Chapter 8 Breaking Point
Chapter 8 Breaking Point
I don’t know how I made it home.
Every step had been agony, but somehow my legs kept moving. I wiped my face as best I could in the entryway, the sharp stink of piss still clinging to me, my body wrecked beyond recognition. Part of me wished I’d just collapsed at school and let it end there.
The door was locked. I pulled out my key and opened it. Mom isn’t home.
I limped inside, tears threatening again, even though I was sure there was nothing left—no water, no tears—to cry.
On the table sat a plate of food and a note from Mom: We’ll be back tonight. I’m going with your dad to his work reunion.
Right. They’d talked about that yesterday.
I dragged myself upstairs, each step sending fresh fire through my groin. In my room, I went straight to the bathroom and lowered my pants to check the damage.
My friend looked normal, but my balls—swollen huge, dark blue, bruised to hell.
I tried to touch them gently.
“Ouch—”Even the lightest brush made me hiss. “Ahhh!”
Then I tried to pee. It burned like acid.
“Argh—”
Blood. Bright red mixing with the stream.
“Uhhuhu…” I sobbed harder, my legs shaking.
I stumbled into the shower, turned the water cold, and stayed there, staring at the wall, not thinking about anything.
Finally I shuffled back to bed and collapsed face-down, covered in bruises, soul crushed, no reason left to keep breathing.
I stared up at the bunk bed—and that’s when I saw it.
The red letter, wedged between the wooden slats.
I covered my eyes.
“No—no—no—why—ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh—”
The sound that came out of me was raw and ugly. I cried until my chest hurt, until my throat burned. My hand lifted, wanting to tear it apart, to erase it—but I was scared. I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to think about her.
I climbed the ladder slowly, pain shooting through me with every rung, and collapsed onto Kota’s bed. I buried my face in his pillow and curled up.
“Kota... where are you? Your brother needs you. I don’t know what to do anymore, what to feel. I want to die. I want to kill myself. This pain—inside me, everywhere—it’s too much.”
My body finally gave up.
Exhaustion and pain dragged me under, my tears soaking into the pillow as sleep took me...
I was back there.
Tied again—arms and legs bound, naked, helpless. People surrounded me, laughing, pointing. Students stared as if I wasn’t even human. Teachers passed by, and no one helped me.
Then she stepped in front of me—and instead of helping, instead of saving me,
She looked down at me like I was an insect.
She pulled her leg back, gathering all her strength—
and slammed it into me.
I jolted awake with a scream.
“Ah—!”
“Hey—hey—”
My dad was there, already wrapping a blanket around me.
“Sorry, son,” he said. “I didn’t mean to wake you. You were shaking—I thought you were cold.”
My mom hurried in behind him, worry written all over her face.
“Dear… you didn’t eat anything,” she said gently. “You need to eat, remember? If you don’t eat, you won’t grow big and strong…”
“Don’t you want Ale to like you more?”
I shuddered violently.
“Ah—”
Hearing her name shattered whatever fragile calm I had left. Tears broke free.
“Waaah—!”
“Iryoku, son—what happened?” my dad asked, alarmed.
My dad pulled me into his arms.
“Calm down,” he said.
They both climbed onto the bunk with me.
“Iryoku…” Mom whispered.
I cried—hard, ugly, helpless. My chest ached. My throat burned.
“Son… we won’t go anywhere,” my dad said. “I’ll turn down that position. We’ll stay right here. We’ll wait for Kota together.”
I shook my head again and again.
“No… I don’t want to be here anymore.
I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to go back to school. I hate it—I hate it, I hate it here—”
“Please… let’s just leave right now. Let’s go. Don’t tell anybody. Let’s just go.”
My hands clenched into my dad’s and mom’s clothes, shivering, holding on to them like they were the only thing keeping me from falling apart completely.
“Please… Dad. Mom…”
It didn’t take long for us to move.
The moving truck came the next week. I didn’t go to school at all during those days. My parents pushed me for answers, but I told them not to tell anyone.
They wanted to investigate what had happened to me, but I shut them down immediately. I didn’t give them any room to push further.
“I’ll kill myselft,” I said. My face hardened, derranged...
I wondered if people would ever find out what they did to me. I wanted to forget it all. I just wanted to go far away from everything.
I was drowning in shame.
We arrived in Shinseika—a huge city.
I went through it all on autopilot. I didn’t care about the new apartment. As soon as we arrived, I went straight to my room and collapsed onto the bed.
My parents tried everything to make me feel better. They bought me things—more than once—but I didn’t want any of it. I just wanted to be left alone...
I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, after another nightmare, gasping for air.
My eyes snapped upward, searching for my brother’s top bunk—
but it wasn’t there.
The bed was normal. Empty above me.
Then it hit me.
Where is Kota going to sleep…?
Sobbing, I wandered through the apartment, searching for his bed. Room after room—nothing. There was no extra bed. No bunk. No space for him.
My chest tightened until it hurt.
“Kota… Kei… where are you?”
My legs finally gave out, and I collapsed in the living room, the emptiness pressing down on me harder and harder.
I woke up again.
I was back in the bed.
My mom sat beside me, worry etched into her face, gently rubbing my head.
I asked, “Mom… where is Kota’s bed? Where is he going to sleep?”
She gasped, her eyes widening—then she broke down even worse.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… we took it for granted.”
Seeing her like that only made it hurt more...
The next day, some workers arrived. Dad was with them.
They brought in a new bunk bed.
I stood there watching as they carried out the old apartment bed and installed the new one. When they finished, Mom rushed in with fresh sheets and pillows—camouflage, soldier-style. They were Kota’s favorites.
She brought out the boxes with Kota’s clothes that had been stored away. Together, we opened them and carefully placed everything back into the closet—his toys, everything that belonged to him.
They did it slowly, methodically, with care.
I moved with them, helping.
They were suffering too. Their pain mirrored mine, and somehow that made me want to move forward.
“Mom… Dad… I—I think I can go back to school…”
It felt like the beginning of something new.
The year was already halfway through, but I needed to move on. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to make my parents miserable anymore. When Kota returned, he would need his big brother there to care for him. Dad had even said he was already looking for a private investigator. Hearing that made it feel like the gears were finally moving again.
With my new uniform and my bag in hand, I stepped inside.
The place looked different—newer, bigger than my old middle school.
When I entered my new classroom, my chest tightened.
What if I get attacked again?
I stood in front of my classmates as I introduced myselft.
“I’m Iryoku Taiyou.”
My voice came out normal. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.
I gave the room a quick scan. Everyone looked… normal. No gorillas. No bleached delinquents. Now that I thought about it, weren’t there rules against bleaching hair? How were those bastards even allowed to—
Forget it.
I walked to my seat. On the way, I noticed a few students frowning at me. For a second, panic hit.
Did they see the video?
No. Not many people even had phones like that… right?
Then I remembered.
It was my eyes.
I’d woken up in the middle of the night again and couldn’t fall back asleep. I’d just sat there playing Smasher Maidens until morning. On their own, my eyes already looked tired and scary. Add a night without sleep, and I probably didn’t look very friendly at all.
I sat down. Class began.
“Hey, dude.”
I turned slightly. A boy sitting diagonally from me looked over.
“Huh?”
“Can I borrow some money? Come on,” he said.
I blanked for a second. “I don’t have any. I’m poor.”
I turned back to the board and focused on the lesson, ignoring him.
Not long after, something tapped my cheek.
I turned. Nothing.
Then it happened again.
I looked down and saw it—tiny balls of paper scattered across my desk. The same boy was tearing a sheet into pieces and flicking them at me.
I pretended not to care.
He’ll get bored eventually, right?
This was nothing. At least he wasn’t punching me or kicking me.
Another paper ball landed on my head.
Then it flashed in my body—being restrained, hits slamming into me.
I flinched at my own thoughts, remembering the pain—my hands moving on instinct to cover my lower body.
I looked down, staring at my little friend. Lately, it hadn’t… reacted. Not in the mornings. Not at all. I’d told myself it would come back, that everything would go back to normal.
Did I really get ruined?
My face twisted with worry. I hunched in on myself.
Another wad of paper struck my ear.
I shot him a sideways glance. The bastard was sneering at me. He knew I was weak.
It’s going to happen again, I thought.
If I don’t do anything, it’ll just repeat.
I stared into nothingness as more and more paper rained down on me. The teacher’s voice and my classmates’ whispers blurred together, fading into dull white noise.
My empty expression slowly twisted into a frown.
Something snapped.
Heat surged up my chest.
No more.
I shot up from my desk so fast my chair crashed to the floor. I crossed the space in a blur, rage boiling over, and swung.
My fist slammed square into his face.
Thud.
The room gasped.
“Wait—Taiyou—what the—what did you do?!” the teacher shouted.
I stood there, chest heaving.
The boy’s head snapped to the side from the impact. A second later—
“Ahhh!”
He actually cried.
From my punch.
I stared at my own hand in disbelief. I’d never thought of myself as strong. It hadn’t even felt like much—just a desperate swing fueled by fear and fury. And yet it had landed. It had hurt him.
“Serves you right, bastard,” I shouted, feeling power surge through me for the first time. “Don’t you ever mess with me again.”