The Laziest God Mortal Reincarnation

The moment I had to leave finally came.

And for once, I woke up without regretting it.

My eyes slowly opened.

Morning light filtered through the canvas of my tent, painting everything in a dull golden glow.

Usually, the first thing I noticed after waking was some form of suffering.

My neck.

My back.

My shoulders.

The distant sound of soldiers shouting.

Master Valerian standing somewhere nearby with the expression of a man already planning how to ruin my morning.

Today?

Nothing.

No pain.

No stiffness.

No exhaustion.

My entire body felt...

Perfect.

I remained still for several seconds.

Then slowly looked down.

A silver pillow rested comfortably across my arms.

Dream Haven.

My Dream Haven.

My beautiful, legendary, SSS-rank pillow.

A proud smile formed on my face.

I’d had the best sleep of my entire mortal life.

No.

That wasn’t accurate.

I’d had the best sleep of my entire existence.

Celestial or mortal.

I hugged the pillow slightly tighter.

It immediately adjusted itself around my arms.

Perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

[You have been staring at it for three minutes.]

’I’m appreciating greatness.’

[You slept with it for nearly nine hours.]

’And?’

[You have spent most of the time since waking staring at it.]

I looked down at Dream Haven again.

The silver fabric reflected the morning light softly.

There wasn’t a single crease on its surface.

’Jealousy is an ugly emotion, System.’

[I am incapable of jealousy toward a pillow.]

’That’s exactly what someone jealous of a pillow would say.’

[...]

Victory.

I sat upright.

Or at least attempted to.

Dream Haven was comfortable enough that my body immediately questioned why leaving it was necessary.

Unfortunately, today involved travel.

I looked at the pillow again.

Then remembered one of its abilities.

A grin formed on my lips.

’Mundane Veil.’

[What about it?]

I slowly raised Dream Haven in front of my face.

’So let me understand this correctly.’

[Go ahead.]

’I am currently holding an SSS-rank artifact.’

[Correct.]

’Something kingdoms might fight wars over.’

[Possibly.]

’Something powerful individuals might murder each other to possess.’

[Also possible.]

’And I can walk through the middle of the royal palace hugging it while everyone thinks it’s just an ordinary pillow?’

[Correct.]

My grin widened.

’Finally.’

[...]

’An artifact designed for someone with common sense.’

[You intend to publicly carry an SSS-rank artifact because it resembles a pillow.]

’Exactly.’

[You already publicly carried ordinary pillows everywhere.]

I paused.

That...

Was true.

The System continued.

[In fact, your attachment to this artifact will likely appear less suspicious than most of your previous behavior.]

My smile disappeared.

’Was that an insult?’

[An observation.]

’You’ve been spending too much time around Nyra.’

The thought escaped before I could stop it.

For half a second, the warmth in my chest changed.

Just slightly.

Nyra.

I looked down at Dream Haven.

Then breathed out.

The ache was still there.

Quieter now.

It would probably always be there somewhere.

That was fine.

I didn’t want it gone completely.

Forgetting would have been worse.

I ran one hand across the pillow’s smooth surface.

Then stood.

My storage ring was already packed.

Mostly.

Izabella had checked it herself last night after apparently deciding my definition of packed could not be trusted.

An outrageous accusation.

One that had unfortunately been proven correct when she discovered I had packed six books and three pillows but only two changes of clothes.

Dream Haven shrank slightly beneath my arm until it became the perfect size to carry comfortably.

I stared at it.

"You really are perfect."

[Please stop talking to the artifact.]

"Jealous."

[I am reconsidering the value of consciousness.]

***

Master Valerian and Izabella were already waiting when I stepped outside.

The carriage stood several meters away.

Four horses had been prepared, and my luggage had already been secured.

Two guards were traveling with the carriage, although neither was one of the two who had spent the last several years ensuring I didn’t mysteriously wander into another country.

I looked around the camp.

Morning had already begun.

Soldiers moved between tents.

Healers prepared supplies.

The distant gates opened for an outgoing patrol.

Everything looked completely normal.

My leaving apparently wasn’t considered important enough to stop an entire military operation.

Good.

That would have been embarrassing.

Izabella approached first.

Her eyes immediately dropped toward Dream Haven tucked beneath my arm.

"You brought your pillow."

I looked offended.

"Obviously."

"I don’t know why I expected anything else."

"Experience should have taught you better."

Her eyes narrowed slightly.

Then she smiled.

"Have a safe trip, Al."

"I’ll be back."

"I know."

That was why the goodbye wasn’t particularly dramatic.

I wasn’t leaving permanently.

My sister’s awakening ceremony would happen in five days.

After that, I would remain at the estate for a while.

There were apparently several noble obligations Father expected me to attend.

Tragic.

But eventually I would return to the border.

Especially with the Academy still six months away.

Izabella reached forward and briefly pulled me into a hug.

I froze.

Then awkwardly patted her back once.

"Don’t cause trouble," she said.

"Why does everyone say that to me?"

She pulled away.

"Experience."

Again.

Apparently experience had become my greatest enemy.

Master Valerian stepped forward next.

He didn’t hug me.

Naturally.

I preferred it that way.

Probably.

"Continue your training while you’re away."

My expression immediately fell.

"Master."

"Every day."

"I’m going home."

"Your muscles do not care."

"I do."

"Every day."

I sighed.

"Fine."

"And mana training."

I stared at him.

"You said goodbye was supposed to be short."

"It is."

"This feels increasingly long."

His lips twitched.

"Six months."

I frowned.

"What?"

"Until the Academy."

His expression became more serious.

"You have made considerable progress, Alash. Do not waste those six months because I am not standing beside you."

I looked at him for several seconds.

Then nodded.

"I won’t."

That answer came surprisingly easily.

Master seemed to notice.

A few years ago, I would have negotiated.

Complained.

Attempted to redefine what qualified as training.

Possibly faked an illness.

Now?

I would still complain.

Obviously.

But I would train.

Apparently character development was permanent.

Terrible design.

Master placed one hand on my shoulder.

"Good."

That was it.

No dramatic farewell.

No long speech.

Exactly how I preferred it.

I turned toward the carriage.

The driver was standing beside the door.

An older man with a trimmed grey beard and the exhausted expression of someone who had already been informed who he was transporting.

Poor man.

I approached him.

"How many days?"

"Three days under normal conditions, Young Master. Possibly four depending on the roads."

I considered that.

"Take four."

He blinked.

"Young Master?"

"There’s no need to rush."

"But the awakening ceremony..."

"We’ll arrive before it begins."

"Of course, but..."

I raised one finger.

"More importantly."

He stopped.

"Do not disturb me until we reach the estate."

"...For the entire journey?"

"Preferably."

"Young Master, the journey will take several days."

"I know."

"You may need meals."

"I’ll survive."

A pause.

"Stops?"

"Do whatever you need."

"Bandits?"

"Wake the guards."

"An emergency?"

I considered that.

"If the carriage is actively on fire, you may wake me."

He seemed uncertain whether I was joking.

I wasn’t entirely sure either.

"Otherwise," I continued, "pretend I’m not here."

The driver slowly nodded.

"...Understood."

"Excellent."

I climbed inside.

Before closing the door, I looked back.

Izabella waved.

Master Valerian simply nodded.

I raised my hand once.

Then closed the door.

The carriage started moving several moments later.

The border camp slowly disappeared behind us.

I looked through the window.

Walls.

Tents.

Soldiers.

The medical camp.

Master’s training field.

For years, that place had been most of my world.

Now it slowly faded into the distance.

Strangely...

I already knew I would miss it.

Not enough to ask the driver to turn around.

Let’s not become unreasonable.

I closed the curtain.

Then looked at Dream Haven.

A smile returned.

Now.

The important part.

I had several uninterrupted days inside a carriage.

An SSS-rank sleeping artifact.

And absolutely no responsibilities until we arrived.

This wasn’t transportation.

This was an opportunity.

I placed Dream Haven onto the seat opposite me.

"Large."

The pillow expanded.

Soft silver fabric spread across the carriage floor.

It stopped before becoming large enough to damage anything.

I blinked.

"Adaptive size really does understand context."

[The artifact adapts to your environment.]

"Beautiful."

I lowered myself onto it.

Immediately, the constant vibration from the moving carriage disappeared beneath my body.

My head rested perfectly.

My spine aligned.

The temperature became slightly cooler.

The rattling wheels vanished as Noise Nullification activated.

I smiled.

Three days.

Possibly four.

Of this.

Perhaps returning home wasn’t such a terrible idea after all.

I closed my eyes.

[Host.]

"No."

[You know what I am going to say.]

"No."

[You still have not checked your status.]

I opened one eye.

The System had been reminding me since last night.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Apparently obtaining an SSS-rank artifact wasn’t enough.

There were always numbers to inspect.

"I’ll check later."

[You said that yesterday.]

"I was busy."

[You spent twenty-seven minutes changing the pillow’s colors.]

"Important research."

[Then you threw it across the tent repeatedly.]

"Soul-Bound testing."

[Then you slept.]

"Health Enhancement testing."

[...]

I smiled.

The System was learning.

Slowly.

[Check your status.]

I sighed.

"Fine."

[Good.]

"But I have a condition."

[...]

"After I check it, you will not disturb me during the complete inspection of Dream Haven."

[You already inspected it.]

"No."

[You read every effect.]

"Reading is theory."

I hugged the pillow.

"Now comes practical testing."

[Sleeping.]

"Exactly."

A long pause.

[Agreed.]

I immediately sat upright.

"System, open status."

A familiar panel appeared.