The Laziest God Mortal Reincarnation

I stared at the completed quest.

For several seconds, I didn’t move.

I didn’t blink.

I simply stared.

The golden panel floated peacefully in front of me, as though it hadn’t spent the last five years threatening me with unimaginable pain if I failed.

『 Main Quest 2: The Slumbering World

➤Objectives:

1. Train your body to reach a minimum Strength of 50 and Agility of 50. COMPLETED

2. Master either your barrier attribute or healing attribute to Lv 10. COMPLETED

➤Reward: SSS-rank artifact 』

"...Completed?"

I slowly sat up.

My blanket slid down my chest.

I read the panel again.

Then once more.

The second objective didn’t surprise me.

My Barrier Attribute had reached Level 10 years ago.

That was when Mana Aegis appeared.

Technically, I had completed that part of the quest before returning from beastkin territory.

But the first objective...

Strength: 50.

Agility: 50.

My eyes narrowed.

"When did that happen?"

[Today.]

I froze.

Slowly, I looked down at my body.

Every muscle still hurt from Master Valerian’s final training session.

My legs felt like someone had replaced my bones with heated metal.

My shoulders hurt.

My back hurt.

My arms hurt.

I was still convinced my hair hurt.

Then realization struck.

"That monster."

[Master Valerian?]

"Obviously."

I stared toward the tent entrance as though I could somehow see him through several layers of canvas.

"That last training session pushed my stats over fifty."

[Correct.]

I went silent.

Then frowned.

Which meant...

Master had unknowingly completed one of my Akashic quests.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

Mostly grateful.

Slightly offended.

Very tired.

I raised my hand.

"System, open my...."

Another golden panel appeared.

I stopped.

"...status."

The new panel completely covered the space where my status window would have appeared.

Golden letters slowly formed across its surface.

『 Analyzing Vessel... 』

I blinked.

"What?"

The letters disappeared.

Then new ones appeared.

『 Searching for the most appropriate artifact for the Vessel. 』

My eyes narrowed.

"The most appropriate artifact?"

[It appears the Akashic Record is selecting your reward based on compatibility.]

That made sense.

Probably.

I glanced back toward the completed quest.

SSS-rank artifact.

My tiredness disappeared.

Not completely.

Nothing could accomplish such a miracle.

But enough that I sat straighter.

An SSS-rank artifact.

Artifacts were already rare.

High-ranked artifacts were even rarer.

S-rank artifacts could become family treasures passed down through noble houses for generations.

SS-rank artifacts were the sort of things kingdoms fought over.

And SSS-rank artifacts...

I had barely even read about them.

Most records couldn’t even confirm how many existed.

Some were considered myths.

Others supposedly belonged to royal families, ancient organizations, or individuals strong enough that asking to inspect their artifact would probably shorten one’s lifespan considerably.

And I was about to receive one.

My imagination immediately started moving.

A staff?

Maybe an artifact that improved healing.

That would make sense.

Or armor.

Something that enhanced Mana Aegis.

Maybe a shield.

Although carrying a physical shield when my entire fighting style revolved around barriers seemed redundant.

Perhaps some kind of mana storage artifact.

That would actually be useful.

An artifact capable of storing enormous amounts of mana would solve one of Mana Aegis’s greatest weaknesses.

My barrier could regenerate as long as I possessed mana.

More mana meant more protection.

Or maybe...

『 Artifact compatibility established. 』

I leaned forward.

Here it came.

Golden light gathered in front of me.

The air inside the tent changed.

Mana thickened.

Not violently.

Not like a weapon awakening.

Instead, a gentle warmth spread through the room.

The temperature became perfect.

Not warm.

Not cold.

Just...

Perfect.

I blinked.

The golden light condensed.

Something slowly appeared within it.

Something rectangular.

Soft-looking.

White.

My eyes widened.

The light disappeared.

A pillow dropped onto my lap.

Silence.

I stared at it.

The System remained silent.

The pillow remained a pillow.

I slowly lifted it with both hands.

"...What?"

No response.

I turned it over.

Soft white fabric.

Perfect stitching.

No runes.

No gemstones.

No glowing magical core.

Nothing.

It looked like an expensive pillow.

A very expensive pillow, admittedly.

The fabric felt smoother than silk.

But still.

A pillow.

I looked toward the completed quest.

SSS-rank artifact.

Then back at the pillow.

Quest.

Pillow.

Quest.

Pillow.

"System."

[Yes?]

"Is the Akashic Record mocking me?"

A pause.

[I do not believe so.]

"You don’t sound certain."

[I am processing.]

"Take your time."

I squeezed the pillow.

My fingers sank into it.

Then stopped.

My entire body went still.

"...Oh."

It was soft.

Not normal soft.

Not even expensive noble-bed soft.

This was something else.

My fingers sank exactly far enough to feel comfortable before the material gently supported them.

Neither too firm nor too loose.

I pressed my face against it.

The pillow changed.

Barely.

But I felt it.

Its shape adjusted around my cheek.

My neck.

My head.

Every point of pressure disappeared.

My sore neck relaxed instantly.

My shoulders followed.

I froze.

Then very slowly pulled my face away.

"...System."

[Yes?]

"I take back everything I said."

Another golden panel appeared.

『 SSS-Rank Artifact Acquired 』

『 Dream Haven Pillow 』

My eyes widened.

The description unfolded beneath it.

『 Dream Haven Pillow

Rank: SSS

Type: Legendary Soul-Bound Comfort Artifact

Description:

A legendary artifact created for one whose soul finds strength within rest.

Dream Haven does not merely provide comfort. It creates the ideal environment for physical recovery, mental tranquility, and uninterrupted sleep.

The artifact continuously adapts itself to the condition, body, and preferences of its bonded owner.

Once bonded, Dream Haven cannot be permanently lost, stolen, or separated from its master.

Only its master can use it’s full effect.』

I stared.

My mouth slowly opened.

Then the effects appeared.

『 Artifact Effects

➤ Soul Bound

Dream Haven permanently binds to the owner’s soul.

The artifact cannot be stolen, transferred, sold, or used by another individual without permission.

If separated from its owner, it may be instantly recalled regardless of distance.

➤ Perfect Temperature Regulation

Automatically adjusts its temperature according to the owner’s preference and physical condition.

Can remain cool during extreme heat and warm during extreme cold.

Temperature regulation requires no mana.

➤ Perfect Posture Alignment

Automatically changes its internal structure to support the owner’s head, neck, spine, and body.

Reduces muscular strain and prevents discomfort caused by poor sleeping posture.

➤ Aura of Serenity

Produces an invisible calming field around the owner while resting.

Reduces mental fatigue, stress, anxiety, and emotional agitation.

The effect becomes stronger during natural sleep.

➤ Noise Nullification

Creates a localized field that eliminates unwanted sound around the owner.

The owner may determine which sounds are blocked and which are allowed through.

Emergency warnings and intentionally permitted voices remain unaffected.

➤ Health Enhancement

Greatly improves the body’s natural recovery while resting.

Accelerates recovery from physical fatigue, minor injuries, muscle damage, and mana exhaustion.

Improves the quality and efficiency of sleep.

Does not replace healing magic for severe or fatal injuries.

➤ Indestructible

Dream Haven cannot be damaged through conventional physical or magical means.

➤ Adaptive Appearance

The owner may freely change the artifact’s color, pattern, softness, and external material.

➤ Adaptive Size

Dream Haven may freely alter its size according to the owner’s will.

Minimum Size: Palm-sized.

Maximum Size: Large enough to support the owner’s entire body.

➤ Mundane Veil

Dream Haven completely conceals its nature as an artifact.

To anyone other than its soul-bound owner, it appears to be an ordinary pillow with no detectable mana, runes, enchantments, aura, or magical properties.

Appraisal skills, identification artifacts, mana perception, and magical inspection will all return it as a normal non-magical object. 』

I stopped breathing.

The panel remained.

I read it again.

Then again.

Then once more.

My hands slowly tightened around the pillow.

"System."

[Yes?]

"I have discovered religion."

[...]

I hugged the pillow against my chest.

It immediately changed shape.

The sides curved slightly around my arms.

Perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

"This is the greatest artifact ever created."

[That is objectively impossible to determine.]

"Silence."

[There are artifacts capable of destroying cities.]

"Can they regulate temperature?"

[...]

"Exactly."

I looked down at Dream Haven.

White was nice.

But...

I focused.

Purple.

The fabric immediately shifted into deep violet.

My eyes widened.

"Blue."

Blue.

"Black."

Black.

"Gold."

Gold.

I stared.

Then smiled.

"Silver."

The pillow changed again.

Silver fabric.

Nearly the same color as my hair.

I nodded.

Good.

Then another idea appeared.

"Smaller."

The pillow shrank.

Half-sized.

"Smaller."

It became the size of my palm.

I lifted it between two fingers.

My smile grew.

"Normal."

Instantly, it returned.

"Large."

The pillow expanded.

And expanded.

And expanded.

I stared as it became nearly the size of my entire bed.

"...Oh."

I slowly lowered myself onto it.

The artifact shifted beneath me.

Not just beneath my head.

My entire body.

It became something halfway between a pillow and mattress.

Every painful muscle relaxed.

My eyes widened.

My back stopped hurting.

My shoulders relaxed.

My legs sank into exactly the right amount of softness.

I had spent years believing beds were one of mortal civilization’s greatest achievements.

I had been wrong.

Beds were primitive.

Pathetic.

Unrefined.

This was enlightenment.

[You are being dramatic.]

’I am experiencing something beyond your understanding.’

[I share your senses.]

’Then show some respect.’

Silence.

I smiled.

I could already imagine Master Valerian’s expression tomorrow.

Actually...

No.

I couldn’t show him.

Absolutely not.

He would want to examine it.

Test it.

Study it.

Possibly try attacking it after hearing it was indestructible.

Worse.

He might realize the health enhancement allowed me to recover faster.

Which meant...

More training.

My eyes widened.

"No."

[What?]

I sat up.

"The health enhancement."

[What about it?]

"If Master learns this thing increases recovery speed..."

I felt cold despite the temperature regulation.

"...he’ll increase my training again."

The System went silent.

That silence was far too meaningful.

"He can’t know."

[You are leaving tomorrow.]

"Eventually I’ll come back."

[True.]

I grabbed Dream Haven.

"Secret."

[You intend to hide an SSS-rank artifact because you are afraid your teacher will make you exercise more?]

"Yes."

[You have access to one of the rarest artifacts in the world.]

"Yes."

[And your primary concern is training.]

"Correct."

A long pause.

[I understand why the Akashic Record selected this artifact for you.]

I smiled proudly.

"Finally."

[That was not praise.]

"Still counts."

I dropped backward again.

My head touched Dream Haven.

Immediately, the artifact adjusted itself.

A soft warmth spread beneath my neck.

Then the Aura of Serenity activated.

I felt it instantly.

The constant tension behind my thoughts softened.

Not disappeared.

Just...

Settled.

The journey tomorrow.

The war.

The divine barrier.

For once, none of those thoughts demanded immediate attention.

They were still there.

But farther away.

Quiet.

Much like the feeling I had always loved about sleep.

I stared upward.

Then noticed something else.

Silence.

Complete silence.

No guards talking outside.

No boots hitting dirt.

No distant weapons.

No wind moving against the canvas.

Nothing.

I sat up.

"Noise nullification."

I focused.

"Let voices through."

Immediately.

"...changing shifts after midnight."

One of the guards outside.

I smiled.

"Block everything except someone calling my name."

Silence returned.

Perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

My eyes became slightly wet.

[Are you crying?]

"No."

[Your eyes...]

"Don’t ruin this."

I hugged the pillow.

Years.

Years of terrible pillows while traveling.

Trees.

Carriages.

Medical tents.

Caves.

Benches.

Hard ground.

I’d carried ordinary pillows inside my storage ring like some primitive mortal.

Never again.

I looked toward the golden panel.

"Can I summon it from anywhere?"

[According to Soul Bound, yes.]

I lifted the pillow.

Then deliberately tossed it toward the other side of the tent.

It landed on the floor.

I raised my hand.

"Dream Haven."

Golden light flashed.

The pillow vanished.

Then appeared directly in my arms.

I froze.

Slowly...

A smile spread across my face.

Again.

I threw it.

"Dream Haven."

Flash.

Back.

Again.

Throw.

"Dream Haven."

Back.

Again.

Throw.

Back.

[Host.]

"One more."

[You have confirmed the effect.]

"Science requires repetition."

[You have thrown an SSS-rank artifact across the room six times.]

"Seven."

I threw it again.

[Host.]

I laughed quietly.

For the first time since the golden panel had appeared, I completely forgot about tomorrow.

Forgot the estate.

Forgot Penelope.

Forgot everything.

I had completed a five-year quest.

I had survived Master Valerian’s training.

I had pushed my body beyond the objective.

And the Akashic Record...

Somehow...

Had looked through every possible SSS-rank artifact in existence.

Weapons.

Armor.

Staffs.

Ancient treasures.

Objects capable of changing wars.

And decided the artifact most compatible with me...

Was a pillow.

I placed one hand against my chest.

"I feel understood."

[Of course you do.]

I settled down again.

Dream Haven shifted beneath my head.

Perfect temperature.

Perfect position.

Perfect silence.

Warmth spread through my exhausted muscles.

I could already feel the ache beginning to lessen.

Tomorrow would be complicated.

Family.

Nobles.

An awakening ceremony.

My fiancée.

Questions I didn’t want to answer.

People I hadn’t seen in years.

But tonight?

Tonight was simple.

I pulled the blanket over myself.

Then hugged Dream Haven.

"System."

[Yes?]

"Cancel every plan for the next eight hours."

[You had no plans.]

"Excellent."

I closed my eyes.

A smile formed on my lips.

After fifteen years of mortal existence...

After training, war, kidnappings, beastkin, near-death experiences, grief, politics, and responsibilities...

The universe had finally rewarded me properly.

With a pillow.

A legendary, indestructible, soul-bound SSS-rank pillow.

Maybe the Akashic Record wasn’t completely unreasonable after all.

[Host.]

’Hm?’

[You still haven’t checked your status.]

My eyes remained closed.

’Tomorrow.’

[Alash.]

’Goodnight.’

[Alash.]

Dream Haven became slightly softer beneath my cheek.

Perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

For once...

Even the System’s complaints couldn’t reach me.

Or perhaps that was simply the noise nullification.

Either way...

Best.

Artifact.

Ever.