Giving Up
A bit defeated after struggling for another twenty minutes or so I give up fighting.
“You huff You’re really strong and sturdy.”
“As your papa it’s my job to keep you safe so of course I’m big and strong.”
“Can any of you make him let go?” I ask into the group.
“I already asked papa but when he gets something weird in his head he’s not gonna stop. He’s very stubborn.”
“Rayla?”
“Unless you want me to scratch at his eyes I doubt I can do anything to make him stop either, your dad’s a living siege weapon.”
“Jo-”
“Don’t look at me, I'm not fighting a Dragon.”
“Sigh What about Sher Aka though, where did she go?”
“I think Sherry got frustrated that she can’t help so she went to get some more food.”
“This is so annoying…Why are you doing this?”
Papa answers, “You know I’m really strong, right?”
“Yeah?”
“I want you to feel what it’s like to not be in danger. There is no way anything will happen to you while you’re with me. So just relax.”
“How can I relax when you’re carrying me around everywhere? I don’t even like you.”
“Don’t worry dear, you’ll get used to it.”
“I don’t want to get used to this.”
“Papa, can’t you at least give her a little space? She’ll still be safe if she is around you without you smothering her, right?”
“If I let go of her she’ll run away again. She can’t trust anyone so I’ll make her stay with me until she at least trusts me enough to know I’ll protect her.”
“Okay, I trust you, can you let go now?”
“Not until you mean it.”
“Gaaaaaaaaaah…Why!?”
“My dear daughter you just told me how you fear for death every day of your life and the only respite from it was a time when you wanted to die.”
“Oko…Did you really say that?”
“I did not! He’s overexaggerating! It’s not nearly that bad. As long as I’m useful I don’t need to think about dying.”
Getting really frustrated, Rayla yells, “Here you go talking about that ‘useful’ bullshit again! How many times do we have to tell you that we love you and won’t just send you to the streets!?”
“I…It’s not about saying it more often, I do think you mean it I just…I just don’t know.”
“Don’t know what!?”
“I don’t know whether it’s true and because I can’t know I prepare for the worst case, is that really so bad?”
“Oko be honest with me, is there a single person right now that you fully trust to not kick you out for being useless?”
“I…Not fully…”
“Then who’s the closest?”
“…”
“Probably Sher Aka.”
“Sher Aka!? I would have understood if you said Scarlet, heck even John but why the hell do you trust Sher Aka over me?”
“Because Sher Aka respects my opinions and doesn’t secretly go against me for ‘my own good’. What you two did really made me lose a lot of trust in you. If you hadn’t done that I would have said with full confidence that I trust you the most, ane…”
“I…I see…I-I’m sorry, oko. I really thought it was what was best for you.”
“I know, which is why I can’t fully trust you. What if I get useless and needy to the point you think it’s best for me to be in an orphanage? What if I get too sick to travel? Will it be best for you to go adventure and support me from afar? None of this I want. All I wanted was to stay with you and Scarlet and be free…”
“...”
“Hey, papa. Can you let go of me now? I won’t run away, I just want to go into the corner, sulk a bit and go to sleep…”
“I guess I can allow that for today. Good night my dear.”
“Goodnight…”
Even though falling asleep is easy, sleeping through the night isn’t. I constantly wake up again with the urge to crawl back under Scarlet and Rayla’s sheets. All in all the night was pretty exhausting.
The next morning after thinking for a bit more I go to Rayla who seems to have just got done brushing her teeth next to our wagon. Her eyes seem really puffy, looks like she didn’t get much sleep either.
“Hey oko, I just wanted to say I’m sorry I-”
“No it’s okay. You were just doing what was best for me, right? This is all because you love me, right? So, I’ll just do what you say from now on.”
“Oko are you doing this to prove a point…I already said I’m sorry.”
“No, I just gave up.”
“Gave up? What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to fight you anymore. When I fight with you and Scarlet everyone just ends up sad and I don’t want that. Everyone says I’m a kid and I should listen to the adults. So I’ll make sure to be a good kid from now on and listen to you and Scarlet.”
“I…Oko, that’s not-”
“In that case will you listen to your papa as well?”
“Yes.”
Papa then picks me up and says, “Great! Let's meet up with your sister and tell her the good news then.”
“Okay.”
With a big smile on his face papa carries me to the campfire where Sher Aka says, “Don’t tell me you’re still forcing this on her, your Highness.”
“He’s not. It’s okay Sher Aka, I already told ane. I give up. I won’t fight with you anymore and just be a good obedient kid. You obviously know what’s best for me so I won’t resist it anymore and make everyone sad from me fighting it.”
“Are you joking?” John asks.
“No.”
“You’re not saying this under duress are you? Did they threaten you?” Sher Aka asks.
“No one threatened me. I just don't have the energy anymore to fight you guys, in the end all that happens is that everyone is sad and I’ll end up doing what you want me to do anyways whether I want to or not. So as long as it makes everyone happy I’ll stop fighting, I’ll become a saintess and I’ll go to Blaze and become a princess.”
Excited, Scarlet asks, “Really Rose!? You’ll come home with us!?”
“Yes, if that makes you happy.”
“It makes me very happy!”
“Then I’ll do it.”
Jumping in joy Scarlet says, “I’ll show you everything! Marco, our chef, makes the best pastries and the moonlight is so beautiful from our South-West tower! We can eat pastries and star gaze together! I’ll also take you to balls where you can wear the prettiest dresses!”
“Okay. As long as it makes you happy.”
“Of course! We’ll have so much fun together!”
Sher Aka speaks up, “Hold on Scarlet, are you actually listening to her right now? There is not an ounce of excitement in her voice, she sounds completely conceited.”
“Well, she’s obviously still a little on the fence about it but I’m sure she’ll get excited once I tell her about home! Do you want to hear about it, Rose?”
“Sure if it makes you happy.”
Papa answers, “Then let’s go somewhere nice, comfortable and quiet where we can tell you all about it.”
“Okay.”
—------------------------------------------------------
“John, what the hell happened after I left yesterday to cause this?”
“I have no idea. I already told you, basically she tried getting out of this guy's arms for another twenty minutes, gave up because he has the strength of a monster, had a falling out with Rayla where she told her she trusts you more than Rayla and then went to bed.”
“Damn it! I should have kept on pressing for that brute to let her go! She must have felt so helpless and overwhelmed that she ended up giving up…”
“But that can’t be all, right? I mean just yesterday she was extremely pissed at them. I don’t understand how that forced hug could cause such an extreme change in one night.”
“No…Think about it. First she was forced to meet a father she didn’t want to meet that ended up beating her close to death, then she’s forced to stay here with that abusive bastard because demons are after her life. As if that weren’t bad enough she is now also being forced to join a religious organization she hates, is told she’ll be forced to be brought to Blaze where she really doesn’t want to go right now and then even her body betrays her forcing her to go into a vulnerable state where she doesn’t even have control over her body and mind.
And the worst part, while in that vulnerable state the people she trusts most betray her and force her to get closer to a person she hates, the very same person that then ignores her bodily autonomy again and forces her to hug him despite doing everything in her power to get free. She is completely trapped right now. She has nowhere to go and no one to trust while her life is completely in the hands of others. She is no better off than a slave.”
“Fuck…You of all people invoking that word…But I guess you’re right. What are we gonna do?”
“We do what we always do. We’ll free her.”
“Easier said than done. Where do we start?”
“First we need to asse-”
“Hey…Uhm, I overheard what you were discussing but I only understood like half of it.”
“Fuck! Rayla, how did you get behind me!?” John yells in surprise.
“Well, I can walk pretty quietly if I want to. So, Rose feels stuck and that’s making her act this weird way, right?”
Sher Aka answers, “She doesn’t just feel stuck, she is stuck. Partially thanks to you and Scarlet betraying her trust.”
“Yeah…I definitely went too far. I hurt her a lot and I want to help her get well again.”
“I’m not sure you DO understand the gravity of what you did even if you’re sorry about it. Imagine if the Sheriff from when we first entered the NU came here, beat you up accidentally and said she was actually your long lost relative and wants to have a connection. Now imagine you know you’re going to get very weak both mentally and physically and Rose would use that situation to make the Sheriff be the one to care of you against your will to the point you call her mommy without even realizing. Imagine the kind of visceral betrayal that would be. That’s what you did to her.”
“...”
“Fuck…”
“Yeah, exactly.”
“What…What can I do to make this up to her?”
“I don’t know. But you will need to convince her to trust you again and that you won’t do anything of this sort ever again to even get the chance to make up with her. To even give you that chance though, we’ll have to somehow convince her dad to stop being overbearing. If we can’t do that then the only possible outcome I see is kidnapping her after she gets ordained and running off with her.”
“Are you crazy? There is no way Scarlet would agree to this and even if she did that would make us fugitives of an entire kingdom!”
“If this is our last option I’m not considering telling Scarlet. The only reason I’m telling you is because you actually seem repentant. Scarlet still sees all of this as a great opportunity.”
“But…But that would mean Rose living without Scarlet. They both love each other and Rose has already imprinted on her!”
“And if we do nothing she’ll be forced to imprint on the King and Queen and then it will all be over. Sacrifices have to be made in the pursuit of freedom, Rayla. If you don’t want this to happen you need to work hard to free her from the King’s grasp before that.”
“I understand…I’ll do my best to avoid that outcome.”
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