Gaming Badly in DxD

-Zatren Fumigami-

Alright, so maybe abandoning Sona’s group to search for that one magic presence I felt, and discovering Tiamat herself (who almost killed me, by the way!) Only for her to be… a lot more amicable than I thought, and offering me a job of all things was not so bad.

She didn’t specify the treasures she wanted me to retrieve, so that may be a quest-only thing.

What she did do was retain me until I imprinted the signature of her draconic aura in my head, so I could recognize her treasures by being in their mere presence… before dropping me squarely beside Sona’s fidgety and battle-ready group.

That’s to say, Sona took a week-long vacation. I’m not joking. She’s currently staying at a Sitri-owned resort on one of Europe’s beaches.

Well, besides that, Tiamat did one thing besides giving me a quest and earning me the ire of the Sitri Heiress.

Which was getting me a baby Hydra the moment I mentioned wanting to make one my familiar! So fucking worth it!

‘’Who’s a cute little chomper? Who wants to tear my finger off~?’’ I smiled like an idiot as the palm-sized, three-headed monster hissed. One of his heads snapped at my prodding finger, only for me to pull it away at the last second. ‘’You do! Aww…’’

‘’’I’m not ready to be a father,’ he said. ‘I’m way too young!’ He said.’’ From the spot on the couch next to me. Koneko mocked with a perfect deadpan and leveled tone. Her classic combo for when she wanted to smack you (verbally) in the face. ‘’Bullshit.’’

On my other side, Rei was staring directly at the small dragon. The little black and blue creature had her undivided attention—Crunch.

Well, the dragon and the apple she was currently munching on. Ever since she gained a humanoid form, she has been tasting new things besides… catching live prey and liquifying their insides with poison to eat them later.

‘I still have flashbacks with that squirrel…’ A shudder ran down my spine at the thought.

Snarky girlfriend and tarrying daughter aside. I just shrugged at Koneko’s words while sticking my tongue at the grumpy cat. ‘’You know I was just messing around, come on.’’ I nudged her side, which got me a scoff in return.

‘’Hm.’’ With a non-committal sound, Koneko lay against my side and took my only free hand (the one that was currently annoying the little hydra) and placed it around her back, with my palm placed… right on her surprisingly firm stomach. ‘’…I feel like I should be nervous.’’

‘’Do you want to be?’’ I offered, raising an eyebrow. As Rei finished her apple, and took the little Hydra off my hands and into her own.

‘’No.’’ Koneko shook her head, looking at me. ‘’Do you?’’

Now, that was a good question. Being a father is something I’ve never planned or expected. Especially in my previous life. I was too irresponsible, heck, the image of the countless anime dads that somehow die a horrible death before or after they see their newborn for the first time came to mind.

‘Nah, that’s too cliché. Come on now.’ I huffed. ‘’Not really.’’

That was my final answer.

We stayed in a pleasant silence. Just resting against each other. If someone saw us, they would have thought that we already looked like the picture of a family photo. That is, until Koneko couldn’t help her cat behavior and spoke.

‘’Not letting you name the baby, though.’’ I let out an indignant sound, looking at her in betrayal. ‘’You would name them after an anime character or give an incredibly bland one.’’

Le gasp! The audacity! The outright lies coming out of this girl’s mouth!

‘’Oh yeah, because your naming sense is perfect, isn’t it?’’ I mocked smugly and put on my best bored expression and tone. ‘’This is Reggie. Reggie the Third.’’

Koneko’s face heated up, and she smacked me in the arm with a huff. ‘’Go fuck yourself.’’

‘’Do it yourself, coward.’’ I teased and suddenly blew some air into her ears. Koneko’s entire body locked up as the two fluffy triangles on top of her head twitched.

Then, she slowly turned her head to our surrogate daughter, who was playing with the hydra (Perfectly named Kuroro, thank you very much) with a small smile on her face. ‘’Rei, why don’t you go play with… Kuroro, in your room?’’

Woman, you didn’t need to spew his name like it's poison. You know?

‘Hm, Hydra? Poison? Yep, dad humor was coming in.’ I was simply built different.

Rei turned her head before giving a small nod that moved her entire mane of jet-black hair. ‘’Yes, mother.’’ And just like that, the spider-turned girl ran away, her barefoot steps fading into the mansion.

With an eyebrow raised in confusion, I stared at my petite girlfriend… who looked back with a completely flat expression. Yet, her eyes had that particular spark, and her tail was swishing side to side.

‘’It wasn’t a challenge.’’ I tried. Not very hard, mind you.

Knowing perfectly late that it was futile, my hand was already planted on her hip, as the suddenly horny Nekousho crawled on top of my chest and stared down at my form like I was a particularly tasty treat.

‘’I know. But since your trip to the Familiar Forest… You stink of dragon.’’ Koneko whispered before mashing her lips into mine. The sweet taste of chocolate invaded my mouth. ‘’Can’t have that.’’

At the rate I was going, I’m going to actually need to start shoving water bottles by the dozens in my inventory.

-X-x-X-

As midnight arrived, I had to get started on my contracts.

The moment Rias made it so we are able to take deals once more, the equivalent of our ‘magic circle’ boxmail started blowing up with requests. And while Kiba, Akeno, and even Asia were swarmed tonight, I had a total number of four completed deals to my name.

‘’Slacker~’’ Koneko jabbed from her place on the couch where, won’t you know it, she was stuffing her face with chocolate cookies.

‘’You don’t get to call me that, you bonsai-lumberjack.’’ I scoffed at her smugness. I pointed a finger at her. ‘’How many did you finish today? Two?’’

Koneko nodded proudly without a smidge of shame. Then, she placed a hand on her belly, even going as far as making her ears flatten against her skull, and looking at me like a kicked kitty. ‘’I’m… sadly indisposed.’’

I stared. Absolutely not believing any of her bullshit.

‘’Don’t use our kid as an excuse to laze around, you bum.’’ I quipped before shaking my head in equal parts exasperation and amusement. ‘’Have you told the rest yet?’’

It was something we agreed on. Once the time was right, we would tell the rest of our friends about Koneko’s pregnancy. It wasn’t like we were nervous about it. If anything, we were worried about how Rias would react.

I bet a hundred yen that she would go full big sister, maybe squeal a bit, before smothering Koneko in any and all affections and needs she may want.

To that, my dear Nekoshou girlfriend called me a cheapskate, and then said she doesn’t take losers’ bets.

Rude.

Koneko seemed to deflate slightly with a sigh. ‘’Not yet…Not the right timing.’’ Right, because currently. Rias was quite busy organizing something in the underworld.

Apparently, once Riser got discharged from the hospital. He contacted Rias and… asked us to hold a party? A casual one, mostly.

Rias was reluctant, as were all of us, but after a bit of digging around, it seemed that it was tradition for Riser in specific to hold such an event after a Rating Game. Always inviting his opponent’s peerage, to many rejections.

Who knew flaming chicken man was such a good sport? I didn’t.

‘’Back to work, ‘daddy’. Go provide, hush, hush.’’ I deadpanned as Koneko ushered me with words and her hand alone (God forbid a cat moves from her place on the couch), the moment the magic circle shone once more. ‘’I’ll be protecting the fort.’’

‘’Don’t sprain your ankle when you walk to the fridge.’’ I ducked under the deadly pillow throw before disappearing into the summoning circle.

Of course, I laughed all the while.

-X-x-X-

‘’Greetings,’’ I started formally the moment I appeared inside the apartment. It was surprisingly clean. Even had a few art pieces that looked… genuine enough? I wasn’t a painter. ‘’You have summoned a Devil from the—‘’

All that pretense and show of words faded the moment I felt the magic signature in the room. Way too high, even above both of my Kings.

A Fallen Angel’s signature. One that felt awfully familiar, but much more powerful.

Jinzui immediately changed into the Red Dragon Emperor Spear, and I zeroed in on the signature. A red-robbed man, of which I couldn’t see the face clearly.

So, instead of waiting, I used a burst of Reinforcement to strike first with a sideways arc.

‘’Woow, there! Watch where you aim that, won’t you?’’ A clearly male voice replied with a hint of amusement. I clicked my tongue as my horizontal swing was stopped by a naked palm of all things.

Yet, I did see a line of blood drip into my weapon, which gave me a small bit of hope. ‘’Oh, that one is sharp, sharp, huh? Interesting.’’

‘’Who are you, and what are your intentions in our territory?’’ I pushed, yet my Spear barely bit into his palm slightly before the bladed weapon stopped entirely. It was no matter. If I needed to escape, I could blow the entire building and teleport away while he was distracted. ‘’Answer me, Fallen.’’

Because, indeed. The feeling I got from this man was the very same as any other Fallen. Not in power, mind you. This guy could beat a thousand Raynares, and they might find themselves close to scratching the dude. But the feeling around the house was the same as Mittelt's light-daggers.

Again, a bit too familiar.

…Wait a fucking moment. Observe.

Azazel

Title: [The One with the Curse] [Grigori’s Leader] [Deadbeat Father]

Of—fucking—course.

The man stepped into the light. Golden eyes and mismatched hair, with the center part being completely black until it was cut off into blonde hair. He had a small bit of stubble under his chin, a sharp face, and amusement-filled blue eyes.

And he also pushed my spear away without even flinching. Even if he did gaze at his palm in mild curiosity before offering a disarming smile.

‘’Well, that could have gone better…’’ He sighed, grumbling under his breath before addressing me with a pep in his tone. ‘’Up for a chat, devil-kun?’’

…

Looking at my options, and seeing that I messed up already by attacking first and asking later, I stared directly at the man’s face, before giving a sigh of resignation and pulling my weapon away.

Man, this is an awkward way to meet your girlfriend’s dad.

-X-x-X-

-Azazel-

‘’So, devil-kun. Do you drink anything?’’ I looked back at the tense boy. His gaze strayed from me to the magic circle in the room, and even searched for any traps that he’s imagining inside that noggin of his.

Not like I could blame him. I was expecting violence, but seeing that spear of his being able to cut my palm was quite interesting. Especially since the young man didn’t feel that strong.

‘A bottom-Longinus Sacred Gear? Or just a really high-tiered one?’ Yet, I hadn’t seen anything like it before. Completely off the record, and that interested me greatly.

Well, looks could be deceiving. I did see his work on that Rating Game. And he just coincidentally got his game announced by Beelzebub herself?

‘Yeah, right.’ I snorted. And seeing as the boy remained silent. I just poured him a glass of rum and Coke. Good enough for newbies. With the drink set in front of him, I took a good sip at my own glass before I remembered. ‘’Ah, forgot. Cheers on… Let’s say your most recent victory, devil-kun.’’

With a sniff, the young man’s eyes scanned the glass. Searching for what? Poison? BAH! As if I’ll ruin some good liquor by doing any of that.

After another moment of hesitation. The young man simply picked up the glass before clinking it against my own. With that, both of us put our glasses against our lips and downed the entire thing.

‘’Atta boy! Ain’t that much better?’’ I grinned, giving the slightly more relaxed devil a thumbs up. ‘’Now, about my ’contract’… do you know how to fish?’’

The confusion on the young man’s face was quite amusing. I gestured with a hand to one of the walls of the room. Where two fishing rods rested against the plain white wall.

‘’…No?’’ He answered tentatively. Making my grin get wider.

‘’No time like the present!’’ I got up, uncaring of the chair hitting the floor behind me.

Huh, this kind of felt like Vali all over again. Maybe this unruly teenager would prove to have a smidge more taste. The fact that he didn’t deny a good drink was a good first impression!

-X-x-X-

‘’You meant fishing… as in literal fishing.’’ The boy’s face scrunched up. Just as we stepped into the empty port of Kuoh.

It was basically an island. The place had a lot of fishing demand. Mostly because it was one of the main profits of the place. Well, that, and the governor got quite a bit of a… bonus, to make sure any ‘suspicious’ activities don’t reach the subsequent mainland via sailor tales.

Basically, the devils bribed them. Big surprise, I imagine.

‘’Of course I meant literal fishing!’’ I laughed heartedly, and motioned him to follow as I stepped foot into where I was pretty sure the boats got stored. ‘’What do you think I meant?’’

‘’A threat and possible assassination attempt.’’ …The way he said that felt oddly serious.

I scoffed at the flat-faced man. ‘’What do I look like? A sketchy political leader of an obscure organization?’’ I offered, and laughed as the youngling ended up cracking and letting out a chuckle.

‘’That’s better. Now, take this.’’ I, for the sake of humor, handed him a crowbar that I found while looking around and slapped one of the containers around the port. The metallic sound echoed across the silent ocean.

He looked at the offered crowbar, a puzzled look on his face. ‘’What am I supposed to do with this?’’

Giving my best grin, I slapped the container once more. Almost completely sure that this one had a boat.

‘’Go. Do a crime.’’ I cackled like a maniac as the young man’s face lit up as if I told him it was Christmas.

‘Not that much of a broody teen after all!’ I cheered internally.

-X-x-X-

‘’Caught anything yet?’’ Zatren asked, staring with focus at the ocean while holding his own fishing rod.

At the end, that container didn’t have a boat, but the third one after that sure did! With a completely legal acquisition, we made our way deep into the sea with plenty of bait, a pair of fishing rods, and, most importantly, beer!

‘’Not yet…’’ I clicked my tongue, side-glancing the half-full bucket on his side.

Damn. I wanted to show the ropes to the wide-eyed newbie, but he took to fishing like… well, like a fish to the water.

Not only was he catching a variety of fish by the dozens, but I hadn’t even caught one yet!

With a huff, I ignored the teenager’s sly smirk. ‘Maybe it was time I got to this topic already.’ My mood immediately soured, but while relaxing around with a few drinks and a new pal was nice. There was an obvious reason I called for, say, this boy and not his master.

‘’So, kid…’’ He hummed at my words, not taking his attention off the fishing hook. ‘’Heard you had trouble with some rogues a month back… One claiming to be following higher-up orders, ring any bells?’’

Immediately, his posture straightened. He let out a huff before nodding.

‘’What about 'em?’’ Curiosity instead of outright hostility was always a great start.

‘’Well… if it wasn’t obvious. They were not following orders. Well, they were, only that from a rogue element.’’ I clarified, even as my eyes narrowed in annoyance. Do you know how terrifying Serafall Leviathan was? Word of advice, if she pulled up with a suit instead of that skimpy pink dress of hers. You were fucked. ‘’One of our Cadres, high-ranking officials inside the Grigori, defected after stealing quite a few… trinkets.’’

‘’Among them were those Sacred Gear Extractors, and a few… experimental toys of mine, but that’s not the point.’’ I glared at the still water, deciding to just put away the fishing rod for now and stare directly at the black-haired man. ‘’I’ve seen countless reports, but it’s always good to hear directly from the one most involved in the issue.’’

‘’So, devil-kun.’’ I smiled at the way his eyebrow twitched. ‘’Those rogues, did they spill any data? With any sort of relevance at all?’’

At my words, the black-haired young man frowned and remained silent for a minute. Could he have possibly discovered something? Whatever it was, it could serve as a hint for Kokabiel’s schemes.

Internally, I cursed. I always knew about the Cadre’s… more violent tendencies. He wasn’t in charge of one of our military wings for nothing. For while he may not stand among the strongest in the organization, Kokabiel was almost as old as myself and more experienced in war tactics.

During the Great War, he, along with Benemune and I, stood among the frontlines, and his tactics were more than good enough to slay both devils and our non-fallen brethren. Yet, it seemed that time had done a number on the man’s head.

‘Old bastard did fall because of his anger issues, unlike most of us who fell for Lust or Greed.’ I snorted.

‘’Well, not really. Most of what I got was that they came to Kuoh in order to steal Sacred Gears for the Grigori… However.’’ The lad spoke with a complicated expression. ‘’One of their priests, a crazy man named Freed, mentioned something about… holy swords? Like really powerful ones, but he got silenced by Raynare, their squad leader, before he could say something else.’’

My eyes widened. Holy swords? Powerful ones at that? No. That crazy warmonger couldn’t possibly be talking about…

…But it made too much sense. For way too long, Kokabiel had complained about our passive approach. Since we, as once angels of God, have quite a few issues with reproduction.

Why? Mostly because we weren’t really biologically created, even if we have a mostly biologically accurate physiology.

Both Angels and Fallen, we are incredibly advanced ‘constructs’. Not really meant to reproduce since all-mighty Father could have easily brought us back to life or created more of his precious children.

Case in point. We were far behind what the Devils could do. Those Evil Pieces really made their population spread far and wide. While we, the Fallen, had to rely on the odd child here and there, along with having other Angels fall from ‘grace’ and join our organization.

So, what Kokabiel proposed was to strike first and strike hard. Of course, his ideas were rejected by me and the other Cadres, but it seemed that the old warmonger was more than happy to start the war anew on his own.

Because the only ‘powerful holy swords’ that came to mind were the Excalibur Fragments. It was quite a foolish, if unexpected, plot. Cause fear and distrust among our faction and the Devils by killing Sacred Gear wielders in Satan territory, and then stealing the Excaliburs from the church, possibly even making both factions butt heads against each other.

‘’Oh, also…’’ I turned to the young man, who had managed to catch another fish while I was doing mental gymnastics.

I was already worried, but equally desperate for any more information. ‘’You have a daughter. One of the ‘rogues’. She lives with me and… is one of my lovers, so… Well met, father-in-law!’’

I stared at the boy’s suddenly sly grin. His hazel eyes held great amusement when dropping that little fact.

‘’What?’’ I replied dumbly. ‘’A daughter… You’re saying I have a daughter?’’

‘’Yeah, so, that Cadre you’re talking about? Probably send Mittelt to her death.’’ He shrugged, even if his smile disappeared. ‘’Like, Raynare was the strongest of the squad, and she was still a low-class Fallen. To Rias and Sona? They would have been chew toys at best if… all of that didn’t happen after.’’

I ignored the topic of that rampaging Fallen who had apparently stolen the Boosted Gear. The damn topic already had more than one pile of documents waiting for me, and I did not want to hear more about it. Because the entire thing just… didn’t click with the centuries of information I had about the topic.

Instead, I stared deep into the darkened waters, thinking.

Kokabiel not only sent loyal Fallen to their deaths, but one of them apparently was a daughter of mine, which I had no damn knowledge of.

‘’I’m going to fucking skin that crow,’’ I growled, feeling a headache forming on the back of my head.

-X-x-X-

-Zatren Fumigami-

I kicked the air with a spin, practicing my martial arts in the middle of the lone hours of the night. Just as we were sent back home by Rias after a work well done.

I had tried to see if I could ruin Kokabiel’s plans a bit by planting small seeds of metaknowledge in Azazel’s head. Freed may have been a crazy bastard, but he sure as hell didn’t mention the Excalibur Fragments at any point.

When I went back, Koneko looked at me oddly, but I reassured the girl that I just needed to let out some steam. Not even letting her know about my interaction with the Cadre.

Usually, a report was sent to the King of the peerage about their servant’s job. How well they did, any recommendations. You know, the works… But it was easy enough for Azazel to just not give his real name, and comment on some things about our fishing trip instead.

I sighed, staring daggers at one of the training dummies inside my basement.

Why? Because something has been bothering me quite a bit this few days.

You see, the Rating Game? Dandy, beautiful even. Practically a flawless execution of our plan. And I got to unlock my domain, a literally ultimate move. A finisher type of attack, or something that could make me end a fight in seconds.

The problem being, it was a very powerful skill that, currently, left me a cripple while also making me unable to use my strongest magic for an hour.

So, unless it was for a winning move, or me feeling particularly suicidal, it was not my ‘to go’ attack.

Which brought me to this other problem. After the Rating Game, I’ve been getting my ass handed to me on a platter multiple times.

First, it was my own teacher. No surprise there. Hell, Ayuka was the one to help me construct the entire thing in the first place. But that didn’t mean that her shredding my Leviathan to pieces and breaking my domain was fun.

Yes, the Evil Pieces she gave me soothed that pain immensely. But that’s not the dilemma.

Literally on the same day? Big meanie, Dragon King Tiamat launched herself at me like I kicked her puppy. All because of my weapon and Sacred Gear feeling—and technically being—like the Boosted Gear.

It was a good fucking thing that I talked myself out of that one. Even if it came with the cost of having to do a long ass Quest to get Tiamat’s shit back.

But wait, there’s more!

The next day. When I thought I had some time to relax, to lie back. Do some contracts, and get some magic trinkets?

Fucking Faction Leader Azazel decides that I’m an interesting enough fella. And, while completely unaware of the fact, drops another Quest on my hands that may or may not have the entirety of Kuoh at stake.

Along with the lives of my friends, lovers, and the entire “Cold War” bullshit that the three major factions were playing at.

[A new, long-term Quest has been issued]

[Quest: Big Evil Kokopuff]

[One of the Cadres has gone rogue, even going as far as stealing things from his once allies. Now, chaos may strike at any moment.]

[Better strike first.]

Objective:

[Find information related to the plans of Kokabiel: The Warmonger]

[Warning: This Quest is the first part of a bigger quest! Complete its objectives to reveal the truth behind it]

‘’Really informative system. Thanks a lot…’’ I grumbled sarcastically.

I stared at the training dummy I just finished beating to a pulp like it took my hamster out of his wheel and chucked it out the window.

So, what does the entirety of my rant mean?

It means that even after breaking through the bottleneck of Middle-Class, I was still fucking weak.

I huffed in displeasure. Glad that both Koneko and Mittelt are not around right now. Because, for one, I don’t want my bad mood to affect them, and two, because I felt in a shitty mood, and I did not want to snap at them for petty reasons.

‘Michael-dammit, I fucking hate feeling angry…’ With a huff, I focused on the pendant clinging to my neck. The Chain Spear, which was glowing and warm to the touch. As if it were trying to comfort me. “Jinzui, we need to talk. And you know about what.”

“...” My flat tone seemed to bring a pause to the pendant’s glow (somehow) before Jinzui’s voice answered with a hum. “I know what you wish to ask for, partner.”

I nodded, because of course she did. “And…?” I asked, hope in my tone.

“...You promise you won’t abandon me for a shiny, cold beauty hussy of a sword?” Her tone showed an odd embarrassment. Even if it was mixed with a smidge of humor.

“Jinzui? Love you, partner. But you’re an idiot.” That got me, and an indignant sound. Which was also pretty cute.

I scoffed, raising an eyebrow in amusement. Because how would I even replace a loved one? One that has helped me so much, and grown stronger and stronger alongside me all this time?

“But, if it makes you feel better…” I relented with a shrug. Putting the small spear against my chest, where my heart lay. “I promise to never abandon you, Jinzui…”

“...Especially for a ‘cold beauty sword hussy’ that you’re clearly projecting about.” I couldn’t help it, the scenario was just too funny not to joke about.

Grumbling came from the red gem on my trusted weapon and companion, and also an intense red glow—could gems even blush?—before it happened.

“Fine.” With those words alone, a notification screen appeared.

[Congratulations!]

[You have completed the Quest: ‘The Legendary ‘’Spear’’ Hero’!]

[Number of Spears Unlocked: 147/100]

[Number of Spears Mastered: 54/50]

[Permission from the Legendary Spear: [x]]

[You are now able to use other types of weaponry besides spears and spear-adjacent ones!]

[For convincing the Tsundere Weapon Spirit with words alone, you gained a Gacha Token!]

“I feel like those are getting less rare by the minute.” I hummed in thought. “Not complaining, though.”

[For committing such an incredibly rare feat, and also getting the attention of a multitude of strong beings, you have advanced in the Quest: The Rising of the Spear Hero!]

[Strengthening Method Unlocked!]

[Rarity is everything!]

[The rarer a weapon form is, the stronger it becomes! Even going as far as giving better Stat Bonuses!]

[You are also able to use rare materials, like monster drops, to upgrade the rarity of weapons. With the worst rarity being ‘Poor’, and the strongest grade being ‘Artifact’]

I whistled. Not only at the nice additional and unexpected bonus, but at the feeling of my entire body growing in strength.

All those spears I previously unlocked? They were assigned a Rarity of their own. Ranging from Poor for the worst ones, to a whooping Legendary that was my Red Dragon Emperor’s Spear.

And while the worst ones barely got any upgrade, the ones above Uncommon quality, born out of rare materials like the three dungeons I completed and the few supernatural materials I got from this world?

All boosted.

The lightning sword, which was left in my inventory for months at this point, slipped into my non-dominant hand from my inventory.

I swung it… and there was no penalty. Only the sound of the air being displaced with a sharp whistle.

My grin widened.

I extended my arm, now wielding the Small Spear, concentrating on my magic—which stood as my highest stat—and on one particular Skill that was left alone for far too long.

Skill Fusion whirred to life, like a puppy receiving its owner at the door after a long day of work.

Usually, the skill should only fuse two skills of similar power together. Yet, my system has proved time and time again that it rewards creativity much more than rules and static numbers.

Instead of focusing on my System-given Skills, I turned to my Hero Skills. Specifically, Meteor Thrust and Tri-Strike Javelin.

Both are good on their own right, but good didn’t mean enough.

My MP pool started dipping as I practically demanded Skill Fusion to merge these two together. It was strange, a feeling of… shock, then of deep thought, followed by reluctant acceptance.

I let out a chuckle as the two Hero Skills vanished from my repertoire, never to be seen again.

And in their place…

Meteor Shower? Orbital Javelin? Maybe Tri-Trike Star?

Nah.

Because fuck shitty Skills, fuck restrictive game mechanics, and FUCK balance altogether.

With my spear as the focus of my Warcaster perk, and my mind running a mile a minute, I let a toothy, ugly smirk show on my face.

“[Gate of Babylon]!” With my shout alone, the air around me rippled. Glowing white circles the size of my palm appeared by the dozen, and with them came glowing weapons made of a bright golden, almost white.

Spears, Halberds, Pikes, Javelins… and a peculiar addition: Swords. Which resembled the bladed weapon in my off-hand.

With the whirr of the air getting pierced at high velocity. The once clear wall of my training room was bombarded by the power of bullshit gamer powers combined with anime… In the form of glowing weapons smashing against it with thunderous explosions that resembled booming thunder!

“HAHAHAHA!” I cackled and openly laughed like a madman even as my newest Skill ate through my SP and MP just to keep the light show going.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

My maniacal laughter died down into chuckles as my MP hit zero, announcing the end of my minute-long weapon barrage.

And it immediately started anew when I saw the state of the wall. The once smooth material was now riddled with smoke and craters and threatening to crumble into nothing. Trying and almost failing at repairing itself.

I almost annihilated a wall that is supposed to be able to take the full brunt of a High-Class devil and live to tell the tale.

With a Skill that wasn’t even upgraded.

“I’M COMING FOR YOUR ASS, KOKOPUFF! AIN’T NO FUCKING EXCALIBUR SAVING YOU FROM ME RIPPING OFF EVERY FRANCHISE IN EXISTENCE AND BEATING YOU WITH IT’S CORPSE!”

For greatly amusing me, you get a Gacha Pull.

The sudden, differently written message gave pause to my tyrannical show of power…. For like, two seconds.

“Thank you, possibly eldritch and all-powerful being!” I saluted the screen, only now realizing something very crucial.

I have to show this shit to Rias!

[Congratulations, user! You have played long enough to update one of your features!]

[The Gacha function has now received an update!]

[Would you like to know more about it?]

Yet, before I could go and wake up my gorgeous, red-haired girlfriend at four in the morning… I got hit with an update?

…Gambling?

‘’Yes,’’ I replied with complete seriousness.

[Previously, the way that the Gacha worked was entirely unsatisfactory. Common pulls were quite a waste, after all. And getting Tokens in the first place was bothersome, if downright annoying!]

[Now, all rolls Common and Below will accumulate what is known as ‘pity’. With enough pity, you can now pull out rare, random items from the Gacha pool depending on how much pity you wish to use!]

Rates are as follows:

[Uncommon—10 Pity]

[Rare—25 Pity]

[Epic—50 Pity]

[Legendary—100 Pity]

[Along with this new change, so as to balance such a boon. You know can be unlucky enough to pull a Curse from the Gacha.]

[In exchange, depending on the severity of the pulled curse, you will get additional Pity!]

[Would you like to pull the Gacha? There are currently ten tokens available.]

I stared at the information for a long while. All in all, the change was a lot more beneficial to me. Yet, the threat of pulling a really bad curse tingled my brain the wrong way.

…

Only for my greed to say ‘Fuck it, we ball!’ ‘’Ten pull, baby!’’

I blinked, as if I was now on another plane of dimension. I saw a bright light shoot out of a once-in-a-lifetime. The star-like object did an arc, turning from a dull grey to a lime green, and into a sparkling blue.

Then, it exploded into a halo of purple, crossing the sky and threatening to touch the space above.

Once more, the sound of something small and metallic flipping through the air before landing captivated my ears.

And all of a sudden, the star exploded once more, much more violently, with a bright golden color as it pierced all and every cloud, and faded away into space like a comet.

So entranced was I by the light show that I did not notice the small, black spark that was overpowered by the golden hue.

-X-x-X-

Omake: Edgygami: One, Two, Three dead Heirs.

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” I spat. My magic radar went off the SECOND we stepped out of the Demon Castle dungeon.

Which was fucking ATROCIOUS, by the way.

Whose big idea was to put a big fucking soul-erasing HELLFIRE in the boss room? Because I SWEAR I just want to have a chat.

“Look awake, crow. We have company.” I turned to Mittelt with a raised eyebrow.

The once neatly dressed gothic lolita girl had her clothes in practical shambles. Who knew that going to a place filled with hellish creatures and lots of fire with a long, flammable dress was a bad idea?

Spoiler: I knew. Which was WHY Mittelt’s clothes were enchanted. Yeah, all the way until floor 27 were an honest-to-god UNDEAD DRAGON roasted us with a-stay with me now-ENCHANTMENT DESTROYING FIRE BREATH.

And now, after spending an entire month in that place, eating whatever we could steal from the castle, and not even having some private time to take all this pent-up frustration off on Mittelt’s pretty rear?

Yeah, I was fucking LIVID.

I patted myself over while Mittelt spread her wings wide. A total of eight, ink-black, feathered appendages greeted the dilapidated building’s room.

“What type of company, Master?” The frowning blonde replied tiredly. “The kind that want your head or the ones that want to slave you?”

I liked that, even after reaching max Obedience and Affection, Mittelt remained particularly sassy. It was good for the soul.

“Probably the latter.” I made a so-so motion with my hand. The Fallen wanted my head because I was unaffiliated and killed a few of their men. While the Devils wanted to shove a pretty little chess piece inside my chest and turn me into one of their fancy slaves. “Just prepare for a fight. Are those clothes still enchanted?”

Because while, yes, while the previously nice and fancy clothes were practically dirty rags by now, as long as they were ON her, the enchantments would work.

“Barely.” Dry answer got.

“It’ll have to do.” I huffed and… extended my arms to the sides. In my main hand, I had the Legendary Sword. Changed into the form of the Dungeon’s Final Boss.

It took TWO DAYS after we beat the dungeon to unlock this fucker. So it had better pay back right now.

As for why I was doing the Aizen pose?

Mittelt nodded, and with an upturn of her lips, placed herself behind me and held my torso with her thin, slightly scorched arms.

And then she started to fly. Making me a passenger of the Mittelt Fallen Airline.

…

I STILL DON’T KNOW HOW TO FLY, OKAY?! SHIT WAS HARD WITHOUT HAVING WINGS!

As we comically make our way out of a window. I see a few figures staring back at us. Some in worried, dread, cautiousness, or a mix of them all.

Rias Gremory and Sona Sitri stuck out among all of them. Even if their Demonic Power was… muffled? It had to be, even if they were bad at it.

Along with them were their full peerages. Everyone was there. Koneko, Kiba, Akeno, even Gasper!

Oh, and all of those random side-npcs from Sona’s peerage.

‘Wait…’ I turned to look at the last “big” power signature, and my eyes landed on… Riser and his entourage of sluts? ‘Why is the flaming chicken here?’

Ah, right… Issei was dead, along with Asia and Saji. So, Rias wouldn’t have the Boob Dragon Emperor to make Riser suck on a lemon and cry.

…My bad? Hey, I didn’t KILL Issei. He was already dead when I cared to show up… And I took away all three Sacred Gears, which were what made Sona and Rias find me in the first place.

So, Rias lost, and now Riser follows her around like a lost puppy? Huh.

“Rogue Magician!” Rias’ flat voice and expression told me wonders about her mood as she pointed a magic circle-covered hand at me. “We do not wish for confrontation, but to speak. You and your companion won’t be harmed.”

Hm… A half-lie.

Indeed, they did not wish for confrontation. I didn’t need a Perk for that, since all of them looked somewhat nervous and twitchy, even in the ridiculous way I was being carried.

But the “no harm” part? Bullshit. THEY may not harm me, sure. But she doesn’t know what the Devil Government would do.

Probably just banish me from their territory and let the Fallen at me.

“How about… no?” I mocked and swung my blade in their general direction. “[HELLFIRE TORNADO V]!”

This was the Skill I waited to master from the boss’s drops. That, along with the levels I have gained from the Dungeon itself, made it a powerful storm of fire that dealt damage over time.

Which was the perfect distraction for me to change swords into one that, while awfully plain, held the symbol of a sand-clock.

“Portal Sla-” The skill I threw at the three Heirs and their peerages disappeared, and only cinders and ashes remained, falling from the sky. “...sh?”

You have Leveled Up!

You Have Leveled Up!

You have Leveled Up!

I blinked, even as my Portal Sword opened the rift in space for us to escape.

I used my ability to search for magic signatures. Nothing. Not a trace of demonic, holy, or life energy remained.

Mittelt’s arms tightened around my torso. A whimper of fear and dread escaped from her lips.

WHY WERE THEY SO WEAK?! MY BEST SKILL BEFORE ENTERING THE DUNGEON WOULD HAVE BEEN A MILD ANNOYANCE AT BEST!

Then, realization hit.

…

‘I just killed the Sisters of Two Satans.’ I thought that while Mittelt got us through the portal and into a safer location that I had previously saved. Outside of Kuoh.

…

“We are so fucking cooked…” I groaned.

-X-x-X-

Author Note:

Just for anyone wondering, the Curses that Zatren would pull from the Gacha do not affect him in any psychological way.

Meaning, no Wrath, Lust, Gluttony, or any extra sin (He has Greed already), nor any curse that heavily changes his personality. I feel like changing the MC's personality now of all times would be a horrible idea. So, that's that.

Btw, we are very close to you guys catching up. Like, two more chapters close, kek.