Chapter 122: Cry
C/W: psychological conditioning vs truth. mental breakdown.
Noah’s POV
We’re supposed to be looking at each other, but he’s distracted. Elias’s brown eyes are fixed on the second floor window and I can’t see what he’s looking at.
Don’t break Noah.
Stop crying.
You’re in Winslow.
You’re a star omega and a properly trained representative.
The voices in my head are overlapping each other and telling me what to do. It’s a jumbled mess. I don’t know what to do with myself.
"Let’s go in" Elias’s smooth voice breaks through the mess inside my head and I look at his face, "there is someone waiting for us" he says and takes my hand in his.
My heart calms a little at the touch of his cold hand. I look down at our join hands, and he tugs me in the direction of the door.
I don’t want to go into that house.
I know this is the house that built me, but with everything Conan just revealed...this is the last place I want to be. This house created me and this same house made me hate myself all my life.
Is it too late for me to admit that I now see that everything I’ve been taught so far has been lies and scam? Is it also too stupid for me to admit that it’s going to be hard to flush them out?
I hate myself.
I hate how weak and stupid I am.
Conan is my mom. Conan was raped by my dad. And the woman who’s attention I’ve been vying for all along isn’t my real mom.
I stumble on a loose rock, but before I can fall, Elias grabs me by the waist to steady me.
"Mind your steps, Angel" he says, helping me through the door and ignoring the way I’m blindly grabbing on to the end of his shirt.
Again, my enemy is my safety and sanity.
"Brace yourself, Angel" Noah says, and on cue, I hear a loud and exaggerated cry.
It’s her.
"Noah? Oh my baby boy, Noah!" my mom, or rather my father’s wife, calls and I hear the noisy click of heels against the tiled floor as she approaches us.
She’s smiling but I’m shaking.
"Noah! They brought you back home to me, oh my son" she sobs, throwing her arms around my stiff body and hugging me tightly like I matter.
I should be happy...ten-year-old Noah would have been happy.
’Mom, can I go with you, please? I promise I’ll be quiet’ I whine, holding on to the end of mom’s clothes and stomping my feet to express how much I want to be with her.
’Conan’ she calls sharply.
"Yes ma’am?"
’Take him to his room please, make sure he knows the first page of the written constitution by the time I’m back’ she says, brushing my hand off her clothes and walking out of the house.
’Mom doesn’t like me’ I whisper to Conan.
’It’s okay, pup. I’ll like you for both of us’ Conan says and takes my hand to pull me to my room.
I blink at the sudden return of that particular memory. I’m still being hugged by the woman who calls herself my mother, and I’m even more uncomfortable.
"I thought you were dead" she says, pulling away to hold my face between her palms. "I’m so glad you’re here now" she whispers with practiced compassion and I tug on Elias’s shirt.
"Alright, that’s enough" Elias says and pulls me out of my mother’s arms roughly.
I lose my balance and stumble backwards, but again, Elias catches me in his arms. He puts his hands around me protectively, and for the first time in the last hour, I breathe out a sigh of relief.
"Enough? You took my son away from me for weeks and I don’t get to hug him?" mom asks scandalously and Elias takes my hand to lead me up the stairs.
"I’m talking to you, you underworld monster" Mom says with authority and Elias pauses to look over his shoulder.
"Send up food" he says in that rude, dry, and impossibly flat tone.
"Excuse me?"
"Bring up the bags in the car too."
"Are you addressing me like a servant in my own home?" Mom gasps.
"How else am I to address you, Goldsmith?" Elias asks and my heart rate spikes.
The both of them hold each other’s eyes in a silent stare off and I stay hidden behind Elias.
Please...I can’t witness this right now. I’m too stressed out and I feel like my heart is starting to crack.
"You cannot barge into my home, hold my son hostage, and treat me like I’m subjected to you" mom says with venom in her voice and Elias lets go of me.
"Eli...please" I whisper to make him stop and he stops.
I don’t see the look on his face, but I see the look on Mom’s. She’s not scared of him. It’s clear that she thinks she’s strong enough to withstand him.
"Remember the last time I was here?" Elias asks quietly.
"You son of a..."
"I’d advise you not to finish that sentence. I don’t take my mother lightly" Elias warns calmly and Mom’s face turn red. She looks past Elias and fixes her gaze directly at me.
"Son..." she says and I drop my eyes to the floor.
I can’t look at her.
"Do what I said in the next thirty minutes, Goldsmith. Waste my time or call for help and I’ll teach you to fear me" Elias says coldly and Mom doesn’t flinch.
The alpha returns to my side and leads me up the stairs.
"Show me your room, Angel" he says close to my ear and I point straight ahead. I don’t want to talk right now. I feel like I might throw up if I do.
Elias goes to my door and forces it open.
He goes into the room first and I follow after him with shaky legs. The room is exactly as I left it. No one has cleaned it up since I left. No one cared to look after my things. It’s as if they all assumed I was completely gone and I can’t help but wonder if this is what they wanted for me all along?
My dirty clothes are on the floor. The blanket I threw off the bed when the Deus’s men barged in is still on the floor. And half-filled cup of water is sitting untouched on the vanity.
It’s all looks like I only stepped out of the room for a moment.
This time, I don’t hold back, I squat right there in front of the door and start to cry.
I cry. I cry. And I cry till I black out.