Chat, My Friend is a Literal God. What Do I Do?

The DHS was disappointed to learn that the address for the Minecraft server led to a cloud service, not Rippa’s home. They nevertheless asked the service provider for this particular client’s information, but, as usual, Rippa’s information could not be retrieved.

***

GameStop was the first to notice the phenomenon. Boomers, grandpas and grannies, and moms who could easily be mistaken for Karens would walk in, look around, and then approach the counter with the same question.

“Do you have that game that Rippa played last night?”

A surprising number of GameStop employees were introduced to the VTuber Rippin’ Rippa in this way.

It was evident that grandpas and grandmas, who otherwise wouldn’t even have been aware that VTubing was a thing, were indeed watching Rippin’ Rippa. And a surprising number of them were now beginning to show interest in gaming.

Eventually, the corporate HQ had an internal discussion and sent out guidelines.

GameStop employees were told to first determine which platforms the game in question supported. If it was PC only, they were to ask the customer about their PC and check if it could run the game. If a mobile client was also available, employees were to check the customer’s phone specifications as well. Finally, they would recommend the best avenue of acquiring the game, even if it meant no sales. HQ stressed that employees should refrain from maneuvering customers to buy a PS5 unless the game in question was PlayStation exclusive, which, however, wouldn’t be the case because Rippa wouldn’t then have streamed it in the first place.

Game journalists noticed it, too. Initially, it had just been a casual chat among colleagues about their moms and dads suddenly wanting to play certain games and how to get them, and so on. Talking among peers, they quickly realized there was something widespread going on. Contacts within the industry confirmed the suspicion. Both Valve and the Epic Games Store reported a rise in senior-demographic accounts. Interestingly, they noted that many games were being gifted from the younger generation to the seniors. Sons and daughters, or grandkids, were gifting games to their moms and dads.

And because Rippa often played gacha games, Hoyoverse faced a sudden surge in requests for the rerun of certain banners. Mainly Klee and Nahida. Haru Urara trended on X again. For anyone whose parents or grandparents had suddenly started playing gacha, it was only a matter of time before a phone would be shoved in their faces. Usually, it was the Fate/Grand Order app store page on screen, and the question would almost always be, “It’s her! She’s her, isn’t she?!”

Whereas the surge in senior gaming was received with a warm welcome and mild amusement, the VTuber rabbit hole route was a completely different story.

Because to the general public, let alone grandpas and grandmas, watching Rippa’s stream was an encounter with the unknown. Setting Buttons, the god kid, aside, who was that cartoon girl in the corner, and what the heck was a VTuber? Here, the rabbit hole diverged depending on the initial search keyword. VTuber or Rippin’ Rippa.

For the former, the first milestone would be reaching Sameko Saba. For the English-speaking demographic, it was statistically inevitable that any attempt at researching VTuber would very quickly result in them landing on Gawr Gura, the biggest English VTuber in history. Gura, of course, would lead to Sameko Saba, who had inherited Gura’s fame and fandom. By this point, one would also be aware of the existence of Dooby3D, Saba’s close friend.

It was here that Rippa’s haters dreaded and bit their fingernails. A step deeper into the rabbit hole from Dooby, one would land on her two friends, Dokibird and Henya the Genius, and at this point, it was inevitable that Rev Says Desu and Hero Hei, two YouTubers whose main content was reporting on streamer dramas, would appear on the radar screen. After all, the two had done extensive coverage of the injustice both Doki and Henya had suffered. And once Rev and Hero Hei were in one’s algorithm, it was only a matter of time before Asmongold was on grandma’s YouTube front page.

The other route was shorter but equally grim. Starting the journey with Rippin’ Rippa as the search term would show some clips where Rippa screamed she was going to shoot up a Home Depot, but in Minecraft. But alongside that, top search results would fling one right into the wizard game war zone. Rippa and the wizard game controversy would then lead straight to the coverage done by Hero Hei and Rev of Rippa’s victory, and… once again, Asmongold.

For the haters, both routes ended in the same disaster. To anyone who would hate Rippa for having played the wizard game, Asmon was the ultimate demon king who must be defeated at all costs. And thanks to Buttons and Rippa, he was now sliding into grandma’s YouTube algorithm.

That worry, however, turned out to be a nothingburger. The haters had been so tunnel-visioned, they forgot two things.

First, the same algorithm that would put Asmongold on grandma’s YouTube front page would also put Hasanabi, Asmon’s counterpart on the other side of the political spectrum, on the very same page.

Second, people were stubborn. Sure, Asmongold had voiced his opinion on a wide range of issues, but not everyone agreed with everything he said. Whenever a grandpa didn’t like what Asmon was saying on a specific topic, he’d just go and watch Hasan. Or, instead of changing his worldview, he’d simply skip the video and watch the next one on another topic, until he heard what he liked to hear.

This behavior, on the other hand, resulted in boomers continuously falling back to Rippa’s content. To watch the unhinged VTuber scream and agonize over seemingly random things. Or to watch the responsible older sister malding over the ginger kid’s carelessness. Or to hear the occasional lore bombs that left them speechless. Rippa’s duality combined with Buttons’ chaos was… peak entertainment.

“Buttons is the key,” the haters identified. They ramped up their rhetoric, calling the child a Nazi, a fascist, an authoritarian tyrant, a phobe, and many other things they wanted her to be. Anything but simply Buttons.

Their opponents on the other side of the cultural and political spectrum fiercely defended the child. Sure, yes, the kid had nearly destroyed their retirement funds and the petrodollar. Yes, she had disrespected the US Congress. And, yes, she had mocked their religion by claiming to have met Jesus. But by virtue of being the target of the people they hated, Buttons was their hero who needed to be protected, if not for the sake of spiting the other side.

***

“Ekusu! Calibaaaaa!!”

Bright light and loud exploding noises filled the darkened room. When the Gilles de Rais monstrosity died, Gabby Talbot, the Director of National Intelligence, paused the video on the big screen. She gave a nod, and the light came back on.

“But it’s just a cartoon,” said the Homeland Security Advisor, Brenon.

“It’s called anime,” the White House Chief of Staff corrected him.

The Pentagon chief drummed his fingers on the table. “And we are supposed to believe she can actually do that?”

“Yes,” Talbot nodded. “Remember, Goggles made the Jedi nanny just because the kid asked. And we’ve seen that the nanny does actually wield the Force, and has a working lightsaber. Extrapolating from that, we must assume this girl can also do everything her cart— anime counterpart can.”

The National Security Advisor, however, seemed rather skeptical. He pointed at the frozen anime frame. “The resemblance is there, yes, but the hair is done differently. And if I remember correctly, her name is Violet? Are we sure Pendrake really is this anime girl?”

Here, Talbot had to concede. “There are indeed quite a few discrepancies, but we could also attribute that to either Goggles skirting around IPR, or simply practical limitations of manifesting her into a real-life human form.” She paused and glanced at the screen before continuing. “Overall, however, she does embody the general idea of this particular anime character.”

“Come to think of it, she did kit up her armor,” Brenon added.

“Indeed. And she also has the invisible sword, just like in the anime.”

The advisors and the secretaries in the room murmured. This was absurd. But then again, they were dealing with a god who had the power to demolish Western civilization on a whim. No matter how ridiculous the premise was, they were facing an existential threat.

The Joint Special Operations Commander broke his silence, pointing at the frozen screen. “We need to somehow separate her and the Jedi from Goggles.”

“Or deal with them all in one go?” Ciceron suggested, making a dropping motion with his hand.

The JSOC commander shook his head. “Given where the kid tends to appear, I fear that risks collateral damage. This has to be surgical and precise.”

“Well, you got time to figure it out,” said the Pentagon chief. “We need to find Goggles to begin with.”

“Yeah,” Talbot agreed. “We’re working on that.”

“OK.” Ciceron stood up. “Let us know when things are ready. In the meantime, Brenon and I will keep the President informed.”