The Laziest God Mortal Reincarnation

Then the memories changed.

No.

I opened my eyes.

Too late.

Vessa.

Still.

The rabbit who couldn’t remain still for five seconds.

Not moving.

Caelum.

The silent guardian.

The man who was always standing.

Always watching.

Always between danger and the rest of us.

Down.

Nyra.

My stomach twisted.

I couldn’t, my hands started shaking.

No.

Go back.

Think about Vessa stealing money.

Caelum’s tree.

Nyra arguing about sleep.

Anything but, their bodies.

Again.

Vessa.

Caelum.

Nyra.

Alive.

Dead.

Alive.

Dead.

The memories struck faster.

Vessa hugging my pillow.

Her body motionless.

Caelum laughing quietly.

His body on the ground.

Nyra saying, "Good."

Nyra...

No.

My breathing broke.

"Master..."

My voice cracked.

I froze.

That had never happened before.

Not like that.

My throat tightened painfully.

I swallowed.

Nothing changed.

Valerian’s grip shifted.

Not releasing me.

Gentler.

One hand moved behind my head.

And somehow that simple gesture destroyed what little control I had left.

My forehead dropped against his chest.

My shoulders trembled.

Something hot slid down my cheek.

I went still.

A tear.

I stared blankly at his coat.

Another followed.

Then another.

What was this?

I understood crying.

Of course I did.

I had watched mortals cry countless times.

Children beside dying parents.

Soldiers over fallen comrades.

Mothers holding dead children.

Kings grieving sons.

Lovers begging gods who were never going to answer.

I had watched all of it.

For ages.

From the Celestial Realm, death had been everywhere.

Mortals died.

That was simply what mortals did.

Cities fell.

Wars erased thousands.

Families disappeared.

Generations bloomed and vanished before my eyes.

And I had felt nothing.

Curiosity sometimes.

Occasional amusement.

Mostly boredom.

They were mortals.

Brief lives.

Temporary lights.

I understood death intellectually better than almost anyone alive.

Or at least I had believed I did.

But this.

My chest hurt.

Actually hurt.

My throat refused to work.

My vision blurred.

My body shook without permission.

Why?

Why did remembering Vessa’s ridiculous face hurt?

Why did Caelum’s silence feel like an absence inside me?

Why did Nyra saying one stupid word, ’Good’ make it difficult to breathe?

They were mortal.

I had watched mortals die before.

Thousands.

Millions.

Why were these three different?

A sound escaped me.

Small.

Broken.

I immediately clenched my teeth.

No.

Another came.

My fingers twisted desperately into Valerian’s coat.

"Master..."

My voice sounded wrong.

Weak.

Young.

Mortal.

And that thought shattered the last piece of control I had.

Mortal.

I wasn’t watching anymore.

I wasn’t somewhere above the world looking down through an untouchable distance.

I had walked beside them.

Complained to them.

Learned from them.

Shared meals with them.

Been annoyed by them.

Laughed with them.

I knew them.

Another sob escaped me.

Louder.

My knees weakened.

Valerian caught me immediately.

I clung to him.

"They’re dead."

The words barely came out.

My breathing broke.

"They’re actually..."

I couldn’t finish.

My face pressed against his chest.

"Vessa..."

Her grin appeared again.

"She stole my pillow."

A broken laugh escaped me and collapsed into another sob.

"She actually stole it while I was sleeping."

My shoulders shook harder.

"She kept trying to find out how many I had."

Valerian said nothing.

"Caelum..."

My voice trembled.

"He pulled down a tree because his antlers got stuck."

Another broken breath.

"He called it small."

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"He barely talked."

"But when he did..."

My voice disappeared.

The memories didn’t.

Frostwort.

The stream.

His quiet laugh.

The way silence around him had felt comfortable instead of empty.

"And Nyra..."

That name hurt differently.

My chest tightened until I could barely breathe.

"She only let me sleep four hours."

My lips trembled.

"Then six."

Another tear.

"She said it wasn’t because she liked me."

A weak, broken laugh escaped me.

"She was lying."

I knew she was.

Not with words.

With everything else.

The way she’d softened.

The way she’d started teaching instead of commanding.

The way she stood closer.

The way her attention lingered.

Three weeks.

Only three weeks.

"I spent three weeks with them."

The words spilled out between sobs.

"That’s all."

I shook my head against Valerian.

"How can three weeks hurt this much?"

There was no answer.

I didn’t expect one.

"I’ve watched people die before."

My breathing came faster.

"More than anyone here could imagine."

Valerian couldn’t understand what I meant.

He didn’t know what I had once been.

Didn’t know how long I had watched mortal lives from somewhere unreachable.

"I watched wars."

My voice cracked.

"Families."

"Children."

"Everyone."

My hands shook.

"And I never..."

I stopped.

The truth suddenly felt ugly.

"I never cared."

Another tear slipped free.

"I knew they were dying and I just watched."

My chest tightened painfully.

"But this time..."

Vessa.

Caelum.

Nyra.

"This time I knew them."

The words broke something deeper.

"I knew them."

I sobbed openly now.

No control.

No sarcasm.

Nothing left to hide behind.

"I know Vessa will turn anything into an excuse if she thinks it’s funny."

A broken breath.

"I know Caelum answers exactly what you ask and nothing more."

My fingers clutched Valerian harder.

"I know Nyra pretends everything she does is practical even when it isn’t."

Tears streamed down my face.

"I know their voices."

"I know how they walk."

"I know what annoys them."

"I know what makes them laugh."

"I know them."

My knees finally gave out.

Valerian lowered with me, keeping me from collapsing completely.

"And now they’re gone."

The sentence came out quietly.

Too quietly.

Gone.

Not somewhere else.

Not waiting beyond another road.

Gone.

And for the first time in either of my lives, I understood something I never had as a god.

Death did not hurt because breathing stopped.

Death hurt because everything you knew about someone remained.

Their habits.

Their voices.

Their stupid jokes.

The conversations that were supposed to happen tomorrow.

The arguments you expected to continue.

All of it remained inside you.

But they didn’t.

I hated it.

I hated this feeling.

"I don’t like this."

The words sounded childish.

I didn’t care.

"I don’t like feeling this."

Valerian’s arms tightened around me.

"I know."

"No, you don’t."

My voice rose.

"You can’t."

I pulled back enough to look at him through blurred eyes.

"This is the first time."

His brows drew together.

"The first time what?"

I couldn’t tell him everything.

So I told him the truth he could hear.

"The first time losing someone hurt."

His expression softened.

That almost made me look away.

"I thought I understood death."

My voice trembled.

"I don’t."

A weak laugh escaped me.

"I didn’t understand anything."

For my entire divine existence, mortals grieving had seemed strange.

Everyone died eventually.

Why scream?

Why cling to bodies?

Why beg for one more conversation?

Why wish for another day when the end was inevitable?

Now I knew.

You grieved because inevitability didn’t matter.

You wanted more time anyway.

One more argument with Vessa.

One more ridiculous story from Caelum.

One more lesson from Nyra.

One more night walking in the same formation.

Nyra ahead.

Me in the middle.

Caelum behind.

Vessa wherever she wanted.

Just one more.

Three weeks had not been enough.

It never would have been.

"I wanted more time."

My voice collapsed.

Valerian pulled me against him again.

And this time, I didn’t resist.

"I know."

"I should’ve saved them."

The guilt returned immediately.

"I can heal people."

My hands trembled.

"That’s what I do."

"Alash..."

"I can close wounds that should kill someone."

My voice rose.

"I can stop bleeding. Mend tissue. Keep people alive when they should be dead."

My breathing became ragged.

"So why couldn’t I keep them alive?"

Valerian held me firmly.

"Because you are a healer," he said quietly. "Not a god."

I froze.

If only he knew.

For some reason, that made the tears come harder.

Because once, I had been a god.

And even then, I had never understood life.

Perhaps becoming mortal had taught me more about death in those three weeks than eternity ever had.

"I tried."

My voice became small again.

"I really tried, Master."

"I know."

"I couldn’t save them."

"I know."

"I came back."

The words nearly disappeared.

"But they didn’t."

That was the part that hurt most.

The border was here.

Valerian was here.

Home.

I had made it.

And they hadn’t.

Vessa would never steal another pillow.

Caelum would never answer another question with infuriating literalness.

Nyra would never tell me four hours was enough sleep.

Three weeks.

Three short, irritating, exhausting, strangely good weeks.

And somehow, losing them felt like pieces had been torn out of me.

I held onto Valerian like he was the only solid thing left in the world.

I cried for Vessa.

The trickster rabbit who had turned my pillow into a battlefield.

I cried for Caelum.

The silent guardian whose presence had made even silence feel safe.

I cried for Nyra.

The woman who had started as my guide and slowly became something warmer, something neither of us had been given enough time to understand.

And beneath all of that, I cried for myself.

For the being who had watched mortals die for ages and believed he understood them.

For the god who had thought grief was only another strange weakness of short-lived creatures.

For the boy who now finally understood why mortals begged for one more day.

Valerian didn’t tell me to stop.

He didn’t tell me to be strong.

He didn’t promise that everything would become fine.

He simply stayed.

Holding me while I experienced something completely new.

Grief.

Not observed.

Not studied.

Not watched from somewhere beyond reach.

Mine.

Painfully, unmistakably mine.

And for the first time in my existence, I mourned.