Synthetic Shinobi (A Naruto and Nier Crossover Fanfiction)

Hashirama's eyes flickered one last time, almost as if he was saying, "Good luck, kid."

With all the intensity of a dramatic movie trailer, Naruto charged forward, white hair bouncing against her neck and sapphire eyes gleaming like a pair of creepy, glowing lightbulbs in a dark alley. The Rasengan in her hand spun wildly, making a strange buzzing sound that could've been mistaken for a very angry vacuum cleaner. Her face, of course, remained completely blank. Emotions? Pfft, who needs those.

"Time to kick some zombie butt," Naruto said flatly, voice lacking any sort of heroic flair. It was like she was reading off a grocery list.

Ahead of her, Hashirama Senju—the First Hokage, the absolute legend of legends—stood there, looking less like a respected leader and more like a poorly animated puppet. His face twitched in confusion as Naruto sped toward him. Was she really going to try a head-on attack?

Oh yes, yes she was.

Naruto threw her Rasengan forward, the spiraling ball of chakra flying at Hashirama with all the grace of a drunken squirrel. Sadly for her, Hashirama was not a regular opponent. He was the 'First Hokage' for crying out loud, and he wasn't about to let some white-haired weirdo take him down that easily.

With a swift motion of his hands, Hashirama slapped the ground. "Wood Style: Forest Prison!" In an instant, gigantic trees erupted from the earth, their branches snapping around Naruto like a toddler's attempt at catching a frog.

"Ah, crap," Naruto muttered, completely deadpan as she found herself trapped inside a wooden prison. The branches curled tighter, ready to crush her like a particularly stubborn walnut.

Just as things were looking grim for our weird, robotic hero, Naruto did what any self-respecting ninja would do in her situation—she summoned a toad.

With a puff of smoke, a toad appeared in front of her. But instead of the hulking, badass toad warrior she had been expecting, there was… this. A tiny, wrinkly, green toad with a cloak that looked like it had been sewn together by someone with terrible fashion sense.

Naruto blinked. "Huh?" She stared at the toad. "How can a useless old toad like you help me against the zombie Hokage?"

The toad, blinking slowly like someone who just woke up from a 10-year nap, glared up at her. "Who are you calling useless and old? And who the heck are 'you'?"

Naruto, still imprisoned by giant trees, struck what was supposed to be a dramatic pose. Too bad it was more awkward than anything. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, your summoner slash master and the future Hokage."

The toad squinted. "Well, I'm Fukasaku, a toad elder from Mt. Myoboku. Now stop calling me old, you brat."

Naruto, still unfazed by her situation, glanced at the massive wooden walls around her. "So… can you help me against him?" She pointed lazily at Hashirama, who was getting ready to turn her into Naruto-flavored paste.

"Help you? You bet I can, kid!" Fukasaku puffed out his tiny chest (not that it made any difference to his size) and then, without missing a beat, started weaving through hand signs faster than a guy trying to order food in a busy drive-thru. "Toad Style: Blazing Oil!"

Suddenly, the tiny toad spit a stream of oil from his mouth, and with a loud 'boom', the wooden prison around Naruto burst open like a cheap piñata at a birthday party. Pieces of wood flew everywhere.

"Cool," Naruto remarked, still completely monotone, as if she had just seen someone casually juggle a couple of apples. She blinked slowly, her face showing exactly zero excitement.

Fukasaku hopped onto her shoulders, making himself at home. "I can sense it in you, kid. Natural Energy is flowin' through ya."

"The what now?" Naruto blinked again, lazily dodging one of Hashirama's wild attacks. Her oversized cloak flapped dramatically in the wind, momentarily revealing her pale skin in a way that made Fukasaku cringe.

"Focus on the energy around you!" Fukasaku urged, sounding like a martial arts master from one of those old cheesy movies. "You should be a natural at this, considering how weird you are!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Naruto muttered, flipping backward to avoid another of Hashirama's tree attacks. "But I guess I should level up my coolness." Because, clearly, she was 'all' about being cool.

Naruto closed her eyes, hopping backward, and tried to focus. For a moment, everything seemed calm… until she felt something strange. It was like the air around her was suddenly alive, buzzing with energy. It wasn't like chakra; it was more… earthy. Or maybe leafy? It was weird, whatever it was.

Fukasaku, perched on her shoulders like a tiny, angry bird, gasped. His tiny amphibian eyes widened as he saw black markings slowly snake their way around Naruto's eyes. They looked eerily similar to a certain Hokage's own sage form.

"Kid… what the heck? You've gone full Sage Mode!" Fukasaku's voice quivered with shock. "You've surpassed all the sages from the past! Second only to the Sage of the Six Paths!"

Naruto blinked her now gleaming jade eyes, with a horizontal slit running through them. "Oooh," she muttered in her usual flat tone. "I feel amazing. Dattebayo." She flexed her muscles, causing her cloak to fall open a bit, revealing more of her pale skin— her small frame chest, nipples and more. Fukasaku sighed in exasperation and quickly weaved through hand signs, summoning a red cloak with black flame designs that appeared over her.

Naruto blinked again. "Time to kick some zombie butt. Dattebayo." She attempted what she probably thought was a smirk but looked more like a stiff-lipped grimace.

Fukasaku hopped down from her shoulders, shaking his head in disbelief. "All right, Naruto girl. Go for it."

With an emotionless nod, Naruto turned back to the battlefield. "Sage Art: Wind Release: Gale Palm!" she announced in a voice that sounded about as enthusiastic as someone ordering takeout.

The wind from Naruto's 'Sage Art: Wind Release: Gale Palm' whipped through the battlefield, slicing towards Hashirama like an invisible buzzsaw. But of course, Hashirama wasn't called the First Hokage for nothing. With a casual flick of his hand, massive wooden walls shot up from the ground, shielding him like a dude who just realized he forgot his umbrella in the middle of a storm.

The wooden walls creaked and groaned under the pressure of Naruto's attack, but they held strong. Hashirama peeked over the edge of his wood creation, clearly unfazed. "Nice try," he muttered under his breath, brushing imaginary dust off his ancient Hokage robes, his reanimated face a mix of calm and 'annoyingly' superior.

Naruto blinked, staring at him with her wide, expressionless eyes. "Tch," she muttered in her signature flat tone, her white hair shimmering like some kind of futuristic ghost. With her sage mode activated, Naruto was more of a flash than anything else, darting around so quickly her white hair and red cloak made her look like some creepy phantom ninja... if phantoms had really good fashion sense.

Hashirama fired off more attacks—more giant trees, some extra sharp branches, a leaf or two for good measure—but Naruto was already gone, dodging everything with creepy precision. Her white hair flowed behind her, catching the light in a way that made her look like she was gliding, and that bright red sage cloak made her look like the weirdest, coolest blur ever. Meanwhile, her cloak only covered her torso and butt, leaving her limbs exposed, her creamy white skin causing several shinobi nearby to lose focus. And nosebleed.

"What the—" one of them muttered, mid-battle, almost dropping his kunai. "Did you see that?!"

Naruto's eyes narrowed—or, well, she 'tried' to narrow them, but her expression remained pretty much the same as always. "Stop staring, perverts," she said, her monotone voice somehow managing to sound both annoyed and robotic. Her face flushed with... ink? Yeah, that's right. Her face didn't blush—it kind of just smeared with black ink-like blotches as she awkwardly covered herself.

Before anyone could respond, Naruto raised her hands in the air. "Sage Art: Super Massive Rasengan!" Her voice remained as emotionless as ever, despite the massive golden chakra sphere that suddenly appeared above her head, swirling like a mini sun. She hurled it at Hashirama, the Rasengan crashing into him like a cannonball made of pure destruction. Hashirama's body disintegrated into a fine mist of dust and splinters.

For a moment, Naruto just stood there, blinking. "Huh," she said, sounding less impressed and more like someone who'd just successfully flipped a pancake for the first time.

But before she could revel in her creepy victory, Hashirama's body started reforming, bit by bit, from the scattered dust. "Oh great," Naruto mumbled flatly. "Here we go again."

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