Episode 40: The Gambler and the Android: 02
Shizune glanced around the small inn room, feeling like she'd wandered into some surreal nightmare. The whole scene was bizarre enough to make anyone question reality. How on earth had she ended up here, of all places? But then again, how could anyone resist the creepy, emotionless, and oddly demanding girl who'd managed to get them all into this mess by threatening to reveal Tsunade's "youthful" appearance? The Sannin had reluctantly agreed to come along, if only to avoid public humiliation. And now here they were, stuck in a room with… whatever this was.
Naruto sat cross-legged on the floor, slurping her way through an enormous bowl of instant ramen with all the finesse of a vacuum cleaner on high speed. Her eyes, deadpan and devoid of any hint of emotion, flicked up occasionally to glance at Tsunade with a look that could only be described as, well… eerie. She chewed like she was a robot on autopilot, her gaze unsettlingly focused on the Sannin, who was glaring back with enough intensity to melt steel.
"H… help… me…" a raspy voice whimpered from the bed.
Oh, and then there was the mummy in the room.
On the bed lay a man wrapped from head to toe in bandages, eyes wide and practically glowing red with a mix of horror and pain. His whole vibe screamed, "get me out of here" as if he'd somehow ended up in the wrong anime. Shizune half-expected him to burst into a puff of smoke, revealing this whole scene as a genjutsu. Frankly, she wouldn't have been surprised.
But Naruto didn't seem phased at all. In fact, she didn't even look up from her ramen.
"Quiet, Bastard," Naruto said with a casual wave of her chopsticks. "I'm trying to concentrate."
The man on the bed gave a guttural groan. "You… idiot…"
Naruto's face remained impassive, though there was a faint twitch of annoyance in her eye. "What? You got your butt handed to you by Ichari, or whatever his name was, and I personally tended to your wounds. You should be grateful."
The mummy let out another pained grunt. "You… moron…"
"Oh, and by the way, let's not forget you peeked under my skirt when I was busy saving your sorry hide. I get that my beauty is pretty much irresistible, but even closet perverts have limits, pal. Dattebayo."
Tsunade had had enough. With a scowl that could split mountains, she slammed her fist down onto the mat so hard that Shizune jumped. "Just where the hell is Jiraiya?!"
Naruto slurped another noodle with obnoxious enthusiasm, then tilted her head, still unfazed. She slowly swallowed, drank the remaining broth with an overly dramatic sip, and finished off by chugging an entire glass of water. Finally, she looked up, as though emerging from some sacred ramen-induced trance.
"Ah, thank kami for the divine cuisine. Dattebayo." She let out a blissful sigh, then turned her vacant stare on Tsunade. "Yes, Granny?"
Tsunade's eyebrow twitched. Before anyone could blink, she lunged forward, grabbed Naruto by the collar, and lifted her off the ground until they were eye to eye. The younger girl dangled in her grasp like an inconvenient houseplant, entirely unfazed.
"Don't call me that," Tsunade growled through clenched teeth. "Now, where is Jiraiya?"
Naruto blinked, her face still blank as a slate. "Oh, he's peeping on the second floor."
Tsunade's face went from frustration to sheer, molten rage. "You mean to say he was here the whole time?!"
Naruto tilted her head, apparently oblivious to the storm brewing in Tsunade's expression. "Well, yeah. At least I got enough time to finish twelve cups of ramen. It's a win-win."
"It isn't!" Tsunade snapped, her voice echoing around the room like a thunderclap.
Naruto tilted her head further, as if trying to understand why Tsunade wasn't seeing the "win-win" here. "Okay…?"
"Call him."
Just as Naruto opened her mouth to probably spout more nonsense, the door slid open, and in strolled Jiraiya, looking flushed, a bit dazed, and wearing a grin that would've looked more at home on a lecherous teenager.
"Hey, kids! What's all the noise about—?"
"JIRAIYA!" Tsunade's voice hit a new octave as she drew her fist back. Jiraiya barely had time to blink before her punch connected with his face, sending him crashing through the wall, creating a Jiraiya-shaped hole as he flew off into the distant landscape.
Naruto, now free from Tsunade's grip, looked mildly interested as she turned back to her next food item— Ramen Burger. "Well," she mused, taking a ginormous bite, "that's one way to call him. Dattebayo."
Meanwhile, on the bed, the bandaged man sighed deeply. "At least I'll have a companion in my mummy club now. Hn. … Wait… why am I thinking like Naruto?!"
Shizune slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter, though her eyes were wide with horror at the chaos around her. But, hey, if anything, this was going to make for one heck of a story later on.
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