Synthetic Shinobi (A Naruto and Nier Crossover Fanfiction)

Sasuke was tearing through the forest like his life depended on it—which, to be fair, it kinda did. Branches whipped at his face, leaves crunched beneath his feet, and his lungs burned, but he didn't slow down. Not even for a second. His pulse was hammering in his ears, pounding in rhythm with his thoughts.

Naruto.

Of course, she'd gotten herself caught up in this mess. It wasn't even a question. If trouble was a magnet, then Naruto was the giant metal refrigerator door it was clinging to. The more he thought about it, the more annoyed he got. This was supposed to be his moment. He was going to face Itachi, finally get some answers, and maybe—just maybe—get a little revenge.

But now Naruto was involved.

Somewhere between a sigh and a snarl slipped from his lips as he skidded to a stop in front of the inn. There, standing right in front of him like the universe was playing a sick joke, was Itachi. And his sharky sidekick, Kisame. Oh, and—wait. Was that…?

"Naruto?" Sasuke squinted. What was she doing?

Naruto was just... strolling behind them. Like they were on a nice afternoon walk through Konoha. She had that eerie, stiff, robotic look, too—like someone had just flipped her "off" switch and forgotten to turn her back on.

His eyes narrowed. "What the hell is going on here?!" His voice cracked louder than he intended. Embarrassing.

Before he had time to think, the Chidori lit up in his hand with a sharp, crackling hiss. He was gonna wipe that smug look off Itachi's face once and for all. "ITACHI!" He charged, lightning surging from his fingertips, aimed straight for his brother's chest.

But before his Chidori could even make contact, Itachi turned, caught Sasuke's wrist with one hand like it was nothing, and looked down at him with the same cold, deadpan expression that haunted Sasuke's nightmares. "Foolish little brother," he muttered, his tone so calm it was infuriating.

The next few seconds were a blur of pain. Itachi's strikes were impossibly fast and precise—a punch to the gut, a knee to the ribs, and a swift kick that sent Sasuke crashing to the ground. His Chidori fizzled out pitifully, leaving him sprawled in the dirt, coughing like a dying cat.

Through the pain, Sasuke struggled to lift his head and focused on Naruto, still standing there like an emotionless mannequin. "I know you're still in there!" he shouted, desperation leaking into his voice. "Fight it, damn it!"

Naruto blinked slowly, like someone who had just woken up from a nap and wasn't entirely sure where they were. "Huh?" she said in her usual, eerily robotic tone. "I am here."

Sasuke blinked, trying to process. "Wait…you're not mindfucked by him?"

Naruto made a face that somehow looked both deadpan and disgusted. "Ew. Whatever that means. I am me. Dattebayo."

Sasuke's brain stuttered. "Then…what the hell are you doing?! They're here to kidnap you!"

Naruto looked from Sasuke to Itachi and Kisame, then back to Sasuke. "Nah, they offered me free ramen. Only good people like ramen."

At this, the blue shark guy, Kisame, let out a hearty, gurgly laugh. "Kid, I think your friend's got a screw loose. Maybe more than one."

Itachi, ever the statue of calm, turned slightly to face Naruto. "We just want peace," he said in his emotionless monotone.

Naruto cocked her head like an innocent child—an innocent, robotic child—and looked at Sasuke, then back at the duo. "But if you're not bad guys," she said slowly, "then why did you beat the Bastard?"

Kisame laughed. "Who's the Bastard?"

Naruto gave him a flat look. "The good for nothing teammate of mine, obviously. Dattebayo." She looked at Itachi. "So?"

Itachi's eyes narrowed just a fraction. She may have been stupid, but her instincts weren't completely broken. "Peace often requires… sacrifices," he replied cryptically.

Naruto raised an eyebrow—or at least, she tried. "I understand that beating his ass can be tempting—believe me—but you went overboard. Dattebayo."

Kisame chuckled, clearly amused, and took a step forward. "So, are you coming with us or not?"

Naruto glanced down at Sasuke, who was still groaning on the ground, his pride as battered as his body. She showed them Gama-Chan, her once malnourished wallet was now looking like an Akimichi clan infant. "I'm a Jounin now. I have enough money to buy my own ramen. Dattebayo." She waved a hand dismissively. "Now, shoo. I have a Bastard to tend to."

Kisame chuckled, resting his massive sword on his shoulder. "Sounds about right to me. So, kid, you are not coming with us, does this mean I gotta chop this guy into bite-sized pieces?"

Naruto didn't even flinch. Instead, she gave Gama-Chan a little shake. It bulged with cash. "I'm a Jounin now. I can buy my own ramen. I don't need you or your fish face, dattebayo. Leave us."

Kisame's grin faltered. His grip tightened on his sword, and he took a step forward, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "You know, I'm getting real tired of you, brat. Maybe I'll just cut off this idiot's legs to shut you up."

Before Itachi could stop him, Kisame started to lift his sword, only to freeze as Naruto conjured a glowing golden Rasengan in her hand in a slow but menacing motion. Her face was blank, but the Rasengan spun with enough intensity to make the air around them hum. Her short hair moved in a rhythmic way, making her look even more scary. She tilted her head, looking almost bored, as she said flatly, "How about I make some fish paste instead?"

Itachi immediately grabbed Kisame's arm, pulling him back. For some reason, Naruto seemed oddly protective of Sasuke. That was... unexpected. According to their intel, Naruto Uzumaki was on par with Pain. Therefore, he didn't stand a chance against her in combat. That's why all these acts were for. However, if she was unwilling to cooperate... "We're leaving," Itachi said calmly, though his eyes lingered on Naruto for just a second longer. "Sorry, O Great Shinobi. Please forgive my companion and me. We were foolish to test your patience. But please, do consider our offer. " He bowed slightly before disappearing in a blur of black cloak and red clouds, dragging a disgruntled Kisame with him.

Sasuke lay on the ground, still trying to process what had just happened. He groaned, his ribs screaming in protest as he pushed himself up. "What… just… happened? Why did Itachi back down?"

Naruto casually flipped her bob-cut hair, trying to strike what she thought was a 'cool' pose. "Oh, you mean the smart one?" She gave a barely visible smile, clearly pleased with herself. "He knows my position is far beyond his. You should show me more respect, Bastard." Naruto stood there, her hands on her hips, her face as smug as someone who had just successfully negotiated world peace. "He knows my power," she said, flipping her short hair in a way that was probably supposed to be dramatic, but just looked awkward. "I'm a big deal now, Bastard. You should start showing me more respect."

Sasuke was about to fire back some snide comment when Naruto's skirt fluttered above his head, giving him a full, humble view of her legs, thighs, and, unfortunately, her frilly underwear. His mouth went dry, his mind going completely blank.

Just then, Jiraiya barged in, an unconscious woman slung over his shoulder. He took one look at Naruto, who was standing over Sasuke, giving him a not-so-modest view beneath her skirt, and smirked. "Well, well, it looks like my student's finally hit puberty!" he said with a laugh.

Naruto blinked slowly before glancing down at Sasuke, who was practically turning into a tomato. Her eyes widened slightly, and in one robotic, emotionless motion, she slammed her foot down on his face. "Perverts don't get such majestic views for free. Dattebayo."

There was a sickening crack as Sasuke's nose broke beneath her foot. Fortunately for him, Naruto wasn't wearing any footwear. Unfortunately, that didn't make the pain any less.

Sasuke groaned, clutching his face, as Naruto stood over him, still as robotic and creepy as ever. His mind was full of images of toads printed frilly panties crushing on his face. She turned to Jiraiya. "Did you find any clues about Tsunade?"

Jiraiya grinned. "We've got a long road ahead, Naruto. But hey, at least you're keeping things…interesting."

Naruto just blinked, completely unfazed. "I am always interesting. Dattebayo."

Sasuke, still on the ground, groaned. "Someone… kill me now."

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