Beastess

“Cadet. Alexander. Carpenter,” Sophie said sternly, her voice deadly quiet. “You are going to explain to me right this second exactly why you’ve been avoiding me for the past week.”

Oh, fuck.

Lexi had never heard Sophie use her old name in full before.

“I-I-I … I told you already, Soph,” Lexi stuttered. “I’ve been sick, a-and busy with schoolwork—”

“Bullshit!” Sophie whisper-yelled. She slammed a fist into a nearby cardboard box, denting the side of it.

“Hey, Sophie, calm down, okay?” Lexi said, holding up her hands in protest. “Why would I be avoiding you?”

Sophie dropped her grip from Lexi’s shoulders to pull a copy of The Abraxas Times out of her coat.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said sarcastically, “so you could go break into the Lady Luck Casino with your pagan friends?”

Lexi looked down at the newspaper, then back up at Sophie. She steeled her jaw.

“I had nothing to do with that. I wasn’t there.”

“But you knew it was going to happen? And you just … let those criminals get away with it? You’re a paladin in training, Cadet Carpenter! You have duties to uphold!”

“Oh, quit calling me that, Soph! It’s just us two in here.”

Sophie narrowed her eyes.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Alex? Beastesses cannot be—”

“Yeah, about that.” Lexi crossed her arms and popped one hip to the side. “What have you got against beastesses, anyway?”

“What have I …” Sophie was taken aback. “Quit changing the subject! You’ve been neglecting your duties as a cadet. You should have reported to the Church the moment you knew about their plan! Your mission is to gather evidence against Sydney Beaumont, not to let her and her crime syndicate run rampant across Abraxas!”

“Well, maybe I’ve learned something new about beastesses! Maybe I’ve learned that they’re not so bad!”

“Not so bad?”

“Yeah! Did you even read the article? Did you see what Pluto Sebastian was doing to those poor young women?”

“It doesn’t justify robbery and dismemberment—”

“Says who? The fucking Church? The paladins he pays to look the other way while he rapes women?”

Sophie stepped closer to Lexi, her nostrils flaring.

“You know the consequences for blasphemy, right? I could report you.”

“Then do it, Templar Ryder,” Lexi said, squaring up to Sophie and staring directly into her eyes, unblinking.

They stood there in the janitor’s closet, in silence, eyes locked on each other.

Lexi didn’t want to believe she was fighting with her best friend right now. But she had to do it, to protect her. Even if Sophie didn’t know it was for her own good.

Sophie finally asked, “Would you mind explaining to me what the hell you were doing in Presbyter Talbot’s lab just now?”

“For your information,” Lexi said, “it was for my mission. To ‘fulfill my duties’, as you put it. Sydney—I mean, the target—told me in confidence that their pack was researching wild magic to create more beastesses.”

“Create more … ?”

“Yes. Bishop Ironside told me that Presbyter Talbot specializes in wild magic research, and in fact, he just confided in me that the Church has a beastess of their own—a test subject for him to conduct experiments on. He’s going to show me where she is next week.” Lexi cocked her head. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about her … would you, Sophie?”

Sophie raised her eyebrows, but otherwise stayed silent.

“I see.” Lexi sniffed the air in front of Sophie. “Just like you don’t know anything about a beastess hiding in the templars.”

“There is not a beastess hiding—”

“Now you’re lying to me.”

Lexi could smell Sophie’s nervousness. Her fear and anxiety. The smell of her sweat glands had changed ever so slightly. Despite her nerves, Sophie’s body language was really good at hiding it. Someone else who was good at masking her emotions around others, Lexi thought.

“How could I lie about something that I don’t know about? That’s not—wait. Hold on.” Sophie took a step back and looked down at Lexi’s feet. “Alex … are you wearing platform heels in your boots?”

Now it was Lexi’s turn to hide her nervousness.

“Y-yeah,” she said quickly. “I, uh … I wanted to feel taller.”

Sophie continued looking at Lexi up and down. Then, with one swift motion, she pulled off Lexi’s jacket.

“Hey!” Lexi protested, trying to take it back. In doing so, she squeezed her muscled arms together a little too much too quickly, causing the shoulder seams of her long-sleeved paladin uniform to tear open with two audible rips.

Shit! She had been running out of baggy paladin uniforms this week, and had been forced to use this older one until she could get a bigger size. Quick, girl, think of something!

“Uh … must have shrunk in the wash?” Lexi smiled sheepishly at Sophie.

Goddess above, that was a terrible answer. Lexi kicked herself in her head.

Meanwhile Sophie’s jaw was hanging wide open as she stared dumbfounded at Lexi’s body.

“Alex, w-what happened to you?” She touched one of Lexi’s muscles with one hand, then pulled it back like she had just stuck her fingers in an electrical socket.

Lexi sighed. Time to come up with an excuse.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been lying about being sick. I’ve … I’ve started taking strength-enhancing nanobots. You know how much I hated being scrawny.”

Sophie steepled her hands in front of her face, then shook her head.

“I don’t believe you, Alex.”

Oh, come on.

“What’s not to believe?”

Sophie got in real close to Lexi and whispered coldly, “Listen to me very carefully, Alexander Carpenter. You and I both know there’s no magitech or nanobots that could change you this quickly.” She blocked the door, the only exit out of that closet, with her entire body.

“B-but I’m not lying—”

“Ever since you went away on this mission, ever since you’ve been hanging around those criminal heathens, those beastesses, you’ve been acting differently. The way you speak, the excuses you make, the way you walk, the way you talk, and—” Sophie sniffed, “—even the way you smell. And now, I don’t see you for over a week, and you show up looking like a goddamn bodybuilder! What the hell is going on, Alex?”

“Sophie, please, listen—”

“SHUT. UP.” With one finger, she jabbed it into Lexi’s sternum on every word with surprising force. “I. Am. Tired. Of. Your. Lies. The next words out of your mouth better be the truth, or so help me God, I will drag you to the bishop’s office myself.”

Lexi was backed into a corner here. Literally.

She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. There was only one way out of this. Through.

“... Okay. I’ll tell you the truth,” Lexi said, finally. She opened her eyes. “But you have to promise me that you’ll stop lying to me too. I know you are. You’ve been acting strange lately too.”

Sophie’s breath halted. As if she was considering something too. Then, she nodded.

“Okay. No more lies. No more keeping secrets from friends. Promise?” She held out her fist, pinkie finger extended.

Lexi locked her pinkie finger with Sophie’s, looked into her eyes, and said, “I promise.”

It was inevitable, really. One day she was going to have to tell Sophie eventually. She had just hoped it wouldn’t have been this soon. Lexi secretly prayed to the Goddess of the Hunt that this wouldn’t put both of them in further danger.

The dimly-lit janitor’s closet served as her confession booth as Lexi told Sophie everything. How she was captured, the deal she made with the Pack of Abraxas West, becoming a beastess through a secret ritual, realizing she was a trans woman, her new identity, meeting her pack-mates, her first transformation, her first heist, learning about the templar beastess from Ripley, her secret mission to betray the Church and save Mac, and falling in love with her original mission’s target—all of it came pouring out of her mouth in one long rambling tale, with much blushing and stuttering throughout the more revealing portions.

And the entire time, Sophie simply … listened. Quietly. Without interruption.

When Lexi was done talking, Sophie could have ran out the door. Could have laughed. Could have argued.

But instead, she smiled.

“You know how I could tell when my Little Sis was lying to me, and when she was telling the truth?”

Not expecting that question, Lexi asked, “H-how?”

“The truth was always unbelievable. And your story is absolutely unbelievable. That’s how I know it’s the truth.”

Lexi smiled back.

“So,” Sophie said, “… you go by ‘Lexi’ now, right?”

“Right.”

“And you’re a girl now?”

“Yup. Always have been, just didn’t know it until recently.”

“And your body … does the wild magic make you a girl too?”

“Sorta.” Lexi pulled the back of her shirt to tighten it, emphasizing the curve of her waist and hips. “I’ve some help from hormones and nanobots to speed up the changes. I’m wearing a binder to stay in disguise, but my chest is growing too.”

“Wow. Unbelievable. Even when you’re standing right here in front of me.” Sophie just stared at Lexi, her face slightly flushed as she took it all in. After a beat, she cleared her throat and shook her head. “I’m happy for you, don’t get me wrong, but all of this—” Sophie waved her open hand in front of her, tracing a circle in the air around Lexi like a picture frame, “—is gonna be pretty hard to wrap my head around. It’s not every day that a guy I know becomes a girl, much less one that also grew so damn big and tall in just two weeks time.”

“Nobody’s perfect,” Lexi said, shrugging. “As long as you try your best.”

“… Now I suppose it’s my turn to tell you the truth, huh?” Sophie said with trepidation.

Lexi nodded, then said, “We promised.”

“That’s right, we promised. But rather than tell you …”

Sophie took off her own jacket and threw it down.

[How about I show you?]

… What?

How?

How did—

Lexi’s eyes opened as wide as dinner plates.

“You’re … you’re the—”

[That’s right,] Sophie spoke into Lexi’s mind, as she grew taller and half-shifted before Lexi’s eyes. [I’m the beastess hiding in the templars that you’ve looking for.]

The tigress’ half-shifted feline form engulfed the entire doorway. She cast a shadow over Lexi, the dim lightbulb making her appear demonic, like she could disappear into the shadows at any moment.

Wait, if Sophie was the templar beastess from Ripley’s photo … that meant—

[So YOU kidnapped Mac?!]

[Yes, but—]

[I … how could you?]

[I can explain—]

[Do you know what you’ve done? Handing Syd’s beta—my beta now—over to the Church like that? Over to that fucking mad scientist so they could do Goddess knows what to her?!]

[I didn’t know at the time, and I’m trying to get her out! Please, Alex—I mean, Lexi! Hear me out!]

The giant tigress’s paws raised in the air in a pacifying gesture as her eyes opened wide with concern, entirely unlike the fearsome image she had just been projecting a second ago.

The sudden change in Sophie’s demeanor was jarring, to say the least.

So jarring, in fact, that Lexi burst out laughing.

“Wh-what’s so funny?” Sophie asked, her voice slightly deeper. Her ears twitched, swiveling forward in confusion.

Lexi couldn’t help but giggle at the contrast, the sheer absurdity of an apex predator being so afraid of someone snitching on her.

“I don’t know what I expected your big secret to be,” Lexi said, still giggling, “but I certainly wasn’t expecting that you were really a scaredy-cat!”

Sophie cocked her head, then grinned a big fanged grin down at Lexi and roared with laughter. She shifted back down to her human form.

It was entirely inappropriate for the situation, Lexi knew. Sophie had just admitted to kidnapping, for fuck’s sake! But for some reason, after all the suffocating tension, anger, and awkwardness of this whole damn conversation between them in the closet … it felt good to come up for air for a moment.

“Oh, God above,” Sophie said, still laughing, “I … I don’t think I’ve ever laughed while shifted before!”

“I’m still mad at you,” Lexi said unconvincingly between laughs, “You better have a good explanation—”

Lexi quickly stopped her giggling when she realized something.

“Wait, if you kidnapped Mac,” Lexi said, “then you know where she is, right?”

“Yes, but I—”

“Then let’s go see her right now! We can get her out, and—”

“Lexi!” Sophie whispered, looking back at the door. “It’s not that simple, okay?”

Lexi went silent at the mention of her correct name. It felt weird to hear Sophie say it, but good-weird.

Sophie explained the rest of her side of the truth to Lexi—her family’s strict upbringing and expectations, keeping her beastess nature a secret from her parents and her sister Zoe, how Bishop Ironside has been blackmailing her to force her on secret assassination missions, how she found out Zoe was not only a beastess but also taken away by the archbishop, how she decided to betray the Church herself, her own feelings for her own original mission’s target and how they were recently reciprocated—everything.

“So wait,” Lexi said at the end of Sophie’s story, “back up. You said you were blackmailed into doing secret missions. So you were forced to kidnap Mac? Like, you couldn’t pass it on to someone else, or even tell anyone about it?”

“Yes,” Sophie said, her gaze shifting to one side, distant. “They knew I was the only one skilled enough to do it alone. Too many templars would be a liability. I was sick of these missions after the first year, but they just. Kept. Forcing me. Otherwise they would hurt Zoe. So I kept going. Cried myself to sleep after each mission.” Sophie dug her claws into the top of a cardboard box, rupturing the folds. “Guess it was for nothing. They decided to hurt her anyway.”

Lexi had a hunch.

“Were you the beastess that killed Snake Mandrake?” Lexi asked.

Sophie looked up, surprised. “Y-yeah.”

“So the Church ordered you to do it.”

“Yes. They were afraid he would reveal what Archbishop Steele was doing to beastesses.”

“I see.” Lexi thought for a second. “But why kill him? Maybe it isn’t just the archbishop who has a ‘taste’ for beastesses. Maybe they’re trying to protect more than just him.” She clenched her fists. “I think there’s something rotten going on with the whole damn Supreme Church.”

“I think you’re right,” Sophie said, nodding. “But I don’t think that’s the whole story. Mac said that she thinks there’s a rat hiding within the Four Packs of Abraxas.”

“Like a were-rat?”

“No. Like a snitch. How else did the Church know Mac was spying on the archbishop? How else did they give me the precise intelligence I needed so I could kidnap her?”

“Hmm.”

A rat? In the Four Packs?

Fuck, this was getting complicated. Lexi’s head spun trying to keep all of the information straight, what with the double identities, the lying—

Speaking of.

“Hey, uh, Sophie?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for lying to you all this time.”

“No, I’m sorry for lying to you! I must have seemed like such a jerk, betraying the paladins secretly like a hypocrite, while being forced to keep up this whole holier-than-thou act around you! I was only trying to—”

“—Protect me. Yeah, I was lying to protect you too. But I guess neither of us really needed much protecting. Goddess above, if only we had been working together from the start, we could have avoided this!”

“Yeah,” Sophie said with a smile. “All we can do is better next time. No more lies, like we promised.” She dropped her smile and tilted her head in confusion. “Wait, ‘Goddess’ above?”

“Whose wild magic do you think made me a beastess?” Lexi said proudly.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m still confused about,” Sophie said. “I can’t believe that men can become beastesses too. Well, former men. You know what I mean.”

“It’s pretty crazy, huh? I used to believe that too. But Syd and I are both living proof that it works.” Lexi rubbed her arm and sighed. “And it’s really important that the Church never learns that about us. I don’t want to become a lab rat like Mac.”

“I’ll keep your secret if you keep mine.”

“Of course, Soph. You’re my best friend.”

And that was the truth.

No more lies. Lexi wasn’t going to lose another best friend because of the lies she kept in her heart.

… Like how she lost her first best friend, Rosie.

Yeah.

Never again.

Sophie gave Lexi a big hug, which the coyote girl reciprocated, squeezing as hard as she could. Both of them gave wheezing laughs, now that they could freely use their real strength.

As she pulled out of the hug, Sophie asked, “Best friend, huh?”

“Yeah, but not my only friend anymore. I have a whole pack of friends now, Sophie.”

Sophie frowned. “They’re … still criminals, Lexi.”

“Yeah, and you’re looking at one too! I just committed a heist last weekend!”

“Betraying the paladins is one thing, but … it’s going to be difficult for me to get used to being around people who break the law.”

Lexi narrowed her eyes.

“Sophie. You’ve killed people.”

“Yes,” Sophie replied, coldly. “And I’ve had decades of religious upbringing to help me rationalize that.”

Lexi said gently, “I don’t know if it’s helping if it makes you cry after every mission.”

“Cut me some slack if I can’t suddenly become a criminal overnight!” Sophie snapped. She collected herself, then said, “Sorry, Alex—Lexi. Saving my sister and Mac is one thing, one time, for very good reasons. But joining a criminal syndicate of moon worshippers for the rest of my life is something I’m not really ready to think about yet. Mac offered me to join when I break her out, but … I’m gonna need some time to sort myself out.”

Lexi nodded. “I understand.”

After a moment, Sophie asked, “What made you join the pack?”

Lexi’s turn to think. It took her a bit longer to come up with an answer.

“Initially it was about protecting you when Alpha Lea threatened to kill you, unless I betrayed the paladins and helped them get Mac back … but I didn’t have to join the pack or become a beastess to do that. When I was lying there, chained to that table, I thought about what the right decision was, and I couldn’t figure it out. You know me—I was never good in apologetics or ethics classes. Paradoxes always stumped me. But not this time. I simplified the equation, so to speak.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just stopped listening to what everyone was telling me to do—the Church, the academy, even Alpha Lea’s threats—and I decided that I would choose what I felt was the right thing to do. I realized that my whole life I just went with what others told me to do, and then beat myself up for being a coward when I couldn’t do it. But it was only then, lying on that table, that I realized that … courage is making the hard decision, the thing you decide, no matter what anyone else says. I wasn’t forced to help their pack … I wanted to help.”

“I think I understand.” Sophie nodded. “I’ve had my share of hard decisions to make. But what made you think joining their pack would be a better way to help them?”

“The Church tells us all the time that paladins bring salvation to sinners,” Lexi said. “But all I see the paladins do is maintain the way things are. No one gets any actual help. Everyone just gets told to figure it out themselves, to pray harder, to avoid sin, all that fucking garbage.

“All my life, Sophie, I’ve been bullied for being different. For not figuring myself out. I became ashamed of how weak and powerless I was. Like, how dare a ‘boy’ be tender and caring, right? I thought that by joining the paladins I could get stronger. I could actually help other people while still being seen as ‘manly’. I could … help people avoid the bullying I experienced, and the shame I felt inside. No one else would be shoved or held down. No one else would beaten to a bloody mess, like I was, just for being different. Because I would be there to stop it. Because I would be strong enough, at long last.

“But you know what? You know fuckin’ what? I couldn’t even stop it happening to myself again—from the same school I thought would teach me to fight back! It took four agonizing years of bad grades, shitty teachers, religious propaganda, and even more bullying at that goddamn academy for me to realize the truth—that the Supreme Church is just another fucking bully. Probably the biggest one of them all. It’s funny—I thought the Church would help me get rid of my shame … but I think we both learned the hard way that all the Church does is make you feel even more ashamed of yourself.

“Joining the Pack of Abraxas West and becoming a beastess was the best decision I ever made. I knew, somehow deep down, that they could help me become better than I was before. Stronger, yes, but more importantly a better person. When I really listened to Syd’s story that night, I saw someone hurting, someone who had lost their best friend, someone who society has shoved into the ground. I knew objectively that beastesses weren’t high up on the social ladder, but somehow, when I looked at the pack that night, I finally saw them in a different light. Not like the harsh light of the sun, but more like the soft light of the moon. I finally saw them as victims … just like me, Sophie. They needed help from someone who understood where they were coming from. And … so did I.

“Over these past two weeks, my gut feeling about these beastesses, these amazing women, has been proven correct again and again. With the help of my pack-mates, I’ve finally figured myself out. I’ve finally figured out what actually helps people. I’ve been helping people who are truly in need, in a way only I can do. I’ve finally found my strength, Sophie. And, apparently, all it took was some big wild women teaching me not be ashamed of who I was.”

Sophie looked at Lexi, absorbing everything she said.

Then, with a smile, she put her jacket back on and handed Lexi’s jacket back to her.

“Maybe I should meet these wild women sometime,” Sophie said.

Meet them? This was all moving so fast.

But, somehow, that was all right with Lexi. She was getting better used to changes nowadays—physically or otherwise. What’s one more?

“How about this Saturday? Syd has the day free before her night shift at Club Demiurge.”

“Sounds good.” Sophie hugged Lexi tight once again and whispered in her ear, “I’m really, really glad I got to meet the new you, Lexi Hunter.”

“And I’m really, really glad I got to meet the real you, Sophie Ryder,” Lexi whispered as she hugged Sophie back. She could feel tears forming on the edges of her eyes.

“Now, c’mon, you big dork,” the tigress templar said, releasing Lexi with a light punch to her shoulder. Sophie opened the door behind her and said, “Let’s both get out of this damn closet before we suffocate in here.”