* * * * *

“That one?”

“Flavo Pila”

“What about that?”

“Duo Amantis”

“What the fuck does that even mean?”

“That one means two lovers.”

“Oh my Gods, Ester, are you trying to hit on me with constellations?”

I sat upright with flustered speech. My words felt like they were crashing into one another as I attempted to clarify for Vyra.

“N-no! That’s w-what it’s called! It was in the Consolidated Corollary of Candid Constellations, that’s just what they’re called.”

“Well don’t seem so upset about the idea of flirting with me. Here I thought you liked me.” Vyra rolled her eyes and tucked her hands underneath her armpits, leaning away from me in order to rest against the tree she sat next to. With the spacing of the trees in the garden, it meant I had no such support to lean back against. I was fine with that, leaning over with my legs crossed was how I read the majority of the time, it was probably bad for my body, but I was used to hunching over like enough that it was comforting.

“That’s not what I meant! I could flirt with you! I-If that was what you wanted. I thought flirting was for people who weren’t dating, though. We’re girlfriends, right?” Saying the words outside of either of our dorm rooms was still terrifying for me. Right now, I was dressed as Xavier, which meant as long as no one heard me, everything would be fine. I still found it strange that she was so willing to treat me like I was Ester even when I looked nothing like a girl. It was odd, but it warmed my heart.

“You can still flirt with someone. As long as it makes them happy.”

“Would it make you happy?”

“Figure it out, bookworm.”

Vyra smiled, essentially giving me the answer that I was looking for. She loved to do that. She would tell me to ‘solve it myself’, only to subtly give me the answer anyway, like she was afraid to make me flounder on my own. She’d never say it, but I always figured it was because she hated to see me stress out about a problem, and it was her way of making me take the reins, even if she had a helping hand in it to begin with.

“Pulchra Flamma”

“Gesundheit.”

“No, I mean the constellation. You see it?” I pointed up into the sky. I tentatively wrapped my arm around Vyra to pull her close. I aligned my arm next to her head so that I could know that she was following my finger to look at the correct constellation in the sky.

“What does that one mean?”

“Beautiful flame. See how the stars swirl together? It almost looks like the finger of a flickering flame. It reminds me of you.”

“Oooo, is this the kind of nerdy charisma that I can expect to get from you?”

“Um. Is it- do you like it?”

“Of course I do, bookworm.”

Our gazes drifted back from one another into the sky. Vyra seemed particularly fascinated by the constellation that I had shown her. I had just compared her to it, so I wondered if she was considering whether or not to be delighted or displeased at the comparison. When she spoke next, she wrapped her arm around me to keep me close to her as we looked up into the sky.

“It is beautiful. The stars almost look like they’re reaching for something. Towards the constellation from earlier. What was it, again? Duo Armando?”

“Duo Amantis, the two lovers. Some speculate that the distance between the constellations change over time. That it can be an indicator of miracle or misfortune within a relationship. Engagement when the flame is close to the lovers is supposed to spell disaster for a relationship. Some call it superstition, but others wait until the constellations are far apart to engage or wed.”

“That seems awfully silly.” Vyra let out a short giggle, then rested her head on top of my shoulder. “How about now, then? Would this be a good or bad time for a relationship?”

“Uh, they’re awfully close. I’d say if you believe in the legends, it would be a pretty perilous time for a relationship.”

“Why would the flames be a bad thing? It seems like you could make just as well a case for flames bringing a passion into a relationship.”

“I guess so.”

“Then let’s do it.”

I turned to Vyra, pulling away from our contact to shift into a different position. I wanted to face her directly, rather than side to side as we looked up into the sky. I wasn’t sure what she was implying, but my heart was hammering at the different possibilities.

“Do what?”

“Break the stupid superstition. What’s an engagement at the end of the day?”

“...is that rhetorical or-”

“Yeah, I’m gonna continue, don't worry.” I nodded and waited for her to continue speaking. “It’s a kind of promise. So why don’t we make a promise, as girlfriends. Even something simple.”

“About anything?” I asked.

“Anything at all, as long as you mean it, Ester.” Vyra smiled, in the reassuring manner that she always did.

I thought for a while. Long enough that I feared I was beginning to ruin the moment. I wanted to think of a meaningful promise, but one that wasn’t so severe and encompassing as an entire engagement. I loved what we had. It had only been a thing for a short time, and yet it felt like an entire new chapter of my life had begun when Vyra and I came back together once she had returned to the Academy. This was what I loved. Sneaking out into the gardens late at night to look up at the stars together. Spending time with her was pretty much where my list of desires began and ended.

“I want us to do this again. Whenever the moon is full, and the stars paint the sky like a celestial tapestry, I want to share it with you.”

Vyra nodded and held out her hand, signaling the routine that we had done many times before. I held out my hand in response to her.

“I swear on my name, to spend a night looking up at the stars with you whenever the moon is full.” Vyra spoke softly as she drew a ‘V’ into the palm of my outstretched hand.

I repeated the same words as her as I drew an ‘E’ into her palm with my finger.

“Fuck the superstitions.” Vyra grinned at me, and I couldn’t help but return the smile. When the two of us were together, I truly did think that we could overturn any old legends. Who cared what old wives tales said? The two lovers had no need to fear the flames. It would only fuel the fires of our love to greater heights.

* * * * *

That night in the garden felt like a bitter patch of grass had been shoved down my throat. I hadn’t made it one month before I broke our promise. The next full moon, Vyra was dead, and I was isolated far enough under the Academy that I didn’t see the moon for over a year. Nights like these, when the glow of the moon was impossible to ignore, felt like an insult. A sight that by all means, should be a breathtaking beauty. Instead, it was an ever present reminder of the past.

I sat in the soft grass near the edge of the lake, and let my tears fall tantalizingly close to the body of water as I stargazed. The sky looked different in the South, though I knew it was just a different perspective of the same picture. The beautiful flame was awfully close to the two lovers tonight. Perhaps I had doomed yet another relationship by asking Cecelia to be my girlfriend when the constellations were so close together. It seemed that was just my luck.

A cloyingly bright light began to fill the bottom of my vision. When I looked back down towards the lake, I saw a growing green light fill the water of the lake. I looked on with confusion, as the color of the water began to fill with an emerald light that illuminated the body of water from beneath. The phenomena before me defied any sort of immediate explanation. It was terrifying, but it was all the more beautiful because of its mystery. An unknown before me, pulling at my every desire to uncover its machinations.

“What did Cecelia say about the cat, again?”