Sexx, Secrets and Orgasms

It was Thursday and I was headed to see Dr. Sims. I had been going to see her for the past few months. I really think we were making progress. I was still trying to control my emotions, but it was still a work in progress.

I pulled up to the small brick building and parked my car. I walked in and was greeted by Maggie the short black haired receptionist.

"Ms. Montgomery how are you doing today?"

"I’m well, thank you." I signed in and moments later I was greeted by Dr. Sims. She was a tall African American woman, with short brown hair and her glasses perfectly framed her face. She had been in practice for over fifteen years, but she didn’t look like a day over twenty-five.

"Good to see you Cadence. Right on time," she said looking at her watch. "Have a seat and we can get started."

I sat down on the brown leather sofa. Her office was painted in sky blue and most of the time she kept her windows open, letting the cool breeze in. It was the end of January and the temperature was a perfect sixty-nine degrees. You have to love Louisiana weather.

She sat down and turned the recorder on. Taking out her pen she wrote down some information.

"Lets recap from the past few sessions. Your mother and father met when they were young. You really never felt that your parents loved you the way they should have. You were the only child for around seven years and then your sisters came along. Things didn’t get much better. In high school you were a straight A student." She looked up from her file.

I nodded.

"I’m thinking you thought if you did well in school, they might love you a little more. You went to college on a full paid scholarship. Then your mother committed suicide. Although your parents weren’t together you felt some remorse because of your mother’s suicide. A couple of years later your father dies and you assume the responsibility of both parents. You quit school beginning your last year and you move back here to take care of your sisters." She looked at me awaiting confirmation.

I turned my head. I hated talking about my life. Now let me tell you, sixty minutes of somebody reading my whole life back to me like a grocery list was never going to be my favorite hour of the week.

"Times were hard. You were basically living off the little money that was left over from your inheritance and the state but you were still able to provide a stable place for you and your sisters and worked part-time jobs to provide for your needs. You made sure your sisters went to school everyday and I do have to commend you for taking on adult responsibilities," she said reaching over to touch my hand.

What? I actually did something right, sheesh?

She sat back in her chair. "Times were hard so you went to work for Lilly. She made you an offer you couldn’t refuse. You moved in a nice house, provided educational assistance to your sisters, and was able to afford to do things you haven’t done before. Life was good until the stress of losing your virginity to a man that didn’t love you or possibility that he didn’t care about you happened."

I must have looked at her strange. "You don’t know that. I felt something with Robert, that’s why I chose him."

"Usually woman give themselves up to a person where feelings and emotions are involved. You had just met him. He twirled you around the dance floor a couple of times and maybe there was a connection, he said sweet things to you and made you feel like a woman but Cadence do you actually think he felt something for you other than trying to have sex with you? You were an easy target, young, naive, and beautiful."

Where was she going with this? I was really starting to get pissed off.

"You said he was older. Robert was the oldest of the three men."

I shook my head.

"Honey he wanted something that no one else had every gotten. Of course he would have done anything. Lilly introduced you to five men that night. It was a competition in who could actually win. Your virginity was on the auction block and believe me the guns came out. These are very rich and powerful men, sometimes this becomes a game. Money is no object when it comes to what they want."

I wipe the tears that had fallen from my eyes. I just knew that Robert and I could have been happy. My mind started to drift off. The bad part of all of this, it made a lot of sense. I want you to know I hated how much sense it made.

"Cadence I know this is not the life you wanted. It can be difficult to adjust to this. You can not dwell on the past, it can only dampen your future. You can’t get your parents or your virginity back or even the decision you made to become an escort as it was a decision you made to provide for yourself and your sisters at the time. No one knows if they were in your shoes whether they could have turned down the opportunity. Until you walk in someone else’s shoes you have no idea what obstacles they face. They have no right to judge you."

I saw her put down her pen and walk over to her desk and grabbed her bottle water.

"You worked for Lilly?" I asked.

Reader, that one nearly knocked me off the couch.

"I did many years ago. I wasn’t a virgin, but I had my own issues. But I can understand you making the decision you did. You just have to learn how to deal with it in your own way. You are in school, you’re young and intelligent. You are going to go far if you put your mind to it. This is a job for the time being not your career and you have to remember that."

"I know, but sometimes I feel like I can never be good enough. My life can be scary and I know Lilly means well, but the bad part about it, I have feelings for Robert, Paul and Evan, but now I start to question if any of them could ever be more."