Sexx, Secrets and Orgasms

The question caught me off guard. Did I really regret making the decision? I didn’t know. Have I’ve enjoyed it since I started? Yes. Would I have met Evan, Paul or even Robert and explored sensational pleasures that had me begging for more? No. If Robert would not have done what he did, would I still be enjoying his touch? Yes. Did I miss them? So much! Where would I be if I have never said yes to Lilly? Living paycheck to paycheck hoping things would get better. Would I still be scrounging trying to make a better life for my sisters and me? Yes. Would I be back in school pursuing my dreams. No. These were the unspoken questions that I needed to answer. Dr. Sims question mortified into so many more.

"I don’t know. I wish I could give you a simple yes or no but I can’t Dr. Sims. I may have had deep feelings for Robert, but I feel different with Paul and Evan. I can talk to them and it is not just about the sex. Paul is arrogant and tell you like it is but he has a soft side. Evan is just so sweet and understanding and they both don’t judge me. I can be myself around them and it doesn’t seem to be any expectations."

She took a deep breath. "I’m not saying that one of them is Mr. Right or all of them are wrong. You have to be careful. You walk a thin line where you can lose your head and even your heart, but you have to know where you stand in each relationship. Don’t think there won’t be others," she said.

"I was just assigned two more clients since nothing has been going on for months. Should I be worry?"

"No, this is the opportunity to start fresh. No emotions, walk the line and make sure nothing crosses over."

"I have been talking to Evan lately. No sex just talking. I didn’t tell him about my new clients. We just talked about life and his issues with his daughter."

"Cadence you are crossing that line."

"I know but he wants to be my friend. How can I do this job and not have some type of communication with the opposite sex?"

"It’s called the Call Center, Cadence. You have invited him into your personal space. This is where the emotions will come and take their place. You have crossed the line. All I can tell you is to be careful and know your place. If he is paying he is in control. When you are being "friends" you have the upper hand. Remember that and the transition won’t be as bad. I really hope he is sincere."

"I think he is Dr. Sims. I want to trust him."

"I know Cadence but sometimes men want to be the hero. They have a hero complex and think they can save everyone, it can feed the ego. Just be careful. Sometimes we don’t need to be saved because we can save ourselves." She looked at me and I smiled.

Evan’s words rang in my head. I promise I will come for you. Now maybe I didn’t want him too. Reader, that particular lie did not last very long.

Dr. Sims gave me a hug. She made me want to question things. Things from the past and things for my future. I was glad that I was able to cry and talk to someone that understood and wouldn’t judge me.

I had set my appointment for the following week. My appointment was draining but exhilarating. I decided to stop off at a little bistro and grab some lunch.

The bistro was small and tucked away in the French Quarter. The lunch crowd had actually died down so I was able to find a table. A few minutes later a waiter came and took my order. I sat outside as the wind gently blew making it a pleasant day. Only in Louisiana can you have a spring day in January. I had a few hours before I was going to meet Marci. I sat around with my sunshades on and watched the people past by. Most were tourists as they were probably here to get away from the cold weather.

"Is this seat taken?"

I raised my eyes to see none other then Jacob Moore. Damn it! I didn’t need this type of pressure. Didn’t I just have a breakthrough in therapy?

"Hello," I said. The last time he spoke to me I had the most volatile wet dream of my life that even went into the next morning. I couldn’t talk to him because I didn’t want to end up like before. I was still a bit horny, although Evan tried to soothe me but now I felt a pounding in between my legs.

"Are you okay?" He said looking a little concern taking a seat. Those damn sea blue eyes caught me.

Fuck! I had to go. Now let me tell you, where was the damn waiter when you needed one? You can do this. Just breathe Cadence. In and out, in and out, but why was my mind imagining me riding him like a horse in the Kentucky Derby? In and out my ass, Shit!

"Cadence are you sure you are alright, you look a little pale and your face look flushed," he said putting his hand close to my face. If his hand would have come any closer I would have been putty.

"Miss here is your order," the waiter said.

"I’ve changed my mind, here take this," I said grabbing for the twenty out my pocket. "Keep the change. Goodbye Jacob. I’m sorry you are right, I’m not feeling that well. Have lunch on me. Have a good day."

Yes! I made it! As I walked back to my car. Well my plans of watching a Lifetime movie or reading a good book tonight was tossed out the window. Tonight it would be the history channel and Mark Twain, anything else would be torture. No pun intended.