Gaming Badly in DxD

-Rias Gremory-

I stared at the Cadre—No, at the thing he had become, and the sword he wielded.

Kokabiel’s flesh glowed with vein-like arcs of holy energy. Five of his ten wings fluctuated with a golden glow, while the rest remained pitch black.

And lastly, there were the sparks of light coursing through his weapon and skin. Each one made the Fallen twitch in some way, almost as if tiny little shocks spread all across his body.

His eyes were foggy yet focused. Hateful red orbs that were looking right at me.

That sword… I could feel it even if I were miles away. That was a holy blade, much more powerful than any individual Excalibur Fragment. It almost sent a shiver down my spine, actually.

But I was not afraid. Instead, I felt ready.

The Cadre and I locked gazes for no less than a second before Demonic Power and Holy Light arched forward in clashing beams.

The air heated up and expanded as the previously blue sky now flashed with red and gold.

The arc of holiness produced by that sword would have eaten away the Demonic Power of any other devil on the same level as I; however, due to the nature of the Power of Destruction that I was currently pushing through a magic circle, both beams erode each other instead.

A flash of light appeared on my side, and I immediately canceled out the attack. Instead, both of my fists shone as palm-sized magic circles appeared on them, just in time for me to block the cadre’s own fist.

‘’With your life, all will be set in place again! You will be the start of something grand, Sister of Lucifer!’’ The cadre shouted with a toothy, manic grin.

‘’How about… no?’’ I smiled back as the magic circles shone and exploded.

The recoil sent me back enough that I had to beat my wings to stay in the air. Yet, the cloud of smoke generated by the explosion was batted away by Kokabiel’s wings. A single look told me that, even at point-blank range and without Kokabiel even defending himself, the attack had barely anything to scratched his skin.

‘’Weak! But so is the destiny of your kind!’’ The Cadre laughed, and honestly…

He was starting to piss me off.

‘’Oh, is that so? Don’t worry…’’ Half a dozen magic circles appeared as I pushed my hand forward. The Demonic power put into them made the air ripple as the circles started spinning in place. ‘’I have plenty of tricks.’’

Small, ping-pong-sized balls of destruction suddenly materialized out of the gathered power. With a polite smile, I pointed my index finger at the Cadre, who, even in his current state, had enough of a mind left to realize my next move.

‘’Scatter Shot.’’ The air cracked as the concentrated demonic power shot at speeds I couldn’t even see.

However, I didn’t need to look at the trajectory… if I simply shot enough to cover the entire sky!

Because once they reached Kokabiel’s general location, all the balls broke into even smaller pieces with just as much power.

Multiple fragments of pure death suddenly rained down on Kokabiel, who, to his credit, started slashing apart each one that got too close for comfort. However, even the Cadre in his empowered stare could not block each and every hit.

‘’Gah!’’ A single sphere had whizzled past his side, tearing his robes and leaving a small wound on his side. ‘’Hahaha… A drop of blood, marvelous. A massacre is better enjoyed when the blood starts to spill, Gremory!’’

I frowned, only for my instincts to scream right into my ear to get out of the way.

Swiftly, I ducked just in time to see the iron of Kokabiel’s sword pass through the place where my neck would have been.

My eyes widened. ‘Impossible… I didn’t even see him move!’

But I didn’t have time to think about that fact. Instead, I made another circle on my back, big enough to eclipse my entire body. Yet again, the Cadre merely smiled before disappearing entirely.

‘Where?! Above? No… He’s—‘ A painful, burning sensation filled my very being as a cut opened on my arm.

The holy and light poisoning from the mere cut made me want to howl in pain. Yet, instead, I bit down on my lip to the point of drawing blood as I pushed Power of Destruction into the wound itself.

‘’You’ll need… much more than that!’’ I spat as golden smoke blew out of the injury, leaving a cauterized scar where the deadly light had tried to tear me apart from the inside. ‘’Haaaaaaa!’’

And the next moment, the circle on my back shone, and the sky itself exploded with such force that the very barrier that was being maintained by Azazel’s forces trembled under the pressure.

It would take that… and much more to take me down. After all, I was not merely Lucifer’s little sister.

I was Rias Gremory, and unlike the genocidal warmonger in front of me, I wasn’t alone.

‘’Sorry for the lateness, Boss Lady!’’ Amidst the clash, a voice cut through, and immediately, I could feel a grin appearing on my face.

The Cadre tried to react as he turned his head, but I used the second of distraction to place an open palm on his chest. The Holy Blade came upwards in an arc at the same time that the searing arcs of destructive power glowed against his body.

CRACK! BOOM!

The following cloud of smoke and ash obscured the air. Kokabiel shot past the cloud, high above it, to take a better look. However, that left him wide open for someone else’s interference.

‘’Hands off, bastard! Absorption Line!’’ A blonde in purple, scaly armor shot through the smokescreen like a meteor, clashing directly into Kokabiel’s raised guard. ‘’He’s tough as damn nails!’’

‘’Your little pawns, seriously? That is your reinforcement? Your saving grace?!’’ The man laughed as he grabbed the dragon by the neck, choking the air out of the blonde’s lungs. ‘’But if you want to be the lamb to the slaughterhouse… Be my guest!’’

‘’Now, Sachi!’’ I shouted just as the cloud finished dispersing.

Hidden beneath my attack, I readied a circle much bigger than the one that made the barriers tremble. I was under no illusion it would be enough, especially considering Kokabiel’s ability to move almost instantly, but…

‘’Promotion: Queen!’’ Sachi’s body glowed fervently as Demonic Power rolled off her in waves. Her armored hand clutched Kokabiel’s arm and squeezed tightly. ‘’Hah… You already are… on Absorption Line’s range.’’

Kokabiel frowned, and his eyes widened at the fluke made by the Vritra user.

Surrounding him from all sides, Absorption’s Line tendrils coursed through the air like a twisted web. If looked at closely, one would see that not all tendrils were originating from Sachi herself, but some were actually coming out of perfectly rectangular screens.

‘Mirror Alice.’ I grinned.

‘’You idiot!’’ Yet, even as dozens, maybe hundreds of tendrils attached themselves to Kokabiel’s every limb, even to his sword, he smiled cockily, like someone who knew what others didn’t. ‘’If you suck the energy out… You’ll die! Poisoned and evaporated from the inside out by Excalibur’s mighty light!’’

Idly, as I charged up, I noticed that Kokabiel’s sword started glowing. He was preparing something, trying to distract us, but we already knew as much. The only problem was the magnitude of what he wished to unleash.

‘’You’re right! If I command my strings to do it, I will die!’’ Sachi grinned, eyes shot wide open with a hint of manic glee. One I recognized was very similar to a certain Deus. ‘’It’s a good thing that I’m not taking it myself, isn’t it?! Absorption Line: Energy is Shared!’’

Suddenly, one of the lines, much thicker and robust than the others, shot upwards as a magic circle made of light appeared. From it, a blonde girl dressed in Gothic Lolita fashion stepped out.

Kokabiel’s sword burst with power, cutting off the lines clinging to his blade, but it was much too late for him, as the rest of them started painfully tearing the Holy Energy from his body apart, and feeding it into a being much more suited to take on it than a devil.

‘’Hihihihi…~’’ Mittelt laughed haughtily as her body glowed. In a too-quick movement, twin shortswords unsheathed from below her dress, which started to glow a blinding golden glow. ‘’I can never grow bored of this feeling. Being on top of the riffraff is always a rush!’’

‘’…You.’’ Kokabiel’s expressions suddenly changed. His manic grin was replaced by a furious scowl, and the Excalibur in his hand shone. ‘’Who are you calling riffraff? You are nothing but a mistake! A rotted sapling that should have been cut off long ago! And you dare claim you’re stronger than ME?!’’

‘’Sachi, pull back!’’ I shouted as sweat dripped down my forehead. The Cadre, in his sudden rage and arrogance, ignored me in favor of the petite Fallen.

‘’On it, Boss Lad—Ack!’’ Yet, Kokabiel still had the girl in a chokehold, no matter how drained. ‘’…Shit.’’

With a single burst of holy power, all the lines were cut off in a blink. Then, as if she were a rag doll, the dragon was thrown back to the ground at speeds much higher than she could realistically fly.

‘’Sachi!’’ I shouted, but couldn’t lose focus. After all, Mittelt could only buy so much time!

‘’Don’t worry, Rias.’’ A voice cracked into my ear from a magic circle. In the corner of my vision, I saw Sachi’s form being suddenly caught by a draconic construct made of water. Coming from none other than Sona herself. ‘’Leave your back to me and the rest. Just focus.’’

‘Sona… I really couldn’t ask for a better group to call my family.’ I felt my eyes watering slightly, but the happy tears were quickly vaporized by the intensity of the magic circle. ‘’Leave it to me!’’

‘’Don’t get cocky, you awful filth!’’ Finally, did Kokabiel notice my constant charging as the magic circle behind me rippled to the point it distorted the air around it.

However, before he could try and swing his blade at me, in a holy arc that would surely force me to pull some of the energy off my attack, Mittelt shot to his side at extreme speeds and planted her feet deep into the Cadre’s side with a smug, toothy grin.

‘’Where are you looking at? You bitchless old geezer?!’’ The girl laughed as Kokabiel was forced to focus on the empowered six-winged Fallen. ‘’I’m your opponent here, and you don’t even know how therapeutic this is going to be for me! Hihihihi!’’

-X-x-X-

-Zatren Fumigami-

I watched attentively as Kokabiel clashed with Mittelt in the air. Each blow exchanged sounded like a gunshot going off, and the arc of holy light born out of it tended to go haywire, to the point I even fed some of my own mana to the barrier that acted as a separate dimension from the populated, human world.

When Kokabiel suddenly disappeared thanks to the effects of Excalibur Rapidly, Mittelt was close behind. Their speed was enough to leave after-images, and it left the feminine Dhampir confused and dizzy, if his expressive, spiral-like eyes were anything to go by.

Externally, I was crossing my arms, smiling confidently at the fight.

Internally, however…

‘That’s my girl! Mittelt, you’re so getting pampered after this!’ My hands twitched as I barely contained my happiness. ‘Rias too! And Sachi! I’m making an entire damn buffet, and everyone is getting something!’

Watching Sachi and Tsubaki work to lay that Absorption Line plus Mirror Alice trap was amazing, and seeing Rias act as the perfect bait just made me feel giddy.

I sure as hell didn’t expect Kokabiel to do a transformation—or whatever that was—but the way they were handling it was… It was beautiful.

Like watching a masterful painter in the middle of his newest piece! You could see the concentrated fire in their gaze! The precision in each and every stroke of the brush, and see the painting come to life right in front of you!

‘’Uhm… Zatren-senpai? I know I agreed to this, but… isn’t that Fallen a bit too scary?’’ Gasper asked nervously. ‘’Uhhh… M-maybe it’s better if you do it?’’

Shaking my head, I focused back on Gasper, and I have to say, Serafall found him some… interesting choice of wear.

Discarded was the school uniform. And instead, the dhampir now wore a black compression shirt that barely reached to his lower ribs, leaving both lean, soft flesh and his navel exposed. I knew the shirt was sleeveless as well, but with the golden jacket covering him, it was hard to tell.

Lastly, instead of a skirt, he had long golden pants that were slightly loose and had a gartner belt tying the piece of fabric to his waist.

All in all… It was the perfect fit; there was no two ways about it. Which I found incredibly funny, considering that, by what Gasper told me, Serafall had all of these pieces of clothing deep inside a closet that may as well have been a living room.

However, I’ll say that he didn’t fill in the clothing quite right, mostly around the waist and the back, but that was to be expected, really.

Yet, at his worried question, I merely shook my head and patted him on the head, which made him go ramrod still, but also made his pale complexion flush like crazy.

‘’Don’t worry now, Gasper. The power of anime and references shall win above everything else.’’ I nodded sagely, making his eyes widen in amazement. ‘’However, you are right that Kokabiel is a bit too strong for our plan to work, but worry not! I have a way for this to work perfectly!’’

My smile and confident tone made Gasper nod. He, just like me—and probably Rias—were pushed further by being cringey fucks!

‘’Alright! T-then… what’s the plan?’’ At that, I simply pushed my arm right in front of his face. ‘’…Eh?’’

‘’Last time you did this, I almost missed it, but you got a nice power boost from it, right? Even if temporary, I bet it would be much greater now.’’ I gave him a thumbs up.

‘’W-what are you talking about, Zatren-senpai?’’ Gasper tilted his head, confused.

‘’Drinking my blood, of course!’’ I clarified.

Gasper froze like a deer in the headlights. His throat moved slightly as he swallowed down. His red eyes focused on the offered limb even as his body trembled.

Honestly, it kinda looked like a particularly cute crack addict…

Never thought that would be a sentence that entered my head, but oh well.

‘’Come on, you want to make this epic or not?’’ I pushed a bit. Honestly, it wouldn’t even be that good, but I was just in for the love of the game at this point. ‘’Just drink from wherever you like. I’ll even close my eyes if that makes you more comfortable.’’

After a moment of hesitation, I finally saw the dhampir lock in. His fists clenched, and he nodded. ‘’Alright.’’

‘’That’s the spirit!’’ And as promised, I closed my eyes, still extending my arm. ‘’Little warming, my blood is a different color now, so don’t freak out, alright—‘’

I paused, as I felt something puncture my skin.

However, it wasn’t anywhere on the arm I offered. Instead, I resisted the urge to open my eyes as I felt something clamp down on the bridge that connected my neck and collarbone.

Small fingers had pushed the clothing of my coat aside. However, by the soft sound of flapping, I could tell that Gasper was currently in the air, something he probably needed to do in order to reach my neck in the first place.

‘…Alright then.’ I thought awkwardly. ‘Now, you see, it’s moments like these that make a man have questions, you know?’

I didn’t get an answer. However, as the dhampir sucked more and more golden blood out of me, my magic sense practically shot through the roof as it detected the huge, if temporary, increase in Gasper’s demonic power.

Kind of surprising, actually, but I guess a God’s Blood would do that to blood-sucking creatures.

However, he wasn’t really… stopping. If anything, I felt something warm and kind of raspy run through the wound. Was he licking the blood that escaped past his lips?

I had HP regen for days, but it was honestly getting a bit awkward.

‘’Mnn~’’ I heard a soft, feminine gasp that almost bordered on a moan.

‘’Alright, Gasper, I think that’s—‘’

‘’I’ll be done when I have had my fill, Senpai.’’ I froze. Because the tone was completely different than the meek crossdresser who hesitated on even looking me right in the eye.

That, and it sounded much deeper than before, but also airy and… seductive? Kind of like a purr.

Finally, I opened my eyes, and Gasper was, indeed, still pressing his fangs against my neck. However… it wasn’t the same short dhampir.

He(?) was much taller, and his gaze was sharper. His pupils were also slitted, like a lizard or a cat.

The red of his eyes shone with a menacing glow that sent a thrill of uncertainty down my spine. His hair, also, had spiked slightly. Not full on porcupine, but kind of messy, like Sachi’s but longer.

But the most important detail…

‘’Gasper.’’ I stared, absolutely confused.

‘’Yes, Senpai?’’ He(?) grinned, licking the remains of gold from his almost evil grin as his eyes narrowed in feigned worry. ‘’I didn’t take too much, did I? Wry-hi-hi~’’

‘’Gasper,’’ I repeated, with a deadpan tone this time. ‘’Why do you have tits?’’

-X-x-X-

-Kokabiel-

I grit my teeth as I feel the power of Blessing slowly reinforcing my every muscle. Its power, commonly used in a ritualistic manner, wasn’t the best for short bursts. Yet, the advantage was more than enough to push the annoying midget off my face.

‘’You have proved nothing.’’ I spat, yet the smug, infuriating smirk remained on the six-winged Fallen, even if her dress was torn, and her body riddled with multiple injuries. ‘’Nothing that you’ve done has even put a scratch on me. Even if you trained for a hundred years, the result will be the same.’’

Raising a hand in the air, I channeled the empowerment from Blessing into a volley of spears. Each one capable of dwarfing the girl at least five times over.

Yet… why was she so unfazed?

Twin shortswords shone as she dashed forwards. The stolen energy around her body kept her going. Yet, throwing the volley of attacks now would serve no purpose; she was too fast and would dodge easily. Instead, I easily moved faster than her blades, relishing in her widened eyes as she barely managed to dodge out of the way of Vessel’s swing by a hair’s breadth.

But the offensive didn’t end there. Each slash, each stab, and feint she had to dodge took a portion of the Blessing currently coursing through her body!

‘’What a shame, daughter of Azazel!’’ The words made her eyebrow twitch, and I knew that, even if not substantial, the words still hit a nerve somewhere. ‘’But I guess this is the limit of your current capabilities. If only that pesky dragon had given you just a little bit more, then you would have been a decent punching bag.’’

The words served no purpose but to egg her on. Another clash of blades, and the strength that could previously match my blows to the point I needed to retreat started to falter. It was barely noticeable at first, but as with each exchanged clash of metal, the girl’s arms trembled under the blow of Excalibur Vessel.

‘I haven’t forgotten about you, Gremory…’ I noted mentally how the power charged by Lucifer’s sister has reached quite the crescendo. One I would even fear to face head-on before my transformation. ‘How to get past… How to win.’

One of the spears in the air suddenly shot with speeds faster than one could blink. Yet, just before it reached the crimson-haired devil, a sea dragon pushed forward. The construct was easily vaporized, but what remained of my holy-overcharged attack was then reflected by a blue, rectangular mirror that manifested out of thin air.

I retreated with the flap of ten wings just in time for the mirror to appear once more, not only unleashing the lingering strength of the attack, but empowering it further to the point it regained its lost energy.

Yet, it wasn’t shot at me; I could easily dispel or destroy it. Instead, the magic was intercepted by the blonde Fallen, who, through gritted teeth and the smell of smoke, managed to put that energy into her blades, turning them from shorswords to greatswords filled to the brim with holy energy.

It was getting… repetitive.

I had no doubts that in a battle of attrition, I would prevail. Yet, it only took one mistake. One mistake for Lucifer’s little sister to push the energy into one of those mirrors and make it so the next blow I’ll take could disintegrate my body before I could push Blessing to the point of negating the attack.

‘Then… How about I play a card of my own?’ I chucked. ‘I wanted to save this for Azazel… I know that coward is here, hiding somewhere, but alas, no plan survives first contact with the enemy.’

After all, while Rapidly and Blessing’s essence was deeply rooted in Excalibur Vessel, the third fragment was heavily infused into my body instead, making the next attack all the easier and more potent.

As a distraction, I let the rest of the towering holy spears fall from the sky like meteors. Forcing the blonde Fallen to react and quickly maneuver mid-air through the deadly magic.

Just like predicted, she was too fast, even with mere lingering remnants of Blessing.

At the same time, I saw the infamous Power of Destruction, a magic wielded by none other than the current Lucifer, reach its peak, a harmonious yet destructive eruption that would never get to be.

‘’Excalibur Nightmare.’’ Vessel shone with an ominous light just as the twin blades of Azazel’s daughter came into view.

And, as if an aura of death and pure, unadultered fear collapsed in the entire battlefield, I knew then that this ‘battle’ was over.

Mittelt, as… non-insignificant as she proved to be, was suddenly short of breath. Her blue eyes shot in panic as she screamed, attacking the air. Her voice broke, and she could only come up with mere whimpers of terror.

The air rocked with crimson light as the Heiress' attack exploded in an arc around herself. Her azure eyes, I noticed, were still affected by my power. Yet, unlike the girl in front of me, the fury now coiling in her face was of the most venomous kind. No doubt, her mental resilience was quite up there, but not enough to resist the Holy Sword and my power combined.

Every fighter and combatant in a long radius around me was the same. Wildly jumping at shadows as Nightmare showed them their most dreadful thoughts come to life, or even made the re-enact traumatic events as if it were the very first time.

And amidst the unleashed illusion, I stood above all. Proud, barely grazed, and most important of all… victorious.

‘’I won.’’ I chuckled.

A chuckle that soon turned into full-blown laughter. I didn’t even care that I had not done so head-on! I was WAR itself, and not all fights were clean and fair! Ruthlessness and trickery paired marvelously together; no wonder the filth of the world tended to use them so very often!

‘’…Goodbye, Lucifer’s little Sister. Your death shall send our world back to what it should be. A constant struggle between life and death, where the strong tear apart the weak, and the victor is decided by whoever manages to stand at the very top of the corpse pile!’’

I raised my sword-wielding arm high into the air. The power of Blessing quickly started to fill the otherwise plain sword with power high enough to render the block—No, the entire city to mere shreds and rubble.

My shoulders relaxed as I took in a deep breath. The last one of this old world…!

It was almost too good. For a second, I felt that the world and my blade came down in slow motion. Letting me appreciate the last wisps of the warrior’s souls that I was about to return to nothingness.

…But then it slowed too much.

‘I am… slowing down?’ I frowned as my downwards swing suddenly came to a halt. The power stopped dead in its tracks a second before it could properly go off in an arc of deathly light. ‘No… My body is… stopping?!’

‘’Tougher than I expected. Yet, nothing impressive.’’ A distinctly feminine yet deep voice echoed in my ear. Yet, I couldn’t even turn my head—No, I couldn’t even blink anymore! What was happening?! ‘’I stopped time at the same time you did your little speech, Kokabiel.’’

Stopped… time? Impossible! That was… that’s…!

The voice suddenly disappeared, as did the world. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t feel. Those few, short moments were all I had in the stopped world. My mind couldn’t even process anything, and that made the next event all the more shocking.

I was not swinging down on our kind’s most dreadful enemies anymore. Instead, I was flying back. The world returned to its former color, and sound reached my ears. Just in time, I caught sight of the many Fallen and Devils I had affected with Nightmare’s power, suddenly enveloped by a golden glow that snapped their minds out of its terrorizing effect.

But I didn’t have time to shout or curse, because I was not sent flying off my own accord.

‘’This—Gah!—It’s impossible…’’ I croaked out.

A gaping hole where my stomach once was became my utmost priority as my back collided with a building with a resounding crack. ‘’…Blessing.’’

Air came to my lungs again as the cold embrace of death disappeared. My blood pumped back where it should, as the Excalibur’s power made sinew, muscle, and bone stitch back together.

Where the gaping hole had been, now a mere scar akin to splattered fruit rested.

And yet, even if the pain was gone, the… humiliation that came with receiving such damage after embodying my very desire burned more than the searing flames of any inferno!

‘’You…’’ I spat, looking upwards as a shadow ‘eclipsed’ my shine. ‘’You dare lay your hands on War itself. Your death won’t be painless, woman.’’

‘’You assume I even touched you? I wouldn’t think of disgracing my hands so.’’ She spat in a condescending, haughty tone.

With crossed arms, there stood the filth. Her hair was short and spiky, with a platinum blonde shade. Dressed in some sort of golden garments and a black, compressed shirt that did barely anything to hide her modesty. Yet, what could I expect? By the glowing red eyes and fangs that stick out, her arrogant smirk, and the tainted aura of demonic power rolling off her body in waves…

‘’A blood-sucker turned filth,’’ I smirked as my wings carried me upwards until I stood eye-to-eye with the devil. One I… didn’t recognize from the Heiress little task force. ‘’Now, that is a joke, if I ever heard one.’’

Yet, the insult merely made the woman’s grin shoot wider. ‘’Then enjoy your last laugh. Today is the day that War meets its end.’’

‘’We’ll see, then.’’ I chuckled.

In this short time, I let Blessing empower my body instead of my blade. The holy shards inside me hummed with power, and even as I felt them burning me from the inside, I was more than assured that in this clash, I shall come out on top once more—

What was that noise?

…Was that music? Why was music playing all of a sudden? And what type was it, even? It sounded kind of… bizarre.

‘’Your next line is…’’

‘’’’No matter. Your life ends here, Devil!’’ ‘’No matter. Your life ends here, Devil!’’’’

‘’W-what?!’’ I frowned, shaking my head to throw off the cold, foreboding feeling in my spine. ‘’EXCALIBUR NIGHTMARE—!’’

‘’Too late! You fell for it, Kokabiel!’’ The woman’s glowing red pupils morphed. For a moment, I would even say that they looked… like a ticking clock?

‘’Za Warudo: Toki wo tomare!’’

For a moment, nothing happened. I flew straight to her with the power of Rapidly, but just as I was about to cut the devil’s head off… I stopped.

No, I didn’t stop. The time stopped!

The woman turned to look back with an arrogant, assured, clock-like eye. Her back was completely exposed to me, like she didn’t care. Like she was sure I couldn’t reach her. One hand rose in the air, and suddenly, she wasn’t alone anymore.

A man, with long black hair tied into a wild ponytail and a grin so wide it practically split his face, appeared. The woman now gained an excited glint in her eye as the man was covered by a golden light. Divine light that easily eclipsed my own holy glow.

It was almost like golden armor manifested on his entire body.

And then… he started shouting?

‘’MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA…!’’ The man’s fists blurred together. In a singular second, I felt like a hundred blows impacted my entire body.

From the tip of my toes to the last hair on my head. Bones broke, yet didn’t move out of place, as the deathly barrage made sure that no body part was left uninjured.

One singular blow hit my cranium with the force of every other strike combined. And that annoying, smug, almost mocking voice grated on my ears. ‘’MUDAAA!’’

A beat of silence finally arrived as the man stopped. Then, his shoulders shook. He was trying his hardest to hold in his laughter.

The blonde woman shot her bangs of hair backwards as she gave me one last, amused look. ‘’…Time shall resume once more.’’

And then the world became a blur of pain.

Organs exploded, bones shattered, and skin was torn in several places. My entire body became a bloody pulp I couldn’t even recognize as I was sent flying through the air.

Not even Excalibur Vessel could help me, as the blade was torn from my grasp during the fist barrage.

The world became blurry, and its colors mixed together in painful short bursts as I finally landed on the ground. Never before had I embraced the robust, grounding feeling of not flying, but even the air felt painful as it buffeted against my destroyed body.

With barely working eyes, I looked at the sky.

‘’…What the fuck… just happened?’’

‘’Yo. Kokabiel.’’ I didn’t even know how a shiver went down my spine, considering it was probably shattered several times over. Yet, the feeling was all the same as the formally dressed form of Azazel stared down at me with an evil glint in his eyes that I had never seen before. ‘’What kind of coat do you think I could make with golden and black feathers, hm?’’

…

For the following minute, agonizing screams of pain were ignored in favor of a certain God and a now smaller, shier Dhampir being chewed out by a glasses-wearing girl with a bob cut…

While also being praised, pampered, and hugged by a crimson-haired devil. All the while, their friends looked at the scene with different degrees of amusement.

…What was even left to say?

Oh, right.

Big Bad Kokopuff has (permanently) retired!

-X-x-X-

Bonus Scene: Obsession and… something else is in the air.

-Shalba Beelzebub-

‘’Lord Rizevim.’’ I bowed my head and bent the knee at the white-haired man, who was curiously looking at a transmission born out of a magic circle, and turned his head.

‘’Shalba, to what do I owe the pleasure?’’ Even if his tone was calm and collected, the way the devil’s blue eyes held that spark of anger, and how his fists clenched together… It told me plenty about his current mood. ‘’Right, right. We did have a meeting now, did we not? But I see neither Creuserey nor Katarea with you?’’

‘’Creusserey is currently helping the doctor, my lord,’’ I explained with a serious nod. ‘’Our project is going swimmingly. Especially with the Faker’s newest… distractions.’’

Never in my lifespan would I have imagined that I would see Fallen and Devil working together in a broadcast. Yet, not only was an entire fight of that fool, Kokabiel, captured and promoted by the PhenexHouse, but also it was announced that a conference will be held by all three sides of the war.

A conference that we, of course, wished to crash as soon as possible. Yet…

‘’And Katarea?’’ The man threw his hair back, resting his chin on an open palm boredly. ‘’Ah, don’t tell me. Considering some of the rumors running around…’’

Even Rizevim Lucifer, whom I knew for a fact had the mind and heart of a true devil, suddenly scrunched up his nose when thinking of the ‘true’ Leviathan.

‘’…At least she’s fervently advocating for her desires, I suppose.’’ He chuckled; both of us knew that laugh carried a smidge of disgust. ‘’No matter. She has been cooped up far too long. If she still considers herself a candidate for dethroning her ‘rival’, then I suggest she proves it by crashing this little reunion.’’

‘’Who knows? Maybe even then, she would capture the focus of her obsession and stop acting so… idiotically.’’

The disdain in the devil’s voice was clear. In part, I agreed. It was no way to act considering her position. So, with another bow, I spoke. ‘’It shall be done, Lord Rizevim.’’

Yet, as I turned around, ready to leave…

‘’Oh, and, Shalba?’’ The dark amusement in the true Lucifer’s voice made me shudder.

‘’Yes, my lord?’’ I asked tentatively.

‘’Do please spray some… deodorant or even incense inside that woman’s room when she’s out, will you?’’ Rizevim’s gaze became sharper than a knife. ‘’The hallway reeks, and the servants had already fainted more than once while doing their usual rounds.’’

…

‘’Consider it done,’’ I said, with dead eyes and tone.

…Sometimes, I hated my job.

-X-x-X-

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Author's Note:

Yes, Gasper, we see the fit.

On all seriousness, if anyone's wondering about Gasper's sudden genderbend, I made a poll *months* back in my Discord Server saying if the readers would be down for plowing femboys or nah. Sadly, it seems my community was plagued by COWARDS (joking, the poll was so close I had to make a re-do like, twice)

I also didn't want to use Azazel's gender-bend gun because that felt meh (Also yes, this is a thing that exists in one of DxD side-stories)

But here you have it, Kokopuff got his shit kicked in and turned into a fucking coat! Which gives an official end to Arc 3 of this fic!

Did you like it? Did you not? I personally felt it was great. A bit more crack-ish than the ending of Arc 2, but still pretty nice.

If you're wondering what Mittelt did with her blades and Kokabiel's energy mid-combat, I'll give you a quick memory refresher. Mittelt's twin daggers were a Gacha Drop gifted by Zuzu. They were made with Wyvern Teeth and actively absorb magic.

Another important thing I want to leave clear before anyone points it out. Artoria will be in the back-burner for a WHILE. This does NOT mean she had just become a background character or just a comedic prop. I had a slight struggle knowing what I really wanted to do for Arc 4, and I haven't figured out a way to include her properly at the time. However, she will get the screen time she deserves eventually.

All Hail the Burger King(?)

I also publish on other sites, if you wish to check them out:

FFN: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/15809388/HamsterX42

QQ: https://forum.questionablequesting.com/search/35199387/?c[users]=HamsterX42&o=date

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HamsterX42

Discord Link: .gg/92Yt5wxeWN