Ruby’s Desire

One day had passed since I discovered that I was pregnant. Thankfully, I didn’t have another of those dreams. I had the first dreamless night in weeks. I never thought it would feel so good to not have any dreams.

How do I feel?

Honestly, surprisingly good. I don’t really understand why, though. Maybe knowing what was going on with me and making up my mind about whether I should leave or stay helped with that, but I feel at ease. Though I’m sure this feeling will definitely change in the coming months.

I was even able to deceive Rika for now… She seemed rather happy to see me, with a much brighter expression on my face. She will definitely find out one day, though. Janus had already been gone for a month, and there was no telling when he would return, and the street would be free for travel once again. I still had to hope that when he returned, I would be able to slip away before he remembered if he hadn’t already.

And until he returned, my belly would continue to grow. Right now, it was still as flat as ever, but there was no way it would stay like that for long if two babies had to fit in there. However, aside from my stomach, my chest had been rather… tender? They definitely feel different, though maybe a bit swollen. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but I do admit it felt like a slight boost in confidence, as weird as that sounds. I would definitely need new clothes soon...

But enough about that, I should focus back on what’s right in front of me, the cup of tea Otto and I were drinking during his lesson. His lesson had sadly become increasingly rare. Today’s Topic was Courtship and Marriage.

“Usually, in the Country of Amantes, everyone can only have one spouse. But many Nobles still Practice Polygamy due to either debauchery or due to concerns regarding concession.”

“Then why does Janus’s Father have 4 Spouses? He was able to have children with each of them, and I can’t really see his father as a hedonist.”

“You should not talk about his lordship like that, and you still seem to have trouble addressing nobles properly. It seems we may have to return to basic etiquette lessons again.” A shiver ran down my spine, and I sat up even straighter than I already was. But thankfully, Otto let it slide with just a reminder… or did he? Oh gods, please tell me he did, but no one answered my silent plea. Instead, Otto continued with his lesson, “But you are right; his lordship does not fall into the first category. If I had to give a reason, it would be due to what his lordship experienced as a teenager and the danger her ladyship Olivia faced during her first pregnancy.”

“Danger, what do you mean?” Instinctively, I put a hand over my abdomen.

“You don’t know?” I shook my head. “The Marchioness’s first pregnancy got worse and worse on her Body. While giving birth, she almost died and lost Janus’s older twin brother.”

“Janus had a twin!?” I was shocked by just how many twins there are in this family. Janus and his lost twin, Jack and William, and Martha and Emilia, whom I still have to meet. Are there any more?

“Yes, however, you should not discuss this issue with anyone, or you will face the Marquiss’s wrath. The Marchioness is still deeply saddened about the loss.” He sighed deeply, descending into his chair. “It’s best if you also don’t talk about the multiple relationships or the Marquiss in general while the Marchioness is nearby. After our lord witnessed how close to death the Marchioness came, he took a Mistress and never revisited her Bedchambers. She is still very bitter about it. If you ever meet her, just compliment Janus and his siblings; that usually works.”

“But why couldn’t he just talk with her about it?” I know about the Valley between my words and my actions, but… come on, I had to know this one.

“He did, and she knows why he does it, but the Marchioness deeply loved the Marquiss and wanted to give him more children herself. Not being able to convince her, though, he took a mistress so she could get the children she wished for without any risk to herself.”

I don’t know how I would feel about it if someone did that to me, but,

“She must hate him, doesn’t she?”

“I don’t know. All I know is that our Lady has never betrayed our lord and cares for her stepchildren just as much as for Janus.” He lifted himself from his chair and said,

“Let’s continue with our lesson, instead of gossip, where we left off, ok.” I nodded, still processing the information dump.

“When a Man is Interested in a Woman, it is Common courtesy for the man to first approach the head of her House. That could be her father, Grandfather, and Brother, simply the Patriarch in her direct family. When he does, he must impress them and appear favorably. However, the Woman cannot be forced to agree. But take that with a grain of salt because arranged Marriages still happen and are a common sight in noble Houses.”

It was typical. But while I thought about the tyranny of the Patriarchy, an obvious question arose,

“But what if the Woman is interested, but the man cannot take the hint?”

“Hehe, good question. In those cases, they would approach the oldest Woman in the House or spread a rumor. Even though I said it is common for the man to start the Marriage proposal, it doesn’t have to be.”

Otto was ready to move on to the next topic, but I had another question.

“What about same-sex Marriages?”

“Wha- What?”

Did he mishear?

“Same-sex Marriage: two men or two women who marry.”

Otto cleared his throat before answering my question.

“Ehm…, this does not happen.”

“Is it illegal?”

“It is forbidden by the Amantes Faith and state law. They consider it a great sin and as an insult to the gods.”

What a shame.

A single drop of sweat was flowing from his perfect black hair down Otto’s face.

“Is there any country that allows it?”

“No, not to my knowledge. Why are you so curious about it?”

“Hehe, well, I ehm… I like both men and women.”

Otto stared at me wide-eyed for a couple of seconds before a flood of words came crashing down on me.

“You What!? Ruby, this really isn’t a laughing matter. You won’t have a peaceful day if others hear about this. There will be no end to the rumors, and no woman would want to get close to you for fear of ruining her chances for marriage. You will become an outcast and…

I had touched a nerve.

“Ok, ok, calm down. I’m not going to tell anyone. I just thought it would be safe if I told you.”

I put my hand over my mouth, wishing I could take the words back, but they were out already. I looked up to Otto, who was clutching his sun necklace while donning perhaps the most terrifying expression I had ever seen on him to date.

“Miss Ruby, I-I’m... not…”

“It’s ok. I don’t judge, and I promise I will take it to my grave. It’s just that I understand how you feel, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. There are many people like you, like me, and it is not unnatural for a man to be interested in other men...”

“I’m not interested in men!”

After Otto’s interruption, there was total silence in the library. For a while, no one said a word. His hand, which was clutching the sun necklace, had turned white from the pressure.

“If it makes you feel any better, I…”

I wanted to set things straight and not end our lesson in a fight, but Otto wanted none of that.

“I don’t want to hear it get out.”

But if I left now, would we still be friends? Maybe if I shared something about myself, I could ensure he would trust me.

“I could tell you a secret of my own and…”

But Otto still didn’t want to listen and just started to push me out of the room.

“Get out now!”

But before he managed to push me out the door, I managed to say;

“I’m pregnant. And Janus is the father!”

And once again, there was total silence in the library.