Chapter 41
'Fuck. fuck. fuck. What the hell are you doing, Sam? First, you let yourself get carried away with Mom's massage, and now you run away from her after fingering her to orgasm? Are you insane?'
Outside of his stepmom's bedroom, Sam cursed at himself repeatedly as he leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath and calm down his raging hard-on.
He couldn't believe what had just happened. He had touched Alia in such a way, and not just that, but he had also enjoyed it and made her cum.
He should have refused the massage altogether or stopped when she suggested he get on top of her. But his weakness and desires overpowered his senses.
'How can you do this, Sam? Just earlier today, you were with your girlfriend, being all lovey-dovey. Promising to be her 'guardian' and shit. And now you're doing this behind her back? This is cheating, plain and simple. There's no excuse. I'm so fucked up.'
Sam felt ashamed and disgusted with himself. He hated how weak-willed he was when it came to Alia. How easily he could be swayed by her beauty and her words.
'But what can I do? I have been attracted to her for a long time. Even dating Diana has been an attempt to forget about my feelings for Mom. But look where it got me. I ended up cheating on my girlfriend on the second day. Goddamn it!'
As Sam wallowed in self-pity and anger, something hit him. He remembered what happened to him yesterday with Chloe.
'Fuck. Yesterday, I left Chloe when she hugged me and said she loved me. It hurt her feelings, didn't it? And now, I left Mom in the middle of something, rejecting her advances after pleasuring her. That must have hurt her too, right? Am I hurting everyone who cares about me?'
That thought made Sam's heart ache. He didn't want to hurt either of them. That was the reason for him to start avoiding them. But instead of making things better, he only made them worse.
And that led to a realization.
'I'm not just being weak or indecisive... I'm a coward. Yes. That's it. I'm a coward who runs away whenever there's a problem instead of facing it and solving it properly.'
It wasn't a pleasant revelation, but it was the truth.
'First, I avoided my feelings for Mom because I feared how complicated things could get. I didn't want to confront her or tell her how I feel.'
'Second, when Chloe tried to get closer to me, even if it was weird and inappropriate, I avoided addressing it with her directly. I just let my lust take over, then tried to put distance between us.'
'Third, with Diana, I didn't question her about her meeting with Jake, her supposed ex. Instead, I chose to ignore it and pretend nothing happened while secretly feeling betrayed.'
'And lastly, when Mom initiated intimacy during the massage, I indulged it and took advantage of her arousal before backing out when she wanted to return the favour.'
It was clear. Sam had made many mistakes. He didn't communicate his thoughts and feelings to them; he let them be confused and hurt, and he ran away when the situation became complicated. He was indeed a coward.
'No. I can't go on like this. I have to stop running away and start facing the reality of the situation.'
Sam took a deep breath as he straightened his posture and turned to look at Alia's closed door.
With slow and steady steps, he walked back and opened it again.
Inside, Alia was still curled up in the bed, hiding under the blanket. Her shoulders shook slightly, and soft sobs could be heard.
Sam felt another stab of guilt. It was because of him that his mom was crying.
Closing the door gently, he approached the bed and sat on the edge. He then placed a hand on her back, rubbing it comfortingly.
"Mom? Why are you crying?"
Alia's sobs paused, but she didn't turn to look at him. Instead, she covered her face with the blanket. "Don't look at me, Sam. Go away. Please."
"I can't. I have to talk to you, Mom."
"There's nothing to talk about. I know what I did was wrong, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you for a massage. I shouldn't have led you on. I should have known better. I'm just... frustrated and lonely. And I took it out on you. So... please forgive me and go back to your room. We can forget about it. Everything will be back to normal in the morning."
Hearing Alia's self-blaming and dejected tone made Sam feel even worse. He could tell she blamed herself for their 'mistake'.
'It's not just her fault. I'm also to blame here. I could have said no or stopped it anytime, but I didn't. So she's not the only one who should apologize.'
With a sigh, Sam shook his head and said, "Look at me, Mom."
"No... I can't..."
"Please. Just look at me."
His gentle but firm voice compelled Alia to lower the blanket and peek at him. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, her face puffy.
Sam's eyes softened at her state, and he reached out to wipe a tear from her cheek. "I'm sorry, Mom. It's not just you. I'm also at fault here. I shouldn't have done what I did, either. I let my desire cloud my judgment. But I don't regret it."
"What?" Alia looked confused at his last words.
Sam smiled bitterly. "It's the truth, Mom. I have always wanted you... in a way a son shouldn't want his mother. I have loved you not only as my mom but also as a woman. Even now, I still do."
"But I also know how wrong it is. How complicated and painful it could be if we act on our feelings, so I tried to avoid it, deny it, and bury it. Even dating Diana was part of that. I thought if I had someone else, I could move on from you. But... I was a fool. Nothing changed. I'm still attracted to you, and now I have hurt you and possibly Diana as well."
"I'm sorry, Mom. I have been a coward for too long, running away from the truth and causing pain to everyone around me. I should have been honest from the start."
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