Beastess

She had thought this would go better.

Last night, at Syd’s den, Lexi Hunter told her pack-mates what had happened on Thursday. She tried her best to explain how her cover at the academy had been blown, how she had found both Mac’s kidnapper and the beastess hiding in the templars at the same time, and how both of those things turned out to be good things, actually.

Everyone else understood. Everyone else was willing to give Sophie a chance at redemption.

Everyone else except Syd, that is.

“No fucking way I’m letting a paladin set foot in my den,” she had growled.

“You let me stay here,” Lexi had said.

“You’re different. You’re an ex-paladin. You decided to betray the Church.”

“So did she. She told me so.”

Syd had simply crossed her arms, stared at Lexi, and said, “She kidnapped Beta. If you bring that bitch here, I will kill her.”

Lexi had gritted her teeth and sighed. She didn’t like Syd talking about her best friend that way, especially calling her a ‘bitch’ like that … but she had to admit that Syd had a point. They needed neutral ground to talk about this.

It had taken some convincing—with some help from her other pack-mates offering to accompany her—but Syd had finally agreed to meet Sophie in the afternoon the next day and an obvious choice for where to meet emerged. Lexi had pre-arranged to call Sophie later that night with the details of the meeting, and when she eventually did so on the den’s kitchen phone, Lexi informed her that plans had changed.

They were going to hold the meeting at Club Demiurge, a couple of hours before Syd’s night shift as head of security.

Now today was the day, a bright and sunny Saturday. Lexi awoke late in the morning from a rather uncomfortable and restless sleep, having crashed on the couch in the den’s living room the night before. Now that she had absolute confirmation that Mac was alive, it would have felt weird to sleep in her bedroom again.

She got up, stretched, and freshened up in a bathroom down the hall. Lexi was still getting used to exploring more fashion choices than her former options of either ‘male cadet uniform’ or ‘whatever was baggy enough to hide her body’, but she did her best to practice every time she was away from the academy. Today, though, she wanted to impress Sophie, and that meant going a little audacious with her outfit, no matter how nervous she was. Luckily, she now had the curves to pull it off.

Lexi dressed herself with some clothes she had borrowed last night from her pack-mates, since even the clothes she had bought in Shadow Town on her first outing were already getting too tight on her rapidly growing physique. Once everything was on—including her makeup—she stepped back and took a look at herself in the mirror.

Black leather boots. Skin-tight dark denim jeans. Studded belt. Carabiner on one belt loop, with keys to the den and a paw-shaped bottle opener she had found one day in the kitchen drawer. Black cropped tank top with neon green accents. Black leather cropped vest jacket. Chain necklace. Ripped fishnet arm sleeves. Fingerless black gloves. Rose pink lipstick. Scruffy short brown hair, with the bangs swept to one side, just like Syd wore hers.

… And probably a bit too much eyeliner. Lexi wiped away some of the excess off of her bottom lid with a tissue.

There. Perfect.

She looked like a kick-ass, chromed-out, buff punk chick. Minus the chrome body augmentations, of course, but perfect for a meeting at Club Demiurge. It was like she had transformed into one of the club’s regular attendees, whom she had been so anxious around a couple of weeks ago. She laughed and blew a kiss at her reflection—look how far you’ve come, babe!

She chatted with Roxy, Audrey, Meg, and Sabrina throughout the morning—the latter while she administered Lexi’s weekly nanobot injection, since it was a new moon tonight—but Syd seemed to be avoiding her. She had entered the gym a little after Lexi did, and had grunted a brief greeting to her as they both started their workouts, but at breakfast she had simply filled her plate and taken it back up to her room without a word.

Syd was silent, too, during the entire motorcycle ride to the club, not even using mind speech. With her arms wrapped around Syd’s torso, Lexi could feel the tension in Syd’s muscles underneath her hands. She was wound tight like a giant werewolf-shaped rubber band.

They were the first to arrive at the club. Syd unlocked the back door, turned off the alarm, turned on the lights, and waved Lexi into the building. As soon as they rounded the corner of the corridor, Lexi stopped in her tracks. Turning around, Syd raised an eyebrow at her.

“Sorry,” Lexi said, catching herself and walking towards Syd. “The last time I was here was when you …”

“Right,” Syd replied. “And now here we are. Ready to confront another paladin.”

Lexi nodded. It was the most Syd had said to her all day. She was keen to hear more of her thoughts, but part of her thought better of it. The wolf woman needed some space to process this. And Lexi would hold it for her, as long as it takes.

They reached the main dance floor of the club and walked out into the surprisingly wide and open space, dimly lit by a couple of overhead lightbulbs and centered around a massive dance floor that could easily fit hundreds of people at its maximum capacity. Now that she was on the floor for the first time, Lexi could see that there were regular intervals of filled-in concrete that marked where the old factory equipment used to be, before this building was converted into a nightclub.

Well, a nightclub that sometimes doubled as a beastess fight arena.

The faint smell in the air of stale beer, cleaning chemicals, and slightly rusted iron brought her back to that fateful night. The only thing missing was the dank sweat and heat of the crowd. Lexi looked up and pinpointed the exact spot on the balcony encircling the floor where she first met Syd. The same spot where she had seen Roxy and Audrey shift into their full beast forms for the first time. She could recall the desire she felt that night, that all-consuming feeling of wanting to command a crowd with her body, to inspire fear and awe in equal measure—the craving to be absolutely huge, intimidating, and unleashed like they were. She had found the monstrosity of beastesses so beautiful and alluring ever since she first found out about them, but getting to see them transform in front of her like that was unforgettable.

Now she was a beastess too. Now she could shift. Now she could be a beautiful monster, whenever she wanted.

And all it had taken was Syd—the most beautiful monster of them all, the one she had developed a crush on at first sight—striking fear into Lexi’s heart, to the point where she was certain she was going to be killed.

It was unsettling to remember. Bittersweet. That evening was terrifying and life-changing in so many ways. She was grateful for it, but at the same time, being pushed outside of one’s comfort zone like that without warning … it was a miracle she was resilient enough to weather it. It was the psychological equivalent of being pushed out of an airplane and only being handed the parachute halfway down—she survived it, but she certainly didn’t think she would.

That fucks you up. She was learning that now.

Lexi shook it off. She was here, wasn’t she? As scary as it was, she did get through it. She was on the other side of it. She had learned to finally believe in herself. And she had more support now than ever, thanks to her new pack-mates.

Speaking of them, Meg, Audrey, Sabrina, and Roxy joined them shortly after. They made idle chit-chat, but it was just to fill the air while they waited.

Syd didn’t join in. She and Lexi both sat next to each other, on top of a subwoofer near the small stage on the side opposite the first floor bar. Her hands were clasped and her brow was furrowed, lost in thought. She occasionally fiddled with the crescent moon dangling from her spiked collar that she always wore. The one Alpha Lea—more specifically, Genevieve Andromeda, Lexi reminded herself—had given to her.

Whenever Lexi saw Syd touch her collar, it stirred up feelings inside her. Lexi was fine with their relationship, of course, so it wasn’t quite jealousy she was feeling, although it closely resembled it.

No. No, she was intimately familiar with this feeling. It was envy.

She didn’t want to get rid of what Alpha—what Genevieve—and Syd had together. She was just … curious about what it was like. That’s all.

Another memory, from the night of her first shift at the soccer stadium, appeared like a flash-bang in her mind:

‘Who’s my good pup?’

Goosebumps prickled her arms as a deep warmth stirred in Lexi’s belly. She bit her lip and brought her legs together, thinking about her first time submitting to Beta, as a fully transformed beastess. She had felt so alive. So right. Exactly where she needed to be.

“Did you tell Alpha yet?”

“Hmm?” Lexi blinked a few times and looked at Syd. “Um … about what?”

“… About Sophie?” Syd cocked her head to one side.

“Oh! No, I … I haven’t.”

“We’re gonna have to, at some point.”

“Right.” Lexi kicked her legs absent-mindedly. “I’m kinda scared to talk to her about it. I’m always scared to talk to her, I guess.”

“I’ll handle it. If this goes well.” Syd returned to staring at nothing.

Lexi’s stomach did flip-flops. The last thing she wanted was her best friend getting in a fight with her … with her …

What exactly was Syd to Lexi, anyway? Beta and pack-mate, yes, but clearly something more. More than a crush. More than a fling.

It was a yearning.

It had only been a couple of weeks, but Lexi’s very soul felt a gravitational pull towards the massive wolf beastess next to her. They laughed together. They cried together. They had each other’s backs when they were in danger, and had developed trust in one another. They could challenge each other, push each other to do better, whether they were struggling under the weight of a barbell or the weight of their pasts. Most importantly, Lexi felt absolutely safe, for the first time in her life, in her wolf’s big strong embrace.

She felt a longing to be with Syd, to be with Syd. To share her life, in all her insecurities and triumphs, in all its silliness and seriousness, with this loud-mouthed, brash, self-assured, vulnerable, powerful, queer, strong, and unbelievably beautiful woman.

And every single time they kissed, it was as exhilarating as flying to the moon and back.

Could they be—

The double-wide entrance door on the other side of the dance floor creaked open hesitantly.

Sophie, dressed in street clothes, cautiously walked onto the dance floor and stopped once she reached the group.

“Look who’s here!” Roxy said, breaking the tension by clapping her hands and rubbing them together. “The infamous Sophia Ryder, templar extraordinaire. And probably the first beastess templar, at least that we know of.” She spread her arms out and spun around in a circle. “Welcome to our evil lair of debauchery and pagan hijinks!”

“Clarification: Roxanne is being sarcastic, as per usual,” Audrey interjected. “This is actually simply the nightclub where Sydney is employed, and where we occasionally host ceremonial battles. My name is Audrey.”

“I’m Meg. Nice to meetcha.” Meg nodded and smiled at Sophie.

“I’m Sabrina!” The lynx girl swished her long hair back and curtsied, picking up the edges of her pink dress and flashing a picture-perfect smile.

“Thank you all for having me,” Sophie said, bowing slightly. She raised her eyebrows when she saw Lexi’s outfit and make-up, and nodded approvingly. “Wow. I like the new look, Lexi! It suits you.”

Lexi gave her a beaming smile and said, “Thanks, Soph!”

Yes! Sophie was impressed! Maybe she should wear punk stuff like this more often, Lexi thought to herself.

Sophie addressed the group and said, “I’m just grateful you all are even willing to listen to me after … well, after what I did. And to be clear, I don’t know if I can apologize enough for kidnapping your beta.”

“You got that fuckin’ right,” Syd said. She hopped off of the subwoofer and stood up to her full height, sizing up the templar as she stepped closer.

“You must be Syd, right?” Sophie asked.

“That’s me.”

“Lexi told me about how much Mac meant to you.” The templar started to ramble as Syd was unmoved. “And I, uh, just wanted to clear the air and see if we could discuss an alliance—of course, only if you’re open to it. I can understand if not. Personally, I had no idea about the sheer magnitude of the impact what I had done, and, again, I deeply, deeply apologize. I was coerced into it, but that’s merely an explanation, not an excuse. It was only recently that I began to realize the ramifications of my actions—”

“Oh, fuckin’ SPARE me!”

The anger exploded out of Syd like a a gunshot. Lexi immediately stood up and advanced towards the two of them, but a column of magitech metal blocked her way suddenly. She looked up—Meg’s bionic arm was blocking her, and the giant grizzly bear beastess shook her head.

Right. Give her space. Beta had agreed to this, remember?

Syd half-shifted and curled her lips into an angry snarl, as she grew larger and more animalistic, in a display of dominance meant to intimidate. This was her territory—Sophie was merely a guest. She began circling the templar slowly, like a wolf sizing up another creature. Syd never took her eyes off of Sophie. From what Lexi could tell from her expression, she seemed to be weighing in her mind what this newcomer was capable of, what Sophie was to her. Friend? Threat? Prey?

“We’re not in your precious Church anymore,” the hulking werewolf woman spat. “You’re a beastess too, right?”

“I … I am,” Sophie replied.

[Then act like one.] While Syd’s mind spoke, her voice growled. [Be direct. Follow your instincts. Say what you mean with your full chest, kitty.]

Sophie gulped, and nodded. “I’m … sorry. And I want to help.”

“Really? I’m not convinced.” Syd continued to circle around Sophie, her statements flying past Sophie at different angles like arrows whizzing by.

Sophie frowned, and said, “Really, I do.”

Syd sniffed the air.

“Why the fuck do you want to help us?”

“Why do I—” Sophie looked at Lexi, then back at Syd. “I want to free Mac too.”

“Pfff. You expect me to believe that?”

“Didn’t Lexi tell you what I said to her?” Sophie was getting exasperated.

Syd smiled. There’s that wolfish grin again, fangs and all. Lexi could see that Syd was enjoying this. She was toying with Sophie. Circling and circling, waiting to strike. It didn’t sit well with the coyote woman.

“She did. But I want to hear it from you. I’ll ask again: why help my pack after what you’ve done? After kidnapping our beta?”

“I was forced to do it. They threatened my sister.”

“That tells me why you did it in the first place. But not why I should let you help us.”

“I …” Sophie blushes. “I have a more personal reason too. Lexi explained it already.” She looked shyly at Lexi, who could only nod in support.

“She did. But you say it. Full chest.”

“For the past few months, I’ve been …” Sophie gathered herself. “I have a, uh … fuck, this is awkward …”

“Spit. It. Out. Kitty.”

Sophie bristled at the epithet. Her fists clenched and unclenched and she gritted her teeth.

“I have a … crush. On Mac. I’ve had it … for a few months now.” Sophie shuffled in place. “I’m f-falling in love with her. And I can’t stand to see what I’ve done to her any longer. I want to help get her out.”

“Goddess above, is every beastess that I know gay as fuck?” Roxy whispered to Lexi.

The templar’s face blushed. She looked away from Syd quickly and tucked one of her bangs behind her ear, before twirling the end of her auburn ponytail with her fingers. Dropping her cold and frigid public persona didn’t seem to come easily to Sophie, especially in front of strangers.

Syd stopped in her tracks in front of Sophie and stared at her, dumbfounded.

The wolf woman let out a dry chuckle. Her golden eyes glinted in the dim lighting of the nightclub.

“You kidnapped Beta so that she could be held against her will by the Church. So she could be tortured for a year, by some crazy presbyter. You did that. And now, you’re … you’re telling me you want to free her? Why? You changed your mind because you fell in love with my beta? And in your lovey-dovey lesbian side quest, through rose-tinted glasses, you suddenly realized, ‘Hey, maybe it’s bad, actually, to be a member of the government’s over-funded super-special force of hyper-religious self-righteous pigs, who see beastesses as nothing but sub-human pagan freaks to either crush under their boots or exploit like fucking lab rats’, right? Do I have that right?! How in the ever-loving FUCK am I supposed to believe you’ve had a sudden change of heart?!”

Syd was foaming at the mouth, fangs bared and claws out. Sophie looked back at Syd and narrowed her eyes. Her old frigid public-facing self was back. No, wait—her cheeks were red. Her knuckles were white and clenched.

She really did care for Mac, just as much as Syd. In a different way, of course, but with the same intensity. Lexi could see it written all over her face. Syd’s doubts about the sincerity of their relationship were starting to get under her skin.

“Mac talked about you sometimes, Syd, you know,” Sophie said slowly. “During inquisitions. She said she took a shining to you, and that you were an eager pupil … but I didn’t realize you felt so strongly about your superior officer like that.”

“Mac is not my ‘superior officer’—she’s my beta. There’s a difference.”

“And what’s that difference, pray tell?” Sophie was toying with Syd now. Her tone dripped with sarcasm.

Syd wiped the foam away from the corners of her lips, brushed away a few locks of purple hair out of her eyes, and cleared her throat.

“I don’t know how it works for other beastesses, but for the Four Packs of Abraxas, our pack dynamics don’t work the same way as the military hierarchy of the Church. Let me break down the difference for you, templar—ever notice how the Church keeps promoting paladins who make people afraid? Whether it’s their flock at Sunday Mass with threats of eternal damnation, or their own underlings too afraid to question their orders. The biggest, toughest, smartest, most cunning, and most manipulative shitheads always rise to the top. It’s no secret His Ass-Holiness Patriarch Ozias took down every single rival on his way to the top in any way he could. In the Supreme Church, It’s survival of the fittest, or get culled like the rest of the herd.

“For the Four Packs, dominance isn’t established by who is the biggest, strongest, or toughest. It’s established through respect. They earned their spot there by earning their pack-mates’ respect. We’re a community. We care about each other. Our alphas and betas are chosen because each pack wants them to be there, and thinks they should be there. They aren’t absolute dictators. There’s only one of each of them, and many of us … and they all know that. I knew that, even before I became the acting beta of the Pack of Abraxas West.”

Syd straightened up and loudly cracked the knuckles of one fist, then the other, with the rough black-padded palms of her hands. Gray fur bristled on her immense forearms.

“We’re not like the Church, kitty,” the gigantic wolf woman continued. “You didn’t kidnap my ‘superior officer’—you kidnapped a member of my fucking family.” Syd lowered her voice. “You don’t know what that’s like.”

“Wait, Syd!” Lexi tried to interject. “I told you! Her sister—”

“I don’t know what that’s like?” Sophie roared, spitting out each word with indignant rage.

Goddess above, Lexi thought, this is bad! Stop provoking her, Syd! Why can’t they both just calm down and listen to each other?

Orange and black stripes of fur erupted down Sophie’s arms as her face half-shifted into a feline visage. Her height and muscle mass increased to match Syd’s own stature. Her clothes tightened on her body, threatening to rip at the seams.

Sophie pointed a clawed finger at Syd and growled, not even bothering to use her vocal cords for words anymore.

[My sister Zoe is being held hostage by the Church right NOW, as we speak! Why can’t you get it through your thick fucking pagan SKULL that I’m here to help you?!]

[No, that’s where you’re wrong, kitty!] Syd got right up in Sophie’s face. [You’re HERE to convince me that I can trust you, so that MAYBE you can help! That’s the only reason I haven’t fucking SLIT your throat yet for what you’ve done to Beta!]

[Call me ‘kitty’ one more time and you’re fucking DEAD, you mangy MUTT!] Sophie’s long fangs were bared and ready to strike.

Syd smirked as much as she could with her snarling half-formed muzzle. [Go ahead and TRY it, KITT—]

“ENOUGH!” Lexi screamed as loud as she could.