Heart to Heart (Start of Book 5)
Waking up, it feels like I shrunk as I look towards the ceiling that’s way too high. Looking around, I seem to be on top of an absolutely giant bed, spanning the size of at least an entire floor of a building that has multiple rooms like an Inn.
“Rose! You’re finally awake,” mama says from behind me. Turning around, she seems to be the same size as me so I probably didn’t shrink.
“Where-where is this?”
“This is my bedroom, I brought you here after the doctor healed you. Do you feel any pain right now?”
“No…I feel fine, I think. I might be seeing things though, is this bed immensely huge or am I hallucinating?”
Brushing through my hair, she answers, “It’s just really big. It’s so I can sleep in my draconic form as well.”
“I see…So, is this Blaze?”
“Yes…I’m so sorry for all of this my dear…”
“It’s alright. You didn’t know, even I was tricked by papa…”
“I have no idea what got into him…”
“Now that I’m here…Will you force me to stay?”
“No, I’d like you to stay for a few more days while I prepare your way back and make sure you have fully recovered but I won’t force you to stay here.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I have no intention to force anything on you my dear, though I do wish I could stay with you longer.”
“How come…How come you’re so different from, papa?”
“Well, we are two different people after all. Do you know the saying ‘Opposites attract’? It might have been that.”
“I see…With how evil papa is that must mean you’re a great person.”
“I’m not sure I’d call myself a great person but I try to be at least a good person.”
“Did the maid tell you that he forced me to imprint on both of you?”
“No they didn’t…I’m sorry you must feel horrible.”
“Yeah…How do I know if I like someone or if it’s just my imprint?”
“Well…Do you like your papa?”
“No.”
“Then there is your answer, the imprint doesn’t force you to like someone but you will still have feelings for them.”
“I see…In that case I do like you. Thank you for protecting me.”
“There is no need to thank me, you’re my daughter, I’ll always protect you. Are you hungry? You must be starving, do you want to eat something?”
“No thank you. I’m not hungry anymore. You don’t have to take care of me, just give me an empty corner somewhere and I’ll stay there until you have prepared everything.”
“Don’t be ridiculous dear, you can have your own room and as much food and water and anything else you need.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
“If people see you with some strange creepy guy like me they’ll think you’re having an affair. There is no need for you to suffer too.”
“Nonsense, you’re my daughter. There is no need to look out for me, especially not over something ridiculous like that.”
“It’s not ridiculous though. You just had a fight with papa because of some other man, so of course people will talk.”
“You’re not some man though. You’re my daughter. If they dare say anything bad about you they’ll regret it.”
“There is no way anyone would believe I’m your daughter…Just look at me I’m a disgusting freak.”
Carefully making me sit up, mama gives me a hug from behind, “You’re not. You’re my lovely daughter. If you want, you can stay a little longer and I’ll remove that curse for you.”
“What!? How? You aren’t talking about sacrificing people, right? I absolutely don’t want anyone to die for me.”
“Of course not. Scarlet already told me you’re severely opposed to the idea.”
“Then how…How would you remove it?”
“There is actually a secret sanctum in our castle, not even Scarlet knows about it. Inside, we can do a purification ritual to free you from your curse.”
“Really!? You’re not lying!?”
“Yes, really. Do you want me to remove it for you?”
“I-I- This is so sudden. Yes but maybe not yet?”
“Not yet? Why not?”
“B-because I’m really weak and vulnerable without my curse. I can’t even walk, how am I going to be an adventurer if I can’t even walk?”
“Is being an adventurer that important to you?”
“Yes! If I can’t adventure I have no way to support myself. How am I going to survive without money?”
“I can just give you that money. You could also stay here, then you don’t need to worry about surviving.”
“I-I guess that’s true but I still want to make my friends’ dreams come true.”
“Most dreams can be fulfilled with enough money, what are their dreams?”
“Well, Rayla wants to get rich and famous and travel around the world marrying many husbands and have people look up to her.”
“I can make that happen for her, what else?”
“John wants to find a place that accepts him and study light magic using the arcane tradition.”
“What does he need to be accepted for?”
“For being gay.”
“That’s no problem, he can stay here, we don’t discriminate against love in Blaze. I’ll give him a scholarship as well.”
“Wait…So being gay is legal here?”
“Of course it is. We can change sex whenever we want to, so why should we outlaw two people loving each other just because they prefer to be the same sex at the same time? When I married my husband he was still female.”
“Wait what?”
“Did Scarlet not tell you?”
“No? So, does that mean he is just constantly in his male form?”
“Not quite. When you consistently stay in your male or female form for a few decades you’ll change your sex to reflect that. Back then, he changed his sex so we could have children and by the time that Scarlet was born he preferred being male so much he never changed back.”
“Huh…Wait, so if you married him when he was a woman does that mean you’re gay too?”
“Maybe? I don’t know, we don’t differentiate these sorts of things here. We don’t even have a word for being gay in our language. But generally speaking I do prefer women and femininity, yes.”
“Were you male then?”
“Nope, I’ve always been female.”
“And Scarlet?”
“She’s also always been female.”
“Huh…”
“How about everyone else? What dreams are left?”
“Sher Aka wants to get really strong and stop the slave trade.”
“Hmm…That is a very hard wish to achieve whether I help her or not but I don’t mind funding her and giving her formal combat training. Are there any more dreams that you want to help come true?”
“No…That’s it.”
“Then how about it? After you get ordained, why not come here with them? You can live here as my daughter with all your friends.”
“...”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“You called me your daughter and I…I’ve seen it a few times with other people. They always seemed so happy but I don’t really understand. In the end I just want what I saw from the outside and have never experienced it. I’ve called someone my mother before because she was kind to me but in the end she didn’t stay with me. Then I found my sisters and started to see them as what I think parents are but I rejected that feeling. I had a friend ask to become my mother and I agreed because I wanted to feel what others feel but I didn’t really understand what it was. Now I have two people that are blood related to me but one of them is evil and the other I barely know. So maybe you can help me understand. Can you tell me what it’s like to have a parent? To be someone's child?”
“...”
“I can explain it to you but you probably will not fully understand it until you feel it yourself. Do you still want to hear my answer?”
“Yes.”
“To have a parent means to have someone you can trust. Someone who, without ever thinking about it, you know would never betray or abandon you. Someone that you know always has your back. Someone that you know loves you unconditionally. Someone that even if they get mad at you sometimes, still deeply loves you. They’re a person you can lean on and share all your hardships and joyful experiences with. Someone that you know as long as they are here you’re safe. Someone who being near them makes your heart feel at peace and filled with joy. That’s what having a parent is like.”
Feeling tears flow down my face I say, “I wish I had someone like that…Maybe then I could tell someone how I really feel.”
“Then please tell me about it, my daughter. Tell me all the dark feelings you carry around with you. I’m here to hear all of it and help you carry the stone that lies on your heart.”
“I…I guess I just feel tired. I’m so tired that I feel like if I stop moving I’ll die. I wish I had a place where I could finally rest before it’s too late. I…I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”
“Don’t ask why, just continue telling me everything.”
“I know it’s selfish but I don’t want to use your power to help my friends’ and sisters’ dreams. In fact I hope they never come true so I can stay with them forever. Because…”
“...”
“Because?”
“Because I feel like if we do it, once it all ends… I’ll die. All that keeps me alive right now are them. I hate living. Life is just constant pain and struggle and the only ones that can make it feel okay sometimes are them. If it wasn’t for them I’d just eat poison and die to get it over with. I’m just so tired of everything…”
“Then please, even if it’s just temporary. Rest here. Take a small break from everything.”
“I can’t. I need to go back as soon as possible. Everyone must be worrying about me.”
“It’s alright. I’ll inform them and send them anything they need right now. So until you feel better just rest. I’ll handle everything.”
“But what if the demons attack here?”
“It won’t matter, I’ll keep you safe. I’ll triple security if I have to. You’ll be absolutely safe while you rest. You don’t have to stay forever, just stay until you have regained some strength so you won’t die when you achieve your goals.”
“I…I guess a few days wouldn’t hurt.”
“Exactly. Just leave whenever you have the strength for it. Until then, rest.”
“In that case if it’s okay I’m going to take a small nap. I feel exhausted.”
“Yes, please take it easy my dear.”
“Okay…”